


Endurance

by SpicyPepper_SweetSugar



Series: This Too Shall Pass (And I'll Meet You On The Other Side) - Endurance [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Attempted Sexual Assault, Based on my Beth being with Negan theory, Based on show and I dip my toes into the comics, Beth and Negan, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fix It Fic, Minor Character Death, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Sexual Violence, Smut, Swearing, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Torture, Violence, a hell of a lot of swearing, some explicit scenes that may bother people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-12 21:30:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 135,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5681560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyPepper_SweetSugar/pseuds/SpicyPepper_SweetSugar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years have passed since Daryl and the others arrived at the ASZ. The community is now lead by Rick and Deanna together as they try to keep the balance of living and surviving. When a new threat arises, however, Daryl is forced to face the past that he has been trying to put behind, because on the side of the enemy, a familiar face can be seen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Here I am with a new Bethyl story, which I really hope you're going to like. It'll be a little slow in the beginning (first three to four chapters) but hopefully you won't mind too much.
> 
> This chapter is basically just like an introduction and I have to warn you beforehand that this story will most likely be more violent and sexual, with a lot more swearing (since it's a Negan-fic!). Sensitive topics might come up, such as abuse, rape and so on, so if you don't like that sort of things, please stay away from this story... If you've read Blink and are reading Breath now, you know that I'm a sucker for angst and slow burns. Don't worry, this won't be as slow as Blink was and yes, I am still very much active with Breath! I don't know for sure how frequent the chapters will be with this story, but all I'm asking from you lovely people is to be patient since I'm still writing this fic and have others active as well!
> 
> That's all I think... Please, enjoy! :)

# Endurance

### Chapter 1

 

Three years.

Three years of safety behind the walls of the safe zone.

Well, three years of _mostly_ being safe behind the walls of the safe zone.

Today there had been exactly three years, to the day, from what Aaron had told Daryl. The man had been keeping track of the days ever since the world had gone to hell and he had found the Alexandria Safe Zone according to him, he had written down the day that he had brought Daryl, Rick and the others back with him to the zone. Daryl hadn't been able to believe him at first, but when Eric confirmed it, telling him that Aaron had been going on and on about throwing some kind of small gathering to celebrate, Daryl had no choice but to trust them both in the matter.

Of course, there wouldn't be a celebration though because they had far more important things to do. Still, the mere reminder of the fact that _three whole years_ had passed made Daryl think back on just how much had changed since they had gotten there.

The first year had been the most difficult one for them. The Alexandrians hadn't gotten used to the new world like Daryl's group had. They had been protected, pretty much since the beginning, and thus, they hadn't been prepared for the events that had followed the new group's arrival. Within just a couple of weeks, the community that had been built up inside the zone had fallen and everything had changed when that blonde Jessie's man had killed Deanna's husband and Rick had been allowed to end the abusive drunk's life. Things had been set in motion that night and a couple of weeks after that, Rick was running the zone side by side with Deanna. They had been attacked by the Wolves after that and when they had finally defeated that group, other threats and problems had risen.

Somehow, they had made it through it all though. Well, most of them had anyways. Daryl felt a little bad at times for thinking it, but he was happy that most of the people that he cared about were still alive. Over the years, however, they had changed a lot and Daryl himself had learned that it was okay to start to care for people outside of his original group. Aaron and Eric were two of those people who fell into Daryl's category of new family members. He had grown accustomed to spending quite a few evenings with the two men and he liked being with them because they didn't judge him immediately like some other Alexandrians had done when he had first gotten there. His friendship with Aaron had built up over the years and he trusted the man to have his back when they were out there recruiting, even though they hadn't been going on missions for the past month or so. Eric was a kind soul and talkative, something which Daryl was not. Still, he enjoyed listening to the stories the man told and from time to time, he too would share something from his own childhood. It felt good to have someone to share with and Daryl knew that he could trust the two men not to spread anything he told along, just for the sake of gossiping.

Rick hadn't had the best start with the people in the safe zone. Some of them had believed him to be completely insane after he had killed Pete and when he had started to reinforce new rules and change things, a lot of people opposed themselves to the change. That was where Deanna had come into the picture and played her role as the politician. She'd smoothed out things and settled the protestors and shortly after they had managed to get rid of the Wolves, she and Rick had built up the community together, mixing both viewpoints and getting the best of Deanna's plans for the future as well as Rick's skill for survival. They had done the same thing that they had done at the prison and created a council which consisted of the people who were in charge of various tasks in the community. The council held meetings once a week so that everyone would be updated on bigger projects as well as the needs of the community and every week, they put up a list of the things that had been discussed at the meeting for the people to see and once a month, they held a bigger gathering where those who wanted detailed information could come along and ask their questions. Mostly though, the people in the zone just left them to it. They didn't think that they needed to know all the things that were happening unless it directly affected their own work and they were happy to agree with whatever it was that Rick and Deanna came up with, knowing that they both had the community's best in interest.

Everyone still had jobs to do, something that Maggie had taken to saying ever since she had been put in charge of the interviewing when it came to newcomers. She was the one with the responsibility of making the initial report and then coming forward if she had concerns or needed a second opinion on a person. In most of the cases though, she handled it well all on her own and since they hadn't been forced to exile anyone since they began with the new system, Daryl would say that she was going a pretty damn good job, even though she was juggling with being a mom as well.

Yes, Glenn and Maggie had a kid. It had come as a complete surprise to everyone when they had announced it two and a half years ago, but considering that they hadn't exactly planned the pregnancy either, they had all made the best of it. It had been an easier pregnancy than Lori's had been, since they hadn't had to survive out in the wild and when Maggie had gone into labor, Denise had been fully prepared to take charge of the delivery. Their baby boy Hershel had been born healthy, with ten little toes and ten small fingers that he later used to grab a hold of Daryl's hair whenever he held him.

Then, of course, there was Carol. Carol who had tried to keep up her facade of being Susie Homemaker but instead soon proven herself to be almost cold regarding everything. But then again, Daryl had always been close enough to know that that too had been only a mask. She had told him once that she couldn't let herself feel the pain and Daryl suspected that it was because the deaths of their loved ones affected her more than she would have liked. It had been clear to him that Carol was afraid of feeling the pain because she thought that it might consume her completely. Things between Carol and him had been stiff for a while, but for the past year, they had been changing for the better. Morgan Jones had joined the group not long after they had gotten to Alexandria and at first he and Carol had almost killed each other due to their differences. Daryl had been surprised to hear that the two of them were together after a couple of months. He didn't ask Carol about it, but he could tell that his friend was calmer now and that she was no longer on the edge of madness. Sure, she was still as fierce as ever, but it seemed like Morgan and her balanced each other out.

A lot of the dynamics in the Zone had changed; a lot of the _relationships_ had as well. Rick, for one, was no longer together with Jessie. They had split up shortly after her youngest son, Sam, had gone completely mad. The boy had caused his own death when he hadn't been able to keep his mouth shut while Rick and the others had been making their way through a sea of walkers that had gotten into the Safe Zone. Ron and Jessie had watched the young boy be torn to shreds in front of their eyes but that hadn't been the end of Rick and Jessie. No, instead, they split up after Carl confessed that Ron had tried to kill him.

Daryl knew that there was no animosity between the old couple; they had sorted out their issues and Ron had made peace with the past. Strange as it was, he and Carl now got along well enough, or at least they tolerated each other and didn't try to kill one another as soon as they were alone. Rick had found happiness elsewhere over the past year and when he and Michonne shared the news about their relationship, Daryl hadn't been very surprised at all.

Well, they hadn't exactly _shared_ any news. It had been after a close call for Michonne on a run that Rick had just grabbed the woman after their return to the Zone and kissed her in front of the whole town. Daryl supposed a couple couldn't get more official than that.

So yes, a lot of things had changed during the three years in the Zone. Everyone had a job and everyone did the best they could at doing it.

Daryl stood in the heat, sweat slicking his arms and making the wife-beater he was wearing stick to his skin. His hair was pulled back in a bun which would have made Merle keel over in laughter, but it was better than to have it stick to his face while he worked on his new bike. He let Eric cut his hair regularly but it grew like weed.

“She's there again,” Aaron spoke up behind him. “Watching from her porch.” Daryl rolled his eyes and offered nothing more than a grunt in response. Aaron took his lack of comment as a sign to go on. “Why don't you just give her a chance?”

It was a simple question with a complicated answer. Daryl knew that the woman Aaron was talking about – their neighbor from across the road, Sarah – seemed to enjoy watching him work on his bike or around the house. The woman was in her mid-thirties, probably, and from what Daryl knew about her – from what she had told him whenever she'd come around and tell him stories from her life before the Outbreak – she had been married once, but her husband hadn't made it through the first week. She was pretty to look at too, with curly brown hair and green eyes and from the clothes she wore in the Summer heat, Daryl could tell that she had a body as well. The woman was sweet on him for a reason that he didn't understand; he was rugged and mean and he would never actually speak to her whenever she approached him. He would just stare at her and grunt, giving her nothing more than one-worded replies. It seemed though, as if Sarah didn't care about that at all. Sometimes he wondered whether it had to do with the fact that she was a nurse, and that she was just nice to everyone, no matter how rough around the edges. But no, the signs were all there and hell if he didn't know how to read them. The woman liked him and as soon as Aaron had noticed that she was always hanging around on her porch when Daryl was outside working, he had started to tease Daryl about it.

“Can't,” Daryl muttered as a reply to Aaron, pretty much under his breath. He couldn't give a more truthful answer than that. He almost wished that Aaron would leave it at that, but knowing his friend, the topic wouldn't be let go of that easily.

“Since you got here, you've never even looked at a woman,” Aaron pointed out. “You're not gay, are you?”

Daryl snorted, “You'd think that after three years of knowin' me, you'd know if I was gay or not.”

“Hm, you're right,” Aaron said thoughtfully, tapping his chin. “So, since we all know that Sarah is interested, why haven't you made a move?”

“You know why,” Daryl replied, not looking up from where he was working on the engine.

Aaron sighed, because yes, he did know. Or at least he knew a part of the story. Daryl had told him enough for him to know that it was a sensitive topic to bring up. It was a story that Daryl hadn't ever shared with anyone else and the only reason that Aaron had gotten it out of him had been because he had somehow managed to get him to drink half a bottle of wine with him during dinner. That naturally meant that Eric knew too, since he was there when Daryl had started sharing his deepest secret; when he had started sharing the story about _her._

“It's been years, Daryl,” Aaron said, but his voice was slow and kind. “Isn't it time to at least try and move on? You deserve to be happy.”

Daryl swallowed thickly, but didn't say anything. He didn't want to tell Aaron what he was thinking; that he didn't deserve to be happy at all because _she_ wasn't here.

Beth wasn't here.

After three years, his heart still clenched painfully whenever he thought about her, so he tried his best not to do so. A small part of him almost wished that there was a way for him to forget everything about her, because it would be easier for him to move on, but there was no way he could do that. She was a part of him, the person who had helped him burn down his past and try to be better. He had already been on his way to being good, but she forced him to face the fact that he was still holding on to his angry past. With her, he understood that he needed to let go and that he needed to prove to no one but himself that he could be even better. After she was killed right in front of his eyes, he had been so numb for a while that he couldn't feel anything other than his heart that was beating painfully in his chest as a reminder that she hadn't made it. When they had gotten to Alexandria, he had been forced to keep going because he thought that he owed it to her to prove her right; to prove that he was _good_.

There had been women who had shown interest in him before here in the Zone, but none of them had actually dared to go as far as to actually talk to him, like Sarah had. He was still a man though and it had been a long time since he had been with a woman. Just like any other sane man, he sometimes wished he had someone, if only to get some release. Instead of acting on it though, he usually just took care of himself, despite the fact that it might not be the most pleasurable alternative. It wouldn't be fair to any woman who wanted to be with him, to know that his heart would never fully be in it.

“I just can't,” he repeated, forcing his mind to once again shut off the thoughts of the blonde girl who still insisted on being a big part of his dreams and nightmares.

“Okay,” Aaron finally said. “I'm sorry that I pushed–”

A scream erupted in the Safe Zone, interrupting their conversation. Daryl snapped his head up in the direction of the scream and stood up, wiping his hands on his pants before picking up his crossbow, which was never too far away from him. Instantly, Daryl began running in the direction of the gate, Aaron following behind him. Rick and everyone else was already at the gate, holding it open. Michonne was holding back Maggie, who was struggling against her, trying to run to the two people which were shuffling toward the gate.

“What's goin' on?” Daryl asked Rick, who was looking worriedly out at the two people. Daryl followed his gaze and his eyes settled on Heath who was struggling to keep a bloodied Glenn standing. Without thinking, Daryl ran out of the gates, Rick hot on his heels.

“He bit?” Rick asked Heath, who shook his head.

“Who did this?” Daryl asked, taking Glenn from Heath who was sporting a black eye and a split lip. It seemed like between the two, Glenn had gotten the worst of the beating.

“They came out of nowhere,” Heath said while Glenn moaned in pain, his mouth moving, but no words coming out. “They wanted our weapons and the supplies we'd gotten,” Heath winced. “Glenn tried to talk to them, but they wouldn't stop. Not until that girl told them to.”

“Girl?” Rick questioned as they got past the gates. Daryl heard Spencer lock it up behind them and Maggie ran to them, trying to take Glenn from him.

“Step away, Maggie,” Daryl said, still holding up Glenn. “We need to get him to Denise.”

Glenn moaned again, his eyes screwed shut as he shook his head. “S-She...” Glenn trailed off, not being able to get his words out.

“Shut up 'til we get ya patched up,” Daryl said.

“ _What_ girl?” Rick asked Heath again.

“The blonde girl,” Heath said. “I don't understand why she stopped them, but she did.”

“It was–” Glenn coughed, spitting out blood as his head came to rest on Daryl's shoulder.

Daryl looked at his friend worriedly, taking him into the infirmary. Rick set Heath in a chair and then hurried over to Daryl to help him lay Glenn down on the med-bed. Daryl moved to make room for Denise, when Glenn's hand grasped his arm, pulling him down with unexpected strength. The smell of coppery blood filled his nostrils.

“She's alive,” Glenn said, his voice hoarse. “She's–” Violent coughs interrupted him again and Daryl's cringed at the wheezing sound coming from his friend.

“Who's alive?” Daryl asked, just managing to make out the words Glenn was saying.

“ _Beth_ ,” Glenn coughed again. “She's alive. She's… She...”

Glenn slumped back on the bed, his hand letting to of Daryl's arm as he fell into unconsciousness. Daryl took a step back and Denise immediately stepped in as she began going over Glenn's injuries. He looked toward Rick, who was standing beside Heath, looking a little paler than before. His brother had without a doubt heard Glenn's words too.

“I need you guys to leave to room,” Denise told them. “Take Heath to the other room and please send someone to get Sarah. I know that it's her day off, but… I need her help to patch him up.”

Daryl looked to Rick, who nodded back at him. Rick stepped out of the room first while Daryl helped Heath up and into the other room. Aaron was outside in the hallway with Michonne, comforting a crying Maggie.

“Where's Hersh?” Rick asked Michonne.

“With Carl,” she said. “Judith is there too.”

“Is he alive?” Maggie cried, tears streaming down her face.

“Yes,” Heath replied. “He'll survive this, Maggie. There's nothing he hasn't survived before.”

“I need you to go get Sarah,” Rick said, turning his attention to Aaron. “We need her to help Denise with Glenn. Daryl and I can patch up Heath because we're gonna need to talk to him about what happened.”

“Okay,” Aaron nodded, letting go of Maggie. Daryl took Heath into the other room and helped him into the bed there. He could hear Rick comforting Maggie and telling her that she needed to get herself together for her son. Daryl though, turned his attention to Heath. His mind was going a million miles an hour, trying to make sense of what it was that Glenn had said before he had been knocked out cold. Rick entered the room and closed It behind himself, taking a few steps toward the bed that Heath was laying in. Daryl looked at his brother, in everything but blood, and nodded curtly. Rick sighed and looked down at the injured man in bed.

“Now, Heath,” he said. “We're gonna need you to tell us everythin' that happened out there.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl needs to know. He just has to know what the hell is going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I just wanted to say thank you to all of those who read and reviewed the last chapter! Your response to this story was very positive so I really hope that you'll all stick around when things get a little (A LOT) rougher in the next chapter! For now, I hope you enjoy this one! :)

# Endurance

### Chapter 2

  


D aryl felt as if time  was moving slower, somehow,  even though he knew perfectly well that it was ticking away.  He and Rick had helped clean Heath's cuts and bandaged him the best they could while the young man told them what he had seen.

“We were ambushed by a group of men,” he explained. “They came out of nowhere… We never even saw them coming.”

“What happened to the others?” Rick asked, his hands clasped in front of him, as if he was praying. Daryl nearly snorted at that, knowing that both he and Rick had long ago given up on prayers.

G lenn's small group had gone on a run to try and find more medicine a few towns over. They had set out a few days ago with two cars, three people in each.

“They killed Johnny before he even got out of the car. Shot him right through the windshield,” Heath told them. “They took Emma and Annie hostage, I think.”

“You think, or you know?” Daryl wondered.

H eath shifted, “They took them with them when they left the rest of us for dead.”

“And what about Steve?”

Heath's lower lip trembled as he lowered his eyes. “ They killed him too,” he whispered. “Beat him to death before they started on Glenn and me.”

“The girl? The one who stopped them?” Rick asked. “Who was she to them and why did she stop them?”

“I don't know,” Heath said, shaking his head. “She was standing in the middle of them all, but she wasn't grinning at us the way that they were. She was just watching as they killed Steve, without even blinking. Glenn tried to talk to her for some reason… I don't know why.”

“What'd she look like?” Daryl interjected.

“Blonde, thin,” Heath shook his head. “Scars all over her face. Who cares?”

“We need to know if we're going to go after her group,” Daryl said. “We need to know who we're looking for.”

His heart was beating quickly in his chest. A thin blonde with scars all over her face? It was too good to be true and Daryl didn't dare to start hoping now.

_'Would it kill you to have a little faith?_ '

Daryl nearly growled at himself when he shook his head. It wasn't the first time his mind created inner voices to urge him on. Sometimes it was the voice of his dead brother or father, but most of the time these past three years, it had been Beth. There were days when he hated it and then others that he missed her so much that it felt good to have her in his head, telling him what to do and commenting on his choices of action. In a twisted way, it was as if he was keeping her alive in his mind but to be quite honest, he sometimes wondered whether he was just losing it. He knew that Aaron and Eric had sometimes stumbled upon him when he was mumbling replies to the Beth inside his head, though the two of them were kind enough to now press for any answers.

Daryl needed answers now though, which was why _he_ was pressuring Heath. The kid wasn't bad. He had proven himself time and time and again when out on runs with Glenn. The two of them shared the responsibility of organizing and running the bigger runs into the bigger towns and cities surrounding the area and so far, they had never encountered any problems. They were good at being quiet and they were the best at sneaking around undetected. Their team had been hand-picked by them, all with the same abilities and more and now, more than half of them had either been killed or kidnapped.

“She said something about letting us come back here,” Heath told them. “Something about it being better to take the women and then send us back.”

“Why?” Rick pressed.

“Because it sends a message,” Daryl pointed out. “They want to get us out there. They want us to look for Emma and Annie. They want us out there, on _their_ turf.”

“How exactly are we supposed to _find_ their hiding place if we don't even know where to start looking?” Rick ran a hand through his hair. “How are we supposed to get them back?”

The door opened, interrupting their conversation. Daryl turned around and his eyes met Deanna's as she walked into the room, her face calm. “Glenn is stable,” she told them. “He's been sedated for now but it looks like there wasn't any internal bleeding. It's a miracle, or at least that's what Denise said.”

Daryl stood up from the chair, knowing that Deanna's entrance most likely meant that she wanted to be filled in by Heath as well.

“Daryl, hold on just a moment,” Rick stopped him. “I need to have a word with you. Deanna, will you excuse me for just a moment? I'll be back in a minute.”

“Go ahead, Rick,” Deanna said. “I am going to listen to what Heath has to say and then we can discuss what we are going to do next.”

Daryl waited on Rick and then the two of them stepped out of the room together. He looked around, but Maggie was nowhere to be seen. The door to the room that Glenn was in was closed and Daryl could only assume that she was in there with her husband. The hallway was empty, but Rick followed his example and looked around before putting his hand on his arm to gain his attention.

“Are we gonna tell Maggie what Glenn said before he was knocked out?” Rick asked him. “'Bout… _Beth?_ ”

Daryl clenched his fingers at the mention of her name. He shook his head slowly. “No,” he replied. “Don't think it's a good idea.”

“Do you think it can be true? That there's… a chance?” Daryl could hear it in Rick's voice that he was just as affected by the events that had occurred as he was. It was enough of a shock to know that there was another threat out there but to also have one of their own beaten in such a way and then having him claim that Beth out of all people is still alive, it was just too much.

“Glenn was beaten bloody,” Daryl said. “He could have been delusional. Maybe they got some hits in on his head and he confused someone in the crowd for Beth. There's no way she's alive, Rick. We both know that.”

Rick looked deep in thought, but nodded, nonetheless.

-§-

Daryl stood outside on the front porch of Denise's house. It was late and it had already gotten dark but he had told himself that he was going to stick around the infirmary for a while longer, just in case Glenn woke up. He needed to talk to him and hear directly from him why he thought that he had seen Beth among the crowd of those who had attacked them.

They had forced Maggie to go home to their baby boy and even though the woman feared for her husband's life and had been almost inconsolable when she had first seen Glenn, she knew that she needed to go back to their son. Rick had left shortly after talking to Deanna. They had made the decision to wait for Glenn to wake up too before they acted. Daryl didn't really know why he was nervous. He knew that there was no possible way that Beth could be alive, but for some reason, he was forcing himself to go over it all in his head again and again.

He had tasted her blood on his lips. He had pulled the trigger on the other woman seconds after Beth's body had fallen to the floor. There had been so much blood and all that he had been able to see had been red. He had watched her die and then he had killed in her name. There was no way that she was still out there somewhere. There was no way that she had somehow survived. He had carried her body down five flights of stairs and held her in front of her sobbing sister.

He had put her in that trunk when they had been overrun by walkers and he had shut her inside it, leaving her body to rot in the heat.

Daryl looked at the burning cigarette between his fingers. It had been a while since he had smoked but damn it, he needed it more now than ever. His mind was a whirlwind of images and he felt as if he was trying to piece together a puzzle with one piece missing.

“Mr. Dixon?”

Daryl sighed to himself and grunted out in reply, sticking the cigarette between his lips, not bothering to look at Sarah as she stepped up to him from behind. He had thought that everyone had gone home. Usually, it was only Denise who stayed in the infirmary when there were patients there, but apparently, her nurse had stayed behind as well and he had somehow missed it.

“Ya don't gotta call me that,” he told her and he knew it was probably the most words he had ever spoken to her.

“Daryl it is then,” Sarah said, offering him a smile. She was a kind woman, that much he knew. “What are you still doing here?”

“Waitin' to see if Glenn's gonna wake up,” he said.

“We gave him a stronger sedative because his body needs to heal,” Sarah explained. “He'll most likely not wake up until tomorrow.” Once again, Daryl grunted, stubbing out his cigarette and exhaling the final bit of smoke.

“Good thing I didn't wait 'round for nothin',” Daryl muttered.

Sarah let out a low giggle and he looked at her for the first time that night. A blush covered her cheeks and he frowned at her. “Sorry,” she said, covering her mouth. “I was just– What you said, well, it sounded kind of funny I guess.”

“Wasn't tryin'a be funny,” he said, still frowning at her.

Her blush deepened and she had the decency to look embarrassed. “I'm sorry,” she said again. “You're here worrying about Glenn and here I am, thinking you're making bad jokes.” He didn't reply to that because he didn't know what to say. “I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you,” she continued. “To see your friend hurt like that.”

He looked down at his feet as she took a step toward him. Her shoes soon stepped into his view. Only when her hand touched his arm gently did he look back up at her and he forced himself to resist the urge to jump back when he saw just how close she had gotten to him.

“Glenn's gonna pull through,” he said. “He always does. Think it might be somethin' with him an' that it only got stronger when he married Maggie.”

What was he saying? Why wasn't he pushing her away? Why was he only standing there, babbling like an idiot and not doing anything to stop her from leaning in?

Sarah's grip on his sleeve tightened and Daryl didn't even close his eyes when she leaned up and pressed her lips to his cheek, lingering only for a moment before pulling back, looking even more flushed than before. He stared at her and she lowered her gaze, a small smile on her lips as she finally let go of him and took a step back.

“You have a good night, Daryl,” she said kindly and Daryl yet again didn't reply. Instead he watched her walk away, knowing that he most certainly wouldn't get any closer to solving his puzzle tonight because Sarah had just scrambled up the few pieces that he thought he might have put together.

-§-

The next morning, Daryl woke up with a headache. His night had been filled with dreams once again; about Glenn being beaten by blurry shadows, an attack on the Safe Zone and Beth.

Glenn's words had messed with him more than he had first thought. In his dreams, Beth was alive and well and he found her somewhere in the woods, alone. He felt elation at first, but the good dream quickly turned into a nightmare when Beth asked him why he didn't look for her sooner and why he didn't believe in her.

Daryl shuddered as he made his way to the infirmary. He didn't even want to think about the nightmares or the possibility of Beth actually being alive. There was no way, he kept telling himself, even as he stepped into the house and walked over to Glenn's room. Maggie was inside with baby Hershel and she greeted him with a smile. Daryl looked at the bed and saw Glenn sitting up, his face still bruised and swollen, but at least he was awake. Without speaking any words, he walked over to Maggie and ran his hand over the toddler's head, earning a toothy grin from the kid.

“'Ar'l,” the boy squealed, lifting his hands in the air, his small fingers making grabbing gestures. Maggie didn't hesitate at all when she lifted the child up and offered him to Daryl, who took him into his arms instantly.

Before the Outbreak, he might have been uncomfortable holding a wiggling child in his hands. Before, he probably wouldn't have stepped close to a kid, not because he hated them or anything, but rather because he worried that he might pass on his bad childhood to them. However, when Judith had been born, there had been nothing other than keeping her safe on his mind and when he had first held her, he had realized that maybe, just maybe, he could help do just that. Sure, he was still fucked up in so many ways; still uncomfortable around new people. Though that didn't mean that he wouldn't do everything in his power to protect every innocent child that joined their community. He had sworn to himself that if he ever saw one of the parents abusing their kid, he would kick them out without asking a single question. They would be lucky if he didn't put a bolt in them first.

Baby Hershel tugged at his hair, like he always did when it got too long and Daryl didn't bother tying it up. Daryl held the little boy's hand, getting his hair out of his grasp before turning to Glenn, who despite looking like hell, was smiling at the scene in front of him.

“How ya feelin' man?” Daryl asked, bouncing the child in his arms a little.

“How do I look like I feel?” Glenn returned, his voice hoarse and weak.

“Good point,” Daryl nodded curtly. “Do ya remember anythin' from yesterday?”

Glenn paused for a moment then nodded and Daryl noticed how his eyes flickered over to Maggie before he turned his attention back to Daryl. He opened his mouth to say something, but the door opened and he quickly stopped himself. Daryl turned around and saw Sarah standing there, her eyes moving from Glenn on the bed to settle on baby Hershel that Daryl was still holding in his arms. Her cheeks flushed when Daryl changed his hold on the toddler and to his embarrassment, Daryl realized that she wasn't staring at the baby at all, but rather at _him_ holding the child.

As quickly as he could, without drawing too much attention to himself, he handed Hershel back to Maggie and stepped away from the bed, not daring to do anything other than glance toward Sarah. The woman cleared her throat, tearing her eyes away from Daryl, blush still there as she approached the other side of Glenn's bed.

“Good morning,” she said, her voice even. “Denise asked me to check on you since she's making some house visits. How are you feeling, Glenn?”

“Better than I was feeling yesterday,” Glenn replied. “Everything hurts though.”

“I'll give you something stronger for the pain,” Sarah said, “but not before Rick talks to you.”

“Ya saw Rick?” Daryl wondered. As soon as he spoke, Sarah turned to him and he instantly cursed himself for not being able to keep his big mouth shut. He didn't want her attention. Especially not after her kissing his cheek the night before. He didn't need any of that but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to say that to her.

“I saw him on my way here,” Sarah explained before taking out a stethoscope to listen to Glenn's breathing.

When Hershel began making a fuss in Maggie's arms, Maggie bounced him a few times, “Shh, baby. You have to be quiet because nurse Sarah's checkin' on daddy.”

Daryl noticed a small smile covering Sarah's face.

“Maybe it'd be better if you took him outside?” Sarah suggested.

Maggie nodded and stood up before quickly leaning down to peck Glenn's lips. The man winced and Daryl almost shook his head at them, but he knew that this was difficult for them. Glenn offered his wife a small smile and Maggie squeezed Daryl's arm before stepping outside the room with Hershel. Sarah went back to listening to Glenn's breathing and Daryl stood there quietly with his arms crossed. When she pulled away and placed the stethoscope on the desk she looked back at Daryl.

“Rick told me that if I found you here with Glenn, he wanted you to stick around so that the three of you could talk about what happened,” she said.

“M'kay,” Daryl mumbled, sitting down on the chair that Maggie had previously been occupying. Sarah began changing Glenn's bandages in silence and Daryl's leg was bouncing. All he wanted was for her to do her job and then leave the room. He was feeling uncomfortable after last night and it wasn't as if he had slept much, thinking over everything that had happened. Those few hours of sleep that he had gotten hadn't been good either.

Thankfully, it didn't take more than a few minutes for Rick to get there. As soon as he arrived, Sarah finished up with Glenn and after sending one last glance Daryl's way – which he pointedly ignored – she excused herself and left the room.

“We need to hear your view on what happened,” Rick said, jumping straight to the point.

“Sarah said so,” Glenn said. “Don't really know where to begin.” His voice was still raspy and Daryl felt bad for him, but he knew that they needed answers.

“Heath gave us the basics of what happened. Ya got ambushed by a bigger group, they killed Johnny and Steve and took Annie an' Emma 'fore they started beatin' on ya,” Daryl summed up. “Ya got anythin' to add to that?”

Glenn silently shook his head, wincing as he tried to sit up a little straighter on the bed.

“Ya remember what ya said when we brought ya in?” He felt as if he was the one asking all the questions, though, he knew that he needed the answers.

“Yes,” Glenn replied immediately, his voice sounding much more certain and strong now. “Everything was a blur, but I _know_ what I saw and what I told you guys.”

“ _How_?” The question was basically growled out and Daryl clenched his jaw as he stood up.

“I know what I saw, man,” Glenn repeated. “I know that I saw _her_ and she saw me too.”

“Saw who?” Rick asked for him to specify because Daryl couldn't bring himself to say anything else.

“Beth,” Glenn said. “She was there with them. She was a part of that other group.”

“Glenn,” Rick shook his head, sighing. “Beth's dead–”

“I know what I saw!” Glenn snapped, raising his voice. He was breathing heavily, chest falling up and down at a rapid pace that Daryl figured couldn't be good for him. “I know what I saw.”

“They were beatin' on ya,” Daryl stated. “Could'a hit ya on the head.”

“I saw her _before_ they started hitting me,” Glenn said, his hands clenching the sheets. “I'm telling you guys that Beth is with them. She was there.”

“Tell us everythin',” Daryl demanded. “I'm not understandin' anythin' an' last time I checked, I ain't stupid. If _she_ was there, she would'a stopped whoever they were from killin' Johnny an' Steve.” He couldn't bring himself to say her name; he had already said it too many times these past twenty-four hours.

“She wasn't there when that happened,” Glenn told them. “She drove up in another car with some other guy with half his face burned off when they gathered us all in the middle. As soon as I saw her, I knew it was her. She looked the same except for a bunch of scars on her face and the clothes she was wearing. Guys, she froze the moment she saw me and I knew that she knew who I was.”

Daryl stayed quiet, as did Rick. They were both listening with interest.

“It was like she was pretending that she didn't know me, and I understood,” Glenn continued. “I understood that she didn't want anyone knowing that she knew me. Still, I tried to talk to her, without saying her name. I _begged_ her to do something, but she didn't.” He cleared his throat, “At least not at first.”

Daryl looked at him sharply then, his heart pounding in his chest. Could it be possible? Could it be real?

“When they started beating up me and Heath, she stood there and watched for a moment. She didn't even flinch, guys. She didn't show _any_ signs of weakness or knowing me, but then, as soon as she told them to stop, they all backed away. It was like she was their leader or something. She told them that it would be better to let us return to our community as a warning and for them to just take the women. It was her voice, you guys,” Glenn said, his eyes filling with tears. “Do you remember what her voice sounds like?”

Daryl knew he did.

It had haunted him every single day since he had lost her as well as the questions that he had left unanswered between them.

_'What changed your mind?'_

“I watched her when she took Annie and Emma with her into her car, not letting the other guys touch them at all. Before she drove off, I _know_ that she looked back at me and that's when I knew that I wasn't dreaming,” Glenn finished. “She's out there, with that other group. The men kept spewing out words about going back to 'the Sanctuary' before Beth showed up, so wherever that is, that's where she'll be.”

Daryl's chest felt tight and he didn't know whether he was still breathing. Glenn was sounding so sure of himself and the way that he described it all… Daryl had to know the truth.

He didn't even realize that he had started for the door until Rick grabbed a hold of his shoulder.

“Where are ya goin'?” Rick asked him.

“I gotta go, man,” Daryl replied. “If there's even a chance that she's out there… I need to go, try an' track those men. I'll ask Heath where they were ambushed and check it out.”

“Will you be okay on your own?” Rick wondered, knowing that he needed this; that he needed to do this. With a sigh, Rick patted his shoulder, “Stay safe and stay outta trouble.”

“I will,” Daryl replied and kept walking.

It was all a blur after that. He visited Heath and asked for the location that they had been attacked, then went back to his house to get his weapons. Somewhere along the way, Aaron walked up to him and asked him if this was a really good idea. Daryl told him that he had to do this, but didn't give any details on _why_.

As Spencer opened the gate for him and he drove out of the Safe Zone on his motorcycle, he couldn't help but wonder, if it was a subconscious part of him that hadn't let him move on. He wondered, if maybe, he hadn't allowed himself to forget about her because he deep down had known that she was still out there. He didn't want to get his hopes up though.

Yet, the way that his heart was beating strong in his chest, Daryl felt like there must be a reason that he felt as if he was breathing again, for the first time in three years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand there goes Daryl! :P Hope you liked the chapter! Feel free to point out any spelling-mistakes in there because those fuckers always sneak in somehow, despite spell-check and proof-reading!
> 
> I just want to say that I already have the next chapter written out, but it's really, really dark. Or at least it's a lot darker than I usually write and brutal (in my eyes) and well, psychologically abusive too. I'm gonna put up a warning in the note before the chapter, but I just wanted to mention it here as well so that you guys know what to expect. Oh, and it's all about Beth. And the Saviors. So there's that.
> 
> As I said, I hope you liked this chapter! Please drop a review and tell me what you thought, it's highly appreciated! :) Lots of love! xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth knows that things in her life are fucked up, but her world is turned upside down when she sees a familiar face after three years of being alone with her new group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note! Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading and commenting the last chapter. I'm so happy you all like the story so far, but now we're officially heading into dark waters...
> 
> WARNING: This chapter contains explicit sexual scenes, violence, physical abuse, mentions of and implied rape as well as psychological abuse that might disturb some readers.
> 
> That was your warning and I have to say that this chapter is definitely one of the most fucked up chapters I've ever written. Please don't hate me and hang in there. Things will get better.

# Endurance

### Chapter 3

 

His hands were on her thighs, fingers making their way up her sweat-slicked body as she pumped up and down on his dick and he groaned beneath her.

“ _Beth_ ,” he moaned, his fingers traveling underneath her tank as he reached for her breasts. Beth looked down into his brown eyes, biting her lip to suppress the urge to grin down at him. His hands moved to her back and instantly, she lifted hers from his chest and grabbed at his wrists, pulling them off her skin.

“Sorry,” Luke said, sounding genuinely apologetic when she stopped grinding down on him and pinned his arms over his head, her grasp on his wrists firm. He knew the rules; he knew that he wasn't allowed to touch her back.

“Hm…” Beth hummed, eyes glistening with mischief before she began to grind down on him again. Luke lifted his hips as he tried to meet her halfway. Beth lowered herself down until she was laying flat against his chest, pressing a hard kiss to his lips as she felt her inner walls clenching and the familiar rippling of an orgasm washing over her. He moaned against her mouth, his tongue moving languidly against hers before she let go of his hands again. They immediately went to her hair, tangling in her already messy strands.

Luke spilled his seed into the condom and Beth waited only a few seconds before moving off of him, leaving him panting behind on the bed. She reached for her panties, pulling them on while still sitting on the bed. Straightening her top, she froze when she felt Luke's lips sucking lightly on the back of her neck.

“No marks,” she said and he replied with a teasing lick against her skin.

“I know your rules, babe,” Luke told her, his hand coming to rest on her hip, trailing two fingers toward the apex of her thighs. He'd just come a few moments ago, Beth rolled her eyes to herself; what did he want now?

“You know why I have them,” she said instead of asking him. “I've told you not to call me _that_ ,” she added, pushing his head away with her hand. She stood up from the bed, retied her hair, knowing that he was still looking at her. Beth pulled on her black cargo-pants, fastening her belt before putting on her bra and pulling on her leather jacket.

“Do you have to go today?”

She felt his still naked body pressing against her as his hands settled on her waist, not going anywhere near her back.

“You know I do,” Beth replied. “The Boss wants me out there.”

“Reinforcing his laws,” Luke muttered.

“Don't let anyone hear you talkin' like that,” Beth said, turning to look at him. “They might think that you're opposed to them.”

“I've already been on my knees in front of him, swearing my loyalty,” Luke said.

“Yeah, and just last night, you were on your knees in front of _me_ ,” Beth couldn't help but tease him, “ _swearing_ that you'd do everythin' and anythin' that I want you to.”

“I was doing a lot more than that, down there,” Luke said, his hand coming up to her left breast, cupping her. Beth slapped his hand away, shaking her head at him. The only reason that she'd come to his room last night was because she had needed the release.

It was still early and she needed to get back to her room before everyone else began circling around the place and saw her leaving Luke's room. She turned around in his arms and looked into those kind brown eyes and she almost smiled. He didn't belong here, in the Sanctuary, but she was doing her best at keeping him safe, despite the fact that he was three years older than her. They had been doing this for six months now and they had been getting away with it, but she didn't want to risk anyone else finding out.

“I have to go,” she said, allowing him to peck her lips softly. He really was too sweet on her.

“Be safe,” he told her, but like always, she didn't reply as she stepped out of his arms and out the door.

-§-

Beth stood by the large window, checking over her gun and counting her bullets. She didn't prefer firearms, because they were loud and it was easy to run out of bullets. On the other hand, she knew that she wasn't expected to do the heavy lifting out there. She was supposed to _reinforce_ , as Luke had put it.

She felt a presence behind her and she instantly put her gun back into her holster, twisting around at the exact same moment that the man pressed her into the wall. Beth expected it and leaned her head forward so that she wouldn't smack the back of it against solid wall, her shoulders taking the brunt of the hit.

“How many times do have to fucking tell you to stay away from Luke?” the man growled in her face. Beth stared up at the half-burned face and resisted the urge to smirk.

“Good morning to you too, Dwight,” she said.

“You think it was a good fucking morning when I caught you sneaking out of his room again? Huh, Beth?” Dwight snapped.

“Well, it certainly was for me,” Beth shrugged as Dwight's grip on her tightened.

The thing about Dwight was that he wasn't really a bad man. Beth knew that the reason that he wanted her to stay away from Luke was because he didn't want his younger cousin to end up like himself, with half a face burned off.

“Anyone could have seen you,” he hissed. “Do you even care about what the Boss would do to him?”

“I think you forget that I'm not one of his wives,” Beth narrowed her eyes. “I'm not Sherry.”

It was a low blow, she knew, mentioning his wife who had chosen to accept their Boss' offer for protection, in exchange for being his 'wife' in pretty much only one way. Dwight actually snarled at her, pressing her more firmly against the wall before he froze completely.

He glanced down and Beth smirked, the blade of her dagger resting against the zipper of his pants.

“It would do you good to remember that in the future,” Beth said before pushing her away from herself. “And don't worry about Luke. No one is going to find out.”

“You keep telling yourself that and pray it's fucking true,” Dwight said, his voice lowering. “If anything goes wrong, don't think I won't hesitate to put an arrow in you, consequences be damned.”

Beth didn't say anything to him.

She just walked away, knowing that if anyone found out about her and Luke, she would handle it herself.

-§-

A couple of hours later, Beth was making her way down one of the main roads, killing stray walkers together with Dwight. They both knew that their differences had to be put aside whenever they went out like this. Their Boss only let her out with Dwight, knowing that the man had learned his lesson from touching someone who wasn't his to touch.

Beth didn't actually have anything against Dwight and she knew that he didn't necessarily _hate_ her. It was just difficult for him, Beth figured. He had lost so much since he had joined the group; his wife and half his face being the biggest two things. Beth knew that it was normal for him to worry about his cousin but Luke was better at keeping his mouth shut than anyone would have expected. They had a job to do though and as soon as they had left the Sanctuary, they had left their issues there as well.

Dwight fired one of his bolts, hitting the intended target between the eyes. The walker slumped to the side and Beth glanced towards the man, feeling a knot in her stomach. There was of course another reason that she didn't like spending too much time with Dwight. The fact that he used a crossbow as his primary weapon always made her stomach twist in the most uncomfortable way, because her mind always went to her past, before the Saviors. She didn't like it when she was reminded of the past; it hurt too much to think about everything that she had lost.

“Greene,” Dwight called out to her.

She turned around and glared at him for good measure, “What?”

“The others just radioed in,” he said. “Something's going on approximately five mile away. Jason told us to get there before shit gets out of hand.”

“Let's go then,” she said, getting into the passenger seat of the car as Dwight drove them off.

Only a couple of minutes later, they were pulling up next to the other cars. Beth hears the whimpers of women and her eyes focused in on two young ones being held by some of the men. Next, she looked toward the dead man in one of the cars that didn't belong to them, blood splattered all over the seat behind him. Things had already gone too far, apparently.

She looked down at the three other men then; the ones who were kneeling in the middle of the ring of Saviors, not necessarily looking frightened, just yet. Then, one of the men looked at her and Beth thanked the Heavens for having trained herself not to give any emotions away through facial expressions, because her heart just plummeted down into her stomach and she felt like she was going to be sick.

It was _Glenn_.

Glenn was one of the men kneeling. He was one of the men that she was sure that her group would want to kill before heading back to the Sanctuary and she didn't know what to do about it. She couldn't show the rest of the group that she knew him, because then she was certain that they would want her to bring him back to the Sanctuary so that their Boss could deal with everything.

So instead, when she saw recognition cross Glenn's face, she remained neutral, not wanting to give away anything. She didn't even blink as he asked her to do something when two of her men began beating on one of the men; didn't flinch when one of the women screamed, as if they were hurting her. But hearing Glenn's voice after so long made it difficult for her to stay calm, but she did her best, telling herself that she was strong now and that she had to do it like this. She didn't move when the men killed the man they had been beating and moved on to Glenn. It hurt her to stand there without doing anything to stop them, but she couldn't intervene; not until she knew that she _could_.

“Stop,” she spoke then, after seeing that Glenn's face was all bloodied up. Her voice was calm and strong. “Leave them here.”

“What?” one of the men asked. After almost six months of him joining their group, she still didn't know his name, but she knew that Dwight called him Turner. He was an ugly son of a bitch, both internally and externally. “They'll just go back to whatever fuckin' group they came from!”

“ _Let them_ ,” Beth snapped at him, eyes shooting daggers. “Let them go back as a warning as to what happens if someone crosses us. We're taking the women back with us.”

One of the women was openly crying her dark hair being pulled on by one of the men that always hung around Turner.

“Let her go,” Beth ordered and the man immediately let go of his hold on her. “Dwight.”

The bowman didn't need her to say another word as he walked over to the woman and grabbed her arms, putting them behind her back as he reached for a couple of zip-ties in his bag. He tied both women up and then nodded toward Beth before leading them back to their car, getting them inside.

“There's nothing left to see here,” Beth said to the other men. “We're going back.”

As she made her way back to the car to join Dwight, she kept telling herself not to look back. She knew that there was no going back. Everything had changed now; three years had changed her. Despite that, Beth couldn't help but look back toward Glenn one last time and her stomach felt like it was filled with stone when she saw the other young man holding on to Glenn, who looked like he fell into unconsciousness, only moments later.

-§-

Beth wanted nothing more than to scream.

In the backseat, the two women were still silently crying and Beth was trying her best not to just snap at them to shut the fuck up already. No one was going to hurt them until they were presented to the Boss; no one was going to touch them until then, because the rules were as simple as that.

She was trying so hard to not think about her past, but she was failing miserably and it was making her more and more frustrated. The weak girl that she had been when she had woken up at Grady again, after being shot in the head and somehow surviving it, was long gone. She didn't want to go back to that place, where she hadn't even been able to speak properly for months, walk or eat on her own. It had taken her a year of recovering before she got strong enough to order the doctors and the officers to let her go. Dr. Edwards hadn't wanted to let her leave just yet, but she had insisted and in the end, they hadn't had another choice.

When she had gotten out of there, she hadn't even known where to begin. Her memory had been fuzzy when she had first woken up and sometimes, it was still difficult for her to tell what had actually happened in her past and what her mind had made up for her. She hadn't known where her family was and she hadn't known where to begin looking for them. There was no way for her to know if they were alive, so instead, she had decided to just keep going.

She was on the road on her own for a month, using only her instincts to survive. Somehow, she had managed to do so and she found a small cabin to hold up in for a couple of weeks. Things changed quickly though, because being alone allowed her to think about everything that had happened since she had almost been killed and it lead to her having a meltdown and then burning the cabin to the ground.

There had been something about watching that cabin burning that had made her feel like she managed to burn down who she was before with the shack. Tears had stung in her eyes as she had remembered the last time that she had burned down a cabin and how she hadn't been alone then.

The thought of Daryl always made her chest ache. She had been doing so well these past few months, keeping herself from thinking about him and the rest of her family, but after seeing Glenn today, she couldn't help but wonder if anyone else had made it with him. She wanted to know, but she didn't know how now that she had left Glenn, basically for dead, miles away. It hurt her that she didn't know and that was what she hated most of all.

She was supposed to be different, stronger and not care about the things that had happened to her in the past and during the few months that she had been all alone. She had burned her past down and risen from the ashes as someone who was _better_.

A couple of weeks after burning down the shack, she had come across _him_ , though, and she had saved his life. She hadn't thought about it much when she had done it, because he had been caught on top of a broken down vehicle, fighting off about twenty walkers that must have come out of nowhere. There had been two other men with him, but from what Beth could tell, they hadn't made it up on top of the car in time. She had acted quickly, using a whistle that she had found in a store during one of her scavenging trips and as soon as she had blown into it, half of the walkers had begun stumbling toward her instead. She had ran through the woods as fast as she could, blowing the whistle frantically almost before climbing one of the trees. It had been a struggle, but she had managed and then, she had sat there while the walkers passed beneath her, not knowing that she was sitting on one of the branches above their heads. She let almost an hour pass before she climbed down and headed back to the road, only to find the man sitting on top of the car, the other walkers strewn around on the road, dead for good this time around.

“ _Who are you, Pretty?”_

“ _Beth.”_

“ _You looked like a fucking angel to me when you burst through those woods and saved my fucking life. I'm Negan.”_

 _Negan_.

The Boss had agreed to take her in and to be honest, he hadn't always been the way he was now. For a few months, he had taken care of her and kept her safe against other predators who had gone too long without touching a woman and Beth had trusted him with her life because she knew that he owed her his.

He hadn't made it a secret that he liked her, they had a mutual agreement going on between them and Beth knew that he would never touch her against her will. Besides, for some reason, after everything else that he had done, Negan drew the line at rape. According to him, his men would lose it completely if that particular crime was allowed in his establishment and sure, Beth understood why he would think that. His men needed to focus on their task, which was saving the world by killing every walker that crossed their path.

Soon enough though, their group had gotten so big that they could cover more areas and when they did, they found a couple of communities along the way. Deals were struck and to communities agreed to give the Saviors half of their loot from every run they went on as well as half the food they produced. After a while, Beth began noticing that the charming man that she had trusted had begun losing himself in the power that he had over the other establishments. She didn't like it, though there was nothing she could do but to loyally keep following him. Every new person who was brought to Negan had a simple choice to make: either kneel and swear loyalty, or be killed. The factory that they had set up their camp in was surrounded by barb-wired fences and another solid wall that they had built on their own. Between the fence and the brick wall, Negan had ordered his men to get as many walkers as possible and put them there. To any outsider, the place would look overrun with walkers and to walkers, the stench of the dead ones would keep any other stragglers away.

Beth had never denied that Negan was a clever man.

She knew what awaited her when she came back to the Sanctuary. She would have to give her report to Negan about what had happened and she hoped for all that she was worth that she would be able to keep herself from saying too much. If Glenn had been out there on a run or something, she didn't doubt that he belonged to a community. That meant that there was another community out there that Negan would want to swear them his allegiance. She couldn't risk him knowing and going after them, because if she knew anything, she knew that her family wouldn't give up a good place without a fight.

That was if they were still all alive.

Another whimper was heard from behind her and Beth's fingernails dug into her palms, almost drawing blood. She really wished they would fucking stop crying.

-§-

Beth made her way to the top levels of the Sanctuary for her debrief. She had been dreading this moment ever since Dwight had told her that he would be going up first because Negan had wanted to save his favorite girl for last. Hopefully, he was in a good mood today, despite what had gone down. Though, Beth couldn't help but wonder what Dwight had said to him. If Negan now knew that there was another community out there, he would want to go after them or at least send people there to check out the place. If the rest of her family was there – wherever _there_ was – Beth didn't know what she should do. Would it be better if she convinced Negan to leave them alone? Would that just make him want to go there even more? She had been with him for over a year and a half, but every now and then, he still threw a curve-ball her way.

She walked into the big room, keeping her face impassive as she passed the women clad in skimpy lingerie. They looked her way; some with looks of helplessness and others with jealousy. Beth knew that it was to be expected, considering that she had never been forced to make the decision of fending for herself in the group of giving herself over to Negan as a sexual object to play with whenever he wanted to. Instead, she had earned Negan's trust by saving his life, which honestly she hadn't even planned on doing at first. It had been sheer luck that he had decided to be moral about it all and still to this day, Beth didn't understand it sometimes.

He could have used her just like he used every other woman in the Sanctuary who agreed to be his wife. He could have forced her to take him up on the offer, but when she had declined, he had told her that he would still protect her, as if she was. It had been strange at first, yes, but soon enough, Beth had realized what he had meant. No other man in the Sanctuary was allowed to touch her in a sexual way. There had been one once, before Luke, who had dared to force himself on her when she had been alone, and Negan had made an example out of him unlike any other. Beth knew that Negan's rules about rape were serious and perhaps that was why he insisted that his wives needed to be his willingly. Perhaps that was why he hadn't actually tried to force her to be one of them. Still, just the thought of what he was capable of doing to the men who touched what in his mind belonged to him made Beth shudder and that was why she knew that he could never find out about her and Luke.

Beth walked up to Sherry, the young woman who had been Dwight's wife before they had joined up with the Saviors. She was one of the nice ones and Beth liked her well enough.

“Where's the Boss?” Beth asked.

“In the back room,” Sherry replied, “with _Cindy_.”

Beth nodded curtly, knowing very well what was probably going on in there. “I'll just wait here then,” she said, but Sherry stopped her before she could take a seat.

“No, he told me to tell you to go to him immediately,” she shook her head. “He wants you in there…”

“One of these days…” Beth mumbled to herself, walking to the back room without sending a second glance Sherry's way. She didn't even knocked as she stepped into the room which was unlocked and closed the door behind her before turning to take in the scene in front of her.

She really wished that she hadn't, but she didn't show any discomfort as she sat down in the armchair close to the door, leaning back before taking out her dagger. She began taking away the dirt stuck under her fingernails. _Lucille_ , Negan's favorite weapon, was placed on the small table next to the bed and Beth couldn't help but glance at it and suppressing a shudder. She had seen first-hand what he was able to do with that damn bat and she hated it even more than what Negan was currently doing with Cindy in front of her. For Beth, Lucille was a reminder of just how brutal Negan could be when someone touched what wasn't his.

“My little fucking Angel,” Negan smirked her way as he was leaned back against the headboard of the bed. Cindy was between his legs and there wasn't a question about what what she was doing by the obscene gurgling and gagging sounds that were coming from her. She was completely naked from the waist down and from what Beth could see, she was _dripping_ for the man that she was pleasuring, even though he was no longer paying much attention to her.

Instead, Negan was staring directly into Beth's eyes as he reached down and brushed away Cindy's blonde hair away, gathering it on top of her head so that Beth would be able to watch the scene. Cindy blinked and looked over toward Beth, her lips still wrapped around Negan's cock as she shot Beth a glare.

“Did I fucking tell you to fucking stop?” Negan snapped, smacking Cindy's ass for good measure. The blonde whimpered before turning her attention back to the dick she was working. Beth wanted to throw up, but this wasn't the first time that this had happened. Yes, Negan protected her from every other man in the Sanctuary, although that didn't mean that _he_ wasn't allowed to play games with her. She figured that it was his sick way of trying to get her to break and agree to let him have her; it was a game that she didn't want any part of and an obsession for him. That was why this usually only happened when he had a blonde girl with him.

It was a strange relationship, that was for sure.

Yet, Beth did her very best as always not to show any emotion whatsoever. Negan, however, was still smirking her way as he massaged Cindy's ass with his big palm, running a finger down to her wet slit, making Cindy moan around him before lifting the digit to his mouth, tasting her. Cindy was once again glaring at Beth – probably for just being there – but Beth continued to ignore the scene in front of her. Cindy was one of the jealous wives, that was for sure.

“You gonna tell me what the fuck happened out there?” Negan asked her, his voice not wavering even as Cindy sped up her bobbing in his lap.

“What did Dwight say?” Beth wondered instead, still picking at her nails with her dagger.

“Said that the other team ran into some fuckers,” he said. “Killed two of them, took the women and beat two other dicks into the ground… Or at least they fucking tried to before you fucking stopped them from fucking them up too much.”

“There was no reason for us to kill them too,” Beth shrugged. “They were outnumbered.”

“Which community did they belong to then?” He tapped Cindy's ass again and the blonde released his cock from her mouth before lifting herself up and crawling on top of him. She moved to position him at her entrance, but he shook his head at her, motioning for her to turn around instead. Cindy was good at following orders.

“I don't know,” Beth said, watching as Cindy finally lowered herself down on Negan's hard cock. The urge to gag returned when the woman began moaning way too loudly.

“What the fuck were they doing there?” Cindy began bouncing in Negan's lap and he lifted his hands to cup her breasts.

“I don't know,” Beth repeated.

“Did you ask any fucking questions at all?” Negan snapped at the same time that he bucked up against Cindy, making her scream.

“No.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“There was no time,” Beth said, twisting her dagger in her hand. Her fingers were itching and she knew that she was about to lose her temper.

“Everything was a fucking waste of time with that fucking trip,” Negan groaned, pulling out of Cindy only to push her down on the bed so that her face was pressed against the sheet before pumping his dick a few times, stilling only as he shot his load all over her back. Beth watched as he pushed the woman to the side, standing up from the bed, not sparing her a second glance as he pulled his underwear on and cleaned his hands. Cindy was still on the bed when he looked back at her and made a shooing motion with his hands. “Don't you fucking see that I got business to attend to?” he asked her.

“But, I thought we were going to spend the entire night together,” Cindy pouted.

“Get going sweetheart, 'cause Beth and I have shit to talk about,” Negan responded with.

“Well, can I at least have a gift?” Cindy wondered and Negan rolled his eyes before retrieving one of his shirts.

“Just 'cause you're a good fuck,” he said, throwing the shirt her way.

_Thunk!_

“Ah!” Cindy screeched, jumping away from the dagger that Beth had sent flying, catching the shirt on the wall behind the headboard.

“As the Boss said, we have shit to talk about,” Beth said calmly, not even standing up from the armchair as she looked at Cindy.

Negan howled out in laughter, “Fuck off then, Cindy. It seems like my little Angel is feeling a tad irritated.”

Cindy only huffed, glaring at Beth again before ripping the shirt off the wall and pulling it over her naked body, not even bothering to wipe away the cum on her back before exiting the room. Negan took out Beth's dagger from the wall and walked over to her, holding it out to her. When she reached for it though, he pulled it back, putting one of his hands on the wall by her head as he leaned down and into her space.

“You know, if you're jealous, you could always ask for a taste,” he told her, his voice low and husky. “There's no way that I'd deny you, and you fucking know it, don't you?”

“I know,” was the only reply Beth gave before he handed her her dagger back.

It was her most prized possession. She had found it on a run into town, in an antique store. It had a slightly curved end and the blade was both sharp and thin, but strong as steel. Negan had allowed her to keep it and he'd had one of his men, who had worked as a knife thrower at a circus before the Outbreak, teach her the ways of knife-throwing. Beth didn't like it very much, but it was better than loud guns. Still, she preferred to use her dagger only in close combat because throwing it meant a risk of losing it if all hell were to break loose. Also, she might have learned some things about throwing knives, but the circus man had died on a run before she had been able to master the skill completely. Luckily for Beth, she had been a quick learner and the man had told her that most of it was about instinct anyways, and it was working for her so far.

“Don't fuck around, Beth,” Negan warned her, his face staying close to her. “Don't think that just because you're my Angel that I won't fucking cut off your wings. Some men in our group think I'm too soft on you and that you're getting a big fucking mouth.”

“Dwight, you mean,” Beth stated.

“He's harmless,” Negan shook his head. “There's no fucking way that he'd dare cross me again after what happened with Sherry. I've basically neutered the fucker.”

“So who then?” Beth wondered.

“Don't matter none,” Negan said. “Just make sure you watch your back so that no one makes good fucking use of that mouth of yours.”

Beth's fingers itched again, this time to punch him, but she knew that she couldn't push it after the stunt that she had just pulled with her dagger and Cindy.

He trailed his finger across the scar that had been left on her cheek from the hospital and Beth didn't look away from his face. It was when he was this close to her that she could really appreciate how handsome he was, but it was a sick thought to think considering how he was always messing with her head in order to keep her in check. What he had done tonight with Cindy in front of her had been nothing but a play of power, to show her who it was that was the real boss between the two of them. He might be soft on her but Beth knew that if pushed too far, he would take matters into his own hands and punish her somehow.

“The two ladies you brought back were pretty,” he then said, pulling back, his face kind once more.

“Figured you'd think that,” Beth replied, easily falling back into the friendly game with him.

“Won't do me no fucking good though,” he stated. “One of the guys that our men killed was one of the husbands. The other apparently has a kid back at their place.”

“So what now?” Beth asked.

“I want you to fucking go out there and track down those fuckers you let go,” Negan said, still dangerously calm. “I want you to fucking find the community they fucking belong to, see what kind of supplies they have and how many people. Then, come the fuck back and report to me.”

“You want me to spy on them?” Beth frowned. “What if they catch me?”

“They won't fucking catch you,” Negan snorted, as if the idea was absurd to him. “You're my little Angel. You're gonna sneak right past them and even if they do see you, you're gonna put on your fucking facade of a fucking good girl and get in there. They wouldn't be able to resist a face like yours.” He lifted her head with two fingers under her chin, inspecting her face. “Well, at least you could pull off an abuse story with those fucking scars.”

“Whatever,” Beth snapped, pulling away from him as she stood up. Negan grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to him and she collided with his chest. She didn't struggle, but she did give him her best glare.

“Hm…” he hummed, smirking down at her as he towered over her. “You sure do have a pretty mouth,” he told her. “Though they are right when they say it is getting kinda big.” His hands traveled to her back and in that moment, Beth only felt hatred for him. He knew that she hated it when he touched her there.

“Ever since you got your fucking wings,” he continued, “you've done nothing but snap at me. It's been – What now? – seven months? They still make you feel fucking powerful, don't they? Like you could do or say anything and then just fucking _fly_ away?”

Beth didn't reply, only stared into his dark eyes.

“You'd do good to remember, Beth,” Negan said with a lazy smirk, “that wings can easily be broken.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hides behind couch* Don't hate me! (Be kind and please review to tell me what you thought. I know this was very dark in some parts (or at least it was for me!), but I still hope you liked the chapter somewhat.)
> 
> Beth has definitely gone dark and there's a lot to explore with her fucked up relationship with Negan... And Luke... Don't hate him, please?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I really hope you'll hang in there after this chapter! Believe me when I tell you that there most likely won't be many chapters like this in the story. Sure, there will be a lot of M-rated (if not explicit rated) material, but it won't be as fucked up as that final scene with Negan.
> 
> Oh, and before people start asking me about Beth's back. Just remember how much I like to use physical symbols...as I did in Blink...
> 
> Thank you once again for reading and I'm hoping that I'll be able to update in about a week! Beth and Daryl will be meeting up in chapter 4-5, and don't forget that reviews are fuel! :) xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl is on the road. Beth sets out on her scouting mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter! I really appreciate your kind words and I hope you'll like this one! :)

# Endurance

### Chapter 4

  


It was warm as Daryl revved the engine on his bike, the wind being the only thing that chilled him slightly. Sweat was dripping down his back and he once again reminded himself that he would need to get a haircut soon, because it was getting fucking ridiculous.

His mind, however, was reeling. Every single second that passed, he imagined _how_ Beth would have been able to survive that shot to the head. Nothing was making sense to him and even though he trusted Glenn with his life, a part of him was still skeptic. He needed to know for himself and the only way to do so was to actually go back to the scene and try to figure out things from there. If he was lucky, he would find a trail to follow and then maybe he would be able to track those fuckers who had killed Steve and Johnny. Also, they needed to know what happened to Emma and Annie.

But his mind kept going back to Beth and he almost hated himself for it. Annie had a kid back in the Safe Zone, for fucks sake, and here he was thinking about the girl he had lost over three years ago. He was trying his very best not to get his hopes up because he knew that if she truly was alive, she would without a doubt be different. Considering how Glenn looked after the attack, Daryl knew enough to assume that the men that had attacked were vicious and dangerous. _If_ Beth really was with them, if she really was alive, then a part of him wasn't sure if he would even want to know how much she had changed.

He thought about how they had been forced to leave her body behind; how hundreds of walkers had come out of nowhere and he had had no other choice but to put her body in the trunk of a car, in order to get away. She hadn't even gotten a proper funeral, something which she out of all people deserved. The weeks after Atlanta, when they had been walking the empty roads and making their way up through the country, it had been the only thing Daryl had been able to think about. Rick had tried talking to him, implying to him that he had left something back in Atlanta, when they all knew that they had left some _one_. He knew that the others suspected that there had been something more going on between him and Beth, but he also knew that they would never actually say anything about it to him directly. After they got to the Safe Zone and got settled, he knew that Maggie sometimes shot him those long, meaningful looks whenever Beth was accidentally brought up in a conversation and Daryl flinched away.

For a long while, the pain related to the thought of Beth had been so bad that he hadn't been able to hide it from anyone really. To at least try, he had used his hurt and turned it into anger instead, lashing out at everyone around him. He remembered how he had felt like a rabid dog those first few weeks in Alexandria, though, it wasn't long until he was forced to get a grip because he felt like he was putting everyone else in danger by not having a cleared head. After that realization he had somehow managed to stay calm every time Beth was mentioned. Sure, his chest still heart whenever he heard her name spoken out loud and sometimes late at night he couldn't help but think back to the funeral home and ask himself what could have been if he hadn't gone to open the damned door instead of actually telling her what he was beginning to feel for her.

Now, he had perfected the look of pretending that it was all in the past for him. He remained impassive whenever her name was mentioned and he most certainly didn't share with anyone that he still had nightmares about her during some longer nights. Aaron and Eric knew a little more considering that he had moved into their house about a year after they had settled in the Safe Zone, but they were tactful enough not to ask him about it. He had talked to Aaron about Beth once or twice, mostly when he slipped up and shared a story from before the Zone. Aaron didn't have to say anything to him, because Daryl could see it in his eyes that he understood. He _understood,_ which meant that Daryl didn't have to tell him how his feelings for Beth had only been growing during the time that she had been absent from his life after she had been taken. Daryl hadn't understood it himself at first. All he had wanted was to get her back and it wasn't until after he had lost her that he realized what kind of feelings he had started to grow for her. Then it had been too late, so he had just chosen to never put any words to it or address it ever again.

Things were changing now though. If Beth truly was alive, did that mean that he would open up to those emotions again? Did it mean that he would revisit the past and have to force himself to deal with everything all over again?

Daryl didn't know if he was ready for that, just yet, so he just kept driving.

-§-

Beth angrily tightened her thigh-holster as she prepared herself for her trip. Mentally, she counted and re-counted the bullets she had left and made the decision that she had enough to go on this small scouting mission. They had already cleared most of the areas around the Sanctuary and the only way she could see herself getting into trouble was if she stumbled upon a herd of walkers. Although, she would be in the small car that Negan had permitted her to use today. After she had gotten away from him, she had quickly gone to her room, avoiding the looks that some of his wives sent her – including Cindy who was glaring at her and still wearing Negan's shirt – as well as how the other men were glancing her way when she passed them.

When she heard her bedroom door open, she twisted around quickly, eyes widening when she saw Luke standing with his back pressed against the door.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Beth hissed at him as she took a couple of steps closer.

“I had to see you,” Luke told her.

“In the middle of the day?” Beth narrowed her eyes. “Anyone could have seen you!” Her hushed tone was harsh and Luke flinched, as if she had actually yelled at him.

“No one did,” he tried to defend, but Beth only shook her head at him and turned back to her weapons, fastening her dagger to her belt. “Why are you going out there again?”

“I don't answer to you, Luke,” Beth said. “I don't have to tell you anything.”

“Is it some secret mission or something?” Luke pressed. “Dwight told me what happened out there today and I was tasked with getting those two women locked in a room. Why do you have to go out there again?”

“I _said_ , I don't have to answer to you or tell you anything about where I'm going,” Beth snapped, looking at him angrily. With all the thoughts circulating in her mind, she hardly needed to have him nagging on her as well. All she wanted to do was get out of the Sanctuary and as far away from Negan as possible so that she could clear her head. “You should go back to keeping an eye on those women so that the other men don't touch them.”

“Look,” Luke began, shaking his head. “I know that this thing between us–”

“There is no thing between us,” Beth interrupted.

Luke sighed, “I _know_ that whatever the hell we're doing doesn't mean anything to _you_ , but that doesn't mean that _I_ don't care about you.” Beth looked at him then, remaining silent. Luke once again took a deep breath before continuing. “Beth, I'm not stupid, okay? I get why you slept with me that first night and I know why you kept doing it for all these months. You needed someone in your corner and even though you might not have feelings for me, you have to know that you're not alone anymore.”

“I was never alone in this place, Luke,” Beth shook her head, “and that was the problem.”

“I get it,” Luke said, taking a step toward her. He hesitated for a moment as he lifted his hands before placing them on her shoulders. “I _understand,_ ” he said. “I just want you to know that whatever you decide to do from now on, I'm behind you because I do care about you. If anything, you're my only friend in here besides Dwight and I'll be damned if I let anything happen to you.”

Beth watched his face, trying to figure out exactly what it was that he was telling her. Yes, to her, whatever it was that was going on between was a mean to release tension, but that wasn't all. She hadn't lied to Dwight when she had told him that she wouldn't let anything happen to his younger cousin and even though she might not have any deeper romantic feelings for Luke, she knew that she cared about him enough to not want him to end up hurt in any way. She had had a plan for months now and she wasn't ready to risk it all because of seeing Glenn and Luke suddenly admitting that he liked her. Beth knew that he did and she really didn't need the confirmation. It would make her feel guilty, something that she had never enjoyed feeling and she didn't want it to mess with her mind now that there was finally an opportunity for her to do what she had wanted to do for months. Luke's feelings wouldn't get in the way and she most certainly wouldn't let herself get distracted by finding a clue as to where her family might be.

“I'm not yours to protect,” Beth said, pulling away from him. “I don't know what you _think_ you understand, but I can see that you've forgotten which one of us has been here the longest. You don't even know _half_ the things that Negan is capable of and honestly? I don't think I want you to find out.”

“Beth,” Luke started but she stopped him from talking by holding up her hand. She needed to cut him off like this because he wouldn't understand. It might be too late for her to change her ways now after everything that she had done, but there could still be another way for her to resolve her own issues other than have Luke be involved in it.

“I don't want to hear another word. This conversation never happened and this _'thing'_ , as you called it, is over. You're never allowed to come into my room ever again, are we understood?” Beth asked, her tone hard.

“Understood,” Luke nodded, slowly backing away from her. There was something in his tone though, that told Beth that he didn't really believe her words.

Quite frankly, Beth wasn't sure if she did either.

-§-

If Glenn was alive, who else was alive too?

Rick, Michonne, Maggie, Carl, Baby Judith?

_Daryl?_

Beth's heart was beating steadily in her chest as she kept her eyes on the road ahead of her, but her fingers were drumming on the steering-wheel as she went over the list of loved ones in her head.

Could Carol still be out there? Beth remembered how her heart had almost stopped completely when she had seen Carol being brought into Grady. She remembered how she had argued with Dawn to give the dying woman a chance to heal and how she had later slipped her some medicine, hoping to help. She remembered bits and pieces of the conversation that had followed after Carol had woken up, hours before the exchange took place.

Before she was shot in the head and left behind.

She remembered when she had opened her eyes again, seeing nothing other than darkness. She remembered how she had tried to scream, but her mouth had been filled with coppery liquid and any sound she made had come out strangled. She remembered, how the officers had found her in the trunk of a car, almost killing her when they thought that she was a walker before realizing that she was actually still alive and she remembered, how they had taken her back into the hospital and treated her and operated on her with whatever means they had had, to ensure her survival.

Sheer luck had made them find her and even to this day, Beth didn't know how she had pulled through. Dr. Edwards had later talked about 'miracles' and whatnot, but Beth had long ago stopped believing in them. It had taken months for her to recover after being stitched up. She hadn't been able to walk or talk or do anything on her own and it had been embarrassing and difficult, but deep down she knew that she didn't have any other choice than to just endure and keep going. She accepted the help given, but when she knew that she was strong enough to be on her own again, she had left.

It hadn't taken her long to give up the search for her family because she had known that they were gone. There was no way for her to locate them and the country was too big for her to search every corner of it. Besides, she had been on foot, which meant that it would most likely have taken her years to do so anyway.

Now, she was forced with facing the possibility of them being close to her again. If Glenn was around, she knew that at least some of the others had to be as well. There was no way in hell that Glenn would leave Maggie, so that meant that her sister was out there somewhere as well if she was still alive. The group had been tight-knit before and even though they had been separated after the Prison had fallen, Beth remembered that she had seen most of them together when they had come to Grady for the exchange. Somehow, they had found each other while she had been stuck in the hospital and even years ago, she was sure they had stuck together afterward. So, unless they had lost people along the way, Beth knew she had to assume that the rest of her family was out there with Glenn too.

The thought of having been so close to them after all these years angered her though. She had traveled North with Negan after she had joined his group, but that had been before they had begun calling themselves the Saviors. If she had known that her family was close, things might have been different. She might never have done some of the things she had done and maybe she could have avoided some of the things that had happened to her.

Angry tears welled in her eyes as she thought about the time she had lost with her family, but Beth blinked them away. She needed to get back to the place that she had last seen Glenn and she needed to track her way to the community that he belonged to. Negan had given her a mission and there was no point to cry about the past anymore.

-§-

Daryl pulled up at the location that Heath had mapped out for him. It had only been an approximate location and Daryl had driven for about five more minutes before coming to a stop as soon as he had seen one of the vehicles that he knew had belonged to the Safe Zone. Inside the car, he could see Johnny's body with a hole in the forehead. Whoever it was that had taken the shot had been good at aiming, that was for sure. Daryl looked at the ground then, noticing the pool of blood there. Some of it must have been Glenn's, but he had to assume that the majority of it was Steve's. He could only imagine how Emma must have felt when she saw he husband being beaten to death. Daryl shuddered, trying to rid himself of the thoughts and focus on the tracks visible in front of him.

There were a lot of them, that was for sure and Daryl knelt down to get a closer look. Footprints as well as tire-tracks were visible on the ground and he recognized some of them to come from bigger truck-models. He touched the soil, which was cracked and dry due to the heat and from what he could tell, no cars had been passing this way since the day before when Glenn and the others had been there. The footprints were many and from what Daryl could tell, there must have been at least two dozen men present during the attack. Glenn and his team had been outnumbered and he knew that his friend could have died or been taken, just like the other four members of his small group had been. Daryl looked down the road in which the other cars had clearly driven off in and he wondered how far away the Sanctuary that the men had been mentioning according to Heath and Glenn was. If Emma and Annie were still alive, Daryl knew that he and the rest of the community owed it to them to try and locate them. Maybe it was possible to strike a deal with the men or take them by surprise and get back the women by force. Something about what he had heard about them so far made Daryl doubt that they would just let Annie and Emma go peacefully.

Goosebumps prickled Daryl's skin when he heard a low hiss from behind him and he stood up immediately and pulled out his hunting knife as his mind registered what he had been distracted enough to miss. Steve's body stumbled toward him, eyes hollowed and blood dripping with blood. The man had clearly reanimated after being left behind and his dead corpse had probably wandered off, but stayed close enough to hear the rumbling of Daryl's bike. Steve had been slightly taller than Daryl and quite muscular, and Daryl had heard the walker just a few seconds too late. He was already towering over Daryl, hands reaching out to grab at Daryl's shoulders as his jaw snapped as he tried to take a bite out of Daryl's flesh. Daryl forced his hunting knife into the walker's shoulder, pushing him back as much as he could, trying to get the upper hand even as blood oozed from the corpse, making his fingers slip on the hilt of the knife.

He managed to kick the walker away though, making it stumble back a few steps before it started towards him again, growling louder than before. Daryl lifted his knife, prepared to put it through it's skull this time around, when he was suddenly shoved to the side, almost losing his footing. For a second, Daryl thought that another walker had managed to sneak up on him, but when he looked back, he was certain that his heart had stopped beating inside his chest.

He watched as the young blonde _growled_ back at the walker, kicking it in the knee with the heel of her foot. Daryl heard a familiar crack of bones breaking and watched as the corpse fell and the woman shoved a curved dagger under the walker's chin, straight through the head before taking it out and slamming it down on top of it's head, over and over again until the monster laid dead on the ground again.

Daryl didn't even know if he was breathing anymore, but his eyes traveled over her body and he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Her hair, her body, her face… _Those eyes_.

The woman blinked as she looked at him, her own mouth open as she panted loudly, taking a step away from what had once been Steve. Her face was scarred, just like Heath and Glenn had said, but there was no mistaking her.

“Beth?” he somehow breathed out, taking a shaky step toward her. His heart began beating louder than ever and his ears were ringing as his breath grew more rapid. She was still staring at him, not moving, almost as if she too couldn't believe that she was seeing him. His mind was suddenly fuzzy and he didn't even know what to do, but he couldn't help but take a couple of steps closer to her.

“Beth,” he repeated her name, her blue eyes focusing on his face when he came close enough. He lifted his hand up and reached for her, but before he could touch her, Beth pulled her arm back and he didn't even have time to react when she swung and her fist connected with his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a few small things to say:
> 
> 1\. Don't hate Beth.
> 
> 2\. Yes, she did just punch Daryl in the face.
> 
> 3\. It will be explained in the next chapter why she reacted this way, as well as a much needed conversation between the two of them that may or may not go somewhere.
> 
> 4\. I've finished chapter 5 already, but I would very much like to hear what you thought about the chapter! *wink*
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and for showing your continuous support! I'm gonna have to focus a little on my other story Breath too, because I haven't updated anything there in about a month now and I'm actually ashamed of myself. Once again, thank you for reading and I love you all! xx


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Beth come face to face after three years. Emotions run high and their minds are a mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I didn't have time to get back all of you wonderful people who reviewed. I just wanted to say thank you for all the support and I've read every single review you've written and I really appreciate it. I hope you'll like the chapter and keep in mind that nothing is ever as it seems... For future reference! ;)

# Endurance

### Chapter 5

  


Daryl stumbled back with the force of Beth's punch, pain blossoming deep in his jaw. His hand instantly moved to the area where her fist had connected with his skin and he rubbed the tender flesh there before staring at the young blonde again. She was opening and closing her hand, almost as if she had hurt herself or like she couldn't believe that she had actually connected with something solid. At the same time that her momentary disbelief disappeared, there was fire in her eyes that he couldn't remember if he had ever seen before. It wasn't just a raging anger; there was something almost _feral_ about it.

Before he could register what was happening, she was coming at him again, pushing him hard on his chest with both hands and yet again, he stumbled backwards. Her small fists were connecting with his chest over and over again and her breath was coming out heavily. Every hit, every signal of pain that rushed through his nerves to register in his brain, gave Daryl the confirmation that he needed that this was actually happening. Beth kept hitting him and he was forced to grab her wrists in order to stop her assault, but the young woman only _growled_ at him, like she had done at the walker she had killed in order to save him, and kept trying to get another punch in. Daryl held her wrists even tighter, certain that he would leave bruises there, though he knew that he had to get her under control.

He pulled her close and her chest collided with his as he wrapped his arms around her thin frame. She was still as petite as she had been three years ago, but he could feel lean muscles working in her limbs as she pushed against him, trying to get away. There was more definition there, that was for sure, but he couldn't even think about how she felt stronger when his mind finally began wrapping around the fact that she was actually _there_ , alive and surrounded by his arms.

Somehow, that fact shocked him enough for Beth to get the upper hand on him again and with one swift move from her side, he ended up flat on his back with the wind knocked out of his lungs. She straddled his stomach and managed to get one more punch in before he took a hold of her wrists again and rolled them over. He could taste copper in his mouth and warm liquid trickle down his chin as he put his knees on her forearms, pressing them down so that she wouldn't be able to swing another punch his way. She was kicking out her legs and struggling against him, but he was hovering so close to her stomach that she was pretty much pinned beneath him. Lifting his hand to his mouth, he wiped away the blood as he stared down at her scarred face.

There was defiance written on her face as she glared at him, nostrils flaring as her narrowed eyes seemed to shoot daggers at him. The only thing that gave away the fact that she was just as affected by the two of them meeting again after so long, was the tears that were visible in her eyes, threatening to fall in any moment.

“Beth,” he breathed out, reaching down again toward her cheek. She was still pinned beneath him, but he could feel that she was calming down; she was no longer struggling against him. When he moved to touch her cheek, though, she turned her head away from his touch and _flinched_ , a move that made him pause for just a moment. She looked at him again and he searched her face for any kind of sign, but it was perfectly impassive, something which he had to admit, scared him a bit. Out of all the people in his family, Beth had always been the one who expressed herself through emotion. The woman below him seemed to be so calm now, that it was almost as if she wasn't feeling anything at all.

“Beth,” he repeated her name, and this time, when he reached down, she didn't move away from his touch. He didn't know whether it was a good thing or not, but Beth's eyes remained focused on his face as if she too was looking for something in them. “I'm gonna stand up now, 'kay? Ya gotta stay calm, do ya understand?”

Beth blinked up at him a couple of times before swallowing and nodding slowly. She understood him, clearly, but why wasn't she saying anything to him?

Slowly, Daryl got up from her and stood up, offering her his hand. Beth only looked at it for a moment before shaking her head and standing up on her own, brushing away the dirt that had littered her clothes when they had rolled around on the ground. He looked down at his own clothes, but they had been dirty all along and he honestly couldn't give a single fuck about them at the moment.

“How are ya here?” he asked, not bothering to wait with the questions until she looked at him again. They were the only ones there and she couldn't pretend that she wasn't hearing him. “How are ya still alive?” Daryl pressed, raising his voice a little, finally getting her attention. Beth only huffed, not speaking a single word as she kept angrily trying to remove a stain of dirt from her shirt. “It's fuckin' _impossible_ , Beth!” Daryl finally snapped, his voice hard and angry.

A moment of silence passed before the sound of bitter laughter filled the air between them. Daryl watched as Beth's shoulders shook with her giggles and he frowned when she lowered her head again, strands of blonde hair covering half her face.

“You don't have to remind me of that,” she said to him, still chuckling darkly.

Her tone bothered him, but hearing her voice after _so long_ made him ignore how utterly unhappy she sounded. His chest filled with air as he breathed in and took a few step towards her again, reaching out once more. This time, when he brushed away her blonde curls, she didn't move away from his touch and he placed two fingers under her chin before tilting her head towards him so that he could look at her face. His eyes traveled to the scar on her cheek, then the long one on her forehead before finally brushing some hair back to get a good look at the circular one that had made him believe that he had lost her forever. While he observed her face, Beth didn't move away from him and he took that as a good sign. Her laughter had died down by now and she was staring up at his face, eyes unblinking, but filled to the rim with tears.

He couldn't believe it and yet, the proof was right in front of him. Glenn had been right about what he had seen, because she was here – _Beth_ was _here_ , right in front of him and he was actually _touching_ her after three years of thinking that he would never see her ever again.

And now, that he had her there in front of him, he had no idea what he was supposed to do.

- §-

Beth clenched her jaw as she looked at him. There had been a split second when she had actually thought that he might be a hallucination, or something that her exhaustion had conjured up as a way to play games with her mind further. When she had hit him the first time, she hadn't really expected her fist to connect with something solid. The moment it had though, she had realized that she wasn't just imagining things. Daryl was actually standing there, right in front of her and she had punched him in the face. The realization that he was there after such a long time hit her like a ton of bricks and before she could even begin to try and control herself, her anger had gotten the better of her. A hot temper and a short fuse was one of the things she struggled with the most these days and it had gotten her in trouble with Negan quite a few times. Fortunately for her though, it was very much like the other men said, that he had a soft spot for her.

Moments ago, though, when she had realized that Daryl was there, she hadn't been able to get any words out. Her anger had rippled through her and all that she had been able to register in her mind was that she needed to _make him feel_ her pain; he had to know what she had been feeling for three whole years, alone in a crowd of people where most wanted to hurt her in ways that were worse than death itself.

She had managed to get her anger under control for now, although she could still feel it boiling under the surface of her skin. Daryl was still looking at her as if she was the most wonderful – and at the same time the most horrific – thing that he had ever seen. She had never seen such a shocked and awed look on his face before, but it seemed like where she had gotten better at keeping a neutral face, he had lost his ability to do so. Or maybe, it was just the shock that was making it easier for her to read him.

“Glenn make it back okay?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. Her hands balled up into fists and her jaw felt as if it was going to snap right off with how it was clenched. She glanced at Daryl sideways when he didn't reply at first and the moment she met his gaze, he seemed to come back to the moment again.

“Yeah,” he drawled his reply. “Was pretty messed up though…”

“I couldn't stop them too early,” Beth said. “If I did, they would have suspected… Maybe…”

“Ya don't gotta explain' yourself to me, Beth,” Daryl told her calmly.

Then why did she feel as if she had to? Why did she want him to know, that despite all the awful shit she had pulled to survive during these three years, there was still _something_ good inside of her? Or at least a part of her hoped that there was. It didn't matter anymore because it didn't change anything. Her feelings didn't matter because all they did was confuse her further.

“I'm not explainin' myself to anyone,” Beth narrowed her eyes. “I was just statin' a fact.”

A beat passed before Daryl nodded slowly, as if he understood what she meant and for a second, Beth thought that he actually might understand more than she was willing to accept.

“Maggie and the others?” she asked then, looking him dead in the eyes. She had to know for sure, she just had to.

“Alive,” he said. “We lost some people along the way. Gained others…”

“Who?” she pressed.

“Noah,” he said, “after we got to the place we're at now. Tyreese before him, shortly after–” He cut himself off abruptly and took a deep breath. “Shortly after we lost you,” he finished.

“No one else?” Beth wondered. “Three years and you only lost two people? Oh, sorry, I forgot: _Three_ , if you include me.” Her voice was dripping with sarcasm and Daryl actually flinched at it. Before she knew it, she was pacing, angrily pinching her arm a few times, making sure once again that she wasn't actually dreaming. She had liked Tyreese and Noah and she didn't want to belittle their deaths, but she couldn't think about them being gone at the moment. “And what now?” she asked. “You're all just holed up as some place, safe and sound, huh? You're all _good_ now, aren't you?”

“Beth,” Daryl said her name, taking a step toward her but she only shook her head.

“While I was out there,” she pointed her finger at the wilderness surrounding them, “you were all cozy and safe behind some big walls, weren't you?”

“It wasn't that simple, Beth,” Daryl tried again, but she didn't want to hear it.

“I bet Maggie and Glenn had a kid,” she said, tears finally falling from her eyes. “I bet that all of you have beds to sleep in and a roof over your head. I bet you've got new friends and family now and that the past is in the past, _forgotten_.” She wiped furiously at her cheeks. “You don't know what I had to do to survive! You don't know what I had to endure out there! I was on my own for _months_ before I found _him_ and since then, _he_ made sure that I didn't have to fight off every man that came after me looking for a quick fuck _alone_!”

She could see the exact moment that her words hit him, because anger flared up in his eyes.

“Who is ' _he'_?” Daryl asked, his voice dangerously low. “Is he the leader of the group you're with? Has he hurt you?”

“As if anyone would care,” Beth scoffed dismissively. “Nothing matters anymore, don't you get that?”

“Beth, stop,” Daryl said, closing the distance between them, placing his hands on her shoulders. He was being quite daring considering how she had attacked him earlier, but Beth only tensed at his touch. He didn't let go though. “We didn't know that you were alive,” he said. “We didn't, an' I'm sorry. I- I fucked up. It's my fault, all of it. I should'a known, I should'a checked. I–”

For saying so much, Beth could see that he didn't know how to go on. It was most certainly the most she had ever heard him speak, unless she counted in their time at the moonshine shack. Beth raised her hands and covered her eyes while Daryl's hands remained on her shoulders.

“Is this real?” she wondered out loud, her heart hammering away deep inside her chest. “I can't believe that you're here.”

“Look at me, girl, please,” Daryl said, squeezing her shoulders lightly. She removed her hands and looked up into his blue eyes. “I'm sorry.”

She didn't have to ask him what he was sorry for and he didn't have to explain it any further. It didn't change anything for her, even though a part of her was glad that her family was out there somewhere, happy.

“You were all together,” Beth said. “And I was on my own. I'm still on my own.” She put her hands on his wrists and removed his hands from her shoulders before taking a step back.

“Ya don't have to be,” he told her, not seeming bothered by her pushing him away again. “Come back with me. Come back an' everythin' will be better, I promise.”

“Empty promises like that don't mean anythin' to me,” she said, eyebrows furrowed. “I can't go back, Daryl.”

Speaking his name for the first time in such a long time made her tongue feel like lead. A sudden emotion washed over her then; a feeling that she had buried somewhere deep within herself to be left and forgotten, like she herself had been.

“Ain't no empty promise,” he said. “I swear.”

“Back then, at the hospital, I would have sworn that you would have come for me sooner,” Beth stated. “Of course, no one came until Carol got captured too. Can't say I blame you because between the two of us, I was probably most likely to end up dead.”

“Don't talk like that,” Daryl snapped at her, finally snapping out of his calm state. “Us comin' there had nothin' to do with Carol getting' caught too. We were comin' before that. I was comin' for _you_.”

“There's no point in denying that Carol was the catalyst though,” Beth growled back at him. “No point in denyin' that Maggie wasn't even _there_. I remember who I saw in that hallway, and _my sister_ sure as fuck wasn't one of the people there!” Beth was breathing heavily again and she knew that she needed to calm down before she lost it again. She couldn't handle another meltdown right now and she and Daryl were already risking their lives with their raised voices in the middle of nowhere.

“Maggie fucked up too an' she had to live with that,” Daryl said. “I ain't gonna waste my breath defendin' her bad choices. I just want ya to come with me so we can get back to a safe place an' sort all our shit out.”

“I'm safe enough as it is,” Beth told him.

“At _the Sanctuary_ , yeah. What's all that shit 'bout an' ya still haven't answered my question 'bout your leader,” Daryl glared.

“His name is Negan,” Beth answered. “I saved his life and he took me in. That's all you have to know.”

“He's protectin' ya? In exchange for what?” Daryl narrowed his eyes.

“As I said, he keeps me safe enough,” Beth replied, not answering his second question. She didn't really know how to explain her relationship with Negan to Daryl. It messed with her head and she was pretty sure that Daryl would lose it completely if he knew the nature of it and how fucked up it all was.

“What the fuck does 'safe enough' mean?” Daryl demanded to know. “I saw how fucked up Glenn was, I can only imagine what that place you're holed up at must be like!”

“This isn't somethin' I wanna talk about, Daryl!” Beth returned, raising her voice at him again. “All you gotta worry about is _why_ I'm _out here_ , right _now_.”

Daryl's nostrils were flaring, though, he seemed to understand that he wouldn't be getting anywhere with her on the earlier topic. “Why ya out here then?” he asked, sounding irritated now. She couldn't blame him because her skin was itching as well to just get out of there.

“Negan, my _Boss_ ordered me to track down your community,” she said, keeping her voice low this time while looking him dead in the eyes. “He wants to know where Glenn and the people with him came from because he wants to either take you down or offer y'all a deal.”

“Ain't no way in hell that's happenin',” Daryl told her. “No fuckin' way.”

“Then it would be better if we never saw each other again,” Beth said. “I can't leave Negan. I _don't want to_ leave him,” she shared, trying to make herself sound as believable as possible. She had a plan for herself and she couldn't risk Daryl or anyone else meddling with it because they thought she might need saving.

“An' ya expect me to just be fine with that?” Daryl asked her. “Ya want me to just let go of you after three fuckin' years of thinkin' you were dead?”

“It's not about lettin' go, Daryl,” Beth shook her head. “You never even had me to begin with, so there's no point in pretendin' that there's anythin' to let go of. All you have to do now is go back to wherever it is that you're hidin' away from the world and I'll tell Negan that I couldn't track y'all. Don't try lookin' for me because there's no point.”

“We have people, we can get ya out,” Daryl argued.

“I told you that I don't _want_ out,” Beth hissed. “And even if you have people, you'd be outnumbered. The Saviors are the biggest group I've ever been a part of. This is bigger than the prison, bigger than Woodbury and even Grady.”

“What 'bout Annie and Emma then?” Daryl questioned. “We're just gonna have to accept that they're gone too? Like you were?”

“The two women that we took with us are safe for now,” Beth said. “Although, if anythin' does happen to them, I won't be able to step in again.”

“That's even more fucked up,” Daryl glared at her. “Do ya even hear what you're sayin'? Annie's got a kid back in our Safe Zone, Emma's fuckin' husband was killed in front of her eyes from what I hear an' you're just gonna let them be taken away from their people to be raped an' who else knows what?”

“Rape isn't _allowed_ in the Sanctuary,” Beth said, voice even. “I wouldn't count on seeing those women again. If you've got people, as you say you do, I'm sure that someone will be willing to adopt a kid.”

“You ain't her,” Daryl shook his head, disappointment evident in his tone.

Beth frowned at him, “What?”

“Ya might look like Beth an' have her voice, but ya sure as fuck aren't her,” he bit out. “She wouldn't have ever said what you just said. You ain't her.”

“The Beth that you knew is _gone_ ,” Beth countered. “I am what's left after three years of hell. I'm what's left after having to learn how to walk, talk and eat all over again. I'm what's left after months of not knowing who I was and then dealing with every fucked up memory that came my way when my brain finally repaired itself enough. I might not be the person that you remember, but _this–_ ” she motioned to herself, “–is all that's left. Maybe you understand now why it's better that no one knows that I'm alive and that you don't come after me. No one will like what they find, that much I'm sure of.”

With those words, Beth turned around and away from him. She hated herself for being emotional again, although, she supposed it might be because of the fact that this was the first time in months that she had allowed herself to think about everything that had happened. When she had gotten close enough to the location of where she had seen Glenn, she had parked her car further away, not wanting to startle anyone who might have made their way there. She had expected someone to check the place out but she certainly hadn't expected it to be Daryl.

Surprise washed over her, though, when she felt Daryl's fingers wrap around her wrist again but the even bigger shock on her part was that she didn't even struggle when he pulled her back into his arms and embraced her. Instead, she allowed herself one last moment with him, clutching his shirt in her hands as she buried her face in his chest to hide her tears. Not more than a minute passed before she finally got a hold of herself again and pushed him back and away from her. She took a couple of steps back, meeting his gaze and seeing the pain he held deep inside etched all over his face. There was no doubt that he could see the tears in her own eyes, but this time when she turned away, he didn't say or do anything to stop her from walking away and leaving him behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking about re-writing the ending slightly, but I had to include that last embrace. This chapter might have left some of you a little confused, but remember that lose ends make me itch and I plan on tying them all up before the end of this story. Chapter 6 is coming along just fine and you should all expect Negan to make a return! I'm excited!
> 
> Let me know what you thought of the chapter and I promise I'll be better att getting back to your comments! Thank you for reading! Have a wonderful weekend! xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl returns to the Safe Zone, angry and upset. Meanwhile, Beth goes back to the Sanctuary and has to deal with Negan and his questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's ridiculous how the chapters with Negan always end up longer than I originally planned! Speaking of planning, I've had an unfortunate accident with my chapter plan for Endurance. The file I created for it got corrupted somehow and everything got erased. All the plans I had for the story: GONE. Fortunately for me and all of you lovely readers, I have a good memory when it comes to my stories and I quickly wrote down a new and improved chapter plan! That means that the story will probably be a little longer than I originally planned and now we're circulating around 25 chapters or so.
> 
> Either way, I wanted to thank everyone who commented on the last chapter and I really hope you enjoy this one, even though it's angsty. Please don't hate me for the ending and I hope it makes you understand Beth's situation with Luke just a little bit more.

# Endurance

### Chapter 6

  


Daryl forced himself to keep going. It was getting dark already and he was about a mile away from the Safe Zone, but he was feeling absolutely drained; emotionally and physically.

The fact that Beth was alive still seemed too surreal to him, though, he had talked to her and touched her, which meant that there was no way that his mind could have just conjured up her image for him. He didn't know what he was going to tell the others when he got back but he knew that he needed to speak with Rick about what had happened. Before they decided on what to do, he would have to explain to them that the Beth that he had seen out there wasn't the same innocent girl that they had known.

Beth's words about the old Beth being gone kept circulating in his mind. He had sensed that she was different the moment she had attacked him in the way that she had but he would have never been able to predict that she would be so, well, _unpredictable_. That along with the lack of knowledge they had on the group she was with made the situation all the more dangerous. Daryl had been able to understand enough about her situation to know that she wasn't safe wherever she was. She had told him that she had the protection of the man that she worked for – Negan – but Daryl figured that the man probably wasn't very kind to her. There was more to the story but now that Beth had gone her way again, he knew there was no way for him to find out unless he located the Sanctuary.

Beth had told him that it was better if they didn't cross paths again and she had told him that she would basically lie to Negan about not finding their community. That alone proved to Daryl that there must be a part of her that still cared for them, even though there was anger and hatred in the mix as well.

He knew that he shouldn't blame her for being angry with them; they had left her behind, not knowing that she was actually still alive. Just thinking about how scared and alone she must have felt when she finally woke up with no memories of what had happened or who she was. The broken way in which she had spoken to him at times… Daryl's skin crawled whenever he imagined that pain alone.

His mind at the moment was a mess. A part of him knew that Beth was angry at all of them for leaving her behind, but she had been unconscious at the time and she most likely didn't know that he was the one who had carried her and then put her inside that trunk. He had made the decision to leave her there because Rick had yelled at him that they needed to leave Atlanta as fast as possible because of a herd coming towards them. Daryl had made the call to hide her body from the walkers in the back of that car. His was the heart that had broken in half when he had closed the trunk and his mind had been even more messed up than it was now when he had realized how much he had felt for the girl.

The gates of Alexandria were pulled open and Daryl drove his bike inside before pulling to a stop. Rick and Deanna were already approaching him as he got up from the motorcycle.

“Good to have you back, Mr. Dixon,” Deanna said, her tone severe and teasing at the same time. He didn't know how the older woman did it, but he supposed it had to do with her past as a politician. He respected her after three years of knowing each other, but in Daryl's head, Rick was still his leader.

Daryl nodded at her before turning to Rick, “Gonna need to talk to ya.”

“Everythin' go all right out there?” Rick wondered, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Shit's happenin', that's for sure,” Daryl muttered. “Gonna fill ya both in,” he said to Deanna then, “but I'm gonna need a moment with Rick first. It's 'bout things that've happened in out past.”

Deanna looked up at him curiously, “Well that most certainly sounds interesting. It's getting late anyways. You should go home and rest and we can talk about it tomorrow, unless it's something urgent?”

“Nah,” Daryl shook his head. “Ain't no danger at the moment, but things could escalate if we don't deal with the shit.”

“In that case, we can discuss said _shit_ in the morning,” Deanna finalized. “Good night, gentlemen.” Daryl nodded at the woman as she walked past him, gently placing her hand on his arm to offer him silent support. He would probably never tell her, but it meant a lot to have her respect, especially since the two of them hadn't really gotten off to a good start with his interview.

“We should go somewhere more private,” Rick stated.

“Let's go to Aaron an' Eric's place,” Daryl said. “Ain't no risk of our family overhearin'.”

“You know, it's just as much your place as it is theirs, right?” Rick returned as they began walking towards the house. Daryl was leading his bike to the garage, but he parked it on the driveway. No one would touch it there, he knew and both Eric and Aaron were probably waiting up for him as well.

His assumption was proven to be correct when Eric practically threw his arms around him when he entered the house.

“Oh, thank God you're back,” the man said and Daryl simply patted his back lightly before the redhead let him go. “We were so worried once Rick filled us in on why you had to leave. I can only imagine what must have been going through your head out there.”

Daryl looked at Rick, who shrugged. “I had to tell them,” he said. “They were worried about you and they swore they wouldn't say anythin' to anyone.” He watched as Aaron came forward and hugged Daryl as well, his embrace slightly shorter than Eric's. “They kept their promise.”

Daryl only nodded, suddenly feeling the tiredness after today's events seeping into his bones. He felt as if his knees might buckle at any moment out of the pure exhaustion and he walked past the other three men and went to the couch, lowering himself into it before burying his face in his hands with another sigh.

“Wanna fill me in on what happened out there? What you found?” Rick asked, standing in front of him with his arms crossed.

Daryl felt the couch dip down on his side and he knew that Aaron had taken a seat. Eric excused himself to go and get Daryl something to eat, even though Daryl first objected to it, saying that he wasn't really hungry.

“It ain't about what I found, Rick,” Daryl said after a moment, looking up at his brother in everything but blood. “It's about _who_ I _didn't_ find.”

A beat passed. “So Glenn was wrong then?” Rick wondered.

“Nah,” Daryl shook his head. “He was right. He saw her, that's for sure, but she ain't the girl she used to be.”

“Wait, hold up,” Rick said, a shocked expression finally covering his features. “You're tellin' me that Glenn actually saw _Beth_? That you saw her too, out there in the middle of nowhere? She's _alive?_ ”

“Yeah,” Daryl drawled. “I saw her, talked to her… I'm tellin' ya, Rick, she ain't the girl she was b'fore.”

Rick put his hand to his forehead, swallowing, “I'm still tryin'a comprehend the fact that she's _alive_.” His voice was shaky and Daryl understood where he was coming from. Hearing it from Glenn who had been beaten was one thing, but having it confirmed by Daryl was another.

“She's with the group that killed Johnny an' Steve, took Emma an' Annie an' then beat Glenn up,” Daryl explained. “I- I don't think she's good… Like, in the head,” Daryl said, motioning to his own head. “She saved me from a walker but then started beatin' on me. Had to pin her to the ground to stop her. Then, when we actually talked… She was cold an' she blamed us for leavin' her behind. There was just anger, man, so much anger.”

“Did you tell her where we were?” Rick asked. “Did you tell her that Maggie was alive?”

“I think that only pissed her off even more,” Daryl admitted. “She was shiftin' between bein' close to tears an' wanting to tear into me with a dagger she had with her. I didn't tell her where we were, but I told her to come with me. Told her she'd be safe here.”

“Why didn't she come?” Rick frowned.

“Told ya already,” Daryl growled, running a hand through his hair furiously. “She ain't how she was. Told me that she didn't wanna leave the group she was with. Some of the things she's been through slipped out an' even though she kept tellin' me that she was safe where she was, I ain't so sure 'bout it. The leader of the group sounds like bad news.”

“Bad news… In which way? Governor or wolves or somethin' even worse?” Rick questioned.

Daryl shrugged, “Don't know, but it sounded bad. She said somethin' 'bout him protectin' her from the other men. Figured that means that she's in danger even there.”

“D'ya think we should respect her wishes?” Rick looked at him. “Just leave her there and not tell anyone? Tell Glenn that it wasn't her and that he was wrong?”

“I don't know,” Daryl shook his head. “No matter how fuckin' pissed off I am I know there must be more to it.”

“This man, though,” Aaron finally spoke up. “This leader of hers… You think he's a threat to Alexandria?”

“Yes,” Daryl said, without any hesitation.

“In that case this is already a lot bigger than we first thought,” Aaron pointed out. “We're going to need to fill in Deanna and the others. I mean, we always have a debrief anyways when something goes wrong on a run. The people have a right to know.”

“You're right about that,” Rick agreed. “We need to share the news about a new potential threat, but not until I talk to Deanna and the others. We have to know that we'll be able to handle it before we say anythin' else.”

“What about Beth?” Daryl asked, resisting the urge to just close his eyes at the pain he felt in his chest when he spoke her name. It didn't seem like that was going to be going away any time soon.

“I think you owe it to your family to tell them the truth,” Aaron stated seriously. “Maggie deserves to know and so does everyone else. It shouldn't be up to just two people what you should do. If that group finds out our location, they'll be coming here and then everyone will know that you must have kept the truth from them.”

“Aaron's right, Daryl,” Rick said. “We should make an announcement tomorrow… Tell the others.”

“It ain't gonna change the fact that she don't want us to come after her,” Daryl said. “Maggie's gonna lose her rational thinkin' an' get herself killed in the process. What about Hersh then an' Glenn? Everyone will be dragged into it, an' for what? A girl who don't want nothin' to do with us.”

“You told me yourself that she was borderline angry and upset,” Rick said. “She could have just said those things out of spite or as a protest.”

“Or she just wants to be left alone,” Daryl muttered. “Did ya tell Michonne?”

“No,” Rick lowered his head. “I didn't want her to get her hopes up.”

“Then imagine what it'll be like for everyone when they come face to face with her, an' she don't wanna know 'bout them at all,” Daryl said.

By the look that crossed Rick's face, Daryl could tell that he had gotten his point across.

-§-

Half an hour later, Rick had left and Daryl had gone to the kitchen to eat the food that Eric had set out on the table for him. The two men he lived with sat down around the table and Daryl knew that they would want to talk to him about what had happened when he had seen Beth for the first time in three years. Daryl had told them some minor details but not gone too deep into the matter since he just wanted to forget about it, at least for a moment. He knew that he wouldn't be getting any proper sleep tonight and that he would be up all night thinking about the blonde.

“I just don't think you're doing the right thing by letting her walk away like this,” Aaron said. “She was a part of your family. We know how much she meant to you.”

Daryl wanted to tell him that he actually didn't have a clue, because there was so much more to it than the small bits and pieces that Aaron had been able to put together over the years. “She's not the person she was before, Aaron. She's cold an' ruthless,” Daryl said.

“You're different too,” Eric pointed out calmly. “When you first came here, you were like a rabid dog. Who is to say that Beth didn't just react like that towards you because of shock?”

“Ya didn't see her, Eric,” Daryl shook his head. “I ain't sure anyone would want to have her here in the Safe Zone if they saw her act like that.”

“Thank God it's not your decision to make alone,” Eric said, shooting Daryl a look. “Just because you're hurting now, it doesn't mean that the girl you knew before is completely gone. I'm going to tell you right now that you will regret not giving her a chance when she proves that she is better.”

“Ya didn't even know her,” Daryl said. “Even if ya met her tomorrow, ya wouldn't have anythin' to compare her to.”

“We shouldn't compare people to how they were before, Daryl,” Eric told him. “If she's different, _fine_ , she's different. Everyone has changed over the past couple of years and there's nothing we can do about it. You just have to ask yourself if you could live with yourself, knowing that she was so close and you didn't do anything to try and reach out to her.”

With those words, the redhead walked out of the kitchen, leaving Aaron and Daryl behind. All of the sudden, Daryl didn't feel like eating anymore. He looked over at Aaron, who blinked a few times before shaking his head.

“You know he's right,” Aaron said but Daryl didn't reply.

If it was one thing he was certain of, it was that Eric most definitely wasn't wrong.

Also, there would be no sleeping for him tonight.

-§-

Beth parked the vehicle in the Sanctuary's designated parking lot. Her hands remained on the steering-wheel for a while longer as she tried to calm herself. Images of Daryl were flashing through her mind; some from before she was separated from him and all to today when she had seen him for the first time in three years. He looked almost the same, just a few more worry-lines and longer hair. She was confused about his reaction to her but at the same time, she knew that he was most likely mirroring her own hot and cold behavior.

Her mind hadn't really been in the best of shapes when she had seen him. She had thought that he might be a hallucination or something, but once she realized that it was actually him, she couldn't help but wonder whether it was some twisted game that fate was playing on her. The need to get away from him had been stronger than the need to hold him close. It wasn't until she had gotten back to her car that she had finally allowed herself to shed a few tears and break down. She thought of her sister and Glenn and everyone else too. Judith, who should be around four or five, walking and perhaps even talking now. Michonne, who she had never doubted would survive and Rick, who had been through so much and still somehow managed to make it. Memories of her family and a happier time at the prison kept flooding in and she imagined for a moment what it would have been like if she had never been separated from them, if she had never ended up at Grady, if she had never _died_.

It pained her to wonder about how the past could have been written differently. She knew there was no going back anymore; there was no reset-button that she could just hit and then play the game all over again differently. She couldn't change what had been but she could make an effort to control her own future. She opened her eyes and looked at herself in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes looked a little red but she knew that she could blame it on tiredness if Negan were to point it out to her. She had to be prepared for the unexpected, although, she was fairly sure what awaited her tonight.

As she walked into the Sanctuary some of the men nodded her way, acknowledging her presence without speaking to her directly. It wasn't that Negan forbade them to talk to her but most of the men simply didn't speak to her out of fright. They had seen what she was capable of doing quite a few times when they had been forced to fight outsiders and no one wanted to end up on the wrong side of her dagger.

Remembering was the worst part for Beth. The memories often came to her late at night in the form of faces of the men that she had killed during her time alone as well as her time with the Saviors. The fear inside of them only ever became visible seconds before she killed them; when they realized what a grave mistake they had made to underestimate her. She recalled every single kill and at times, images of her loved ones followed. Nightmares of seeing them turned, of having been the one to kill them, plagued her to the point where she didn't even know whether it was her brain trying to trick her or if she had actually done it.

Those were the most horrifying nights. Being haunted by things that she wasn't sure was real when the possibility of them at least being half-true was too great. For over three years she hadn't known anything about the whereabouts of her family and during that time, a part of her might have just tried to force her to believe that they were gone for good. Now that she knew that they weren't dead, that they were out there somewhere – _safe_ – Beth wasn't sure what she wanted to do about it. Before she had seen Glenn yesterday and Daryl today, she had already had a plan for herself. She had known that it was time to make a change and it had all been set in motion a while ago. After seeing Daryl and pushing him away, she could only hope that he wouldn't try to come after her. If he did, he could destroy everything she had worked for and Negan would without a doubt come after both her and him and the community that he was a part of.

Still, there was a part of her that hated herself for having said the things she'd said to Daryl. Yes, there was a lot of anger inside of her towards both him and the rest of her family, but some of her words had been uncalled for. After calming down some and breaking down in her car, she wished that she could have been weak for a moment and gone with him. She wished that she could have gone and maybe seen Maggie and the others, just so that she could make sure that they really were alive. Though, Beth knew that she needed to be stronger; she couldn't change the course that she had already started on. She couldn't go back, no matter how much she hated herself for her decisions.

-§-

Somehow she ended up outside of one of the rooms that they used as holding-cells. From the inside, she could hear the two women that she had brought back with her crying and she didn't doubt that they were sitting in a corner all huddled up together, trying to comfort one another. Her mind was once again on Daryl and how disgusted he had looked when she had told him to forget about the two of them. She hadn't wanted to be such a disappointment to anyone, even less to him, but things were the way they were and she couldn't risk having him coming in guns blazing.

“I see you're back,” Dwight's voice reached her. She didn't turn towards him, but she knew that he was standing a couple of feet away from her.

“Where's Luke?” she found herself asking instead. “He's supposed to be posted outside this door, guarding these women until further notice.”

“And what exactly does that mean, 'until further notice'? You mean until Negan decides whether he wants to offer them positions as wives?” Dwight snorted, sounding disgusted at the same time.

“I don't think he'll offer them anything,” Beth stated calmly. “For now, they just need someone watching the door so that the other men don't get tempted. Where is Luke?” she repeated her question, this time turning around to look at the older man.

“I relieved him of his duties as guard for the night,” Dwight sarcastically remarked. Beth narrowed her eyes at him and the man shrugged at her. “The guy that was gonna take over the shift tonight couldn't fill in, so he had to go find Jack to do it instead. I'm just staying here until he comes back.”

“Hm…” Beth hummed, mostly to herself.

“Boss asked me to tell you that he wanted you to join him for dinner tonight,” Dwight said.

“He _asked_?” Beth emphasized, raising an eyebrow.

“Fine, he _told_ me,” Dwight corrected. He paused for a moment before continuing, “What you're doing with Luke isn't fair to him and you know it.”

“I know,” Beth nodded. “It is what it is. I broke it off this morning.”

“You expect me to believe that?” Dwight asked. “How many times have you broken it off with him? How many times have you jumped right back into bed with him?”

Dwight's voice was lowered and Beth knew it was because he didn't want anyone to overhear them accidentally. Beth didn't want to reply because she knew that she didn't like the answers to his questions. She had broken it off with Luke so many times during the months that they had been doing whatever it was that they were doing. Guilt took over from time to time and she knew that she wanted to stop using him, but ultimately, she knew that she needed him, so she always went back.

“When did Negan want me tonight?” Beth asked instead, ignoring his questions.

Dwight looked angry and annoyed, but he didn't push the matter. “As soon as possible,” he said. “I see you've already showered and gotten dolled up for him, so I suggest you go now.”

“I don't get dolled up for anyone, Dwight,” Beth snapped at him. “You know that.”

Dwight didn't say anything because she didn't give him a chance when she turned her back on him and walked away.

-§-

Beth walked into Negan's office, a room that was connected to his bedroom which he normally used whenever she came to see him and he was in a good mood. She paused in the doorway, noting that he had made someone set up a table for the two of them. There were candles lit in the middle of it and Beth could sense the smell of food. She walked a little closer, examining the two plates on the table and briefly, she wondered who Negan had sent out to go fishing just for this occasion. He had even gone as far as to fill two glasses of wine for them.

“I see you've found your way, Angel,” Negan spoke from behind her. Beth turned around to face him and noted the amused, lazy smile on his face. He had cleaned up too, his hair slicked back with most likely water and his face shaved. There was an amused sparkle in his eyes as he eyed her from top to toe, the gaze quickly turning hungry. “Thought you might have gotten fucking lost out there.”

“You know I would never get lost,” Beth said calmly. She nodded towards the table that was set out, “What's all this?”

Negan snorted, walking into the office. “What? I can't treat my little Angel to something nice in a while? A man fucking tries to be a fucking gentleman and all he gets is a third degree.” Beth raised an eyebrow at him and tilted her head to examine him for a moment. “Fuck, _okay_. I figured I'd give it a fucking try to seduce your little ass with fucking kindness. That _and_ have your debrief in a more _pleasant_ environment.”

“Negan,” Beth sighed, shaking her head, but she didn't say anything else.

“Just take a fucking seat then so we can talk about how the fuck your trip went,” Negan told her, a little sterner this time around.

Beth pulled out her chair and sat down before watching him move around the table to sit down across from her. Negan started talking about the old days, before the Outbreak while Beth ate slowly and listened to him. She didn't want to instigate the conversation that she knew would be coming up soon and she was trying to clear her mind of the images of Daryl and the rest of her family. If she wanted to pull this off, she would need to be one hundred percent focused and calm.

“So, my little Angel, tell me what you found out there,” Negan said, after a good half hour had passed.

“Nothin',” Beth replied, chewing her fish.

She saw it the moment Negan's demeanor changed. A darker look covered his face and he stopped shoveling the food into his mouth. Gingerly, he picked up the table cloth and wiped his mouth, eyes never straying from her face. “What the fuck do you mean?”

It was said neutrally, as if he wasn't secretly boiling on the inside at her reply. Beth shrugged again, meeting his eyes, “I mean that I couldn't find anything. They must have covered up their tracks.”

“You really fucking think that they would have had time to do that? With their fucking injuries?” Negan wondered.

“People in survival mode do things on auto-pilot,” Beth said.

Negan only observed her, “You fucked up then, Angel.”

“I didn't fuck up,” Beth stated, “there was no trace to follow. No signs anywhere.”

“Don't fucking talk back to me, _Sweetheart_ ,” Negan snapped at her. She could tell from the look in his eyes that he didn't fully believe her and she couldn't blame him. It wasn't exactly the best lie she could have come up with.

Beth opened her mouth but then closed it again, her jaw clenched and hands balling into fists in her lap. Negan stood up from the table, walking around it, towards her. He crouched down next to her, one arm resting on the back of her chair as he placed his other on her thigh, gently squeezing.

“I didn't mean to yell at you, Angel,” he told her, his voice quieter now, almost soft. “You just made me so fucking mad there for a second, I almost lost my shit with you. I know it's not your fucking fault. Shit like this happens all the time.”

Beth didn't move as he began tracing a circle on her thigh; she kept her eyes firmly at an invisible spot on the wall in front of her. He didn't believe her and this was a game. She wasn't going to let him win, but maybe he would forfeit and let it be for now.

“You know that you're under my protection only because I like you and because you saved my life,” Negan continued. “Those men and their group are bound to make a fucking mistake again and walk into our territory and when they do, they won't fucking see us coming,” he said. “I'll even let you have the first kill,” he traced the scar on her cheek with his finger. “I know it will make you feel good.”

Yet again, Beth didn't reply in words. She only offered him a short nod. His finger moved from her scarred cheek to the back of her head as he pushed his fingers into her braided hair, forcing her to look at him. He leaned in closer and Beth closed her eyes, not really knowing what to expect. His lips brushed against the scar he had caressed earlier and every cell in Beth's body protested at what would have been a sweet gesture, if she hadn't known that it was all a part of his game.

“Why don't you go ahead and sing me a song,” Negan said, but it wasn't a question.

Beth swallowed, her gaze lowering once again as she stared hard into her lap. “What would you like me to sing for you, _Boss_?” she asked, her voice quiet but strong.

“Whatever the fuck you want,” Negan said. “As long as it's something that's gonna bring a fucking smile to my fucking face.”

Beth watched him from the corner of her eye as he made his way back to his seat, but not without tugging at her braid a little. He sat down in his chair and lifted his glass of wine to his mouth, taking a sip. It was ridiculous to Beth because he actually kind of looked sophisticated while doing so, but she knew that he hadn't been more than a car salesman before the end of the world. At the moment he looked like someone who had always enjoyed the taste of expensive wines, though, Beth was certain that he had enjoyed an ordinary beer more than anything back then.

The room felt smaller to her as she shifted her gaze to the candles burning on the table. Another scene, from another time, in what felt like another world began fluttering around inside her brain.

_'Why don't you go ahead...and play some more? Keep singing_. _'_

Beth ignored the flutter and _his_ voice and she tried her best not to compare the that _good_ – but painful – memory, with the moment occurring right now. She searched her mind for a song, not knowing what to sing to Negan. It wasn't unusual for him to make requests when they were alone. When he had heard her humming to herself one day he had learned that she used to sing and from that day on, he often wanted her to sing something for him.

“ _Every man, has a right to live_ …” Beth began slowly, her voice low. Eyes still trained on the flame, she avoided Negan's gaze as she sang the song. She tried her best to ignore the voices in her head – most of which that sounded a lot like Daryl – as they protested to her giving in like this. They wanted her to make a stand and do something against Negan's will, to prove to herself that she was more than just a radio; more than someone he could fiddle with until it played the tune that he wanted to hear.

“ _Struggling man, has got to move on. Struggling man, no time to lose. I'm a struggling man, and I've got to move on,_ ” she finished the song quietly, finally looking up to meed Negan's hot gaze.

Her gut felt like it was filled with stones and she wanted to run; away from Negan and away from this place. She didn't say anything as he watched her, sipping his wine quietly, before requesting another song.

-§-

Beth knocked on the door quietly, looking around to make sure that no one was around. It opened a couple of seconds later and a disheveled looking Luke stood in front of her.

“Beth? What's wrong?” he asked, sounding as if he had just woken up. It made sense, since it was the middle of the night and he had finished his guard shift earlier.

Beth didn't speak as she pushed her way into his room and he stepped aside to let her in before repeating his question to her. She didn't say anything, because what the hell was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to explain to him how _wrong_ everything was?

Instead of saying anything, Beth grabbed the lapels of his shirt and pushed him forcefully back against the door before pulling him down so that she could crash her lips against his. Luke was frozen for only a moment before he began reciprocating the kiss and Beth reached down to lock his door as she began pulling him towards his bed.

She needed to feel it; she needed control.

Negan wasn't in charge of her and he couldn't order her around as if she was his to command. She needed to assure herself that she could still make decisions of her own, good or bad.

That was what she told herself as she pushed Luke's shirt off and she looked up at him and his warm brown eyes momentarily seemed to turn blue. She forced herself to blink away the memories of icy eyes looking at her in disappointment and kept going because she _needed this_.

She needed to be in control and this, for her, was the only way to prove to herself that she still was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. There's that. It's horrible, what she's doing with Luke, but I hope it in a way makes sense to you all. I really hope you enjoyed the chapter though, even though you probably want to yell at both Daryl and Beth for acting this way... Maybe you even wanna yell at me?
> 
> Please do tell me what you thought and share your favorite line in the chapter! I always find these things interesting to know! :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! xx
> 
> P.S. Who is looking forward to the mid-season premiere? :P


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Rick and Deanna hold a meeting to reveal that Beth is alive, Daryl prepares himself for the reactions of the rest of his family. Meanwhile, Beth has her own problems to face at the Sanctuary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost two weeks since I updated. Sorry for the delay, but I hope you'll like the longer chapter. Thank you to everyone who keeps reading and supporting this story! :)
> 
> P.S. I am so happy about the ending of 6x10! [SPOILER ALERT!]Richonne is OFFICIAL! :D Now I just need Beth back.

# Endurance

### Chapter 7

  


Daryl sat still in the chair as Carol cut off a few inches of his hair. She's taking small steps around him, combing through his hair every once in a while to make sure that she's making even cuts. Not that he'd care about that, but he's aware of the fact that she wants to be able to tell herself a job well done.

Jessie had offered to cut his hair numerous times, even after she and Rick broke up but despite having known the woman for three years, Daryl still felt the most comfortable with having Carol do it for him, no matter if they had been growing apart for a while. He still loved her and respected her and she was a part of _his_ family, something that he would always prioritize. It didn't matter if she had made bad decisions or if she had been close to going so far that there would be no redemption for her. He kept telling himself that because he knew that he too once upon a time would probably have made bad choices.

Beth had probably made some bad choices too.

Daryl furrowed his eyebrows at himself. He didn't want to be thinking about Beth now. It was enough that he had barely gotten any sleep at all last night, going over their meeting a thousand times, wondering if he had somehow imagined her coldness. He knew that what Eric had said to him the night before was true and a part of him wanted so bad to go after Beth, even though the other knew very well that Beth had explicitly told him that she didn't want him to save her.

He pushed the thoughts of the blonde away for the hundredth time that morning and instead focused on holding up the mirror that Carol had offered him, to look at how she had done with his hair.

“'S good,” Daryl grunted.

“It's better than it was,” Carol corrected. “Morgan's hair is much easier to cut than yours.”

“That's 'cause your man don't have no hair at all,” Daryl said, placing the mirror on the counter as Carol removed the cover she had put around his shoulders.

“Your humor certainly doesn't get better with age,” Carol noted.

“It's 'cause I ain't no damn wine bottle,” Daryl quipped and Carol just rolled her eyes. He watched her as she began cleaning the scissors.

“So,” she began casually, “you have any idea what this family meeting Rick has called us all in for is about?”

Daryl froze for a moment. So much for not thinking about Beth.

“Something's come up,” he told Carol. “We're gonna have to make a decision about it together.”

Carol looked over at him curiously. “A decision? I can't remember the last time we all had to be involved in the decision-making,” she mused. “I even asked Michonne about it this morning, but she told me that Rick hadn't said a single thing to her.”

“I see you've all gone back to gossiping,” Daryl snorted.

“Gossiping?” Carol raised an eyebrow. “Not necessarily. Although, I guess that Michonne might have been a little worried about Rick since he's been very distant since Glenn's attack and no one has said a word about any of it yet. Then there's _you_.”

“What 'bout me?” Daryl muttered, glancing downwards. He couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes.

“You up and leave on your own,” Carol said, “then come back late with a split lip and bruises on your face, but no one says a word about that either.”

“We'll talk 'bout it later,” Daryl said quietly. He didn't want to get into it with Carol now because he knew he would just get a hell of a lot of questions that he didn't even have an answer for. In his mind, he already knew what to expect from the family meeting that Rick had called. He would be there to re-tell how he had seen Beth and try to convince everyone that going after her isn't what they needed to do considering how dangerous the group she was with seemed. That Negan fella that Beth had mentioned seemed like someone who wasn't really stable and considering how Beth herself had been, Daryl knew that the best thing for all of them now was to lay low.

“Well, can you at least tell me if it's something that I need to mentally prepare myself for?” Carol asked, her tone a little sarcastic. Still, Daryl could tell that she was being serious too.

“Yeah,” he replied. “You could say that.”

-§-

Beth buried her face in her hands as she sat on her small bed. Her thoughts kept running through her head, clouding her mind like a thick fog that she kept getting lost in. She couldn't seem to stop thinking about everything that had happened withing the past forty-eight hours. Seeing Glenn, finding Daryl and arguing with him; learning that her family is still alive somewhere and then deciding to leave them all behind because she knew it was better that way.

It was all crazy.

But the even crazier one in the whole thing was Beth herself.

She knew why she had made the decision to leave Daryl behind and not go with him; she knew that it was the best thing for all of them. If she had gone with him, Negan would without a doubt have sent someone after her – probably Dwight – and they had found her with Daryl and the others, she knew that all of them would have ended up dead. She kept telling herself that it was for their own good and that she had done it to protect them, but at the same time, she knew that a part of her was afraid of what might have come if she had just gone to stand with them.

There was something else bothering her too, though. What she had done the night before made her hate herself deeper than she ever thought possible. She had been angry, yes, and she had felt as if she needed to reach out and hold on to something, to get control over what was happening with her emotions that she had tried to keep buried for so long. Negan's games had gotten to her worse than they ever had before and she knew that part of it was because she was slowly slipping. Her mask of indifference was falling off and she had just known, the moment that she had seen Daryl and realized that he was actually there, that she wasn't going to be able to hold on for much longer.

Before, the idea of her family being too far away to reach had made her want to keep going, just so that one day, somehow, she might cross paths with them again. Now that she knew that they were close, her entire body seemed to itch with want to just leave the Saviors and the Sanctuary behind and go to them. It wasn't possible at the moment, but she still wanted it, no matter how much she kept telling herself to instead keep them safe. Seeing Glenn and talking to Daryl made her want to speed up her original plan, although, she knew that it would be even riskier now than before. Things were different and there were other players involved. Before, it had been just her, but now her conscience had decided to reappear to her in the voice of Daryl. She kept seeing his face of disappointment and she kept imagining how much Maggie and everyone else was going to hate her when they found out everything she had done. They would never look at her the same again and Beth knew that once their view on her changed, there truly would be no way for her to redeem herself. The strong emotions that had been visible in Daryl's eyes alone had been enough to make her see that she had started on a dark path that she wouldn't be able to turn back from. Her decisions nowadays were all about survival and being strong, but in that, she had lost a part of herself that she knew that the others would expect to see. Daryl had clearly been expecting something else and when he hadn't seen it in her, he had pulled back and snapped back. He had seen part of who she had been forced to become in order to survive and he hadn't liked it at all. She wasn't stupid and she most certainly was no longer the naive young girl she had been before; there was no way in hell that her family was going to accept her.

Daryl's final embrace had been running through her mind all night long. Luke had fallen asleep shortly after they had finished and she had gotten dressed quickly and left for her own room. There, she had remained awake and her mind had wandered to those dangerous places where she wondered whether she still held some small semblance of hope inside of her. Her answer was _no_ , but every time she thought it, Daryl was screaming inside of her head that she was lying to herself. Everything was confusing to her at the moment, but after so much time of consideration, Beth knew for sure that the hug that she and Daryl had shared had been more about him needing to get closure. From what she had gathered back at Grady, her family had been forced to run and leaving her in the trunk of a car had been a spontaneous decision. No one in her family had gotten to say goodbye to her properly and Beth was now certain that that was why Daryl had embraced her.

Then there was her other problem: Luke.

She felt awful for using him and treating him the way that she was. Not even the new her was enjoying doing what she was doing to him. It had started months ago though, when she had thought that she needed an ally in the Sanctuary. Luke was an easy target because he had been new and Beth had known, the moment that she had caught his eyes while he knelt in front of Negan and swore his allegiance, that he was _exactly_ what she needed. Still, after months of knowingly using him, Beth was aware of the fact that Luke seemed to understand what it was that she wanted for him. It wasn't really about sex or living dangerously because it was more about him being her foot out of the door.

Negan trusted Beth because she had saved his life and because she had joined him. He hadn't always been the way that he was today and Beth had been there to see the change in him take place. The moment the other communities began fearing him and the less worried he got about the walkers that the Saviors handled, the more cruel and dangerous he became. He began slipping, but in the beginning, Beth tried her hardest to keep him off the ledge. His love for Lucille that had started out as a joke, became an obsession that Beth couldn't even fully grasp. It frightened her somewhat, that a man that even his own people feared held _her_ in such high respects, merely because she had saved his life once when she could have easily just walked the other way.

She almost wished that she had walked away, but she hadn't and now she had to deal with it. Now, Luke had to be a pawn in her game, much like she was a piece on Negan's board. It was horrible and it was wrong, but she couldn't let herself think about it. She needed to keep thinking about the big picture and the endgame and she needed to keep herself focused. At the moment, she needed Luke for her plan to work. She didn't have anyone else in the Sanctuary that she knew was loyal to her and her alone. Everyone else was afraid of Negan and what he would do to them if they disobeyed, but Luke was blinded by what Beth only saw as puppy love and lust, perhaps.

After all, lust was what was keeping Negan from seeing what was really in front of him. It kept him from seeing that Beth was pulling away from him and what he stood for and that she wanted to make a stand on her own and escape his clutches, once and for all.

-§-

Daryl sat in the living room in Rick's house, looking out the window while the other members of his family talked about why they had been called in like this. Deanna would be present at the meeting too and Daryl knew that Rick had already gone to fill her in on the matter. This was something they would need to decide upon together, but Daryl had decided to remain standing on the side he had chosen. Beth didn't want to leave those men, he wouldn't force her and he would damn well make sure that no one else did either.

Rick walked into the room, followed by Deanna. Behind the two of them, Denise and Sarah were wheeling in Glenn in a wheelchair, trying to make him as comfortable as possible. Glenn's injuries were still fresh, but he had been adamant about being present at the meeting to voice his own opinion on the matter. Daryl looked toward his friend, though somehow, his eyes traveled to behind him, where Sarah stood, making sure that the wheelchair wouldn't move. The woman looked up, meeting his gaze and he didn't look away from her green eyes. A blush appeared on her face, much like it had that night that she had kissed his cheek and even though Daryl's brain kept telling him to stop staring at her, he couldn't for some reason. He didn't like it at all, and he felt horrible over the thoughts that moved around inside his head. Now that he knew that Beth was alive, some part of him was glad that he had never given Sarah a chance. Another part was wondering if he might have spared himself the confusing feelings that were leaving him sleepless at night.

“I know you've all been wonderin' why we called this meeting today,” Rick began speaking as the others settled down. Daryl looked away from Sarah, wondering to himself whether she and Denise would also be present at the meeting. Considering that Rick had already started it, it seemed to him like they would. A moment after Rick began speaking through, Sarah and Denise stepped out of the room and Maggie walked over to Glenn, standing by his side as she held baby Hershel who was happily twisting her wedding rings.

Daryl looked out the window again, his fingers brushing against the knife holstered to his belt for a moment before lifting his hand, bringing the pad of his thumb to his mouth and biting down on the skin. He needed to calm himself down if he was going to be able to speak later, but the crowded room was already beginning to become too much for him.

Aaron and Eric had offered to come and stand by his side – even though Eric had expressed just how disappointed he was over the decision Daryl had made to not dig a little deeper into the matter – but Daryl had declined, telling them that it would be better if they were there when they filled in the rest of the community on the new threat. Deanna, as a co-leader, was supposed to be there either way to give her moral support and objective opinion.

“The thing is,” Rick continued, “that a lot of things have been goin' on these past two days. As y'all know, Glenn's team was attacked on their latest run. Steve and Johnny were both killed, Annie and Emma were taken and Glenn was beaten by a large group of strange men.”

It was all so formal, Daryl thought to himself. Too formal.

“What's going on, Rick?” Michonne wondered, taking a step toward the man. She was holding on to little Judith's hand as the girl looked up at her father, as confused as any child would be in a situation like this. “There's no point in talking around the subject. Be direct with us all.”

Rick ran a hand through his hair and Daryl twisted around where he sat, turning so that he could look at the others. He met Glenn's eyes and he nodded at him, knowing that this wasn't something that Rick could say all on his own.

“The men that attacked us were stopped from beating me to death by a woman,” Glenn said, his voice hoarse, but it did the trick and gained the attention of the rest of their family.

“A woman?” Abraham repeated, his eyes moving from Rick who had lowered his head, to Glenn.

“It was Beth,” Glenn said, looking right ahead. This time around, his voice didn't waver. “She's alive.”

Complete silence filled the room. Daryl looked around, taking in the others reaction, but from what he could see, there was pretty much only shock and surprise evident on their faces. Glenn's sudden revelation hadn't been expected at all and Daryl knew without a doubt that when his family had been called in, no one had expected this.

“Beth,” Tara was the first to speak. “Beth, as in, Maggie's sister Beth?”

Daryl's eyes moved to Maggie, who was staring blankly ahead, her grip on her son looking a little looser than before.

“Yes,” Rick answered. “Beth is alive.” He turned to Maggie then. “Your sister is still alive.”

Maggie looked up at him, her face almost ashen as her lower lip quivered. “Is this some kind of sick joke?” she asked as she took a step away from Glenn and Rick both. She walked over to Carol and handed over baby Hershel before looking back at her husband. “Why would you say such a thing?” she demanded. “Why would you–?”

“It's true,” Daryl spoke, finally standing up from his seat. “I went out an' checked the place that they were attacked. We came across one another… Didn't wanna believe it at first either, but she was there. She's alive.”

“It's _impossible_ ,” Maggie said through gritted teeth. “She was shot dead three years ago. We left her body behind, but she was _dead_.” Her eyes had teared up. Daryl figured it might have to do with the same guilt that he was feeling inside. He remembered what Beth had snapped at him when she had been yelling at him; about Maggie not even being there at Grady to help get her back. At least that was something that he _didn't_ have to feel sorry for, because he _had_ been there.

“Maggie,” Deanna spoke up. “I've talked to Rick and I understand how difficult this must be for you to believe. Glenn debriefed me too the other night after Daryl told Rick what he had found on his exploratory mission and Rick and I have been talking it over all morning.”

Maggie didn't answer the woman, only turned to her husband again. “Glenn?”

“You know that I wouldn't lie about this,” Glenn said, looking desperate for her to believe him.

Maggie flinched visibly, lowering her head as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. She hugged herself and her whole body seemed to shake with the effort of holding herself together.

“What are we going to do about all of this?” Carol took a step forward, holding on to the baby in her arms. “If she really is out there–”

“She _is_ ,” Daryl interrupted.

The woman looked at him and nodded slowly. At least now she knew why he had been acting the way he had this morning. “What are we going to do about her then?” Carol repeated her question. “What are we supposed to do?”

“From what I've gathered, Maggie's sister is with an extremely dangerous group of people,” Deanna said. “We need to think of the community first, if anything, when we make our decision.”

“Ain't no decision to make,” Daryl pointed out. “She told me that she didn't want no one comin' after her, so that's what we're gonna do.”

Another beat of silence passed in the room. Daryl kept his eyes away from everyone, not wanting them to see just how bad he felt about speaking this way. Deanna was right when she said that they needed to watch out for the community first and he had now officially made his stand on the matter.

“You can't be serious,” Maggie hissed at him. A moment later, she was standing in front of him, so close that he was forced to look up at her. Anger was evident in her eyes and he swore to himself that if looks could kill, he would be a dead man. “That's my sister, you're talkin' about!”

Baby Hershel began to fuss in Carol's arms at the sound of Maggie's raised voice.

“She made her decision,” Daryl said, narrowing his eyes. He didn't want to deal with all of this. Even though he had to, he told himself that he could show everyone that he didn't enjoy it one bit.

“She made her…” Maggie trailed off. A strangled cry escaped her throat as she began laughing and shaking her head at him. “My God,” she said, wiping her cheeks. “First you tell me my sister is alive, that she's with a dangerous group of people and then you say that we're _not_ going after her? What the hell, Daryl?”

“I ain't the one callin' the shots, Maggie,” Daryl said. “Deanna's right though. We gotta watch out for our community first.”

“So you're tellin' me that all those weeks you spent mourning my sister meant _nothing?_ Was it all some kind of game for you?” Maggie demanded to know. “Did you pretend to be all torn up about her death for so long? Now that we have a chance at getting her back, you're just givin' up on her?”

Daryl stood up, nostrils flaring. Maggie was forced to take a step back from him so that she wouldn't be knocked over by his sudden movement and out of the corner of his eye, Daryl saw Rick move toward him and Abraham take a small step closer as well. It angered him that they would think that he would lose his shit on Maggie, but then again, he felt like he might just slip, so maybe it was better that they were there. He would never put a hand on a woman, especially not one he considered family, but the way that Maggie was challenging him now and the way that he felt as if everything was breaking around him, Daryl wasn't sure what he would be capable of doing.

“Don't go tellin' me how I felt 'bout her death,” Daryl growled. “Ya don't know anythin' 'bout what I felt. The only reason I ain't huntin' your sister down right this fuckin' second is 'cause she told me not to.”

“You should have gone after her immediately!” Maggie argued back.

“An' what? Knocked her over the head an' took her back here by force?” he asked. “She ain't the girl you remember!”

“It don't matter, at least she would have been _here!_ Here is better than _there_ with those men!” Maggie yelled.

Daryl glared at her, “Ya best get out of my face, Maggie, before ya take this to a place that ya won't like.”

“Daryl,” Rick said, placing his hand on Daryl's shoulder. Daryl continued to stare down Maggie, but he took a step back from her, trying his best to keep things from escalating.

“You should have gone after her,” Maggie said again, this time sounding a bit calmer.

“I fuckin' _did_ go after her,” Daryl finally snapped. He looked at the brunette and took a step toward her once again, brushing away Rick's hand even as it tightened its grip on his shoulder. “Remember? Back when _you_ were too damn busy runnin' off with people ya barely knew to look for a fuckin' cure that didn't even exist?”

Maggie closed her mouth and Daryl saw how her chin trembled, even though she remained standing with her head high. Silence filled to room and Daryl looked around, noticing the faces everyone else was sporting. For the first time in three years he had brought up the fact that Maggie never looked for Beth after the Prison fell, something that everyone else had decided to be graceful enough to never speak of. Daryl wasn't a fucking ballerina though and enough was enough. He had spoken his mind and even though he didn't enjoy hurting Maggie like this, he knew that he needed to say it. She had gone off on him about not doing the right thing and he had needed to get that off of his chest. Everyone else seemed to understand, but he could see that they too were as surprised as Maggie that he had actually called her out on her shit.

“I'm sorry,” Maggie said after a moment. “I shouldn't have said what I said. I know you're only lookin' out for us all… Beth included.”

“'S okay,” Daryl muttered, finally sitting down again. He didn't need the drama of dragging it all out any further. Things would probably go to shit anyways whenever the Saviors found out about their community and he would rather they not find out too soon; the Zone needed to be informed of the threat and they needed a plan for how to deal with the storm that was coming.

“It's not,” Maggie shook her head, “but we'll leave it at that if that's what you want.”

Daryl knew without a doubt that this wasn't something that Maggie was going to just drop. Sure, she would do so in front of everyone else, though, he knew that once she found time and they were alone, she would bring it back up and try to talk to him about it.

“We still need to decide on what to do,” Deanna said then, looking almost hesitantly between Daryl and Maggie. He understood that she hadn't expected such a strong reaction from him because of the fact that it had been such a long time since he had shown this side of him. A couple of months after having dealt with the Wolves, he had been distant for a while, not trusting outsiders much. As time went on though, his loyalty to Rick and his family won him over and he instead became someone who did everything he could in order to protect the community. It wasn't a big surprise to him that Deanna and everyone else was shocked to see that darker part of him rear it's head again, but he was exhausted of all the curve balls that had been thrown at him by life these past few days.

“From what Daryl has told me, Beth isn't the same girl she was when we knew her,” Rick spoke up. “I agree with him that we need to know more about this group before we jump into anything.”

“Rick and I made the decision to inform you all in private before talking to the rest of the community,” Deanna said. “This way, you'll have time to prepare yourselves. We don't know for certain how much this other group knows about us or if they know anything and we need to consider whether or not we can actually trust the younger Ms. Greene or not… It pains me to say it, but if Mr. Dixon himself says that he doesn't think we should try to find her, I am going to have to trust his judgment and agree with him as well.” She looked at Daryl, who nodded curtly at her before looking away, out the window again. “That said, Rick and I need to tell you that we've decided to issue a strict order against any runs or hunting trips until we know what we're dealing with.”

This caught Daryl's attention and he looked over at Rick, who only nodded. “It's the most logical thing to do,” his brother said. Daryl had a feeling that he had spoken directly to him. “We'll inform the rest of the people about what has happened, but we'll keep the details on Beth out of the announcement. No one knows about her and we'd like to keep it that way until further notice.”

“We're just going to say that there's a possible threat out there then?” Tara piped up. “People are already wondering why things have been so hush-hush about the attack on Glenn and Heath's team. Do you really think that they won't want to know more?”

“ _We_ don't even know anything yet,” Rick pointed out. “The only thing we know is that Beth is with that group and that she warned Daryl off. That doesn't tell us anything but we saw what they did to Glenn and we know that they took Annie and Emma and that they killed Steve and Johnny.”

“As far as we know, those men don't even know about Alexandria,” Deanna said. “That's why we need to lay low for a while until we decide on how we're going to go about getting more information on _them_.”

“Don't you think it's better to just leave them be?” Rosita wondered. “If they are dangerous, maybe looking for more information about them will get us all in their sights? Maybe we'd be risking this place and what we built over these past three years by becoming a target?”

“That is something we've taken into consideration,” Rick nodded, “which is why we're not going to go looking for any trouble by going out there. We have enough supplies as it is for now and there's no need for us to go scavenging for anything. From now on until we know what we're dealing with, no hunts and no runs. Are we all clear?”

A murmur of agreements filled the room and Daryl closed his eyes for a moment as he leaned back against the wall. The need to get away from everyone and everything had only grown with the decision that had just been made and he knew that there was no way that he would be able to obey.

-§-

Beth sat in the lunch room, staring down at the broth that one of the women in the Sanctuary had cooked up with the others who were on kitchen duty. It reminded her of some of the things that Carol had made for them once or twice back at the prison and that thought alone was enough to send her back to a time when she had been happier and more carefree.

“Well, won't ya look at that?” a voice sounded behind her. A moment later, she felt the presence of someone behind her, but Beth didn't even bother looking up from her bowl as she took a spoon of the food and raised it to her mouth, blowing on it lightly. “Lil' Ms. Angel has finally decided to step down on Earth to join the rest of us. What happened, Sweetheart? Did Boss-man tire of havin' ya at his beck and call all the time?”

“Walk away, Turner,” Beth heard Dwight say.

“I don't follow your orders, _Dwight_ ,” Turner snapped before lowering himself down on the bench, sitting next to Beth.

“Suit yourself,” Dwight muttered, but Beth knew that he was still there in case things with Turner escalated. Considering how she was itching for something to happen, she knew that it without a doubt would.

“So, what 'bout it, Sweety?” Turner cooed. “Tell Mr. Turner all 'bout what made ya come down here and eat with the rest of us?”

“I'm a part of this group,” Beth stated. “I can eat wherever I want.”

“We both know that the Boss don't like it when ya eat with us though, don't we?” Turner continued to mock and it seemed like everyone else had fallen quiet to watch the exchange.

“I can eat wherever the fuck I want,” Beth repeated. “Negan has no orders on where any of us should eat our food.”

“Manners, lil' girl,” Turner grinned at her, a dangerous glimmer in his eyes that she remembered seeing a few times before.

“Don't start something you're not gonna be able to finish,” Beth warned him, putting the spoon down on the table again. Her fingers moved on instinct to her dagger that was strapped to her thigh.

“Who said I won't be able to finish it, _Angel_?” Turner asked. The moment she felt his hand settle on her other thigh, Beth twisted around in her seat, pushing the man with as much force as she could away from herself. He hadn't expected the move and stumbled backward and off of the bench, landing flat on his ass with a shocked expression on his face. Laughter filled the room and Turner narrowed his eyes, face turning red as he gritted his teeth at her and growled, “You're _dead_!”

Beth stood from the bench and took a stance, gripping her knife, preparing herself for a fight as Turner scrambled up. She could see Dwight move behind the man, raising his crossbow toward the man who was threatening her, but not doing anything to stop him as he advanced on her. Turner was bigger than her, although fueled by rage and embarrassment, he wasn't the most skilled fighter. Beth dodged the punch he threw her way and lifted her dagger, slicing his arm with it as she moved past him. The man only let out another growl and reached out to grab her again, but Beth managed to avoid him once more, getting another shallow cut into his side in.

“Are you going to actually fight me, or do you wanna keep dancing?” Beth mocked, a mocking smirk appearing on her face. The people in the room only laughed harder as Turner's face turned even redder.

“I am going to–”

“What, Mr. Turner?” All the laughter in the room ceased immediately and even Beth turned to look at Negan who had just appeared on the platform above the dining hall. “What the fuck are you going to do?”

The tone Negan was using sent a chill through Beth's spine. She gripped her knife tighter when she saw just how tightly the man was gripping the railing as he looked down on them. Negan was pissed, obviously, but the worst thing about the situation was that in his hand, he was holding Lucille, which made it all even more dangerous.

“I- I…” Turner stumbled over his words, his rage disappearing as it was replaced by fear. Beth looked at him and noticed that his gaze had dropped to the bat in Negan's hand as well.

“You, _what_?” Negan asked in a mocking tone as he began walking toward the stairs, slowly descending them. “I was just up in my room, eating my fucking dinner than one of our own spend so much fucking time preparing, only to be interrupted by one of you fuckers who decided to share that someone was making a fucking scene in the dining area,” Negan said, taking one slow step down the stairs at a time. “Imagine my fucking disappointment at having to leave my fucking dinner to handle this shit and then imagine my fucking surprise when I fucking learn that someone decided it was a good idea to disturb Beth here because she decided to have her dinner down here and that they dared to put their dirty fucking hands on her.”

“Sir, I didn't- I didn't mean to–”

“I believe you know _Lucille_ , Mr. Turner,” Negan stated as he finally reached the lowest step. He held up the bat, inspecting it with care, fingers brushing over the barbed wire wrapped around its top. “I believe you and everyone else know how much I fucking love this girl,” he said, shifting the bat from one hand to the other. “Do you know what else I love?” he asked.

“Sir, I–”

“ _Order_ , Mr. Turner,” Negan interrupted, his voice dangerously low. “I love it when people do as I say and don't disobey me.” He moved to the man, still gripping the bat in his hand. For a moment, Beth thought that he looked as if he was actually going to lose it on Turner and beat him with it, but instead, Negan only lifted the bat and rested it on the other man's shoulder. It didn't escape Beth's attention how Turner still flinched. “I don't fucking like it when people fuck with what's mine,” Negan said. “Everyone here knows that Ms. Greene is not to be touched, and yet, you decided it was a fucking good idea to threaten her.”

“I'm sorry,” Turner said, his face losing its color as Negan pressed the bat down slightly, against his shoulder. Beth could see small prickles of blood seeping through the man's shirt where the barbed wire dug into his flesh, and Turner flinched.

“Apologize to the woman you tried to fuck with,” Negan said, towering over Turner.

“I'm sorry, Ms. Greene,” Turner said, his voice shaky. “I'm sorry.”

Beth looked at Negan, who still hadn't looked at her.

“Now, I'm a man who isn't big on too many second chances,” Negan continued. “However, since you're one of the few good hunters we've got in this place, I think I'll let you go this time around.”

“I- I… Thank you, Sir,” Turner stammered. Negan lifted Lucille off of his shoulder and nodded curtly.

“Don't let this happen again, because if you fucking do, you're going to regret it,” he said.

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir,” Turner nodded.

“Now _leave_ , before I change my fucking mind and let Lucille play a game with your fucking head.”

Turner hurried out of the room, not daring to even look up at Beth as he passed her. He was headed to the infirmary, from what she could tell, but she didn't care at the moment. She knew very well that Negan was still angry and she knew that he would want to deal with her as well.

“Ms. Greene,” Negan said as he walked back toward the stairs. “Come with me to my office.”

Beth sheathed her dagger and followed him. She met Dwight's eyes for a moment and sent him a curt nod as a sign of some kind of gratefulness. When she reached the top of the platform, she saw Luke standing there with his hands wrapped around the strap of the assault weapon he had on his back. By the guilty look on his face – a look that was also mixed with relief – she knew that he must have been the one who had gone to get Negan.

_Stupid_ _boy_ , she thought to herself. How could he not see that he was risking everything by putting himself in Negan's line of sight? If Negan suspected something was up, he would instantly start questioning why Luke had been the one to inform him of the fight that had been going down in the dining area. Luke might be older than her by a few years, but it didn't mean that he could control himself and not let his emotions get the better of him.

She walked past Luke, ignoring the look he was giving her and kept following Negan until they reached his office. As soon as she was inside the room, he slammed the door shut and locked it, turning to her with anger written all over his face. He walked over to his desk and sat down, motioning for her to sit in the chair in front of him. Beth lowered herself into it and looked at him, not wanting to show how worried she was on the inside.

“ _Imagine_ ,” he began, his voice low as she walked toward her, “how fucking _angry_ I was to find out that you allowed that son of a bitch provoke you into starting a fight.”

He didn't say anything else and Beth didn't need him to.

“I didn't do anything wrong,” she said. “I was minding my own business when he approached me. Dwight told him to walk away and I warned him to not start something he wouldn't be able to finish.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to protect your fucking ass if you keep trying to get the attention of every goddamn asshole in this fucking place?” Negan asked.

“I'm not trying to get anyone's attention,” Beth countered. “I told you that I was just eating when he decided it was a good idea to put his hands on me. I didn't let him touch me. I didn't _want_ him to touch me.”

“And who do you want to touch you then, huh?” Negan raised an eyebrow. “It sure as fuck isn't me.”

“I don't want _anyone_ to touch me,” Beth said, trying to calm herself down. The last thing she needed now was to lose her temper.

“You better,” Negan said as he placed Lucille on his desk, standing from his seat as he walked around the table. He roughly grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. “Do you remember what happened to the last man who dared to lay a hand on you?” he wondered, lips twitching up into that lazy smirk of his that made Beth feel uncomfortable.

“It's hard to forget when I see him every day that I go out there,” she replied.

“ _Good_ ,” Negan told her. “It's supposed to be a reminder for both you and _them_. Turner is fucking lucky that I didn't castrate him with Lucille.” He released his hold on Beth's chin and stood up straight. “You handled yourself well down there, but that doesn't fucking mean that your behavior was acceptable. I can't have people thinking that what you did is forgivable.”

“You mean that you can't let them think that I'm your favorite,” Beth corrected, looking up at him with her had tilted. She couldn't help but blink a few times as she stared directly into his eyes, knowing exactly how he reacted to it.

Negan's lips twitched again, “You're a fucking tease, Ms. Greene.”

“I'm afraid I don't know what you mean, _Sir_ ,” Beth said innocently.

Negan narrowed his eyes at her and shook his head, stepping around the desk again to sit in his chair. “If you keep stirring shit like this, I won't be able to protect you,” he said. “The people will want me to fuck you up for talking back all the time and I'm gonna have to show them all that that kind of fuckery isn't accepted here in the Sanctuary.”

“I understand,” Beth nodded.

“Don't make me do something you know I don't wanna fucking do, Beth,” Negan said.

“Understood,” she repeated curtly. They remained silent for a few moments, both staring the other down. “Am I excused?” she asked when the need to get away from him got bigger than the need to prove a point.

“Yes, Angel,” Negan smirked. “Go back to your room and stay there for the rest of the night. Consider yourself grounded.”

Beth almost snorted at that but nodded again, nonetheless. She stood up from her seat and was halfway across the room before she stopped herself. Slowly, she turned back around to face Negan, who was still watching her intently.

“Why did you spare him?” Beth frowned. Negan had made it clear to her and everyone else what would happen to any man – or woman for that matter – who laid a hand on her. It didn't make sense for him to spare Turner when he clearly knew that the other man had tried to do.

“I meant what I said down there,” Negan said. “Turner's a damn good hunter and I'd be fucking stupid if I killed him for this. You know I'm not fucking stupid, don't you, Angel?”

“I know,” Beth replied, but his answer still didn't sit right with her. “Have a good night, Negan.” She went for the door again, but his voice stopped her.

“Besides, Turner's a big man,” he said. “It would be good to have him in my fucking corner if anything ever went down. Muscles, but no brains. If he's afraid of me, then he'll fucking do anything I order him to do.”

There was something about the way he said it that made Beth wonder if he knew something that she didn't.

“That makes sense,” she agreed.

“Having the kind of power to make people do whatever you tell them to fucking do is exhilarating,” Negan said, giving her a pointed look. “Of course, the fact that it doesn't always work can be annoying as fuck as well.”

Beth glanced toward the door again. “Good night, Negan,” she said, not commenting any further on what he had said. He was losing his patience, clearly, but she had to keep believing that he wouldn't actually go against his own morals and just do whatever he wanted to her.

“G'night, my sweet little Angel.”

Beth closed the door behind her and walked with hurried steps towards her room. When she reached it, she closed the door quickly and locked herself in. She was breathing hard but counted backward from ten in order to calm herself down. Something wasn't right and she knew it. Negan was beginning to suspect something and she didn't know how much longer she would be able to keep herself from doing what needed to be done. Her mind was swirling with questions that she didn't have any answers to and she dreaded the day that she would be forced to deal with them.

She knew for certain that that day was going to arrive sooner than she would have liked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who dislikes Turner? What did you think of Negan in this chapter? So calm, yet not, right? And Beth, sigh, what am I going to do with her...? And Daryl, you stubborn man... What did you think about Maggie's reaction and her argument with Daryl?
> 
> So, feel free to tell me what you liked the most about the chapter and what you're looking forward to seeing in the next chapter! Thank you for all the support so far and thank you for reading! :) xx


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days after the revelation of the new threat, Rick and Deanna issued a curfew for the people of Alexandria. Daryl gets restless though and his mind is scrambled when he has a few interesting conversations before he makes a decision which ends up having terrible consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to update sooner, but my baby brother broke his leg and I was stuck with him in the hospital the entire weekend. Either way, I'm already writing on the next chapter, so hopefully you guys won't have to wait as long for the next one. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and I'm sorry that I couldn't get back to everyone! I'm so happy that you're all liking the story so far and I'm excited to see what you think about this chapter! :)

# Endurance

### Chapter 8

  


A few days passed and with the revelation of a new threat outside the walls had the people of the Safe Zone worried. The thing that surprised Daryl the most about it all though, was the fact that they all remained calm over the situation.

The people of Alexandria now knew some of the details of the attack that had happened. They were aware of Johnny and Steve's deaths and that Annie and Emma had been kidnapped by the people responsible. For some reason, they seemed to understand that there was no way for them to send out people to look for them without risking the exposure of the community and even though they were saddened by the loss, they weren't starting any arguments on the matter.

Daryl understood what it was and didn't sugarcoat it when he discussed the matter with Aaron and Eric at the dinner table. It was self-preservation and nothing more than that. The people were upset, of course, that something like that had happened to their friends, but no one was willing to risk their own lives to go out looking for two women who had already been missing for a week. It was easier for everyone to assume that they were dead, move on with their lives and perhaps even decide on what they should do with the new group that was roaming outside the walls.

Rick didn't feel good about it and neither did Daryl. Sure, he had been against going after Beth specifically and he understood why they had made the decision to not go after Annie and Emma, but every single time that he saw Annie's kid on one of the swings, alone, he couldn't help but feel as if someone had stabbed him with a knife in his gut. This past week, there hadn't been a single day that Rick hadn't asked him if they were making the right choice. Daryl forced himself to say that they were, all because he knew that for the community, it was.

But should it really be all about the community?

The fact that a little boy who had already lost his father had to lose his mother too – a woman that Daryl knew was a good one – was difficult to deal with. Daryl couldn't help but feel as if he should have fought Beth on the matter harder, or maybe done something in order to strike a deal with her. The cold way that she had spoken about Annie and Emma had been unsettling and he had let his own feelings get the better of him in that moment. There might have been something else he could have done to try and save the women but now there wasn't even a way to know for sure whether they were dead or alive. He could only make assumptions and he doubted that the men that had taken them were kind enough to leave them be.

Another thing that was bothering Daryl was the order that had been issued since Deanna and Rick had talked to the rest of the people in the Zone. A curfew had been established and no runs or hunts were allowed until further notice. Only a few days had passed but Daryl was already getting antsy inside the Zone. Going out on hunts, scavenging trips and scouting missions were the only things that had kept him sane these past few years. He remembered being called an outdoor cat once and the statement couldn't have been more accurate. The freedom to go outside the walls when he wanted had been something that he had needed and now, that no one was allowed to use the gate, he was beginning to feel claustrophobic. He had tried talking to Rick about it but his brother had only agreed to let him take one of the guard posts at the wall for now. At least it was something, _for now_.

That was how he found himself sitting in one of the chairs as he looked out over the empty road outside of the Safe Zone. They had cleared most of the area from walkers and expanded, building up new walls and securing more houses for their growing community. Not many walkers came stumbling to the gates anymore and normally, they were taken care of quickly and efficiently. There was another threat now, which meant more guards on the wall and more people being prepared to fight. Since their run in with the Wolves a few years back, Rick hadn't let down on the training and most of the people who were capable of wielding a weapon in the Zone had practiced working together to defend their homes and their people.

He had agreed to take the night shift since he hadn't been able to sleep anyway and because of the dreams and thoughts that were keeping him awake. Everything that had happened and everything that was going on was making it difficult for him to get through even one night without his brain messing him up inside.

He heard someone climb the latter behind him, but he didn't turn around to look who it was that had joined him on the platform. It was still too early for a shift-change, so he assumed that the person was one of the other guards who had come to check in on him, or maybe someone from his family. It wasn't until the person behind him let out a small grunt and heaved something that must have been heavy up on the platform that he turned around, an eyebrow raised at none other than Sarah.

She was trying to pull up another chair when she looked up at him, “Care to help me a little here?”

“What the fuck are ya doing?” Daryl asked, losing all tact that he had been trying to keep around her as he stood up to help her. He lifted the chair up on the platform and then offered her a hand. She gratefully took it, climbing the last few steps on the ladder and then brushed her hands against her pants, offering him a smile.

“I thought I'd come up here and keep you some company,” Sarah said. “If you want me to go, I'll go.”

He frowned at her again, not really knowing what to say at first. She didn't bother him, necessarily, but he didn't really know whether it would be good for her to stay there. He didn't want to lead her on and make her think that he wanted something with her. On the other hand, he didn't want to be rude to someone who had helped Glenn and the rest of the community. Sarah was important to them and he respected her well enough to not mind her company.

“Ya can stay, if ya wanna,” Daryl shrugged. He walked back to his chair and sat down. Sarah dragged her chair up next to him and then sat down, offering him one of the blankets that she had bought with her. He took it, ignoring the way that her fingers brushed his because he sure as hell wasn't going to be a part of some bad romance novel, when it was obvious that she had actually done it on purpose. He didn't think she meant anything by it, but he assumed that when a woman was interested, she would somehow discretely make it known. Not that he was an expert on women, but from what he had been able to tell, that was usually the way things worked in the Zone.

“Quiet night?” Sarah asked, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah,” he drawled. “Most are.”

“That's good right?” Sarah wondered. He offered her a short nod, but didn't look her way. “Then why do you sound so disappointed by it?”

Daryl shrugged, “I dunno… I guess I was just… _expecting_ something.”

“Expecting something or some _one_?” the woman pressed.

Daryl turned toward her and raised an eyebrow, “Ya always ask this many questions?”

“Only when I want to get to know someone,” Sarah replied, raising an eyebrow of her own, most likely in challenge.

“Ya wanna get to know me?” Daryl scoffed. “Don't bother, ain't worth your while.”

“I think that's up for me to decide,” Sarah said, cheeks flushed. Daryl kept staring at her for another moment, acknowledging once again somewhere in his brain how pretty she was. Her green eyes looked a shade darker tonight but they were still bright and hopeful. He didn't want to be the one to snuff out that light; he didn't want to destroy her too.

“You still didn't answer my question,” Sarah pointed out, changing the subject. “Are you expecting someone?”

“What do ya mean, some _one_?” Daryl questioned. “Who do I have to expect?”

“The bad guys, of course,” Sarah said. “I mean the people who took Annie and Emma.”

“Ain't no tellin' whether they know where our camp is,” Daryl said. “Maybe they're just scoutin'. We _should_ be doin' the same.”

“It's awfully dangerous though,” Sarah said. “Glenn and Heath barely made it out of there alive, Johnny and Steve died. I just can't imagine what kind of horrible people would do such a thing.” She shook her head, “I know the world has changed, but knowing that there are people that heartless out there… It scares me more than anything.”

Daryl played with a small hole in the blanket that was covering his legs. Sarah's words made their way into his mind and he needed a moment to process the way that they made him feel. She had called the people who had taken Annie and Emma _heartless_. He himself had thought that about Beth after his encounter with her, but now, he wasn't so sure anymore. Having had a few days to think about it all, he knew for sure that everything that Beth had gone through must have had a big impact on her personality. He might not fully understand the person she had become yet, but he couldn't bring himself to give up on her completely. Yes, he still didn't want to go after her because he had to believe that she knew what she was doing. She had warned him off of the Saviors and that was enough for him not to want to go in there guns blazing. It didn't, however, change the fact that they needed more information about the threat and the only way to get it was to scout out their enemy's camp. They didn't know the location of the Sanctuary, though, Daryl was certain that if Eugene was given some time, he would be able to pinpoint a few probable places. The man was as good with his strategical guessing as he was with lying, but Daryl had grown to trust him enough over the past three years that he had faith that he would be able to figure out where the Sanctuary most likely was.

“You're safe here,” Daryl said to Sarah. “There are always people on watch… Ain't nobody that can sneak past us.”

“I know,” Sarah looked at him solemnly. “I trust _you_ – and the others – to keep us safe.”

He looked at her for another moment, allowing silence to fill the space between them. “Why did ya come here?” Daryl asked, wanting her to say it so that he could just end it before it starts. He didn't need _that_ in his life right now. Not when he was so messed up inside and Sarah was so good that she probably thought she could fix him somehow. There was only one thing that could fix him and that wasn't even a possibility at the moment, so he didn't allow himself to think about it at all.

“I think you already know,” Sarah sheepishly said, her cheeks once again turning a bit darker. He only looked at her. “I think I've been rather obvious, in fact.”

Daryl watched her as she turned her body so that she was facing him fully. The night was quiet and there was a wind that was making it a cool one too. He stared at her as she leaned toward him, her face coming closer to his. He could feel her warm breath against his lips and he was frozen for just a second as his mind tried to catch up on what was happening. The moment it did, his heart lurched in his chest and he felt such a stabbing pain in his gut that he moved his head back and away from Sarah's approaching lips. His eyes widened a fraction and he opened his mouth, ignoring how his lips burned where hers had just barely brushed them. It had been feather-light and he had pulled back before they could actually connect fully, but he was still able to feel it.

Sarah sensed him pulling away and opened her eyes, looking confused for a moment before she had the decency to blush and offer him an apologetic look.

“What are ya doin'?” Daryl asked, his voice hoarse. He should have expected this because he had invited her to stay and of course, she must have taken that as a signal that he might be interested in her too.

“I'm sorry,” she said. “I just thought… It doesn't matter what I thought.”

She turned away from him, clearly embarrassed and now Daryl felt bad about it all. He had known that she liked him and that she was interested to have something more than friendship and yet he had never been clear about where he stood. Quite frankly, he had never really known himself where he stood with her, but just recently, with everything that had happened, he had come to realize a few things that he knew that he couldn't keep to himself.

“Nah,” he shook his head. “I'm sorry. Shouldn't have made ya think… ya know.”

“Daryl, you have nothing to apologize for,” Sarah said. “I'm the one who has been coming on to you.”

“I ain't exactly been clear about how I… _feel_ ,” he said uncertainly.

“True,” Sarah nodded. “So, how do you feel?”

Daryl paused, looking down at the knife strapped to his belt, his fingers brushing it as he was once again reminded of the past three years and the struggles to move forward. “I don't know,” he told her. “I just know that I can't. Not with you.”

“Okay,” Sarah said. “It's all right.”

“I'm sorry,” Daryl apologized again.

“Stop apologizing for not feeling the same way about me that I do you,” Sarah told him, a small smile appearing on her lips. “I'm sure I'm not the only woman who has been crushing on you here in Alexandria.” Daryl felt his cheeks heat up and for some reason, that made Sarah giggle. He looked at her, his own lips twitching, but he still couldn't say anything because he was sure that he would only make more of a fool out of himself if he did. He had been in a similar situation once, but at the same time it had been completely different.

He remembered the funeral home when he had been quiet and just looked at the young blonde that had been sitting next to him and he recalled the way that she had just _known_ , without him having to say anything. That had been one of too many times that he had gotten flustered around Beth, though, it had by far been the worst too. Everything that had transpired after made him wish that he could go back and just tell her how he had felt at that moment. Maybe it would have changed the way that things had ended, maybe it wouldn't even have made a difference. However, it all still haunted him, even now that he knew that Beth was out there somewhere. If anything, it only made him feel more guilty to know that he could have stopped her from becoming the cold person that she had been when she had talked to him.

“Tell me about her,” Sarah said. Daryl gave her a confused look again and she laughed lightly at him. “The woman you keep thinking about when you get that look on your face.” Sarah paused before smiling brightly again, “Unless it's a man?”

Daryl shook his head at her, knowing that she was just messing with him now. He didn't know if he wanted to tell Sarah anything but he wasn't sure how to tell her so. She had just tried to kiss him a couple of minutes ago and now she wanted to know who the woman that he kept thinking about was. How was he supposed to tell her anything about Beth when he didn't want to? Beth was someone that he kept close to his heart and _private_ , most of all. He had never even talked to Maggie or Rick about it properly, even though he was sure that they had sensed that something must have changed between him and Beth while they had been alone. Rick had hinted at it a few times after they had left Atlanta and started heading North, but Daryl had never confirmed it. The only ones who knew more about the blonde, were Aaron and Eric and that was only because they had managed to get him drunk.

Fortunately, Daryl didn't have to dwell too long on the matter of how he should tell Sarah that he wasn't ready to share anything about Beth with her. He once again heard someone climbing the ladder and this time, he did turn around to face whoever it was that was interrupting his and Sarah's conversation. He met Maggie's eyes and watched as the woman looked from him to Sarah with a curious look on her face.

“I'm sorry for interrupting,” Maggie said, sounding more curious than sorry, “but I need to speak to Daryl alone, if that's okay?”

“Oh, of course,” Sarah said, immediately standing up. She gathered up the blanket she had been using and folded it neatly before placing it on the chair again. “Thank you for your honesty,” Sarah told Daryl, giving him one last smile before she walked away. “Goodnight, Maggie,” she said to the other woman and then descended down the ladder.

Daryl kept his eyes trained on Maggie who approached him, sitting down on the chair and wrapping herself up in the blanket that Sarah had left behind.

“What is it with people comin' to see me when I'm on watch?” Daryl asked roughly. He already knew where Maggie was most likely going to take this conversation and he dreaded it. So far, he had been able to avoid her. She had tried to catch him on his own a few times these past couple of days but he had always found something to do or somewhere to be. Now, she had caught him somewhere where he couldn't escape from her and her questions.

Maggie didn't reply to his question for a good while. They remained silent as Daryl's eyes scanned the road on the other side of the wall. After a few minutes, Maggie cleared her throat.

“I can understand what you see in her,” she said. “In Sarah.”

“Stop,” Daryl shook his head. “Ain't nothing going on between me an' her.”

“Does she know that?” Maggie wondered, quirking her eyebrow at him.

“I made it clear tonight,” Daryl responded. “'Sides, it ain't any of your business anyway.”

“You're right,” Maggie nodded. “It ain't. It is my business though, to ask you, why you didn't try harder with Beth.”

“I couldn't, Maggie,” Daryl sighed. “She told me not to go after her an' I picked up on enough to know that there was more to her words than just a fair warnin'.”

Maggie looked at him worriedly, “Do you think she's in danger?”

“I think we all are, with the way that those fuckers messed up Glenn an' the others,” he replied honestly. “Beth's strong though… She's been out there survivin' for a long time. She knows what she's doin'.”

“How can you be so sure? You told us yourself that she wasn't the same girl anymore,” Maggie stated.

“That's what I meant,” he said. “When I was alone with her, she had started to pick up on a lot of things. When I saw her this time 'round, she took down a walker with technique. It means that she's learned an' improved.” He looked at Maggie, trying to show her how much he believed in what he was saying. “If anyone can make it, she can. She's done it so far an' I wasn't willin' to be the person to fuck that up for her.”

“Is that why you didn't just drag her back here?” Maggie asked.

“Yeah…” Daryl said, his voice low. “If I could, I would'a taken her with me. I still stand by what I did an' didn't do. There's no way we won't cross paths again. You'll see her again, but for now, this was for the better.”

“You were protectin' her… _again_ ,” Maggie said, tilting her head curiously as she looked at him. She reach over and placed her hand on top of Daryl's. “That's somethin' I can't blame you for. You did the right thing, even though it pains me to know that she's out there with that group.” Maggie stood up then and moved to crouch down by his chair. He stared right ahead at the empty street, not being able to look at her just then. “You've always protected us. _Her_ too and I _know_ you're gonna be the one to save her, even from herself, if it's needed. It's what you do, but you gotta remember that you ain't alone,” she said before pressing her lips to his cheek.

Daryl looked down at the blanket still covering him before raising his head to look at Maggie as she stood once more. “You should go back home,” he said. “Glenn's probably waitin' up on ya now that he can't do anythin' without your help.”

“He's walkin' again, Daryl,” Maggie snickered. “I'll tell him and Hersh that you said 'hi'.”

“Mhm,” Daryl hummed, observing the woman as she walked over to the ladder. “Maggie,” he called out before she began her descend. She looked up at him and nodded, inquiring what was wrong. Daryl bit on the pad of his thumb before speaking. “D'ya think someone can be beyond savin'?”

A sad smile crossed Maggie's face, “There might have been a time when people had thought that we all were beyond savin'. Still, Deanna gave us a chance at somethin' and now look where we are.”

She offered him one final goodnight for the night and then she was out of his sight. Daryl leaned back in his chair, resuming his watch, mind going over those parting words of Maggie's. He had a lot of things to think about; Beth, the thing with Sarah – which to be honest was a no-brainer and finished business in his mind – the Saviors and everything else. The list was longer, but the more he thought about it, the more he just wanted to ask Denise to give him a sedative so that he could sleep one night without nightmares waking him.

For now, he had watch, but by the time that Daryl would go home tonight, he knew for certain that he would have made a decision on what to do tomorrow.

-§-

Rick was standing next to Deanna looking over some plans to reinforce the walls even further. It was time for some reparations and apparently it was the perfect way to keep people's mind off of the whole Savior's issue.

Either way, Daryl was done with it; he was done with it all. He didn't like to go around pretending as if there was no threat, or making people feel better about it by downplaying the dangers. There had been a time at the prison where they had done that and everyone in his family knew just how well that had worked out for them. Daryl knew that Rick wasn't reverting back to being 'farmer Rick', although, he didn't understand why his brother wasn't at least sending out a few people to scout the area quietly. He was aware of the risks of going out, but he was even more aware of how dangerous it would be for them to just stay huddled up inside the Safe Zone and pretend that there wasn't someone out there who would not only threaten, but also kill them, if the opportunity presented itself.

Daryl had decided early this morning that he was done. He wouldn't stay confined inside the walls of the Safe Zone and act like everything was fine when everyone knew that it wasn't. Walking up to Rick and Deanna, he stood in front of them and waited _almost_ patiently for them to face him. It took a minute for them to finish up their conversation but when they did, Deanna looked over at Daryl with a quirked eyebrow.

“Good morning, Mr. Dixon,” she said. “Don't you look awfully chipper and ready to head out somewhere this morning.”

Daryl felt her gaze travel over his crossbow that was strapped to his back and the gun he had holstered. “Yeah, I'm headin' out,” he said, his voice firm.

“Oh?” Deanna looked at Rick.

“Daryl, you can't leave the Safe Zone,” Rick sighed. “That's the rule–”

“That's bullshit,” Daryl interrupted. The two leaders looked taken aback by his outburst and Daryl couldn't contain the sigh that escaped his mouth. “Look, ya both know that I ain't ever done anythin' to go against community rules… At least not in the past year,” he said, earning an amused smile from Deanna and a raised eyebrow from Rick. “I can't sit 'round waitin' all day for somethin' to happen. Ya know that I ain't that kind of person. I need to be out there, huntin' or scoutin' or whatever. I'm goin' an' ya can't stop me.”

They really couldn't. Not unless they were willing to knock him out and chain him to a lamppost or something. There was no way in hell that he would be staying inside the Safe Zone for another day, doing nothing other than tinker on his bike or listen to the old women gossip about whatnot. He was going crazy and he needed to get out.

“Fine,” Deanna finally said.

Daryl was surprised that she wasn't protesting. Rick looked a lot more hesitant, but Daryl knew that the man was aware of how Daryl would be able to handle himself out there in the wild.

“Just be careful,” Rick nodded.

“I'll be back by nightfall,” Daryl said. “If I ain't, then know that I prob'ly found a place to stay the night.”

“How long should we wait before we send out a search party? In case you don't return, that is,” Deanna asked.

“Don't send anyone out,” Daryl shook his head. “If I'm stupid enough to get killed, then I don't want no one to risk their lives for a dead man.”

“And if those Saviors capture you? Like they did with Annie and Emma?” Rick wondered.

Daryl narrowed his eyes, “If they weren't worth goin' after, then I definitely ain't either.” A look similar to shame crossed both Deanna and Rick's faces. With that single sentence, Daryl had shared what he thought of the way that they had handled the kidnapping of the two women. Yes, it would definitely have been dangerous to go after them, but they could at least have tried to figure something out.

“Good luck out there, Daryl,” Rick said. “Don't die.” The final words were said with meaning and Daryl could only nod at his brother.

“Tell Aaron an' Eric not to worry too much,” Daryl said. “Keep an eye on Annie's kid.”

“We will,” Deanna nodded. “Bring back something good, Mr. Dixon,” she added, a little teasing again but Daryl nodded nonetheless.

He would certainly do his best to bring something back.

-§-

He had been out in the woods for a few hours already. At first, he had headed out with his motorcycle and driven a good couple of miles out before hiding the bike and entering the woods. It had been quiet and so far he had only come across one walker which had been so decayed and weak that it hadn't even been able to walk properly. It had practically stumbled right into the blade of his knife and he had continued on tracking the buck he had set sights on when he had stopped riding his bike.

The silence allowed him to finally think about everything that had transpired the last couple of days, but mostly, he thought about last night and the almost kiss he had shared with Sarah. He had known all along that he didn't want that kind of relationship with her, or anyone else in the Zone for that matter. However, he would have been a liar if he had said that he hadn't been curious to see for himself if he would actually be able to go there with someone. It hadn't been until his body and brain had acted at the same time and pulled back that he knew for sure that there was no way that anything would ever be happening between him and the nurse. Sarah was a kind woman and she had a good heart. Thankfully, she hadn't been angry with him for pulling away and she seemed to have understood without him having to explain himself too much.

Then there was Maggie. Maggie and her way with words that still surprised him to this day. He had known her for years now and he had watched her grow from a borderline cocky farm girl to a strong-willed and protective mother. He had been outside in the waiting room with the rest of their family as she had given birth to baby Hershel and he had been one of the first people to hold the little boy, swearing to himself that he would protect him at all costs. Despite not always agreeing with Maggie's decisions in the past, Daryl respected her because she had _earned_ his respect. Yes, he was still and would probably always be angry with her for not even looking for her sister, but there was no way for him to go back and change the past and that was something that she couldn't do either. Maggie had to live with her choices just as much as he had to live with his. At times it would get difficult and the guilt would become too much, but they would just have to manage and pull through.

Still, the things that Maggie had said the night before echoed in his head. Would he really be the one to save Beth? Did she even need him to save her? She sure as hell looked as if she could handle herself against that walker, and to be honest, he still had no clue what they were dealing with when it came to the Saviors. They knew that the group was dangerous and big and from what Daryl had heard from Heath and Glenn, the majority consisted of men. Then again, there was their base of operations that they called the Sanctuary and there was no telling how many people they had back there. If Beth had been able to survive in the group for so long, then there must be other women around too. Daryl's deduction could of course be wrong. He knew that Beth was protected by the leader of the group, so maybe that was the only reason that she was still alive? He wouldn't know for sure until he actually crossed paths with the men, something which Daryl knew was only an eventuality.

He continued walking, following the tracks of the buck so that he wouldn't get lost in his thoughts again. As he hunted, he kept an eye out for anything out of the ordinary. Everything was calm, which to Daryl meant that something must be off. He felt as if he was being watched and his eyes moved over the forest in front of him slowly. Whatever it was that was going on, he didn't want to show that he had picked up on someones presence. He couldn't turn around and look behind him because he knew that it would be a dead giveaway that he was aware of someone watching him. If he was unlucky, he was outnumbered and he didn't want to take the risk. He needed to get himself slowly out of the woods, out on the main road again and then start heading back to his bike.

Daryl walked for another half hour, not seeing any signs of another human or walker. It was getting ridiculous and he actually thought that he might be getting paranoid. A couple of minutes later, he stopped walking. He had reached a small clearing and in the middle of it, he could see the buck clearly as it lowered its head and nibbled on some tufts of grass. He raised his crossbow quietly, aiming for the animal while keeping his breathing even. It was a beautiful, young buck a part of him marveled at the fact that the animals in the woods were once again able to procreate. There weren't as many walkers around anymore, obviously, and those who still wandered around were either too weak due to decay or completely immobile. Naturally, there were still herds of roamers which appeared from time to time, but in Alexandria they had set up a herd-watch with Eugene's help. So far they had been able to lead away the herds that had been walking towards the gates of Alexandria and they had remained safe.

He found himself lowering his crossbow. It was an easy enough shot that he knew that he would make without a hitch, but he didn't want to take it. He was too far away from his bike to carry the buck anyway and it would be a struggle to take it all the way back to Alexandria. Daryl remained hidden though and silently watched the animal.

_Bang!_

Daryl jumped at the sudden sound of a gunshot and it took him only a few seconds to realize what it was that had happened. The young buck had fallen in the clearing and Daryl lifted his crossbow again and turned the moment that he heard the cocking of guns behind him. He faced the group of people who slowly emerged from behind the trees. There were at least six of them, all heavily armed. There was no way in hell that he would be able to handle them on his own.

One of the men had a nasty bruise on his face and a split lip, but it didn't stop him from showing his crooked teeth as he grinned at Daryl. “Well, look what we have here, boys,” he said, keeping his rifle aimed at Daryl's head. “Ya lost?” Daryl remained quiet, his eyes flickering from the guy who was clearly the leader of the group to the rest of the men. Most of them looked to be in too good shape for them to have been out in the wild. They had a place, that was obvious.

“Ya deaf or somethin'?” the man sneered at Daryl, spitting at his feet.

“Ain't lost,” Daryl said, his voice dangerously low as he narrowed his eyes at the man, keeping his crossbow aimed.

“You a hunter?” the man continued to question.

“What's it to _you_?” Daryl countered.

Another grin swept across the other man's face. “He's got a mouth on him, boys,” he said. “Should prob'ly teach him a lesson.”

“That's not protocol,” a younger man said. “Turner, we need to take him back to base. The Boss man will want to know where he came from.”

“I know what the Boss wants,” the leader, Turner, snapped. “If anyone knows, I _know_.” He turned away from the younger man and looked at Daryl again. “Do ya know that you're in our territory?”

“Didn't know the woods belonged to anyone,” Daryl said. “How 'bout y'all circle back an' I'll be on my way.”

Turner chuckled darkly. “He thinks we're gonna let him just leave,” he said, earning a few laughs from the other men. He looked at Daryl again, his eyes dark. “That ain't protocol.”

Daryl knew that there was no chance for him to get out of this situation alive. He began lowering his crossbow slowly, realizing that he was beat, when a sharp pain spread across the back of his head and his vision became blurry. His knees buckled and he fell forward, just as two of the men caught him and picked him up. He felt them pull his hands back and tie them up and he stumbled as they started pulling him away somewhere. There were black dots clouding his vision for a few more seconds and he felt the warm trickle of blood down the back of his head just a moment before everything turned black.

-§-

Daryl didn't know how much time had passed since he had been knocked out, but he did know that whatever moving vehicle he had been in had stopped all of the sudden.

“Come on, Sleepin' Beauty,” Turner mocked as he and another one of his men pulled Daryl out of the car. He stumbled again, but the other man violently pushed him up and forced him to stand. There were still guns pointed at him but one of the men was unloading the buck that they had shot. Daryl looked to the building that they had stopped in front of, allowing his eyes to adjust to the light after having been knocked out. It looked like an abandoned factory but reminded him so much of the prison with the fences surrounding it. There was barbed wire on top of the fences, something which seemed to have been added sloppily after the Outbreak, but he couldn't be certain. Between the first fence and the second, though, there was a wall of walkers, stumbling and pressing against each other as they tried to read out towards Daryl and the strange men.

Daryl frowned. Where they really using walkers as a shield of some sort? It wasn't a bad idea but the smell of decay must be quite bad and unhealthy to live with. A clever way of making people think the place was overrun was what it was, almost like a smoke screen hiding the people inside from threats of the outer world.

The men pushed Daryl forward and forced him to follow behind Turner who was strolling up to the gates, whistling a happy tune. The walkers were going mad between the fences and as far as Daryl could tell, they didn't seem too weak either when they rattled their make-shift cage. Daryl looked up the fences when he spotted something strange. There was a man, long decayed hanging on one of the walls. His feet had been hanging low enough for the walkers to eat and it almost looked as if he had tried to climb his way back to the other side of the fence and failed. Daryl realized that he must have been placed that way on purpose; for outsiders to think that there was no way in but also as some kind of punishment.

The gates opened and Daryl kept his eyes on the dead man hanging, noting that his face had been scrunched up in pain when he had died. There was also a hole through his eye, indicating that someone had taken a shot to finish the job they had started. The man had been executed in the worst way possible; being left to struggle for his life while walkers clawed at his feet and then shot to death, but clearly not until he had turned into a walker himself.

Daryl wondered what the man might have done, although, it worried him far more what kind of group this was that would do such a thing to someone who had most likely been their own.

“Turner, what is this?” another man said as they walked inside the gates and toward the factory. Daryl stared at his face for only a moment, realizing that it was half burned off. Wait a minute…

“Caught this fella huntin' on our ground,” Turner said, motioning to Daryl. “Brought him back so that the Boss can deal with his sorry ass.”

“Are you trying to get into his good graces again after what happened?” Dwight wondered. “Has Negan forgiven you for what you did since he allowed you to go out hunting?”

_Negan_.

Daryl's heart beat a bit faster in his chest as he took the place in again. If Negan was their boss, that meant that Beth must be somewhere close. He couldn't believe that he had walked right into what the Saviors must consider their property and then gotten captured by them.

“I'm the best hunter he's got an' he knows it,” Turner spat. “Now get out of my fuckin' way an' let us in.”

“I'll let Negan know that you brought someone back,” Dwight said, distaste evident in his tone. “He'll want to deal with him. Maybe set another example to the community that he belongs to.”

“We're in for a show,” Turner grinned.

“You're a sick fuck, Turner,” Dwight shook his head as he turned and walked inside. Turner only cackled loudly and followed, pulling Daryl along.

The inside of the factory looked a lot bigger than the outside. Daryl tried his best to remember which turns they took and how many steps they climbed and descended, but it seemed like Turner was making them walk in circles in order to confuse him. He was still dizzy from being knocked out and that was the only reason that he couldn't keep track of where they were or how far into the factory they had actually gone. They seemed to reach some kind of dining area and Daryl instantly began taking a head count. There were well over fifty people in the room; both dangerous looking men and a couple of dozen women who looked hardened. They were all looking at Daryl, some in curiosity and others in amusement, as if they were trying to tell him that they were glad that he was there so that they would be able to get some entertainment for the night.

Turner roughly pushed him forward and Daryl fell to his knees, keeping his eyes on the ground as he tried to come up with a way to get himself out of there. The crowd of people gathered around him in a half-circle and Daryl heard steps behind him; heavy boots clanking on a metal platform. He turned around slowly and saw a man walking down the stairs, a bat with barbed-wire around it in his hands. There was a dangerous smirk on his face as he walked towards Daryl and Daryl could feel some kind of emotion rising inside of him. It wasn't exactly fear, but it was something. He wasn't sure how to get himself out of this situation that he had put himself in and with the amount of people in the room, he started to feel as if there was no way in hell that he would be getting out of there alive.

“ _Make way, asshole_ ,” a voice broke through the white noise in his ears. Daryl looked up, feeling his heart jump in his chest as his eyes settled on the young blonde who had just pushed her way forward through the crowd. She was wearing a leather jacket, her blonde hair braided and her blue eyes connected with his the moment she looked down at him.

_Beth._

Daryl forced himself to keep silent, pressing his lips together in a tight line as he watched Beth take him in. Her eyes were narrowed for a moment before they softened slightly. Then, she looked as if she had been caught doing something back because she took a barely noticeable step back from him. Her eyes remained focused on him for another minute, but her face looked hard and impassive. Daryl stared at her until he felt something heavy come to rest on his shoulder. He glanced down and saw wood wrapped in barbed-wire. Looking up at Beth again, his eyes connected with hers for a brief second before she turned her head away from him, making him lose all hope of getting out of this alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh-oh! Trouble ahead!
> 
> This chapter was very Daryl centered, as you probably noticed. We got a good look into his head and as I said so many times, you didn't have to worry about Sarah because Daryl knows what he wants and doesn't want (at least regarding some things). Also, Maggie and Daryl had a little chat, but of course Daryl couldn't stay safely inside the Zone! And then he had to go and get himself captured! Damn it.
> 
> The next chapter will be more focused on Beth and it will start off right where this one ended. I'm writing it right at this moment even though it's close to midnight, but I'm so excited for it!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and please leave a comment to tell me what you thought! :) Much love! xx


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth doesn't know what to do about the dangerous situation that Daryl has put himself in. Her impulsiveness isn't a good thing and she's afraid to ruin everything that she has had planned in order to save the man she considers family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews this story. It means a lot to me so virtual hugs to everyone! This chapter is a bit shorter than the previous ones, but it's all about Beth and her mindset and picks up immediately where we left off with the last one.
> 
> I am putting up a WARNING for this chapter: Warning for a scene towards the end of the chapter which includes public humiliation in a manner which could be interpreted as sexual and which some readers might find disturbing. (Negan and his games...)
> 
> Either way, thank you once again for all the support and I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

# Endurance

### Chapter 9

 

It was difficult to breathe. Her heart was racing in her chest as she tried to keep an even face, not daring to show any kind of emotion for the man who was kneeling on the floor, surrounded by the rest of her group. The fact that she didn't seem to get enough oxygen in her lungs was something which surprised her more than anything. She shouldn't feel this way; she had let it all go, hadn't she?

One of the other women had come to call on her, saying that something was going to go down in the cafeteria because Dwight had gone to Negan's office to get him. Apparently, there was a trespasser involved and the moment that Beth had heard _that_ , she had instantly made her way to the dining area. She had pushed her way through the already excited crowd, hoping deep inside that it wasn't who she feared that it might be. He wouldn't have come after her. Not after the way that she had spoken to him and how she had completely lost it. Right?

The moment that she had pushed through the first row of Saviors, her heart had fallen straight down to her stomach like a rock and her chest had tightened painfully at the sight of Daryl kneeling. He shouldn't be down there on his knees. He shouldn't be looked down on by _anyone_ in this group. Beth fought the urge to run to him and pull him up, knowing that it would only give her more problems than solve anything. Negan was already on his way down the stairs, Lucille being carefully carried in his hand. Beth's eyes strayed from Daryl's only briefly to the platform and her eyes settled on the man she knew was ready to put on one hell of a show for his people. This was another game and he would always come out on top when he was the one making the rules.

Beth watched Negan as he stepped off the final step, his heavy boots meeting the floor as he walked to stand behind Daryl. It wasn't until he placed Lucille on Daryl's shoulder that Beth forced herself to look away. She couldn't stop this; there was just no way for her to do it. If she tried, she would fuck herself over and everything she had been working for these past few months would be gone. If she didn't do anything though, Daryl would surely die and she wasn't sure that she would be able to handle watching that happen. During her time with Negan she had seen a lot of things being done to other people, but they had been strangers, not someone she had considered a part of her family.

“Well, well, well,” Negan spoke, instantly making the rest of the Saviors quiet down. They watched him as he kept Lucille on Daryl's shoulder and Beth forced herself to look at him too, knowing that it was something he would be expecting. He liked having people watch him when he was about to make a spectacle out of someone; especially if it reminded them of how powerful he really was in this group. “Look at what we have here,” Negan continued. “A fucking trespasser.”

A murmur passed through the crowd and Beth heard some snickering, which only made her skin crawl. It was always during these kinds of events that the people in the group showed their true faces. Some would watch because they were forced to while others joined in and laughed as they did. There had been a time when Beth had been one of those who joined but never once did she crack a smile as she followed through on Negan's orders.

“We all fucking know what we do to fucking trespassers,” Negan taunted, lifting Lucille from Daryl's shoulder as he started circling him.

“ _Beat him!_ ”

“ _Kill the fucker!_ ”

“ _Show him what happens, Boss!_ ”

People were shouting out requests and Negan's smile was only widening as he came to a stop in front of Daryl, who still had his head lowered. Beth wanted to hiss at them all to shut the fuck up. She didn't want this. _This_ was what she had tried to prevent when she had tried to chase Daryl off with her harsh words.

“Settle the fuck down, people,” Negan chuckled darkly. “That's not how we treat out fucking _guests_ , now, is it?” He crouched down so that he was almost eye-level with Daryl and put Lucille's head under his chin, forcing him to look up at him. Beth swallowed as Daryl eyed Negan defiantly, his eyebrows furrowed and his face in a scowl. “We _welcome_ guests,” Negan grinned widely. “We _explain_ to them how things are around here and we fucking show them how we have a good time!”

Negan stood up again as the crowd let out their cheers of agreement. “Do you wanna know how we have a good time, Mr…?” Negan trailed off, leaving the question hanging. Daryl remained scowling, but didn't say anything. “Hm, you're a hard motherfucker, aren't you?” Negan mused. “Or you're trying to sell yourself as one.”

“Ain't tryin' to sell nothin',” Daryl muttered, uttering the first words since he had been brought into the Sanctuary. Inside her head, Beth was screaming at him to just shut up and not provoke Negan any further. Maybe there was a way that she could get control over the situation.

“Oh, so you do fucking speak?” Negan said. “How about you tell me your fucking name and then share what the fuck you were doing on my land?”

“Ain't nobody got any claim to any land,” Daryl retorted. “It's jus' the wild now.”

“You trying to tell me that you don't belong to one of the communities?” Negan smirked. “You're not fooling anyone here.”

“Communities?” Daryl frowned, actually looking surprised at Negan's words. Beth found herself mimicking his expression. Didn't he know about the others? About the other communities?

“Which one do you belong to, huh?” Negan pressed. “The fuckers at the top of the fucking hill or the ones hiding out in the school?” Beth observed Negan as he took in Daryl's confused expression. A look of surprise covered Negan's own face for a moment before he recovered and smiled, “You _don't_ know, do you?”

Daryl defied him with silence again as Negan turned to the rest of the Saviors. “This fucker has no clue about the others!” he said, earning laughs which didn't make any sense to Beth. “That means that there must be some other lucky bastards out there, just waiting for us to pay them a visit!”

“'Bout a week ago, some people I know got attacked,” Daryl interrupted loudly. “Two women were taken.”

Negan turned back to him, “If you wanna ask something, _ask_.”

“Did you take them?” Daryl asked and for a moment Beth wondered how it was possible for him to be staring down Negan when he was the one kneeling on the floor.

“Yes,” Negan replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Are they alive?” Daryl wondered, his eyes narrowed.

“What's it to you?” Negan raised an eyebrow. “We've had them for over a week, but no one's been looking for them. Are you trying to tell me that you're here to save them or something?” Negan didn't let him answer, but Daryl didn't look as if he would have anyways. Beth watched again as Negan lifted Lucille so that Daryl could look at her. “See this lady right here? Her name is Lucille. She's _my bat_ and she has this _beautiful_ barbed-wire wrapped all around her,” he said, as if he was making a demonstration of the item in his hand. “Holy _fuck_ , man,” he grinned. “If you only knew what using her does to me. Let me just say that there's a fucking reason I keep her close to my bed when I'm spending some one-on-one time with one of my wives.”

Beth watched Daryl's face, trying to get a read on him. She could tell that what Negan was saying was disgusting him, but Daryl was good at not showing emotions when it was a question about life or death. Yes, his mask hadn't been very good when the two of them had met on the road, but she knew for certain that Daryl was keeping his face straight, much like he used to before she was left behind after being presumed to be dead.

“Now, _cleaning_ Lucille can be a bitch, though. Especially when the skin and the brains get all tangled up in the wire,” Negan said thoughtfully. “That's why I'm gonna let the men who brought you in have their fun with beating the shit out of you, while I sit back and relax. We're gonna need to warm you up for questioning and then send you back to whatever community it is that you came from, as an _example._ ”

Beth clenched her hands together when she heard Turner's snicker. Negan moved toward the stairs again, but kept his eyes on Daryl who was still kneeling. With a snap of his fingers, Turner pushed forward and punched Daryl, straight in the face. Blood trickled down Daryl's nose, but he didn't make a single sound even as one of Turner's men landed a second hit, which was quickly followed by a kick that sent Daryl to lay down on the floor. He couldn't even get up due to his bindings and Beth felt her heart racing as she saw him getting beaten while some of the other Saviors encouraged the violence.

“Stop.”

For a second she didn't even realize that she had spoken. Her voice had come out raspy, but she quickly cleared it, stepping toward the men who were kicking Daryl who looked as if he wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer. It was his broken moan that had forced her to act. She hadn't been able to hear the painful groans that he was emitting with each hit that the men landed on him.

“Stop!” she finally yelled, her voice demanding. Some of the Saviors made way for her as she walked with hurried steps to Negan, grabbing a hold of the sleeve of his leather jacket. “How are you going to interrogate him if he's _dead_?” she asked, forcing him to look into her eyes. “They are killing him, Negan. Stop them, _please_! I need to speak to you in private for a moment before this continues.”

The man looked at her and she could immediately tell that he was angry with her. Her protest had caused an interruption in the beating and she could hear Daryl's wheezing breaths which made her cringe internally. She had acted out of instinct but now she knew for certain that she was somehow going to regret it. Publicly defying Negan and interrupting whatever order he had set was punishable among the Saviors. She would have to pay a price. Not only had she acted without thinking first, but she had also jeopardized everything that she had been working for all these past couple of months. Negan would question her actions, she was sure of it, and if he wasn't already suspicious of something, then he would be now.

“You have _five_ minutes,” he growled at her before turning to the others. “Keep an eye on him.”

“Don't worry, Boss,” Turner said. “He ain't goin' nowhere.”

“Don't touch him until I get back, Turner,” Negan said. “But don't help the fucker either. Let him feel the pain. Maybe that will teach him not to be a fucking wise ass prick in the future.” He looked at Beth again, “ _You_. With me. _Now_.”

Beth followed him out of the room and into the hallway. They walked to the end of it where they would at least get some privacy since the others were still in the dining hall. As soon as he was certain that no one could hear them, Negan backed her up against the wall, towering over her. “What the fuck do you think you're doing, Angel?” he asked. “Fucking yelling at me in front of every single fucker out there? In front of our _guest_?”

“You were killing him,” Beth replied, her hands flat against the wall behind her as Negan pressed his body against hers.

“Since when do you fucking care about me killing anyone?” Negan growled, his hands resting on either side of Beth's head. “You used to _love_ watching it all. Even joined in a few times, if I recall correctly. Now, you're all about protecting fucking _strangers_ ,” he said. “Don't you think I fucking heard about you bringing those two women extra food? Or making sure there are guards posted outside their rooms at all fucking times?”

“So that they would start trusting me and giving me information,” Beth hissed in return. “So they don't escape!”

“Keep fucking telling yourself that, Darling,” Negan sneered. “There's no way to escape the Sanctuary unless you're let out. You've gotten information out of people before without feeding them fucking venison which was supposed to feed _our_ people.”

“ _They_ have nothing to do with what's happening in that other room,” Beth argued. “Keeping those women alive is something we can use now. As leverage, with _that man_. How are you supposed to get _any_ information out of him if he's dead?”

Negan leaned back slightly, his eyes scanning her face. She kept her frown, trying to show him just how much she thought it was a stupid idea to end Daryl's life, without actually showing that she _cared_.

“You're right,” Negan said after a moment. His voice was calmer again and she felt him take a step away from her, allowing her to breathe more properly without having him pressed against her. “Let's head back. Finish this fuck-show.” He began making his way back to the others and Beth exhaled quietly. It was okay; Daryl was safe, at least for a little bit longer. Beth followed him to the dining hall, just in time to see Negan lift Daryl into a sitting position. Daryl was breathing heavily and there was still blood running from his nose and he was sporting a split lip. She could only imagine what other injuries he had obtained during the assault.

“You're one hell of a lucky man,” Negan said. “My dear little Angel over there has reminded me that I need you for later use and that's the only fucking reason you'll live for now.” He stood up and nodded toward Luke and two other men. “Take him to the isolation room,” he ordered. “Give him a chance to clear his fucking mind before I fuck it tomorrow. And for fucks sake, have someone clean this fucking floor!” he barked. The two men lifted Daryl up and Beth internally flinched when she heard him groan in pain. She looked toward Luke who held the keys to the rooms, but he wasn't looking at her. The three of them began walking toward the exit when suddenly Negan let out a low whistle, stopping them. Beth's heart dropped again.

“Hold on for just one minute,” Negan said, holding up his hand. “We're not _really_ done yet.”

Beth turned to face him sharply, her eyes widening for just the fraction of a second when Negan reached out and grabbed her hair, roughly pulling her head back. She let out a strangled and surprised yelp and closed her eyes, breathing through her nose to calm herself. Negan held her hands in one of his own in a tight grip, holding her in place and turning her around so that every single one of the Saviors could see her.

“The lil' Angel here spoke out of turn tonight,” he stated, “even though she knows that it's against our rules.” Beth swallowed thickly and winced as Negan pulled on her hair again, forcing her to arch her back slightly. “ _Kneel_ , Beth,” he said, his voice an angry whisper which she was sure that was meant for everyone to hear. She slowly began lowering herself down to the floor, feeling his grip on her hair and wrists loosen. “Speaking out of fucking turn and depriving Lucille and my men of a good old-fucking-fashioned chance to beat the shit out of a stranger, _tsk tsk tsk_ ,” he shook his head, sounding disappointed as he pulled Lucille out from behind him. He always kept her close and when she wasn't in his hands, she was either close enough to reach or on his back, in her special made sheath. He took a step back from Beth and she stared straight ahead, waiting for the blow. She had finally done it; she had pushed Negan too far and he was going to kill her for it. In front of all the Saviors and Daryl. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see some of the Saviors shifting on their feet, almost uncomfortably. Some of them respected her, others were afraid of her, but she supposed that in moments like these, they were also loyal followers. Whether it was to her on Negan, she wasn't sure, but she was certain that they feared him more than they respected her.

A moment passed where she didn't breathe, expecting Lucille to connect with the top of her head, but nothing came. Instead, she lowered her eyes slightly and saw the head of the bat pointed downwards, towards her face, as Negan held it with both hands close to his crotch. She waited for the order, but she already knew what he wanted. It was provocative and he knew that it would humiliate her in front of the others. It would put her down in their eyes in the worst way possible when she showed that she truly was submissive to him.

“Apologize and kiss Lucille,” Negan said, his voice calm. “After all, it's your fucking fault that she won't be getting any action tonight.”

Bile rose in Beth's mouth because she knew that everyone was watching. The way that Negan was holding Lucille and her kneeling in front of him like this: What better way was there to show everyone who was really in charge? Anger welled up inside of her, though, she forced her pride away as she leaned forward, resting her hands on the floor. A moment later, her lips brushed against Lucille's tip and she waited for a moment before pulling back, looking Negan dead in the eyes as she did. “I'm sorry,” she said.

“To?” Negan pressed.

“Lucille,” Beth answered. “And you, _Boss_.”

“Will you ever repeat what you did tonight?” Negan asked.

“ _Never_ ,” Beth forced out, through gritted teeth. She could hear some of the other Saviors snickering behind her and she wanted to punch something _so bad_ but she held herself back.

“There's a good fucking girl,” Negan smirked, looking back up at the others. “ _See?_ She knows her fucking place.” He nodded toward Luke and the two men, “Take him away.”

Beth looked over at Daryl and for a brief second, their eyes met. He was beaten up badly but she knew that he had heard and seen everything that had just gone down. The humiliation only got worse when she realized that he had seen that she was still weak in some aspects. She needed to bide her time with all of this because she couldn't just take on all the Saviors on her own and try to get away. It made her angry though, that he had seen her like that. It reminded her of having to watch her father kneeling in front of the Governor, moments before he was decapitated. She wondered whether Daryl had thought the same thing when he had seen her kneel in front of Negan.

As she watched the men take Daryl away, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up at Negan who had touched her, but he had already turned away from her. He was looking at Daryl in a way that she didn't like and it made the hairs on her arms stand. Lifting herself up, she took a step in Negan's direction and he looked at her sharply, stepping closer as well. The other Saviors had already begun moving out of the room, almost leaving her alone with Negan.

He grabbed her upper arm and tugged on it, forcing her to walk with him to a secluded corner, just underneath the stairs. She looked up at him curiously as he lowered his head, narrowing his eyes at her.

“With the stunt you pulled tonight, you should be glad that I didn't cut out your fucking tongue,” he said angrily. “Making me look fucking _soft_ in front of the others.”

“I apologized,” Beth said angrily.

“To Lucille,” Negan snapped quietly. “Where's _my_ fucking apology?”

“What do you want me to say? That I disobeyed and made the wrong fucking call? I'm sorry, but I don't think so,” Beth glared. “You know that I was right to intervene when I did. You would have let Turner and the others take it too far, all because you wanted to watch the fucking show.”

Negan's lips turned up in a small smirk, “You know me too fucking well, lil' Angel. I'll let it slide for now, but this discussion isn't over.” He glanced from side to side, as if making sure they were actually alone now. “There's just _one_ more thing that's been bothering me,” he said.

“What?” Beth frowned.

“Isn't it an awfully big fucking coincidence that a stranger just waltzes into our place, angel wings on his fucking vest that looks almost identical to the ones you had yourself inked with a couple of months back?” Negan questioned. “And then you go and do something you've never fucking done: You save the fella from a certain death.”

Beth furrowed her eyebrows at him. “ _Yes_ ,” she said, “it is an awfully big coincidence. Nothing more, nothing less.”

“You're telling me that you saved him out of the good of your fucking heart?” Negan raised a skeptical eyebrow at her.

“I didn't _save_ him,” Beth objected. “I stopped you from killing a person that we can use to get information. Trust me, if he isn't useful, _I'll_ put a bullet in his head myself.” She said it with conviction and she could see the wheels turning in Negan's head as he observed her.

He let go of her arm, “ _Fine_. I'm looking forward to seeing you do your best at cracking him.”

“It's what I do best,” Beth replied coldly. “And as far as the wings go, trust me when I tell you that it's nothing.”

Negan only nodded. “Yeah, okay,” he said. “Go on now, get some rest. You'll have a rough couple of days in front of you if you're gonna be interrogating that arrogant fuck. Maybe I'll even let you use those ladies. I'm sure his fucking heart will bleed if you hurt them in front of him.”

“Yeah,” Beth mumbled before she excused herself and started off towards her room, deep in thought. Daryl ending up in the Sanctuary had officially messed everything up for her. She needed to recalculate and make new plans if she was going to get out. Negan would be expecting her to interrogate Daryl because she was the best person besides him for the job. He had taught her everything he knew and he trusted her with these kinds of things. That was the only thing that was working in her favor at the moment. She needed him to keep trusting her until the time was right. Although, she could feel it in her bones even more now that Daryl had been captured. No matter how many plans she made and how much she changed her old ones, time was running out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it weird that I like writing Negan and Beth scenes? Sometimes I wonder how they'll write him on the show and feel like my Negan might be a bit too brutal... Oh well, it's a fanfic and the story is supposed to be dark. Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked it enough to leave a comment! Comments are fuel for writers, trust me on this! It's scientifically proven! :P
> 
> Sending out love to everyone! Thank you for your support! xx


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After witnessing what Negan did to Beth, Daryl's mind is reeling with thoughts. Meanwhile, Beth struggles with what she had planned to do and what she should do now that Daryl has been captured by the Saviors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been experiencing some trouble with my flashdrive (where I usually save my stories), but I've finally put everything on google drive so that I'll be able to access them whenever I need to. Also, thank you to everyone who has read and commented on this story so far. I'm happy that you're all liking it! I'm going to try to keep my updates regular and post once a week, every Saturday. There might be a few exceptions if I have exams or classes or something else come up, but I'm already working on ch. 11, so I know for sure that I'll most likely update next Saturday!
> 
> Either way, I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 10**

Daryl's feet were being dragged behind him as the men pulled him through the dark hallway. His head was pounding and he could feel the blood drying on his face now that the nosebleed had finally stopped. Mind still foggy, it was something close to a miracle that he picked up on a door opening.

“Come on,” the young man who was leading the way said to the other two. “Put him in this room.”

Daryl hadn't gotten a good look at him but the guy actually sounded uneasy which made Daryl wonder just how he had ended up with such a brutal crew. He seemed out of place.

“Place him on the cot carefully,” one of the men who was holding him up said. “We don't want him to croak before Greene has a chance to do her job.”

“Lil' spitfire,” the other guy who was holding him said. “Short fuse on that one, but I suppose that's why the Boss man likes her so much. She can be scary when she wants, for such a lil' thing. Reminds me of someone I knew b'fore the world went to shit.”

“Just put him in the room and get back to your own,” the young man spoke up, sounding annoyed. “I finally have a day off and Turner decides to bring in this guy and cause a scene.”

“C'mon, Luke,” the one who had spoken last grinned. “Don't tell us you didn't enjoy the show.”

“Beating a guy for not doing anything at all to us? Yeah, I sure enjoyed it,” Luke replied, sarcasm dripping in his tone. “Let's just get out of here. Jack will be standing guard tonight once he's finished with Adams' tat.”

Daryl felt himself being placed on a hard mattress. The men kept talking amongst themselves, but he couldn't focus on what they were saying anymore. His head was pounding now and he closed his eyes the moment that he was laying flat on his back. The men talked for another moment before Daryl heard the door close. After being left alone, he finally let out a shuddered breath, trying to mentally could where he was hurt. There were some cuts on him, he was sure, but his nose didn't feel broken at least. The bleeding had stopped long ago, but he was feeling a bit dizzy. If he got out of there, he knew for certain that he would have to be checked over as soon as possible. With the way that his side was hurting, there might be a bruised rib or two and if he was really unlucky, then one of them was broken as well.

He didn't know how long he would have until someone came in to interrogate him. From what he had gathered, Beth would most likely be the one to do it. The man's words about her being scary circulated in Daryl's head, but with the pain he was currently experiencing, he wasn't even sure how he was managing to think about anything other than that. If it was Beth's job to talk to him though, did that mean that she had done it before too to other people? Had she interrogated Annie and Emma as well? Was it possible that she had hurt them somehow? If she had, Daryl wasn't sure what he would think.

Closing his eyes, Daryl breathed in and out slowly as he tried to think of a way to get out of the Sanctuary. He didn't even know where in the factory he was and there would without a doubt be a hell of a lot of Saviors out there wandering the hallways, making it impossible to get out. Then there was the whole Annie and Emma thing too. Since he was already in here, he knew that he had to find them and try to get them out as well. He was fucked up at the moment, but he didn't think his injuries were too bad. Yeah, everything ached right now, though he was certain that it would pass eventually. Besides, he had been in so many fights even before the Outbreak that he had learned how to take a punch. His body was used to being beaten on, but it had been a good while since someone had actually beat the shit out of him. The Saviors – as they called themselves, because they sure as fuck didn't seem like any saviors to him – were brutal.

Daryl kept his eyes closed for a good while, trying to get some rest while he could. It was important for him to be aware of his surroundings, especially now when he was in enemy territory. He knew there was no way in hell that he would be able to actually relax, no matter how much his body craved it. If he actually fell asleep, someone might come in and slit his throat right where he laid. There was no telling what these people – even Beth for that matter – were capable of doing. He knew that she was different after all these years but a part of him didn't want to believe that the old her was gone for good. He had asked Maggie whether it was possible for someone to be beyond saving and he had gotten an answer from her. It was still difficult for him to keep hoping that things would be all right eventually. At the moment, he wasn’t even sure that he would be making it out of the Sanctuary alive.

His mind was spinning again, but this time with thoughts from the scene that he had witnessed before being carried away. When Beth had stopped those men from beating on him, he didn’t know whether to be grateful or afraid. A part of him had been screaming at her to not put herself in danger, although, another part had wanted to see where things would go. He needed to get a feel of the leader of the group so that he would know what he was dealing with. The way that Beth had thrown herself out there for him confused him somewhat, especially considering how their last meeting had gone. Still, Daryl couldn’t help but think of Negan for a moment. Over the years and since the Outbreak began, he and his family had come across quite a few fucked up people. Starting with the Governor, to the cannibals at Terminus and after that the list was long. Negan reminded him somewhat of the Governor, but at the same time, Daryl sensed that there was something more going on in this man’s head. While the Governor had been charismatic and good at convincing people that he was speaking the truth and trying to protect them, Negan seemed to hold other characteristics as well. Daryl had only spent some time in his proximity, but already he had picked up on the fact that the rest of the Saviors seemed to worship the man. Also, Negan apparently didn’t mind carrying out punishment for disobedience among his group. Daryl might have been beaten bloody and in pain, but it still didn’t stop him from being on high alert when he had witnessed Beth being forced to kneel in front of the man that she saw as her leader. It infuriated Daryl, the way that Negan had placed his bat so that it would humiliate Beth in front of the others. It was difficult to believe what Beth had told him about Negan keeping her safe from the other men after seeing such a thing. To Daryl it seemed more as if Negan was having his own fun with Beth and Daryl didn’t like that at all. The man was obviously fucked up in the head and Daryl could only imagine how else he would punish Beth in private.

Daryl opened his eyes to stare up at the ceiling, wondering silently to himself whether he had truly fucked himself over by leaving the Safe Zone this time around.

-§-

Beth made her way toward the rooms that they used for their prisoners. There hadn’t been many over the years, but the ones who had been there, hadn’t stayed for long. Usually, the women either gave themselves up to Negan, or they joined the group and swore their allegiance to the man. The same went for the men, although those who didn’t join the group, were used to set an example instead.

For the past couple of days, Beth had made sure that only people she trusted had stood guard for the two women that had been taken from Daryl’s group. She didn’t want them to be touched in any way and when she had given the order, she knew that the guards would be loyal enough to make sure that it was followed. Negan had found it all too amusing when he had found out, but since he didn’t condone rape, he made sure to reinforce Beth’s wish to keep them safe. Now, she had another issue at her hands and that issue was Daryl. Once the shock of seeing him in the dining hall had passed and she had been made a fool for stopping Turner and his hunters from beating Daryl to death, anger had risen inside of her instead. She needed to see Daryl and first of all make sure that he was still breathing. Then, as soon as she knew that he would be able to live through the night, she wasn’t sure what she would do. All she knew was that she was beyond pissed at him for doing this. She had told him not to come after her and he had somehow ended up in Negan’s clutches anyway.

“Let me in,” Beth told Jack who was standing guard outside of Daryl’s room.

“I’m not sure he’ll be up for an interrogation,” Jack said gravely.

“I’ll be the one deciding that,” Beth coolly replied. “Negan tasked me with getting information out of him.”

“You’ll be lucky if he’s even able to form a proper sentence, Beth,” Jack said, but he unlocked the door for her and stepped aside.

“Don’t let  _ anyone _ interrupt us,” Beth ordered before stepping inside the room. It was cold and darkened. The only light source was a lightbulb hanging from the ceiling, but it didn’t make it easier to see anything. She did, however, see Daryl laying on the small cot on the opposite side of the room. He laid still, which for a brief moment made her worry. As she closed the door and began walking toward him, he turned his head in her direction and opened his eyes, a frown instantly covering his features.

“Don’t,” Beth said sternly when he moved to get up. He paused but then proceeded to sit up, turning so that he could look at her better. She noticed that there was crusted blood underneath his nose and that there was a bruise forming on the side of his face which made her wonder just how bad he looked at the other places that the hits had landed.

Beth walked to the corner of the room and dragged a wooden chair noisily towards him and then sat down in front of him. A couple of beats of silence passed between them, mostly because Beth wasn’t sure where to begin. Instead of saying anything, her eyes kept going over the bruises on his face and his split lip.

“How’d ya get in here?” Daryl asked, finally breaking the silence.

Beth cleared her throat, surprised by how thick it felt, “The guard is a friend of mine.”

“Did  _ he  _ send you in here then? Your boss?” The crease on Daryl’s forehead deepened as his frown did.

“I’m supposed to be the one interrogating  _ you _ ,” Beth said.

“Cut the bullshit then,” Daryl said, his voice demanding. He lowered his voice, “Ask me whatever the fuck it was that you came here to ask an’ then get the fuck out, Beth.”

Beth nearly flinched at his tone but forced herself to remain impassive. She wasn’t going to lose this fight. It was difficult for Beth to know for sure just how much Daryl had changed over the past three years, although, she guessed that him lashing out when he was hurt was something that never would be different. Briefly, her mind went to that time outside the moonshine shack that they had burned to the ground together, when he had broken down out of guilt for what had happened at the prison.

Beth shook her head and pushed away the emotions that the memory brought back. She looked back at Daryl, who she noticed was once again observing her quietly. What was going on through his mind? They hadn’t seen one another for a good week and the last time that they had come across each other, she had lost it, beaten on him and yelled at him like there was no tomorrow. He must think that she’s crazy for staying with the Saviors, especially after the stunt that Negan had pulled on her in the cafeteria.

“How are you feelin’?” Beth asked, her voice a lot softer than she had intended it to be.

Daryl seemed to blink a couple of times, clearly not having expected  _ that _ question. “How the fuck am I s’posed to feel?”

Beth frowned, “Well, if you had stayed away like I told you to, you wouldn’t have ended up in this goddamned mess.”

“I didn’t come here willingly,” Daryl bit out, gritting his teeth as he shifted on the cot.

Beth’s gaze zeroed in on how he clutched at his side.  _ Broken or bruised ribs, maybe. _ She took the note silently in her mind and then looked up into his eyes again. No matter how good Daryl was at hiding what he was feeling, his eyes made it obvious that he was in pain.

“I’ll send someone in to check on you when I leave,” Beth said, nodding toward the side that he was holding on to. “They might be able to slip you some painkillers.”

“How do I know they ain’t just givin’ me poison?” Daryl sneered.

“Would it kill you to have a little faith?” Beth countered. She watched him as he froze and she knew that he too had remembered that other time when she had asked him the same question. It felt as if it had been so long, possibly in another world entirely. “As I said, I have friends here who won’t ask any questions.”

“Right,” Daryl nodded, his eyes narrowing. “Are they keepin’ ya safe like that lunatic who almost had ya deep-throatin’ his fuckin’ bat?”

Beth’s cheeks heated up and she stood from the chair. It was enough that every Savior in the Sanctuary had witnessed what Negan had forced her to do, but now, to also have Daryl pointing it out made her feel even more humiliated than before.

“Screw you, Daryl,” Beth snapped, lowering her head so that her face was level with his. “You’ve fucked everything up for me by showing up here,” she hissed, keeping her voice low in case Jack or someone else was trying to listen in through the door.

Daryl leaned closer to her, getting in her face as much as he could without actually standing up. She felt as if he was still towering over her somehow, the fierceness in his eyes almost making her back away.  _ Almost _ .

“I told ya that I didn’t fuckin’ come here lookin’ for ya,” Daryl growled. “I was out huntin’ when those assholes ambushed me an’ knocked me out. I had no idea where the fuck they were takin’ me.” His jaw was clenched and his nostrils were flaring as Beth took in his appearance again.

Heart racing again, she leaned back and away from him, taking a step back as well. “Get some rest,” she said. “You’re going to need it.”

“For interrogation, right? Well, fuck you an’ fuck your fuckin’ group as well ‘cause I ain’t givin’ ya anythin’,” Daryl said loudly as Beth made her way to the door, keeping her back turned toward him. She ignored him as she stepped out of the room and didn’t say a word until Jack had once again locked it behind her.

“Have Andy check on him,” Beth said. “Tell him to bring a blanket and some painkillers.”

“But--”

“No questions, Jack,” Beth interrupted. “I need the man to be well enough to actually talk when I interrogate him. Considering the shape he was in when I checked on him just now, he thinks he doesn’t have anything to lose.”

“Okay,” Jack nodded slowly.

“Tell Andy that the fewer people who know about it, the better. We don’t want people getting funny ideas about me,” she added.

“Yes, of course,” Jack said. “I’ll radio him right away. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thank you,” Beth said, turning her back to him as well as she walked off, her throughs going wild inside her head.

-§-

The next day Beth made her way to Negan’s private room, ignoring the looks that some of the Saviors were shooting her. It had been a while since she had been reprimanded for speaking out of turn or going against a direct order and while Negan was more tolerating when it came to her, she knew that he didn’t allow her to step out of line too much. It angered her that the others were whispering about her now but soon it wouldn’t matter anymore. She had barely gotten any sleep, thinking about Daryl being locked up and the way that the two of them had hardly seemed to be able to tolerate one another. Earlier, she had checked with Andy whether he had gone to see Daryl and the man had told her that he had taken care of him. Daryl had protested to the treatment, but Andy had given him a mild sedative and then checked on him. Beth forced herself to bite back a comment on how that was close to being violated because she knew without a doubt that Daryl must have later woken up pissed again. She kept telling herself that as long as the doctor had managed to check on him, she would just have to deal with Daryl’s anger later on. Andy had shared that from what he had been able to see, Daryl had gotten away with only a couple of badly bruised ribs, but nothing was broken. Beth was glad because it would at least make some things a lot easier for her.

She knocked on the door and waited until Negan called her in. Usually, he didn’t take visitors that he didn’t call up to his bedroom on his own, but Beth knew that he had expected her to come around sooner or later. She opened the door and stepped inside, only to see Negan casually lounging on his bed, Lucille in his hands as he cleaned her wire with a rag.

“My lil’ Angel,” he said, sending her a smirk. “What brings you here? Shouldn’t you be down in confinement, fucking up a certain prisoner?”

“He was in bad shape yesterday,” Beth stated. “I had Andy check on him because I didn’t want him dyin’ before I could get something outta him.”

“Hm, good call,” Negan mused, lowering Lucille to his side before patting the space beside him. Beth stepped forward, knowing better than to protest now. It would only put everything in more jeopardy than it already was. She settled down on the bed next to Negan, leaning her back against the headboard. Negan placed Lucille on his side-table and then turned his body to Beth, popping his head up on his hand as he reached up to play with a loose, blonde strand of hair which had fallen out of her braid.

“How can you look good enough to fuck, despite looking half-dead?” he wondered, almost absentmindedly. Beth didn’t reply, even as he brushed his finger against her cheek. “Didn’t you get any fucking sleep last night?” She shook her head. “What the fuck could have kept you up?” Negan continued to question.

“I was angry,” Beth finally said.

“Not with little old me, right?” Negan wondered, his eyebrow raised. Beth looked at him then, her eyes narrowed. “Oh, so it was me,” Negan grinned. “Well, Angel, what the fuck do you want me to say? You can’t go around disobeying me all the time, especially not in front of everyone else. I think I made that fucking clear yesterday.”

Beth’s eyes flickered to Lucille briefly. The humiliation of having had to kiss the bat was still too fresh in her mind. Negan had punished her in different ways before, but never in such a way. That had been different and she knew that he knew it too. Something had changed, but she couldn’t put her finger on exactly what it was. It felt as if he knew more than he let on and that, along with her thoughts of Daryl, had been enough to keep her up all night. She couldn’t figure out what was going on and it was eating her up from the inside.

“You’ve never done it like that,” she said, deciding to call him out. “You’ve never fucked with me in that way in front of everyone else.”

“Maybe it was a long fucking time coming,” he shrugged, trailing his finger down her cheek again, moving lower as he brushed it against her throat.

“We weren’t like this before,” she tried to remind him. They really hadn’t been. When she had first saved his life, things between them hadn’t been this bad. He hadn’t lost it yet and the group had been a bit smaller back then. As it had gotten bigger and the people had started to see him as some kind of god, things had only gotten worse. A part of Beth wondered whether Negan actually thought himself to be invincible and by now she wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case.

“Things change, Beth,” he told her. “You should fucking know that more than anyone. The only thing that hasn’t changed is me having your fucking back.” He grabbed a hold of her chin and forced her to look at him. “Do you still have mine?”

She looked into his eyes, trying to see if there was a trace of the man who had once been a lot different than the monster who had humiliated her yesterday.

“Of course,” she replied, the lie falling effortlessly from her lips.

Negan didn’t seem to notice though, as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek, “Good Angel.”

-§-

A couple of hours later, Beth made her way back into the Sanctuary. She had needed to get some air and think things through considering everything that had happened the day before and she had told Negan as much when she had asked for his permission to leave the Sanctuary. He had agreed to it, but had told her not to force him to send out Dwight after her and she had sworn that she would be back by dinner. She had kept her promise and ended up taking her food with her to her own room, wanting the privacy. It was getting late now and she knew what she had to do, so after a quick shower, she got dressed and then walked toward the room that she had sworn that she wouldn’t go to again.

Making sure that no one was around, she knocked on the door and waited. The door opened only seconds later and Beth came face to face with Luke, who looked surprised at seeing her.

“Beth? What are you doing here?” he questioned. He stepped aside to let her in and she walked into the room without saying anything.

Crossing her arms, she finally turned to him when he had closed and locked his door. “I need to ask you something,” she said.

Luke frowned, “Okay?”

“Are you on guard duty tonight?” she wondered.

It didn’t seem to be the question that Luke had been expecting but he shook his head in reply. “No, I have tonight off as well,” he said. “Why do you ask?”

Beth walked over to him and took a hold of his hands, squeezing them tightly as she forced herself to look into his soft eyes.

“Because I need you tonight.”

-§-

Daryl didn’t understand why no one had come around today. He had been left in isolation for hours now, although, he couldn’t be sure about exactly how long he had been in the room by himself considering that there weren’t any windows. All he knew for sure was that he had gotten some food delivered to the room a while ago along with some water and two pills that the doctor who had visited him the day before had said would be sent down to him. Daryl had sworn at him that he didn’t want any pills from him, but shortly after that, the man had sedated him. Once Daryl woke up, the pain in his side had been dulled slightly, but his anger had been raging. Still, he couldn’t help but be at least a little happy that he wasn’t in constant pain anymore. So, when he had gotten food, he had quickly swallowed down the pills first after making sure that they were just simple painkillers and not some other kind of drug in disguise.

He had been sitting in the room, watching the door, almost hoping that someone would come through so that he could give them a piece of his fucking mind. Mostly, though, he found himself wishing that Beth would come back, so that he could tell her just how fucked up he thought this place was, even though he was sure that he hadn’t seen even half of it yet. It surprised him that he actually wanted her to come down to visit him. He wondered if he had angered her enough to make her stay away from him, but on the other hand, she had repeatedly stated that she would be the one interrogating him. It made him wonder if leaving him alone in the dim light was some kind of strategy she had to make him break. That in turn made him question just how far gone the young woman was. Considering that no one else had bothered him besides the doctor and his food being brought in, he wondered just how much influence Beth had in this place. She had told him that Negan protected her and yes, he had seen first-hand how the madman had actually stopped the other men from beating on Daryl when she had demanded that they stopped. At least Negan had seemed to listen to her somewhat then, even following her outside to have a private conversation at her request. Of course, Beth had later had to pay a price for it, but Daryl couldn’t ignore that it had actually happened. Negan listened to Beth and maybe that was what gave her power here. Daryl recalled how Glenn and Heath had talked about her stopping the other men from killing Glenn when they had been ambushed. Heath, who obviously didn’t know her, had interpreted the whole thing as if she was the one in charge. Could that be why she didn’t want to leave? Because she had power here and people respected her because Negan valued her opinion?

Daryl didn’t know for sure what to think anymore but the only thing that wouldn’t leave his mind was how Beth had somehow managed to keep the other Saviors from coming to his room. He knew that Negan had mentioned something about wanting to fuck with his head and perhaps this was a way to do so. Once again the thought of all of this being a trick to give him a false sense of security crossed his mind. He didn’t want to believe that Beth would stoop so low, even though he wasn't sure that he could trust her. She had told him that he had fucked everything up for her but he didn’t understand what she meant. He had had an inkling when he had first met her again that there was more to the story than she was letting on. The fact that she had been so adamant about not coming with him and how she hadn’t wanted to know anything about where their community was, made him wonder whether there was a possibility that she really had been protecting them all along.

Daryl was startled when he heard the door being unlocked. He sat up straight in the cot, as quickly as he could, and looked toward the door. Once it was open, he saw a young brown haired man stepping inside. It was the same man that had brought him to this room. The man hurried to his side and quickly unlocked the handcuffs around his wrists. Daryl acted on instinct when he reached up and grabbed a hold of the young man’s throat.

“Dude, we don’t have time for this,” the man choked out.

“ _ Luke _ ,” Daryl heard another voice hiss from the door. “What the hell are you two doing?”

Daryl shifted his gaze and his eyes settled on Beth who had stepped in. She looked at Daryl with narrowed eyes when she saw that he was holding the other man around the throat.

“What the fuck is goin’ on?” Daryl asked, keeping his own voice low.

“We’re getting you out of here,” Luke said, his voice strangled. Daryl looked to Beth again, who averted her eyes.

“Let go of him,” she said. “The two women are waitin’ for us outside and we can’t let them be seen.”

Daryl let go of Luke and stood up from the cot, holding on to his side as he took a couple of careful steps in Beth’s direction. Was this a trick?

“You can be suspicious after we leave this place,” Beth rolled her eyes. “Come on now, I don’t have time to explain anything now.”

Daryl doubted that he would get an explanation later, but he followed her when she stepped out of the room. The light was stronger in the hallway and Daryl was forced to blink a couple of times before his eyes adjusted. Once they did, he noticed Annie and Emma standing there, carrying two backpacks.

“Daryl,” Annie breathed out as she stepped up to him. “Please tell me that Jonah is okay.”

Daryl thought of the little boy back at the Safe Zone and nodded, “He’s fine. He’s safe.” A relieved look crossed the woman’s face when she stepped forward and hugged him. He didn’t hug her back but allowed her to do what she needed to do. When she pulled away, Emma nodded her head at him. He knew that she had lost her husband to the Saviors and her eyes looked empty, but there was some determination there still. She clearly wanted to get out of this place too, even though she and Annie looked as if they hadn’t been harmed in any way. Daryl looked over at Beth again who was tapping her foot impatiently. He could hardly believe it, but it seemed to be true. She had made him believe that she wanted nothing to do with him or anyone else; that she didn’t care. Yet, she had stepped up and was risking her own life in order to get not only Daryl, but Annie and Emma too, out of the Sanctuary. For the first time since he had been reunited with her Daryl saw a glimmer of real hope. Maybe she was’t too far gone after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, plans change, right? *wink wink*
> 
> No but seriously, the previous chapter set in motion some things that can't be stopped. Beth knew that if they stayed much longer, the two Alexandrian women and Daryl would most certainly be killed and she couldn't have that (even though she would like to pretend that she doesn't care). I know that there wasn't much Beth/Daryl interactions in this chapter, but the next one will have plenty! You'll also hear from Beth herself what her original plan was!
> 
> Please, share your thoughts on the chapter and what you think will happen in the next one! Don't forget, the next update will (probably) be out by next Saturday and comments are like fuel for writers! ;) Much love! xx


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Daryl captured, Beth has forced herself to move forward with her escape plan. There have been a few changes, but she can only hope to get far away, as soon as possible. Meanwhile, Daryl begins to see that there's more to Beth's cold stares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so happy with the comments on the last chapter! I'm glad everyone is liking the story so far. Just a reminder to everyone that I'll (hopefully) update regularly on SATURDAYS from now on! Thank you once again for all the support so far and I really hope that you'll like this one! :)

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 11**

 

They made their way through the hallways as quickly and as efficiently as they could. Luke was leading the way while Beth followed, looking back at the two other women and Daryl who was struggling to keep up the pace. Her heart was racing, the possibility of them being caught too real for her to ignore. She didn’t like the way that Daryl was still clutching his side but she kept hoping that they would make it outside without anyone seeing them. The Sanctuary was a safe place for the most part and there were never many Saviors in circulation during the night. There were other compounds to protect as well but the Sanctuary was the place where they all met up when they were preparing for a raid. It was also the place that the guards circled back to and changed shifts, but Beth knew that since Luke had been assigned guard duty for the past year or so, he knew which routes most of the ones in the Sanctuary took. That was why they were zig-zagging through the maze of hallways inside the factory, successfully avoiding the other men who were on watch.

Beth dreaded what was to come, although, she knew that it was a necessity. It was something that she had been planning since the very beginning, but she couldn’t help but think about how things had changed since then. She glanced back once again at Daryl and the two women, making sure that they were still following. Daryl wasn’t able to carry a backpack because of his injuries but the other two didn’t complain about how heavy their packs were. In fact, they hadn’t said much of anything since Beth had come to get them together with Luke.

Luke hadn’t been on guard duty tonight, which would have been a problem if he hadn’t already owed Jack a favor. Jack was the Savior’s personal tattooist as well as one of the guards and he was someone Beth considered a good enough person to trust. Yet, she couldn’t trust him with  _ this _ . After she had gone to see Luke, she had convinced him to go to Jack and offer to take over guarding the prisoners. She knew that Jack had been working on people’s tattoos all day long and that the man was probably tired from his work. He wouldn’t suspect anything if Luke came to him and took over for the night since Luke hadn’t been doing much of anything during the day. That had only been the first step of the plan and Beth had needed to explain to Luke that it was about saving innocent lives rather than anything else. She knew that he wasn’t fully convinced that that was her only motive, but he didn’t protest. It was dangerous and they both knew for sure that they would be killed if they were caught sneaking the captives out, but Luke had a good heart and Beth knew just how to use it against him.

It didn’t mean that she was enjoying it, but she needed to do what she needed to do. It was as simple as that. The escape was no longer just about her; it was about Daryl too. And the other two women. She didn’t have another choice because she couldn’t just stand by and watch someone she cared about be hurt again. If Negan got his hands on Daryl again, which she knew that he would if Beth didn’t move forward with her interrogation, then Daryl was done for. She couldn’t have that and she kept telling herself that what she was going to do was okay because she had planned on it since the very beginning.

They reached the back door of the Sanctuary; the one that was supposed to be used as nothing more than an emergency exit in case they were attacked from the front. It had never needed to be used before because who in their right mind would even dare imagine crossing the Saviors and expect no retribution? The Saviors outnumbered most of the communities that they threatened and for years, no one had stood up against them because they knew that there was no point in doing so.

Luke stopped in front of the door and turned to Beth, “This is it. You said that you had a car out back?”

“Yes,” Beth nodded as she looked at the two women and Daryl. He was standing at a bit of a distance from her, but she could tell that he was avoiding looking at her directly. There was still anger simmering from him, but since she had broken him out of his room of confinement, he seemed to be a little calmer, at least.

“Okay, we’ll just head out this way and then we should be able to get through the back gate. There’s only one person on watch there, but he isn’t exactly the brightest one in the-”

_ Click _ .

Luke froze, turning to look at Beth who held the gun aimed at his head. She heard Daryl take a step closer and one of the women gasp quietly, but her eyes remained focused on Luke, who slowly raised his hands. It was the sound of the gun being cocked that had caught his attention, but Beth didn’t care about that right now because she knew what she had to do.

“I’m sorry that it has to end this way,” she said, keeping her voice calm.

Luke stared at her for a moment before nodding slowly. “Now this makes sense,” he returned quietly. “Is this what it all comes down to?”

Beth didn’t answer his question, but she nodded toward the gun that was still in his hand. “I’m gonna need you to hand that one over to the man,” she said, nodding her head in Daryl’s direction.

Luke shook his head, a low chuckle escaping him. “Was I always just your way out of this place?” he asked.

“I’m sorry,” Beth said, trying to show him that she meant it this time.

“Are you going to kill me, Beth?” Luke wondered as he held out his gun to Daryl, who took it from him quickly.

Beth quickly went over her plan in her head. Get the women, get Daryl, get out. Luke was never supposed to make it. She was never supposed to care whether he did. Still, the young man had somehow weaseled his way into her heart enough for her to feel sorry for killing him and she didn’t know how she was supposed to go through with all of this without actually putting a bullet through his brain.

Finally, she cleared her throat a little. Time was running out and it wouldn’t take long for someone to notice that the prisoners were gone.

“You took over guard duty as a favor to Jack,” Beth began slowly. Luke’s eyes remained locked on hers. “You took a short bathroom break because you didn’t think anything would happen. When you returned, you saw that the prisoners had been broken out.”

Luke frowned, “What in God’s name are you talking about?”

“You followed the trail, hoping to catch them before anyone else saw them because you didn’t want anyone to know what a mistake you had made,” Beth continued, ignoring his question again. “You saw me walking them down the hallway and you followed, wanting to stop me. When you confronted me, I disarmed you and knocked you out. You have no idea where I could have gone or why I would help the captives escape,” Beth said, her voice low as regret began to make it’s way into her. “You’re really,  _ really  _ sorry.” She lowered the gun slowly and clicked on the safety again.

“Beth,” Luke said, stepping forward. Beth took a small step toward him and raised her hand, hitting him against his temple with the gun, knocking him unconscious instantly. She closed her eyes for a second, breathing in through her nose because  _ that _ hadn’t been her plan, but nothing was as it should have been. Opening her eyes again, she looked back at the other three.

“Let’s go,” she said, pushing the door open. They needed to get out of there and fast.

Beth stepped outside the Sanctuary, not looking back as she lead the others to the car she had prepared. They got in quickly and without any protest or questions about why she had just done what she had done and Beth put the key in the ignition, driving them to the back gate. It was all a blur after that. She was quiet when she got out and opened the gate, even more silent when she drove them out of there, leaving the gate wide open for any walkers to make their way inside. There were people inside the Sanctuary who would notice soon enough and follow the trail to the gate. They wouldn’t be in any danger, except for maybe the night guard who had allowed them to escape because he had been sleeping when they had broken out. If she ever saw Negan again, Beth didn’t want to think about what would happen, She was certain that it wouldn’t be a pretty sight though, but she couldn’t worry about that now.

She needed to cover some ground in case Negan sent someone after them and she needed to hide Daryl and the two women for long enough before she could let them go back to their community. They would need at least a day or two before it would be safe for them to get back and after that, Beth would be free. She would leave the state, maybe head further North. As long as she got away, she would be fine.

-§-

Daryl wasn’t sure how long Beth had been driving them, but he was certain that they were driving in circles. He understood that she was covering a lot of ground, but she wasn’t actually headed in any particular direction from what he could tell. Although, he knew that they were far away from the Sanctuary and that was the important thing. Beth had driven them off the highway a couple of miles back and gotten out of the car to fill up the gas tank. Apparently, she had had all of it figured out and she had known that they wouldn’t be getting to their destination on one tank alone. Daryl was still holding on to the gun that she had taken from Luke and he wondered what it was that had driven her to do what she had done.

“Where is she taking us?” Emma whispered in the backseat. “I thought we were going home?”

“I don’t know,” Annie replied, just as quiet. “As long as we’re not in that place anymore, I’m happy.”

“She seems a bit…  _ Unhinged _ , doesn’t she?” Emma wondered, sounding worried. Daryl had heard enough though so he stepped out of the car, earning Beth’s attention as she looked up from where she was filling up on gas.

“Where are ya takin’ us?” he asked.

Beth shook her head at him, “You should stay inside and get some rest. Don’t worry about where I’m takin’ you. You’re safe.”

“Ain’t gonna sleep until I’m back at our place,” Daryl told her. “Ya broke us out to keep us prisoners yourself or what?”

“I’m not keepin’ you prisoners,” Beth hissed at him. “I’m keepin’ you  _ safe _ .”

“For now, at least,” Daryl said. “Why can’t ya just tell us where we’re goin’?”

“If you don’t want to stick around, you’re free to take the women and leave,” Beth said. “Saves me a detour.”

“What do ya mean?” Daryl frowned.

Beth shot him a look. “Does it matter?” she wondered. “I got you out of there and that’s the important thing.” He kept looking at her, not saying anything. Beth rolled her eyes at him as she finished filling up the fuel. She wiped down her hands and returned the empty tank to the trunk of the car.

“I need to know where we’re goin’, Beth,” Daryl said. “It’s gonna be light out soon an’ we can’t keep drivin’ ‘round like this.”

“I know,” Beth told him. “Just… Trust me, okay? I’m going to get you back to your community, but we can’t let Negan and the Saviors pick up our trail that easily.”

“Is that why you’ve had us drivin’ in circles?” Daryl asked, earning a short nod from Beth. At least that part made more sense to him now. He still had a lot of questions for her, but he supposed that they could wait until she deemed it safe enough for them to make a temporary camp somewhere. The painkillers that he had gotten were wearing off and Daryl knew that he was in no shape to fight any Saviors if they were to find them. He would have to trust Beth, even though he wasn’t a hundred percent he should be doing that without knowing what it was that she had planned.

What he had seen her do back at the Sanctuary to that Luke guy had been something unexpected. He hadn’t thought that she would turn on the young man like that and threaten his life, but she had. That alone proved that maybe he shouldn’t put all his faith in Beth. If she was willing to betray someone who  _ clearly  _ had shared some kind of connection with her, Daryl didn’t know where he stood after three years of not having seen her and thinking that she was dead. Whatever it was that was going to happen, he knew deep down that Beth wouldn’t have bothered with breaking out Annie and Emma if she wasn’t going to take them back to the Zone. That meant that her telling him that she would be taking them back to their community was true at least. He couldn’t help but wonder though, what she had meant by the other things she had said. She wanted him to trust her, but she was implying that she wasn’t going to come with them to Alexandria and he didn’t know how he felt about that. Where would she go? She couldn’t return to the Sanctuary because that would most likely mean certain death for her now that she had betrayed Negan. The man was clearly crazy enough to go through with murdering her for disobeying him. Daryl knew that he couldn’t let that happen, no matter how angry or disappointed he had been after his first encounter with Beth. After everything, she had come through and Daryl had to keep believing in that small flicker of hope that had been lit inside of him when she had broken them out.

That was why he didn’t protest when Beth told him again to get into the car and why he was the one to tell the two women in the backseat to get some sleep while they could.

-§-

The two women were fast asleep in the back of the car. They had kept thanking her profusely for getting them out of the Sanctuary once Beth had finally pulled the car to a stop in the middle of the woods. There was a remote road nearby and even though Beth couldn’t be one hundred percent sure that they were safe, she figured that being  _ safe enough  _ would have to do for now. She had given Annie and Emma - She had finally taken the time to learn their names - two thick blankets that she had packed and they had thanked her again and again for it. Beth didn’t need their gratitude because she could sense that they were still wary of her. She couldn’t exactly blame them for it.

She told Daryl that she would keep watch and just as she expected, he told her that he would stay with her. It wasn’t to keep her company as much as it was him trying to keep an eye on her. She didn’t mind, but she knew that he would start asking her questions as soon as they were alone. Daryl had never been the talkative type, although, with the way that she had been keeping the details vague so far, she knew that she would have some explaining to do.

They couldn’t risk being spotted by anyone but it was a chilly night and Beth decided that they could build a small fire at least. She had done it a good couple of times when she had been alone on the road, before Negan and the Saviors, and she knew how to do it well enough for no walkers to be attracted to the light. Besides, the area that they were currently in had been cleared by the Saviors a while ago. If any walkers were close by, they were most likely stragglers which she would be able to take down on her own.

It was still dark, which meant that they had the cover of night at least when it came to humans. Beth glanced at Daryl who was leaning back against the car, wincing as he tried to make himself comfortable on the ground. She knew that he was still hurting and she reached for her backpack without thinking twice about it.

The bottle of painkillers rattled and caught his attention. Beth took out two pills and a bottle of water before walking over to him, holding them out in front of his face.

“Take these,” she instructed. “They’ll help dull the pain.”

Daryl glanced at her, giving her a look that she was certain only he could pull off. It was somewhere between an ‘ _ Are you fucking kidding me? _ ’ and an ‘ _ I’m grateful, but not sure whether I should trust you not to poison me _ ’-look. She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes at him again and just nodded at him to take the medicine she was offering him. He took it from her and swallowed the two pills with just one gulp of water, wiping his mouth with his hand before offering her the bottle back. Beth looked at him as she opened it again and took a sip herself, not once breaking eye-contact with him.

Some water dribbled down her chin and she wiped it away, just as Daryl looked away. She could tell that he was still deep in thought and a part of her wanted him to just get it over with and  _ ask _ . He wanted to know why she had broken them out and why she had helped them escape. He wanted to know what had happened to her and what she had been through; how she had ended up like  _ this _ . Beth wasn’t sure she would be able to give him the answers. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to, but rather because she didn’t know  _ how _ . She had never talked to anyone about it.

She watched him as he moved a bit closer to the small fire that she had lit, seeking the warmth that it offered. He winced again and Beth tilted her head sideways as she observed him. “I’m going to need to check on your injuries,” she said. Her tone was quiet, but since everything else around them was too, she felt as if she had just screamed out her statement.

Daryl snorted at her, something which she had not expected. Out of all the reactions he could have had, that had been the last one she would have thought he would have had. “I'm gonna let the good doctor do that once we get back,” he told her, his voice quiet as well.

“It'll take too long,” she pointed out. “If you have any cuts, you can't risk getting an infection now and I hardly feel like dragging your ass back to your community on my own.” She knew that Andy had patched him up, but with the way that they had escaped from the Sanctuary and the way that he kept wincing when he moved around, she needed to make sure that he would be okay.

“You wouldn't have had to drag my ass anywhere if that boss of yours hadn't been such a psycho,” Daryl muttered.

She looked at him again, narrowing her eyes. “Just let me check you over and then I'll leave you to your sulking,” she said.

“I ain’t sulkin’,” Daryl retorted, but moved closer to her nonetheless. 

Beth searched through her pack again and took out some clean bandages. “You’re gonna need to take your shirt off so that I can see,” she stated.

Daryl mumbled something under his breath that she wasn’t able to hear but she figured that it was because he wasn’t happy with it. He had always been careful about taking his shirt off around people but Beth already knew about the state of his back. She had caught a glimpse of it as far back as the farm, but she had never actually said anything about it. It wasn’t her place to pry and force him to tell her his story, but she had heard enough of her own father’s childhood to have a few suspicions on what it was that had happened to Daryl. Still, she hadn’t expected for him to lift his shirt so easily and up until now, she hadn’t really seen the full extent of his scars. She was glad that he was facing away from her as she took in his back. Her memories had been a bit foggy, apparently, because they were worse than she remembered and she could see fresh bruises blooming from where Turner and his men had beaten him. The fact that he had had a difficult past was evident. She hated that he had been forced to go through it all, and as a  _ child  _ nonetheless. Him lifting his shirt for her so easily made her wonder whether he had gotten used to being patched up by others or if he had simply put it all in his past and let it go. It must have been hard for him to do that, because Beth remembered how he had been before they had gotten out of the prison and after when they had been on their own. Back then, he had never undressed in front of her, though, modesty hadn’t been easy to keep considering that they were always in such close proximity of one another.

Beth swallowed thickly and placed her hand against his marred skin, not really thinking about what she was doing for a second. She traced one of the thicker scars with her fingertips, following the line carefully. Her own back began to burn as painful memories rushed back to her and she forced herself to close her eyes in order to push them away again. They had been buried for a reason and she wasn’t ready to bring it all up now. She didn’t know how Daryl would react to it all, but she knew that there was no way in hell that he would be able to understand… At least she didn’t think so.

As if he could somehow sense that she had fallen into deep and dark thoughts, Daryl tensed beneath her touch. His muscles moving under her palm which once again laid flat against his back was the one only thing which made her pull back from him. She couldn’t go back to where her memories had taken her now; she needed to focus on her task and that was checking Daryl over to make sure that he wouldn’t die on her before she got him back to where he belonged.

“I told you not to come after me,” she said, breaking the silence as she went back to checking on his wounds and unwrapping some of the old bandages.

“Told ya already, I was huntin',” he said gruffly and Beth ignored the way that something tingled deep inside her belly at the sound of his husky voice. She didn’t have time for feeling like that. This was supposed to be medical and nothing else. “Wasn't comin' after you. Ya told me not to.”

She worked quickly, changing his bandages as she put the old ones in the fire. There was no reason for her to make Daryl more uncomfortable than he already was, but her question slipped out of her before she could stop it, “You listened?”

Daryl tugged on his shirt again and Beth held out his vest to him. He took it from her, his fingers temporarily brushing hers as he turned to look her dead in the eye. “Ya wanted me to, didn’t ya? Made yourself pretty clear about it,” he said.

“Yeah,” Beth said. “I guess I did.” She looked away from him and moved back a little so that she could put some distance between them. Her mind was still going a mile a minute and she needed to get her head straight if she was going to figure out their next move.

“Don't mean it was easy though.”

Her chest clenched and she looked over at him instantly, meeting his eyes again. His words had been honest, that much she could tell, but for the first time since she had seen him again, he wasn’t showing a single emotion on his face. Instead, she knew that she was the one who had finally lost her stoic face and the hold she had had on her feelings. It was brief, but she knew that she had let out a small breath and that there was a solemn look on her face. It gave away the fact that him telling her that it had been difficult for him to let her go had meant something to her. Not even Beth herself was sure just what it meant, but it did mean something and she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do with that realization.

-§-

They kept driving early the next morning. Beth was still at the wheel, but Daryl didn’t like the fact that she hadn’t gotten any sleep at all. She seemed to be doing well enough, although, he kept a close eye on her despite that.

His mind kept going back to the night before; to when she had checked over his injuries and changed his bandages the best she could in the dark. He didn’t know whether he should be ashamed of the way that her touch had made him feel, but he found himself comparing it to the flittering touches that they had shared over three years ago, before she had been taken. It was difficult for him to put a finger on the exact moment that he had realized that he might hold some kind of deeper feelings for the young woman, although, last night’s interactions had made him feel that  _ something _ that he had felt when they had been in the funeral home together.

It was all such a messed up situation because he knew that she had changed. There was something inside of her that he knew had been forced into her because she had spent so much time alone and then later with the Saviors. They were bad people and he understood that they would have to have had some kind of impact on her.

It was difficult to believe that it hadn’t been more than maybe two weeks since he had first learned that she was alive. By the way that she had spoken to him so coldly about Annie and Emma, he had thought for sure that her humanity had been lost for good. No, from what he had heard the two women mumble in the backseat, he had learned that not only had they been untouched, but someone had taken the time to sneak in extra portions of food to them. Daryl had a suspicion that Beth might have had something to do with that because why else would she go out of her way to get them all out? It would have been difficult enough as it was to get him and herself out, let alone all four of them. Beth didn’t even know Annie and Emma, so why would she save them too unless there was a part of her deep down that still cared about people? Perhaps she wasn’t as cold as she had first made herself out to be?

His thoughts about Beth’s reasons for breaking them out of the Sanctuary quickly moved on to the other thing that had been bothering him: Luke.

Why would Beth raise a gun to the man who had already risked everything in order to help her get them all out? From the way that the guy had looked and talked to Beth, Daryl suspected that there might have been a bit more than friendship between the two of them. He didn’t really know how that made him feel and to be quite honest he didn’t even want to address it. They still weren’t completely out of danger which meant that he didn’t have time to question it. There were far more important things that he needed to think about.

Yet, it became like one of those scabs that one simply couldn’t stop picking at because it itched so much. He glanced over at Beth, who had her eyes settled on the road with a stern expression on her face. She looked deep in thought as well. Was she thinking about Luke?

_ Damn it. _

Daryl shifted in his seat, stretching out his legs as far as he could, trying to think about something else instead.

“You in pain?” Beth asked, breaking the silence that had been in the car since they had started out this morning.

“Nah,” Daryl shook his head, “my ass‘s just numb.”

Beth snorted, but kept her focus on the road. He looked at her and saw how her eyes flickered to the rear-view mirror a couple of times. He wondered what she was thinking about.

“That Luke-fella sure was nice to help us out back there,” Daryl said quietly, not even trying to be subtle about it. He noticed Beth’s grip on the steering-wheel tightening. “There a reason why he would risk his life for us?”

It was out there now, so if Beth decided not to comment on it, he might be able to just put it behind himself. He needed to know though. Why he didn’t know, but he did.

“He’s a friend,” Beth said after a few moments of silence.

“Seemed like more than a friend to me,” Daryl muttered.

“I don’t see how it’s any of your business,” Beth replied, turning to look at him for just a second. She had a look on her face which pretty much screamed ‘ _ let this go _ ’ but since the conversation was already started, he wanted to know what she had to hide. It wasn’t as if they had owed one another something. If she had been with Luke, she had been free to. She hadn’t betrayed him in any way and just because he hadn’t been able to have any kind of romantic relationship with anyone, it didn’t mean that she had been a nun.

“It ain’t my business, I s’pose,” Daryl said. “I jus’ need to make sure ya ain’t gonna turn your gun on us too.”

“That’s a lie,” Beth stated calmly. “You shouldn’t ask questions that you don’t want the answer to.”

“Since when have I ever asked shit that I don’t want the answer to?” Daryl countered.

He noticed how her lips twitched. “Fine,” she said, eyes in the rear-view mirror again. Daryl realized that she was checking on Annie and Emma. He remembered that the two of them probably didn’t know that Daryl had a past with the young blonde who had gotten them out of the Sanctuary.

“Luke was a pawn,” Beth said. “I needed him, so I used him and made him loyal to me so that he would be willing to risk his life for me. That’s all.”

“It ain’t all,” Daryl shook his head. “Ya cared ‘bout him, didn’t ya?”

It took her a moment to reply,” Yes. Otherwise I would have gone through with my original plan of killing him to make my escape more believable.”

“Ya didn’t, though,” Daryl said. “That’s gotta mean something.”

“It means that I didn’t have what it took to make a tough call,” Beth snapped, this time obviously ignoring the fact that they had an audience.

“Lettin’ him live was a tough enough call as it was,” Daryl said, searching her face. “Means there’s still somethin’ good there. Means that ya still care.”

“Your opinion doesn’t mean shit to me, Daryl,” Beth said, but her voice was careful and controlled. He could tell that she  _ did  _ care, because he knew that it did matter. She wasn’t all lost like he had first believed. Yes, she had probably been through a lot of shit but if she hadn’t completely let go of the person that she had been before, then maybe there was still hope.

“There’s some leftovers in the pack between you two,” she said to Annie and Emma, obviously trying to change the subject. “It’s jerky, but it’ll have to do for now. Soon enough you’ll be back at your place.” She had said his name before, so he wondered whether she was going to try to pretend that they didn’t know one another again. After all, she could have learned his name while interrogating him for all that Annie and Emma knew.

Daryl leaned back in his seat again as he listened to Annie zipping up the backpack. There was a rustle of plastic bags and then there was a piece of jerky being held out for him too.

“What about you?” Emma wondered. “Aren’t you coming with us?”

Daryl took a bite out of his jerky, chewing slowly as he waited for Beth to reply.

“I’ll drop you guys off and then I’m outta there,” Beth said.

“What? You’re not coming to join our community?” Annie asked and Daryl didn’t have to look at her to know that she was frowning.

“Trust me,” Beth snorted, “the further away I stay from your community, the better.”

“But you saved us,” Annie pointed out. “You stopped the other men from beating Glenn to death. We’ll take you in, I know we will.”

“Yeah, I saved you, so what?” Beth countered. “You don’t know half the things I’ve done and if you did, you wouldn’t be vouching for me to join your community. You’d be tellin’ me to get the fuck out.”

Daryl wanted to stop her from saying anything else. She couldn’t be serious about this, could she? How did she expect to pull all of this off? Drop them off at the wall and then keep driving into the sunset? She couldn’t be out in the wild again. If she was alone, she was vulnerable to any group that came across her. Daryl knew that she was strong, yes, but even he couldn’t have fought off the Saviors when they had found him as he had been hunting. If a part of Negan’s group had already been sent out to look for Beth, then there was a big risk that they would come across her sooner or later if they searched for long enough. Daryl knew that if they found her alone, she surely wouldn’t live for very long after they brought her back to Negan.

“Ya can’t jus’ leave,” Daryl told her, the need to say something becoming greater than his will to stay quiet. “Ya gotta come back with us.”

Beth shook her head at his words and she took a deep breath. For a moment, Daryl could have sworn that he saw her eyes glaze over and tears form in the corners, but he couldn’t be sure because she looked firmly at the road ahead.

“I can’t go back, Daryl,” she finally whispered. “I can’t go back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, they got out...and Beth doesn't want to go with Daryl and the others. Also, can you guys please tell me what you thought about the Bethyl interactions in this chapter? And who saw that thing with Luke coming? Please share your thoughts in comment! :) 
> 
> Oh, and the next chapter (which will hopefully be out next Saturday!) will have some flashbacks throughout which will show you guys more about how Beth's relationship with Negan has changed since the first time they met! Aaaaaand prepare for some more Bethyl moments! (Some of my favorite ones are in chapter 12!) 
> 
> So, be kind and drop a comment if you have time. The support is highly appreciated! Until next time! xx
> 
> P.S. I'm sorry if any spelling-mistakes made it in there! Sometimes they sneak right past me, but I'll read through the chapter again tomorrow and try to change anything that I missed! :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When some memories of the past three years begin circulating in Beth's mind, she finally tries to make Daryl understand why she wouldn't be accepted in his community. Meanwhile, Daryl knows that he needs to convince Beth to come with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTE: Hello everyone! Before you start reading this chapter, I need to say something about it! I'm sorry that I wasn't able to update yesterday as scheduled, but sometimes things happen. What happened here was that the chapter sort of just wrote itself and became a 10k long monster, so I really hope it makes up for it being a bit late. Secondly, I haven't had time to check through it completely.
> 
> Now, the chapter is written in "two timelines". The cursive parts will be flashbacks from Beth's time with the Saviors, from the day that she met Negan and then jump ahead, but hopefully that will make sense as you read it. I tried to be as clear as possible. The other timeline is the present one, where Beth and Daryl are interacting and talking about stuff (and thangs). Once again, I hope it'll make sense and that you'll enjoy the chapter! :)
> 
> Warning: This chapter contains scenes of past attempted sexual assault, past attempted rape and descriptive violence and torture which may upset some readers.

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 12**

 

Annie and Emma didn’t try to push Beth to come back with them. It seemed like the blonde was determined to just drop them off and then pick up her things and leave everyone and everything behind. Daryl didn’t like the idea of her being out there alone, but he had decided not to talk about it until they found a moment for themselves again. He needed to make her understand that they could make things work in Alexandria. Negan and his Saviors were still out there and would eventually come after them, but until then they could at least try their best to prepare for the inevitable war. Daryl wanted Beth to be on their side when everything went down, but at the same time he didn’t want her to be pressured into being there. He knew the importance of it being her choice to come along, although, he was also aware of the fact that it would take some convincing.

Daryl wanted to get through to her and to somehow prove to her that whatever it was that she had done in the past, wouldn’t matter in the long run as long as she kept pushing forward. Carol had been on the edge of no return, and yet, Morgan had somehow brought her back from it by helping her sort through her issues. Michonne and Rick had once believed that they were lost causes, but now they had something good together. Everyone in Alexandria had had moments of doubt and gone to places that they didn’t wish they had, but sooner or later, they had worked their way back to a good place, or at least reached a new level in their life which was somehow  _ okay. _

They came to a stop just a couple of miles away from Alexandria. It had gotten dark and Daryl had told Beth to pull over because she was clearly exhausted. She hadn’t wanted to do it at first, but eventually, she was forced to because she had almost fallen asleep behind the wheel. Daryl told her about a small cabin that he used whenever he was hunting and they figured that they would be safe enough there, at least for a night. Annie and Emma offered to take watch together since Daryl and Beth had been up the night before and Daryl had reluctantly agreed when Annie had subtly hinted at him trying to talk Beth into staying with them.

That was how he found himself watching Beth pace through the small cabin, looking through every last inch of it as she made sure that there was no other way to get in or out unless they used the front door. There were bags under her eyes, but she seemed to be restless and for a moment, he even thought that she might start scaling the walls when she was done looking through the whole place. Not that there was much to it, because there was just one room with a small kitchenette and a couch. Daryl had long ago made sure that the windows were hammered shut and that it would be a safe place for him to rest when he went on longer hunts. He understood her concern, though, because the Saviors were still out there. They could only hope that they hadn’t followed them this far, although, Daryl hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary yet.

Beth finally stopped to look at him and then at the lone couch that they were supposed to use to sleep on for the night. She squinted her eyes and Daryl could only imagine what was going through her head.

“Get some sleep,” Daryl finally sighed when she didn’t say anything.

“Are they alert enough to keep watch?” Beth wondered.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it,” Daryl said. “I’ll lean back against the door, so I’ll hear if anythin’ happens.”

“And then we just sneak out through one of the windows that you’ve boarded up, right?” Beth asked. Daryl only shot her an annoyed look which Beth countered with an eye roll. “Sorry,” she muttered quietly, but he heard her all the same. “You’re gonna be a gentleman and let me have the couch?”

“Figured I might as well,” he shrugged.

“I’m not the one with a bruised rib,” Beth stated. “It isn’t big enough to share if we lay down the same way, but if you don’t mind smelling my feet, we might be able to fit.”

Daryl snorted at her statement and shook his head. He touched his side, the pain still there and finally he offered her a short nod. “‘S long as ya don’t mind smellin’ mine,” he told her, ignoring the way that his heart jumped in his chest when he saw a small smile pulling at her lips.

-§-

_ Beth looked at the man curiously, tilting her head to the side as she took in his appearance. He seemed to be clean if one overlooked the walker blood that had stained his clothes. That meant that he probably had a safe place somewhere. _

_ “Who are you, Pretty?” he asked her as he grinned down from the roof of the car where he sat. In his hand he held a baseball bat and from what she could see, he didn’t have many weapons on him other than that. A handgun too, she noted, spotting the weapon in its holster on his side. _

_ “Beth,” she replied, trying to keep her calm. He was alone and even though he was bigger than her, she could probably outrun him. The other two people who had been with him were dead already and she had led the big group of walkers away, but that didn’t necessarily mean that they could start shooting one another.  _ That  _ would surely just attract more of the dead ones. _

_ “You looked like a fucking angel to me when you bust through those woods and saved my fucking life,” the man chuckled, looking down at her from top to toe. “I’m Negan,” he said, finally jumping off of the car. He pushed away a walker’s hand with his foot and then stepped toward her, holding his hand out for her to shake. “Do you have a safe place somewhere, Beth?” he asked. _

_ “No,” Beth shook her head. She didn’t take his hand, only looked into his eyes keeping a neutral face. _

_ Negan dropped his hand and raised an eyebrow at her, “You all alone out here? In this world? A sweet little thing like you?” _

_ “I’m anything but sweet, Sir,” Beth replied, which only earned her another loud laugh from the man. She wanted to tell him to be quiet. After being alone for so long, she had gotten used to the silence; loud noises made her uncomfortable. _

_ “Mhm… I’d bet my fucking bat that you’re as sweet as they come deep down,” Negan said. “You don’t look like a killer and the way that you tricked those biters into following you just proves that you’d rather avoid having to kill the fuckers too.” _

_ “I don’t have a problem with killing walkers,” Beth told him. “I just didn’t feel like risking my life for a stranger.” _

_ “But you did, didn’t you, Angel?” Negan countered. Beth remained quiet, only blinking a couple of times. Her hand moved toward the knife that she had strapped to her belt and she saw how Negan turned his attention to her movement. “Don’t worry about me attacking you,” he said. “I owe you, which is a good thing for you because I’m feeling fucking generous today. How about you come with me back to my place?” Beth raised an eyebrow at him and he grinned again, running a hand over his clean-shaven jaw. “Poor choice of words,” he stated. “I have a place where you’d be safe,” he continued. “I owe you my life and that means that I’ll to everything in my fucking power to protect yours.” _

_ She was tired of running around in the wilderness on her own; tired of looking for a family that had left her behind, thinking that she was dead. A year had passed since she had woken up in Grady and it had already been a couple of months since she had started walking aimlessly around, hoping to find some kind of sign that her family was still out there. She knew that they were, but there was no way for her to find them anymore. They had already had over a year as a head start. They were gone. _

_ “Are there other people there?” Beth wondered. “Women? Children?” _

_ “No children yet,” Negan shook his head. “But there are a few women and men.” _

_ “I need numbers,” Beth told him, her eyes narrowing. _

_ “Woah, calm your tits, Angel,” Negan said, holding his hands up. “It isn’t that kind of establishment,” he told her. “They work for me and we clear areas. At the moment, we’re close to being about fifty people, but not all of us live in the same place. Sure, there are more men than women, but everyone follows the rules I’ve set up. You’d be under my protection anyway, so there’s nothing for you to worry about.” _

_ Beth contemplated it. Fifty people was a large group. Far more than they had had at the prison, which might be a good thing. Strength in numbers, she figured. Yet, a small part of her wondered whether someone in her family might have made their way North and if there was a small chance that they might have crossed paths with Negan too. What if they were with him in that safe place that he had? _

_ “So, what’s it gonna be, Angel?” Negan asked, once again holding his hand out. _

_ Beth looked at it for a moment before taking it in hers. She looked up into Negan’s eyes and when he grinned down at her again, she offered him a small smile back. _

-§-

Beth closed her eyes as she settled on the couch, making room for Daryl as well. Her leather jacket would be enough to keep her warm, although, she had made sure to get Daryl an extra blanket. She didn’t answer his questioning gaze when she had handed it to him because she wasn’t quite sure how she was supposed to tell him that she just didn’t want him to feel any worse than he already did. He had accepted the painkillers that she had given him, but he still seemed to be wary of her. Not that she could blame him considering that she wasn’t exactly the most forthcoming person at the moment either.

So much had changed since she had left Grady. Back then, she had still desperately tried to hold on to the person that she had been before, but once she was out in the wild, she knew that there was no point in denying her change. Still, she hadn’t been as cold as she considered herself to be now; she had still cared about people and tried to see the best in them. Yes, her memories from the hospital weren’t pleasant and she wasn’t a fool to believe that everyone in the world was good. However, she knew that she couldn’t trust anyone until they proved that they could be trusted.

Her mind was filled with thoughts and memories of that time. The short couple of months when she was new to Negan’s group, before she realized that there was no reason for her to care about anyone other than herself anymore. The wheels kept turning in her head and she placed the palms of her hands against her chest, counting the beats of her heart as she tried to fall asleep. She knew that they weren’t safe, but she couldn’t remember a time when she had been. The Sanctuary had been a good enough place until it wasn’t but after what had happened, she had never fully let her guard down there either.

With the recent events that had transpired, she wondered whether she could keep telling herself that she didn’t care; that she  _ shouldn’t  _ care. The problem was that she knew that she did. She cared, because why would she otherwise risk exposing her planned escape by stopping Turner and his men from murdering Glenn? Why would she otherwise have protected Annie and Emma? And why would she have bothered with adjusting her plan and moving things forward when Daryl had been captured?

Four people breaking out of the Sanctuary only raised the risk of getting caught. Why had she still helped them, if she didn’t actually care on some level?

Beth sighed to herself, squeezing her eyes shut tighter. She wished sleep would just come so that she could leave those thoughts somewhere else. Although, with the way that she kept combing through her memories of her three years alone, she just knew that she was in for one of those long, restless nights.

-§-

_ She started getting a hang of things about a week after she got to the factory where Negan and his people were living. The basics of the system were easy to understand and a few of the women had taken it upon themselves to teach her how things worked there. They were all warriors in their own way, the oldest people being no more than around fifty years old or so from what she had gathered. Negan had been honest about there not being any kids around, but he hadn’t mentioned that the men outnumbered the women by a large number. _

_ That wasn’t the reason that she was walking up to Negan’s office at the moment, though. One of the women, Paige, had mentioned something casually while they had been walking through the hallways, but it had bothered Beth so much that she needed to hear it from Negan to know if it was really true.  _

_ She stepped into his office without knocking and the man looked up at her, angry frown turning into a wide grin. _

_ “Angel!” he exclaimed, sounding a bit surprised that she was there. “Don’t you know that people around here need to  _ knock,  _ at least, before entering my office?” _

_ Beth just looked at him, “What’s this I hear about you having more than one wife?” _

_ Negan gave her a once over. “Now, who told you that?” he wondered. _

_ “Does it matter?” Beth questioned. “Is it true?” _

_ Silence which spoke for itself filled the room, but Negan didn’t seem very bothered. He did, however, look like he hadn’t been expecting the conversation to come up right at this moment. Would he even have told her about that? _

_ “Yes,” Negan said slowly. “It’s true. I have five wives.” _

_ “That’s sick,” Beth shook her head. “How the hell does that even work? I thought you told me that this wasn’t that kind of establishment?” _

_ “Well,” Negan scoffed, “it’s not like I force them to be with me. I simply offer them an easier life here and they accept.” _

_ “What kind of offer is that?” Beth frowned at him. _

_ “Oh, sweet Angel,” Negan said, standing up from his seat. He walked around the desk and stepped up to her, reaching for a strand of her hair, twirling it around his finger. “You see, not all women are cut out for this world. Some have had their men protecting them throughout this fuckshow and when they get here, they don’t even have a fucking clue how to use a knife without poking their own fucking eye out.” _

_ Beth stood still as Negan circled around her, his fingers releasing the lock of hair before trailing over the back of her shoulders. “So, the thing that happens is that I simply offer them an out from all the heavy work around this place,” Negan said. “I tell them: ‘Be my wife, and the only hard work you’ll have to do is in the fucking bedroom’ and if they agree to my terms, no fucker is allowed to fucking touch them. See the appeal yet?” _

_ “No,” Beth bit out, her eyes narrowing. _

_ Negan chuckled, “No, I’m sure you do.” He came to stand in front of her again, leaning down and closer to her face so that he could look at her. There was still a smirk on his face. “I think you just don’t fucking like it, because you’ve obviously had to fucking fight to survive. You wanna ask me why they get the easy-fucking-way-out-card.” _

_ “It’s wrong,” Beth said, forcing herself to not cower away from him, even though her mind kept screaming at her to back away. _

_ “It’s the new fucking world order,” Negan countered. “No one is being raped here, Beth. I don’t allow that shit. My wives have chosen their fucking position of their own volition and the men that they were with before they came here fucking know that.” _

_ “They’re  _ here? _ ” Beth’s eyes widened. _

_ “They work for me, Angel,” Negan grinned. “You’ve got me fucking curious though. You’re under my protection either way, but would you like to add some… mutual pleasure, to the arrangement?” _

_ Beth’s mouth dropped open, “Are you actually asking me whether I wanna be your…  _ wife? _ ” _

_ “You’re a pretty woman,” Negan shrugged. “A bit young, maybe, but I’ve seen crazier shit happen. How old are you even?” _

_ Beth mentally did a count, not having thought of her age for so long that she had almost forgotten it completely. Was age even important in this world? It didn’t seem very relevant. _

_ “Why?” Beth wondered instead of replying. _

_ “Humor me, Angel,” Negan pressed. _

_ “I… I’m about nineteen. Twenty at most.” _

_ “In the old world, you’re over the age of consent,” Negan stated, as if it wasn’t obvious already. “See, it’s not  _ that  _ fucked up.” _

_ “Age has nothing to do with it, though,” Beth frowned. “That’s just a number nowadays anyway. My problem is with you thinking I’d actually agree to something so… Something so  _ fucked up _.” _

_ Negan barked out a laugh, “Now, that’s the fucking spirit! I knew you were a warrior the moment you saved my life, and that’s why I didn’t offer you the honor of being wife number six.” He smirked down at her before pulling back from her. “The offer still stands, though. If you ever change your fucking mind.” _

_ “Don’t worry,” Beth said, standing as tall as she could. “I don’t plan on bein’ anyone’s wife any time soon.” _

_ Negan smirked, “Didn’t think so.” _

-§-

“No…wife…”

The muttered words woke Daryl from the half-slumber he had fallen into. He shifted slightly, looking around the cabin before hearing the words again. His eyes settled on Beth, just as she let out a small moan.

She was still asleep, wasn’t she? Was she dreaming something?

Daryl moved again, slowly sitting up. He tried to keep his movements as small as possible so that he wouldn’t wake her up, but the second he shifted, Beth’s eyes snapped open and she jumped. Daryl was startled when her hand moved from under her pillow and she raised a curved dagger into the air, as if she had been expecting an assailant of some sort. Fortunately, her eyes soon settled on him and it took only a few seconds before she relaxed again, lowering the dagger.

“You okay?” Daryl asked after a few beats of silence passed.

Beth focused her eyes on her lap, “Yeah. Never better.”

“Wanna talk ‘bout it?” he found himself asking then. It had been a natural thing to ask  _ her _ , even though he wasn’t the most talkative person when it came to nightmares and things like that.

“Is Daryl Dixon offering to talk about  _ feelings? _ ” Beth wondered, sounding amused. “Wow, the world really has gone to shit.”

“Ya don’t gotta be a bitch about it,” Daryl said, leaning back again. His tone wasn’t angry though. In fact, he was feeling a bit more relaxed around her. Perhaps it was because he had just woken up and the painkillers that she had given him were working their magic on him.

“Sorry, Daryl,” Beth said, lips twitching. “I guess that’s just who I am now.”

He snorted, shaking his head at her. A comfortable silence filled the room, which surprised Daryl somewhat. Considering how Beth had been with him up until now, her acting as if she didn’t have a list of shit that should be bothering her, was a nice change. His thoughts wandered to the night before, when they had been on watch and she had insisted on checking on his injuries. After three years in the Safe Zone, Daryl had gotten used to taking his shirt off when people were examining him. He’d suffered enough injuries over the years and he had gotten comfortable enough around Denise to allow her to patch him up. The woman was nice and he trusted her because he knew she’d never ask any questions about his scars or make assumptions either for that matter. He had hesitated a bit when Beth had asked him to remove his shirt though. The fact that she was so different from the girl that he remembered had played a part in his reluctance. It was hard for him to decide whether it was okay to put his trust in Beth, though in the end, he had chosen to do so because she  _ had  _ gone out of her way to get them all out of the Sanctuary.

The thing that he thought of the most was how she had pressed the flat of her palm against his skin. She hadn’t said anything about the marks that marred his skin, just as he never really asked her about the scars on her face. Still, her touching him like that had made him feel  _ something. _ It reminded him of their time in the moonshine shack; of the argument that had ended with Beth embracing him and holding him together. Her touch last night had had the same effect once he had allowed himself to feel it. It was as if three years of underlying brokenness and pain had started to heal, but he wasn’t sure that he would ever admit that to anyone. He had enjoyed it too much almost and with Beth not wanting to come with them to the Safe Zone, he was sure that it was better for him not to get used to having her around again.

That was something which bothered him.

He didn’t want to just roll over and let her leave again. It was what he had done that first time that they had crossed paths and when he had gone back to the Zone, Maggie had been the one to question his choice in letting Beth go. He had thought that he had made the right decision then, and a part of him still believed he had. The way that Beth had acted then had made him believe that she truly was unstable and that she had grown so cold that she was no longer the young woman that he had once known. After everything that he had seen afterward and at the Sanctuary, Daryl was beginning to realize that things had been more complicated than he could have imagined during that first meeting of theirs. Things had never been as simple as ‘either she comes with or she doesn’t’ and he knew that now. Back then, he had suspected that there was more to the story than she was letting on and he knew that she was somehow making decisions that would protect their family in the long run. She had told him that it was better for them all if they never saw one another again and he hadn’t wanted to hear the things that she wasn’t saying. It was the hidden meaning behind her words that he had started to grasp when he had been captured and forced to witness Negan’s powerplay. The man was messed up in ways that Daryl had never seen before, but the thing that made him dangerous was that he seemed to think himself to be invincible. Daryl couldn’t wait to prove him wrong.

When it came to Beth, though, things were complicated. He understood on some level why she had been doing what she had been doing and he understood the risks of her coming with them. It was obvious to Daryl that Negan seemed to have his eyes set on Beth. The mere thought of that man touching her made some feeling in Daryl’s chest bubble up, but he didn’t want to name it or think about why he felt the urge to kill the sick bastard just rise inside of him. Daryl knew that Negan would without a doubt send people out to search for Beth and the world wasn’t big enough for the Saviors not to come across Alexandria. Beth joining them would only ensure that the Saviors attacked because Daryl knew that Negan would be set on getting Beth back.

He needed to know what she was thinking though, and he didn’t see either of them falling back asleep again any time soon.

“Why don’t ya wanna come with us?” he asked her.

Beth didn’t look at him as she replied, “I’ve done so many things, Daryl.”

“If ya think people will judge ya, don’t,” he said. She turned toward him, her eyes meeting his.

“I can’t take back what I’ve done,” she told him.

“Do ya wish ya could?” Daryl wondered. Her eyes seemed to flicker with something, darkening slightly. She clamped her mouth shut, not answering him in words but giving him an answer nonetheless.

There was something haunting her and he wished that she would just talk to him about it. He wanted to know so that he could reassure her that things would be okay. No matter the risks, he  _ wanted  _ her to come with them. He wanted to convince her that coming back to Alexandria would be a good thing, even though it was dangerous. They could deal with Negan when he came across them again, but until then, she deserved to be in a place where she wouldn’t have to worry about making the wrong move all the time.

Beth’s haunted eyes broke away from his gaze and Daryl found himself wanting to chase all her demons away for her.

-§-

_ A couple of months passed and Beth slowly began to earn the respect of the people in the factory. They knew that she had saved Negan’s life and that alone had earned her some status there. The fact that she was under his protection made people accepting her easier too. _

_She had never stopped showing her distaste of Negan’s wives, but he had never brought up his offer to her again after she had denied him that one time. Since then though, the number of women who had agreed to his terms of ‘_ personal protection and servicing’ _had risen to seven. Beth understood the appeal on some level, but she prided herself in never having been as weak as to stoop to that level of dependence. She was_ strong _and she didn’t need to give herself to anyone in order to be safe._

_ They had just returned from a run. It had been Beth’s first time leading the group and it had been a success. They had found the medicine that they needed and some of the men had managed to shoot down a deer, which meant that they would be eating good later that evening. Beth had her debrief with Negan, who had clapped her on the back and told her that he was proud of her. He had taken to personally teaching her the few skills he had gathered over his years in fighting and protecting oneself which according to him made all of her accomplishments his accomplishments. _

_ She walked through the empty hallway toward her bedroom. Her head had been hurting a bit these past few days, but it wasn’t the full-blown migraine attacks that she had had a few times after she had left Grady. It was a side-effect of being shot in the head that Dr. Edwards hadn’t been sure would ever go away. He had told her that it was related to stress and exhaustion, and she figured that it must be that way since she hadn’t been getting much sleep recently. _

_ A few days before she had gone on the run, a lone man had shown up at the gates of the factory. Apparently, he had been watching them for a week and finally decided to ask whether he could join them. Negan had agreed to let the man join, giving him a rundown of the rules of the factory, but Beth had pulled the leader aside and expressed her concerns. There had been something in the eyes of the strange man that she didn’t like. He hadn’t been looking at her in particular, but there was something about the air around him. Negan had told her that it was just  _ one  _ man and that he would be let in on a trial run before Negan made an official decision. Beth hadn’t liked it, though, she knew that she had no final say in the matter. _

_ It had been difficult for her to sleep, knowing that the strange man was sleeping just a few doors down from her room. The lock on her door had been broken since she had gotten there but since Negan didn’t allow his men and women to force themselves on anyone and considering how he had expressed the fact that Beth was under his protection, she hadn’t worried much about it until then. On her run, she had found a couple of locks and she knew that someone in the group would help her install them on her door. _

_ Beth walked through the hallway, deep in thought but froze when she rounded the corner. By her bedroom door, the strange man stood, casually waiting for something; for  _ her. _ She was painfully aware of the fact that everyone else was in the dining hall, feasting on the broth that the cooks had prepared for them tonight and celebrating a good haul. The hairs raised on her arms as she took him in. His hair was greasy, despite the fact that he had showered when he had been allowed to move into the factory with them, his clothes rumpled. It was the look in his eyes though that made Beth swallow thickly. She had seen it before, she remembered. At Grady, in the eyes of one of the officers. It had been before her being shot and he had ended up becoming dinner for the walker of a woman he had without a doubt raped several times over. _

_ “What are you doing here?” Beth asked, keeping her voice calm. He was bigger than her and no matter how much she had been training recently, she doubted that she could take him in a fight. There was no way for her to alert anyone to help her, so she needed to make her way out of there and back to the dining area. _

_ “It’s been a while,” the man only said, taking a step toward her. “All the other women in this place seem to be taken… I ain’t ever seen you with anyone but Negan, though I doubt he’d be interested in a stick as yourself.” _

_ Beth took a small step backward as he approached her. She hadn’t even bothered to learn his name because she had figured that she’d be able to avoid him and wouldn’t need it. The number of people in their group had risen to close to a hundred and there was no way for her to remember all the names anyway. There were very few that she actually interacted with within the walls and this man, this  _ predator,  _ had certainly not been one that she would have wanted to get to know. _

_ “I don’t belong to anyone, but there are rules here,” Beth said, narrowing her eyes. _

_ “Fuck the rules,” the man snorted. “I ain’t askin’ you to belong to me, ‘cause trust me, you ain’t the kind of woman I’d normally be interested in. You’re just the skinniest little thing in this place, and I’m sure you ain’t gonna be puttin’ up much of a fight.” _

_ He closed the distance between them, faster than Beth would have expected and grabbed her wrists in a tight grip to stop her from reaching for her knife. He pushed her against the wall, but she managed to lift her knee to his groin. The man groaned and his grip on her loosened enough for her to break away from him. She began running, hearing her shirt rip slightly when the man tried reaching for her and grabbing on to it. She ignored the chill that made its way through her body and she forced herself to keep running. _

_ Beth could hear his footsteps behind her. He was following her, but she didn’t dare to look back because it would only slow her down. She needed to get to Negan or the dining hall. There was no way that she would able to stop the crazy man from attacking her on her own. _

_ He closed in on her and she could see his shadow looming just behind hers as he reached for her. His fingers tangled in her hair and he pulled, his grip on her rough, making her gasp in pain as she was forced backward, falling on the ground. She could feel small stones that had been carried inside the factory with people’s boots digging into her bare back as he man lowered himself over her, sitting on her thighs so that she wouldn’t be able to kick him off. _

_ “Why are you doing this?” Beth asked, feeling tears sting in her eyes when he tightened his grip on her wrists and forced her hands above her head. He held on to her there with one hand as she struggled against him. His other hand moved over the skin of her stomach as he began unbuttoning her pants. _

_ “Told you,” the man grinned wickedly. “It’s been a while.” _

_ Beth struggled, trying to throw him off, but he was pinning her down and was too strong for her to take on. Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes when he finished unbuttoning her jeans and moved to his own. _

_ She couldn’t help it anymore when the reality of what was about to happen hit her. _

_ She screamed, hoping with everything she had left that someone would hear her. _

-§-

“I was planning to get out of there for a while,” Beth said. Daryl turned his attention to her. They were still half laying down on the couch, on opposite sides so that they would have room. She had been quiet since he had asked her whether she wished she could take back the things she had done and he hadn’t been expecting her to speak again, at least not to him. He had been careful not to push her to share too much, even though a big part of him wanted to know everything that had happened to her. Yet, he decided to take her speaking as a sign of her welcoming at least some questions on his part.

“Why?” he asked her.

“Something happened,” she shrugged. “Made me see Negan in a new light, I suppose.”

“What happened? What changed?” he wondered.

“Maybe I’ll tell you one day,” Beth mused, her lips quirking up into a small smile. “The important thing is that I wanted out of there. You being captured just sped things along. I was going to kill Luke, but I didn’t and I don’t want to think about how me not killing him makes me soft.”

“Ya ain’t soft, Beth,” Daryl said. “I already told ya what I think ‘bout you sparin’ that kid.”

“He was innocent,” Beth said. “I forced him into a game that he didn’t understand. Me not killing him might have just secured his death by Negan’s hand.”

“There’s no way for ya to know for sure,” Daryl said, trying to offer her some comfort at least.

“You don’t know Negan like I do,” Beth said quietly. “He’s capable of a lot and he’s not stupid or naive. He won’t believe the story I told Luke to spin. Even if I didn’t pull the trigger myself, I am the one who killed him.”

Daryl could hear the hopelessness in her tone and he didn’t like it at all. She sounded defeated and regretful, at least when it came to risking the life of the young man who had aided them in their escape. “Ya don’t know if he’s dead,” he tried to tell her. “Ya gotta let go of the past and keep going forward. It’s gonna get ya killed otherwise.”

“Who taught you that?” Beth said, looking over at him. A lazy, albeit sad smile made its way onto her face.

“Some crazy girl,” Daryl said, the corner of his own lip twitching. “She pushed me to work through some shit. I’m sure I owe her for that.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Daryl,” Beth countered.

“Who said it was you?” Daryl said, not being able to stop himself from saying it in a teasing tone. He knew that the talk they were having could end up depressing pretty soon, but all he wanted to do was keep the small smile that he was seeing on her face. He never wanted to see her frowning again.

“Okay, let’s say it’s not me,” Beth shook her head at him. “Who was she then?”

“An accomplice in my first go at arson,” he deadpanned.

His heart thudded loudly in his chest when Beth laughed lightly. For just the fraction of a second, she looked at peace and  _ happy  _ with being there. She looked as if she was enjoying talking to him and he had to admit that it was the first conversation between the two of them that he didn’t feel any animosity - fake or real - aimed at himself.

“I wish I could come with you,” she finally admitted, her tone solemn. “But I can’t. Not with what I’ve done or the risks that it would mean for your community.”

“The risks were always there,” Daryl stated. “You comin’ with us don’t change that.” He sighed to himself and then moved to sit a bit straighter. Beth had brought both of her knees up so that she could rest her chin on them as she watched him, her arms wrapped around her legs. “Beth, I’ve seen what Negan’s capable of. I know ya think we can’t handle him, but with you there, we’d have more information an’ be prepared.”

“You don’t know it all, Daryl,” Beth shook her head. “You’ve just seen him showin’ off his power over the Saviors. He likes makin’ a show, but he hasn’t actually shown you any of the horrible things he can do.”

“I saw the man that was strapped to the fence,” Daryl told her. “When they brought me in,” he added when he saw confusion pass over her face.

“Negan didn’t do that,” Beth frowned. 

Daryl could feel the change in the air between them. By the look in her eyes, he knew that he didn’t need to ask but he did anyway. “Who did it then?”

“I did,” Beth answered, her eyes cold again. “I was the one who ordered them to string him up like that. I was the one who killed him.”

Daryl cleared his throat, “Who was he?”

“He… He tried to hurt me,” she said, swallowing. Daryl observed her face carefully. “He tried to rape me.”

Daryl tensed, his hands balling up into fists. Anger welled inside of him at her words and it wasn’t directed at her.

“I did what I had to do to prove to everyone that I was strong,” Beth said. “Negan and I made an example out of him so that no other man would ever dare try to force himself on me.”

-§-

_ Beth felt the pebbles digging into her back as the man laid his full weight on her. She could feel his arousal pressing against the bare skin of her stomach as he lifted her torn shirt up, pressing his rough lips against her throat. She felt his teeth graze the sensitive skin around her neck and she let out another scream. _

_ He covered her mouth with his hand, “Shut up, you little-” _

_ The heavy weight of the man lifted suddenly and Beth let out a gasp, scrambling back as she saw him being pulled up by the neck of his shirt by Negan. The man yelped when Negan’s fist connected with his face and he let out gurgling sounds when Negan put his hand around his throat, squeezing. _

_ “I thought I was fucking clear about my rules, Evan,” Negan spat. Beth wiped at her face furiously when she saw some people of the group standing on the other end of the hallway. It seemed like everyone had come to see what all the noise was about and she didn’t want them seeing her tears. _

_ “You were clear,” the man choked out. _

_ “Then can you imagine how fucking pissed I am now when I find you trying to force yourself on  _ my Angel? _ ” Negan said. “If I hadn’t been on my fucking way to see her, I would have never heard her scream. I’m gonna make you regret ever laying a fucking finger on her you fucking prick.” _

_ Beth’s heart hammered away inside her chest as she watched Negan’s face emit just how angry he was. She hadn’t been there for more than a few months, but his rules were  _ law  _ and if they were broken, one needed to suffer the consequences. She had witnessed him punishing some of his people from time to time and she knew that rape was pretty much considered a capital offense in Negan’s eyes. For the first time since she had gotten there, Beth found herself not minding Negan punishing someone. In fact, the fear she had felt earlier disappeared when one of the women stepped up and gave her a clean shirt to pull on before wrapping her up in a thin blanket. Beth stood there, watching Negan talk to the man who had tried to rape her, but his words weren’t making their way into her head. Instead, her ears were ringing and a rage that she had never felt before bubbled up inside of her. She was  _ strong  _ and she wasn’t going to let anyone think that she wasn’t. She was going to prove herself in everyone’s eyes and  _ show  _ them just what would happen if they ever crossed her again. _

_ “Stop,” she said, her voice calm, collected. She looked at Negan who turned towards her. _

_ “Angel,” he said through gritted teeth, “are you aware of what this man was about to fucking do to you?” _

_ “I am,” she replied. “Don’t kill him.” _

_ “What?” Negan hissed. “You’re not in your right fucking mind. I’m gonna gut this motherfucker and make him eat his own intestines-” _

_ “No,” Beth said. “I want to deal with him… Publically.” _

_ For a short moment, Negan looked confused, Then, a slow smile began to form. “All right,” he said. “I’m curious to see this.” _

-§-

“I made them strap him to a chair first,” Beth said, her eyes once again connecting with Daryl’s. She wanted him to see her for what she was. Force him to face the fact that she was no longer the young girl who sang out in public like it was all fun. She only sang when she was forced to and that day, she had known that she didn’t have another choice. She needed to prove to everyone and herself that she wouldn’t accept being mistreated in that way ever again.

“I had everyone watch me as I stripped him down of his clothes, leaving him only in his underwear. I wanted to humiliate him, like he had wanted to do to me,” she said. “For hours, I cut him up with a knife. I wrote my name on his back with his own blood and I made him  _ beg  _ for the mercy of death. After that, I ordered the others to put his clothes back on and tie him up again.” The memory of what she had done that day was still fresh in her mind. She relived it some nights, waking up in cold sweat because she knew what could have happened to her if Negan hadn’t been there to save her.

Beth cleared her throat, “I ordered them to lower him down between the fences, were the walkers were. I watched him cry and scream as they tore into his feet and ate his flesh, right down to the bone.” She looked at Daryl, but he was keeping his face carefully still, as if he didn’t want to show her how her story was really making him feel. She knew that he must be disgusted by her and what she had done. That she had been capable of putting someone, a human being, through such a thing. In that moment though, that man -  _ Evan  _ \- had been nothing more than a monster to her. That was why she had treated him as such.

“He just  _ wouldn’t die _ ,” Beth continued. “The walkers ate his feet and we pulled him back up again. He was infected and he was going to die anyway, but I forced him to apologize and I forced him to confess things that I knew deep in my heart that he had done. He confessed to raping and murdering several girls and after he had done that, I spat at his face and I gutted him in the parking lot. Then I just watched him bleed out.”

A long silence filled the cabin when she stopped talking. She felt as if some kind of weight had been lifted off of her shoulders because she knew that she had now proved to Daryl that she  _ wasn’t  _ good; that she shouldn’t come back with them to their community. She should be kept away from them because she was sick. What she had done was unforgivable, but she didn’t feel remorse for any of it.

“Are you done?” Daryl finally asked, his voice low and raspy. She waited a beat before nodding at him. “Who tied him back up there?”

“That was Negan’s idea,” she confessed. “He killed him when he turned into a walker and then he ordered his men to string him up there as a reminder. But he didn’t do it without me agreeing, so okay, maybe that was me too...”

Daryl was quiet and she knew that she had succeeded with what she had set out to do. He knew now and now, there truly was no going back.

-§-

_ Later, Beth sat in Negan’s bedroom, holding the blanket over her chest as the factory’s doctor removed the small stones that had dug deep into the skin of her back. _

_ “There’s going to be some scarring,” the doctor said. “Other than that, you should heal up just fine.” _

_ Beth didn’t say anything, just looked straight ahead, into emptiness. She heard Negan say something to the doctor and then the man walked out of the room, leaving her alone with the man who had saved her. _

_ “You don’t owe me anythin’ anymore,” she said after a while. “I saved your life and now you saved mine.” _

_ “Oh, come on,” Negan said. “Don’t be like that. I did what I swore I would do. I don’t break my fucking promises, Beth.” _

_ Beth looked down at her hands, which were still covered with dry blood. Negan kneeled down in front of her, picking up a wet rag as he began wiping away the blood and drying her up. _

_ “You’re gonna sleep in here tonight, all right?” he asked. “I’ll even give you the bed.” _

_ “I just want to go back,” Beth whispered, still not meeting his eyes. “What I did-” _

_ “Was what that fucking rapist  _ deserved _ ,” he interrupted her. “Don’t you fucking dare regret that. You were fucking  _ amazing  _ out there!” _

_ He didn’t understand she meant when she said that she wanted to go back. It wasn’t about regretting what had happened out there, but rather going back and doing her best to fight to be with her family. She wished she was still with them. She missed them, especially now, and no matter how angry she was with them for just leaving her behind, she always would. _

_ “I don’t regret what I did to him,” she snapped, looking up into his eyes. “But where does it stop? Why did it feel good to do that?” _

_ “Because you were the one in control,” Negan said. “That’s what you liked. That’s what you enjoyed.” He reached for her cheek, brushing his thumb against her cheekbone as he cupped her face. “You were fucking beautiful out there. You looked fierce, impeccable… Fucking irresistible.” _

_ She could feel his breath against her lips and she sensed him moving forward. For a moment, she didn’t know what he was doing, but as soon as she realized it, she placed her hand on his chest and pushed him back. He paused and met her eyes, a half-smile appearing on his lips. “Sorry,” he muttered silently. “Guess I’m not as good at hiding when I feel attracted to someone,” he said. _

_ “I almost got raped,” Beth stated. “I hardly think that now is the time for me to… You know.” _

_ “Mhm… I would never,” Negan said. “Not you. Never you.” _

_ Beth nodded, allowing him to pull her forward. She pressed her forehead against his chest, finding some comfort there. “You saved my life,” she repeated. “You’re… You’re my  _ savior _ and this right here… It’s my sanctuary.” _

_ “I fucking like the sound of that,” Negan said, his fingers combing through her hair as she closed her eyes and breathed. _

-§-

“It don't matter,” Daryl said. Beth looked up at him and he wasn’t surprised that he had startled her. They had been silent for too long. His voice was quiet once again, almost resolved and he was surprised by how he managed to keep an even tone. “What ya did, it don’t matter.”

“You don't know what I did after that,” Beth told him, her eyes igniting with the same fire that he knew burned within her. “What I've done to other men. Other predators.” 

“Ya did it to survive,” Daryl said. He didn’t want to defend her actions but he knew that if he had been there and gotten his hands on the bastard who had tried to force himself on Beth, he wouldn’t have done anything differently. “Ya did what ya had to do.”

At first when Beth had told him what she had done, he had been in too big of a shock to know what to say. Once they had fallen silent, he had had some time to think things through and he knew that what she had done must have shocked her too, especially after she had almost been raped. He didn’t want to tell her that it was okay, but it was in the past. He was certain that they had all done some fucked up shit before they had gotten to Alexandria. Hell, he knew how they had lured the survivors of Terminus to the church and  _ butchered  _ them. Beth had been pushed to her limit and it had ended badly for the people on the receiving end.

“I killed people, Daryl,” Beth stated.

“We've all killed people,” he retorted.

“No,” she shook her head. “You don't understand.” Looking up at him, she continued, “I tortured

people for Negan. Went on for hours and hours, to get the information that I needed out of them. I gutted would-be-rapists from head to toe and I made them feel the pain before I had them begging for death. I murdered them, Daryl. In cold blood.” He remained silent. “I don’t even know if all of them were as bad as Negan made them out to be, but I trusted him because he was the one who  _ saved  _ me that day. He was there for me when no one else was and I believed in him and everything he said.” She took a deep, ragged breath and shook her head, “He saw me differently after that day and once he started getting more power, I became a game to him too. He wanted power and he forced everyone who opposed him to kneel, even me. He wanted to break me, but he had spent so much time building me into the perfect killing machine that he didn’t know how to tear me down.” She wiped at her cheeks and Daryl realized that there were tears falling from her eyes. “So tell me again, how it doesn't matter,” she said, meeting his eyes once again. “Tell me how I'm not sick because I actually enjoyed killing those sons of bitches and tell me how I’m not a monster, when I know that I am.”

Daryl lifted himself up into a sitting position and scooted closer to her. His side hurt like hell, but he couldn’t just watch her anymore. Much like that first time that they had seen each other, he reached out and took her wrists in his. He wasn’t sure how he managed to do it without injuring himself any further, but he lifted her up, ignoring the pain that shot through his side and pulled her into his lap. Her knees rested on either side of him as he gently placed his hands on her shoulder blades. Beth tensed for a second before one of his hands moved into her hair and he pulled her down so that she could rest her forehead against his shoulder. She exhaled and he felt her grip his shirt. Something wet connected with his skin and he knew that she was crying, but he only held her tighter. He knew that hadn’t said it, but he knew what remorse felt and sounded like. She might not regret killing the first bastard, though he knew that she regretted following every kill order that Negan had given her after that. She would never know if what she had done was the right thing or if those people had actually committed the crimes that he had accused them of. Something Negan had done had clearly forced her to see him for what he was and Daryl knew that that alone proved that she wasn’t what she thought he was.

“You’re not a monster,” he whispered. “You were put in a tough spot several times over. You thought what you were doin’ was right. You’re not a bad person for that,” he took a deep breath, inhaling her scent as he closed his eyes and just allowed himself to  _ feel  _ her, alive and there. “You’re  _ Beth. _ ”

-§-

The next morning Daryl wasn’t really sure how they had made it through the night. Beth had remained in his arms and fallen asleep there and he had only had enough sense to pull a blanket over them both before falling asleep himself. He didn’t know what today would bring, but they had gotten out of the Sanctuary and they would be on their way to Alexandria today. Whether Beth would be coming with them or not, he didn’t know, but he hoped that he had somehow gotten through to her the night before.

He knew now that somewhere deep down, a part of the old her still lived. He had been wrong that first time when he had seen her and told her that she wasn’t herself. He hadn’t known the whole story and yeah, he might not know it all now either, but he knew  _ enough.  _

He still wanted her to come with them and that alone meant something.

Daryl watched Beth as she put away a backpack in the front seat of the car. She turned toward him, as if sensing his gaze and for a moment, he could have sworn that he saw her smile. It could have just been the sun playing tricks on him though, so he didn’t say anything as he walked up to her.

“Packed an’ ready?” he wondered, his voice still thick from the few hours of sleep he had actually gotten in the end.

“Yeah,” Beth said, pulling a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “We’re all ready to leave. You’ll give me the directions and I’ll drive you to the Safe Zone.”

“An’ you?” he wondered.

Beth bit her lip and shrugged. She met his eyes again and then took a step back, walking to the trunk of the car. She opened it up and motioned for him to come closer. He raised an eyebrow at her, but followed her request.

He looked down in the trunk and his jaw went slack, eyebrows shooting high up his head as he turned to look at her, his silent question shining through.

She shrugged at him, “It wouldn’t have felt right for anyone else to take it. As soon as they brought it down to the weaponry, I grabbed it for you. I knew all along that I was gonna break you out of there.”

Daryl reached down and lifted up his crossbow from the trunk, giving the weapon a once over. He saw a couple of extra bolts attached to it and he raised an eyebrow at Beth again.

“Dwight,” she said. “He’s a guy at the Sanctuary. He uses a crossbow and I figured he didn’t need  _ all  _ the bolts he had stored.” Daryl didn’t even know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. “I don’t know what will happen when we get to your community,” Beth said. “I don’t know if I’ll be welcomed or if I’ll stay for even a day. I’m still angry, Daryl. I have so much anger inside of me that I know I need to work through. You were right,” she told him. “It’s been killing me slowly and I don’t want to die. I want to pull through and survive. I need to face my demons and that’s one of the reasons that I’ll agree to  _ try. _ ”

“One of the reasons?” Daryl rasped out his question.

Beth only smiled, giving him a look that left him slightly confused. She took a few steps back and then walked to the front seat. She called out for Annie and Emma to get in the car and Daryl felt that tight pull in his stomach again, but this time around, it wasn’t painful.

He shook his head at himself and followed Beth’s example, getting into the car. Whatever it was that he was feeling, he could deal with it later when they were behind safe walls.

-§-

The car pulled up outside of the big wall. The engine was cut off and Spencer raised his rifle, aiming at the foreign vehicle.

“Step out of the car and present yourself!” he called out loudly.

The door of the driver opened and two pale hands appeared, followed by leather clad arms. A blonde head followed and he watched as the young woman closed the door and stood still, keeping her hands raised above her head.

“Tell me your name and your business here!” Spencer called again.

The young woman took a step closer to the wall and he aimed his rifle at her. “My name is Beth Greene,” the woman called out. “I have an Annie, an Emma and a Mr. Daryl Dixon with me. Now, are you going to lower that weapon and let me in, or am I going to have to wait all day long while Daryl complains about me not letting him step out first?”

Spencer lowered his weapon slowly when he heard the woman giggle. He saw the window of the car being lowered and then Daryl’s head popped out. “Just open the fuckin’ gate!” Daryl snapped. “I need some pain meds an’ Annie needs to see her boy!”

Spencer looked down at Eugene and nodded quickly, giving the order. The gates rolled open and Spencer looked back at the young woman who grinned at the car for just a moment. He watched her as she stepped into the vehicle again, started it back up and drove them through the gate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! That certainly was a long one, wasn't it? :) I really hope you enjoyed it, especially since it was kind of "jumpy" compared to some of the other things I've written. I wanted to end the chapter on a happier note because so far it's all been so angsty and this chapter was especially dark in some aspects. It was important for me to show Beth wanting to "get better" and deal with her anger and confront it all. Her telling Daryl that story was her sort of cracking a bit and beginning to fully let him in, because despite everything that has happened, she trusts him deep down. All of their issues won't magically disappear though, but this is the beginning of them working together to get through some things. Beth has had a lot of things bottled up and she's starting to let her guard down, finally.
> 
> I really hope that it makes sense to all of you and this story is still far from being finished! We have a long way to go and issues to deal with as well as threats.
> 
> Oh, I almost forgot. The Negan we got to see in these flashbacks was the Negan that Beth first got to know. Yes, he was still the leader of the Saviors and he had his "wives", but he wasn't playing games with Beth and "wanting" her yet. He respected her in another way, but after all of what happened, when he began finding the other communities and threatening them, he sort of "lost it", suppose. At least that's the way that things are in my story! :)
> 
> Okay, I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading and please, leave a review and let me know what you thought! Favorite moment? Surprising moment? What do you think will happen next?
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support and I'll see you guys in a week! ;) xx


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth comes face to face with her family and Daryl recognizes that there might still be some feelings that he hasn't given himself the chance to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, wow! The response to the previous chapter was amazing. Thank you so much to everyone who read and took their time to comment. You're part of the reason that this chapter too passed the 10k word count. In fact, this chapter is approximately 10,650 words long!
> 
> I've noticed that many of you would like to see Negan's point of view on Beth being missing, but unfortunately, this story is mainly told from Beth and Daryl's point of view. However, I was thinking about writing a longer one-shot which I would be able to post parallell with a future chapter of Endurance. That way, I would be able to give you Negan's point of view without actually spoiling anything of the future of this story! :) Tell me if you'd be interested in a companion piece and I'll see if I can outline something! ;)
> 
> Now, please enjoy this chapter, but a fair warning: I haven't had time to spell-check it properly! All mistakes are mine and I promise to look through it tomorrow and correct any mistakes that made it in there! ;) Enjoy!

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 13**

 

There were a number of things that followed after they drove through the gate. Firstly, Beth turned to look at Daryl who gave her a curt nod. She understood that it was his way of reassuring her that things would be all right, but she could already feel the nerves creeping inside of her. Secondly, Annie and Emma got out of the car and Beth heard Annie asking about her son as she began sobbing in the arms of the man who had told her to present herself.

“Daryl,” she said as she looked at him again. “Should we…?”

“Yeah,” Daryl nodded. “Sure.”

He opened his own door and Beth waited for him to step outside before she took a deep breath and followed him. It was warm outside but she didn’t want to shed her leather jacket just yet. She glanced around at the houses and took in the wall which had clearly been reinforced recently. There were people looking out through their windows to see what the big commotion was about and she even saw some people stepping out on their porches.

Beth looked away and down, not wanting to meet anyone’s eyes accidentally in case it was someone from their family. Right now, the only person she knew for sure that she could be around, it was Daryl and she was going to stick to him until he took her to the rest of their family. Unless they found them first, that is.

“Mr. Dixon!”

Beth looked at the older woman who walked toward him with hurried steps. She seemed to have mildly shocked expression when she took in Daryl’s appearance and Beth figured it might have to do with the fact that he could barely stand straight on his own at the moment.

“I know that I told you to bring us something good back, but I think you might have gone a bit overboard,” the woman mused as she looked at Annie and Emma. “Welcome back,” she nodded at them, gently taking their hands in her own.

“Deanna,” Annie cried silently. “Where’s Jonah?”

“He is fine,” Deanna reassured. “Your boy has been staying with Denise while you’ve been gone. He’s been perfectly safe.” Deanna looked at Emma next, “I’m sorry for your loss, Sweetheart. Steve was a good man.”

Beth found herself moving slowly toward Daryl, coming to stand by his side as she avoided looking at the woman. She felt Deanna’s gaze settle on her though, almost burning into her and it didn’t take long before it started making Beth feel uncomfortable.

“And you are?” Deanna asked, her voice kind but Beth could hear a little wariness in there too.

“Beth,” she replied, lifting her head to face the woman.

“Beth Greene?” Deanna raised an eyebrow, turning to look at Daryl for confirmation. Out of the corner of her eye Beth saw Daryl give the woman a barely noticeable nod. “This is most certainly a wonderful turn of events,” Deanna said, looking her over once. “Welcome to Alexandria, Beth. There are a lot of people here who will be happy to see you and hear that you’re alive.”

Beth felt the gaze of the other two women she had brought with her. She took a small step toward Daryl and nodded her head in his direction instead. “Daryl needs medical attention,” she said. “I think that Annie and Emma should be checked over as well. They haven’t gotten much to eat these past two days, but they’ve been kept hydrated at least.”

Beth shifted on her feet at the look that the woman kept giving her. “What about you, Ms. Greene?” Deanna asked. “Have you been fed properly and do you need medical attention?”

“I’m fine-”

“Denise should check her over too,” Daryl interjected. Beth looked at him instantly but she tried not to show her confusion. She wasn’t injured and he knew that. Why would he want her to be checked on by a doctor?

Daryl looked at her and met her stare. A silent conversation passed between them and she searched his eyes for the reason he wanted her to be looked over. What she found was only a hint of concern and something else. He didn’t want them to be separated, she realized. He wanted her to be with him when he went to see the doctor but he would never admit it flat out. Before they had been separated, Beth had gotten quite good at understanding Daryl’s small gestures and the shifts of his mood. She had known when to be silent and let him lead the way as well as when he would welcome her teasing remarks and taking over his crossbow. It appeared that her ability to read him hadn’t changed all that much during these three years that they had been apart. She would never say it, but she knew for sure that it had something to do with the words they had exchanged the night before; when she had opened up to him about what had happened with Evan and what she had done over the years. It wasn’t her whole story, but it was the main point of when she had decided that it was better to be detached and cold rather than kind and welcoming. She knew that Daryl understood her better on some level and she was glad that she at least had him on her side, no matter what anyone else would think of her when she decided to say something about what she had been through.

Beth didn’t say anything when she allowed her instincts to take over. She took another step toward Daryl, his arm ending up pressed against hers as she reached for his hand. He didn’t want her to leave his side, but just as he would never actually say those words to her, she knew that she would never tell him that there was no place she would rather be while she was inside these walls.

-§-

Deanna sent Spencer to tell Rick and the others that Daryl was back. They had been reinforcing the walls since Daryl hadn’t returned and Rick had been holding emergency meetings every day at Carol and Morgan’s house with their family over what they should do. According to Deanna, Rick had wanted to go out and search for Daryl when two days had passed without a sign of him but since Michonne hadn’t wanted to let him leave without her too, they had instead decided to hold a private family council. It seemed as if they hadn’t been able to let go of him, like Daryl would have wanted them to do. He was family and apparently worth going after. Daryl knew that he wanted to be angry with them for wanting to risk their lives for him, but on the other hand, he knew that he would have done the same for any of them.

They reached the infirmary with Eugene’s help. Daryl had watched with mild amusement as the other man had talked to Beth about how he knew exactly who she was and questioned her on whether she knew the probability of her surviving a shot to the head and how he was glad that she was there, even though he had never actually met her before. Beth hadn’t said a word, but she had given Daryl a questioning look which he had only responded to by shaking his head and offering her a small smile.

Eugene led them to the infirmary and Beth walked side by side with Daryl, not once letting go of his hand. He noticed that every single time an Alexandrian would pop their head out of the window, or call out that ‘Mr. Dixon’ was back, she would lower her head and avoid anyone’s curious gazes. He squeezed her hand every time it happened, wanting to offer her support because he knew that this couldn’t be easy for her.

Hell, it hadn’t been easy for him either the first time that they had arrived at the Safe Zone. He had been an angry mess back then, until Aaron had shown him kindness and Eric had accepted him for the silent, broken man that he had been. He was still broken, in some aspects, but over the years it had become easier to accept how things were in the community and that the people there actually wanted him to be there and didn’t judge him. His brokenness didn’t stem from being unaccepted, but rather from having lost a person that he had cared for deeply. He had managed to hide the pain during most of the three years in Alexandria, but from time to time, it reared its ugly head and he went on a longer hunt and spent some time out in the woods alone. Rick and his family understood it better than the others who assumed that he was only serving the community. Aaron and Eric knew too and they helped him by not asking questions and just being there for him when his grief got too difficult to handle on his own.

That was why he wanted Beth to stay with him while he got checked over. He knew how easy it was to snap and for things to turn sour. He didn’t want her to be alone if things in the Zone got to be too much for her, which he was sure they would eventually. From what he figured, she was used to people fighting to survive. The Sanctuary might have been a place where she was respected and feared, but every day had been about keeping up an act and watching her own back. Now, she was in a place where there were children who would have questions about the new woman and her family which without a doubt would smother her one way or another. Daryl knew that Maggie for one wouldn’t want to ever leave her sister alone again and he was aware of the fact that things would be difficult for a time until Beth decided to forgive her.

As they made their way up the steps of the house where he knew that Denise was waiting for them. Gossip, if anything, traveled quickly inside the Zone because people didn’t have anything better to do other than talk to one another about things that others were doing or had done.

They entered the house, Annie and Emma going in first because Annie was itching to just be cleared so that she could go to her son. When they entered the room that Denise usually practiced her medical skills, a loud “Mommy!” exploded in the silence before the young boy ran into the arms of his sobbing mother.

It was a heartfelt reunion, that was for sure. Daryl couldn’t help but look down at Beth, who was watching the scene without showing any kind of emotion on her face. He understood that she must be thinking of her sister and the rest of their family; probably imagining how  _ their  _ reunion was going to look. Daryl wanted to pull her closer to his side and tell her that things would be all right, but before he could do anything, the door opened and Sarah stepped into the room.

“Daryl,” she said, her voice soft and kind as always as she quickly closed the distance between them and threw her arms around his shoulders. The unexpected hug forced him to let go of Beth’s hand so that he could steady himself and not fall over with the force of the brunette’s embrace. He didn’t know where to put his hands, but they somehow found their way to Sarah’s waist as he allowed her to hold him close.

Daryl felt his face heat up and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Beth take a step away from him and Sarah. Her face was carefully impassive as he looked at her, but her eyes failed to maintain the stoic facade she was trying to pull off. His stomach did a funny thing where something deep inside it clenched and he wanted nothing more than to just let go of Sarah and go to Beth.

“I heard you were back,” Sarah said, finally pulling away from him. “They didn’t know if you were ever going to come back.” Her hands remained on his shoulders as she looked up at him. A blush had made its way onto her cheeks and it made her look even more attractive somehow. Still, as she touched his cheek lightly, Daryl found himself looking toward Beth, who stared at him. It was as if she was challenging him to do something, almost like she was saying ‘Do it and see what happens’ with her eyes. A part of him wondered whether it was possible that Beth had felt the same emotion that he had felt when he had seen the way that Luke had talked to her back in the Sanctuary. Then again, what exactly would  _ that  _ mean, if she did feel the same way that he had felt?

“I’m so happy you’re okay,” Sarah continued. Her smile turned into a frown, “Are you okay?” She looked down and Daryl noticed how she took in his hunched over figure.

“Well, actually, I was just going to check on him,” Denise interjected, lifting her glasses up higher on her nose. “But I guess if you guys wanna keep hugging it out, I can wait. Unless Daryl falls over because he’s looking kind of green.”

Sarah had the decency to look embarrassed as she let go of Daryl, her blush deepening. Daryl glanced down at her when she pulled away and took a step back from him before he turned his attention to Beth again. Her eyes were set on him still and he wondered exactly what was going through her mind. He took a step toward her but she finally turned away. Daryl glanced up, noticing how Sarah’s attention had turned to Beth instead, looking at her curiously.

“I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met,” she said politely, holding her hand out to Beth. “I’m Sarah and I work here as a nurse.”

Beth stared at Sarah’s hand and then looked up at her face. “Beth Greene,” she replied. She didn’t touch the other woman’s hand, only kept staring at her face, observing her critically.

Sarah let her hand drop awkwardly, “Greene? As in Maggie Greene?”

“Wait, you’re Maggie’s relative?” Emma interjected, her mouth gaping. She looked at Daryl. “Does this mean that you knew her all along?”

“I’m Maggie’s sister,” Beth answered. There was something wrong with her voice, Daryl realized, giving her a curious look.

“Her sister?  _ Wow, _ ” Sarah gaped. “I heard that you-”

“Yeah,” Beth interrupted, sounding irritated. She brushed her hair away, almost subconsciously, revealing the small circular scar on her forehead. Daryl’s stomach churned and he felt how the mood was quickly dropping in the room.

Sarah gave Beth an apologetic look and Daryl knew that the woman honestly hadn’t meant anything by what she had said. She would never say anything to hurt another person knowingly and that was something Daryl was certain of.

“Can I check on Daryl now?” Denise wondered, breaking the silence that had fallen in the room. Daryl cleared his throat and nodded, stepping away from Sarah’s side to go sit on the bed that Denise had prepared.

Beth stood in the corner of the room, watching as the doctor worked on him. Whenever he winced, Daryl noticed Beth pinching herself where she stood with her arms crossed. He knew that she was doing it subconsciously and that she would most likely be upset if she knew that he had noticed. He wanted to make her stop though because what had happened to him wasn’t her fault.

While Denise checked on his injuries, Sarah looked over Annie and Emma, clearing them both and giving them the go-ahead to go to their respective homes. Daryl heard Annie thank Beth for helping them again and he started wondering just how much time had passed since they had gotten to the Safe Zone. Where were Rick and the others? Why had no one come yet?

“I’m sure they’re waiting outside,” Denise said, as if reading his mind. “They don’t know which shape you’re in, so they’re probably waiting to barge in her until I tell them that it’s okay to step inside.”

“‘Kay,” Daryl nodded, lifting his arms the best he could so that Denise could wrap a bandage around his torso properly.

“Whoever patched you up knew what they were doing,” Denise said. “The only thing you can do now is rest.”

“Beth was forced to change my bandages,” Daryl said, glancing at the blonde who bit her lip at his mention of her name. She looked like she was uncomfortable in her own skin; like she was just waiting for an explosion to off somewhere.

“You did a good job,” Denise complimented Beth, offering her a light smile. Beth only nodded at her curtly as she lifted her thumb to her mouth, biting down on the nail nervously. “Would you like to sit down?” Denise wondered. “If you wouldn’t mind too much, I’d like to check you over as well.”

“Okay,” Beth replied, walking over to the bed. She sat down next to Daryl who made room for her as he stood up. When he stood, he gently placed his hand on Beth’s shoulder, trying to reassure her that Denise wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. He suspected that Beth had picked up on the fact that the woman didn’t have a bad bone in her body as she had been watching her work on Daryl’s injuries. Glancing over at Sarah, he noticed how her eyes zeroed in on his hand on Beth’s shoulder before shifting her gaze to sort through some pills in a cabinet. He began to feel uncomfortable as he once again thought about the exchange between him and the brunette woman. He couldn’t get Beth’s look out of his mind and he wanted to ask her about it, though, he suspected that she would be the one to bring it up eventually, just like he hadn’t been able to stay silent about Luke. The thought of the young man still irked him and he found himself clenching his jaw for a moment before he tried to set his focus on Beth again.

He was not jealous, and he was going to keep telling himself that until he convinced himself that that was the truth.

-§-

Beth remained sitting as Denise asked her a couple of questions about her health. They were general questions which covered the basics on whether or not she was allergic to anything. Beth replied to them in a clipped but calm tone and watched as the doctor wrote down her answers on a paper.

“Why do you need to know all of this?” Beth frowned after a while. Sarah was still moving around in the room, cleaning away some medical instruments, sneaking glances at Daryl. It annoyed Beth somewhat and all she wanted to do was get up and walk out of the room. Although, if what Denise had said was anything to go by, the rest of her family was probably outside, waiting to see her and Daryl. She didn’t want to face them alone and that was the only reason that she stayed put.

“I’m making a medical chart on you,” Denise replied. “I’ve done it for every member of this community because it makes my job easier when someone comes in sick.”

“I’m not a part of this community, though,” Beth stated, not bothering to look at Daryl because she already knew that he was giving her a look.

“Well, I’m sure that Maggie won’t be letting you out of her sight,” Denise said kindly, offering her a small smile. “You’re going to be welcome here, I know it. Isn’t that right, Daryl?”

Beth resisted the urge to crack a smile at the doctor, not because of her thinking that Beth would be welcomed into Alexandria, but rather because it seemed like the woman enjoyed pushing Daryl to talk. He didn’t seem to mind all too much though, which made Beth wonder just how good of friends he was with Denise.

“Mhm... “ Daryl hummed.

“ _ Words _ , Daryl,” Denise teased. “I do think those are used to communicate one’s thoughts.”

“Beth’s always gonna be welcome here,” he finally said. Beth looked up at him, lips parting slightly. “‘S long as I have somethin’ to say ‘bout it.”

Beth felt her cheeks warm and sho looked back at Denise, who was smiling again. The woman turned back to Beth. “I know it’s gotta be hard for you, but I know a bit about what happened to you in Georgia,” she said.

Beth raised an eyebrow and looked over at Daryl again. He only shook his head as a reply so she turned her questioning gaze back at Denise.

“Oh, my girlfriend, Tara,” Denise explained. “She’s told me a bit about what she went through before coming here and your name came up. I don’t know every little detail, but I do know that you were shot and if that scar on your forehead is any indication, then you are one hell of a lucky girl to have survived that.”

Beth looked at her, “What do you wanna know?”

“How long has it been?” Denise wondered.

“A bit over three years, I reckon,” Daryl replied for her.

Denise waited for Beth’s confirming nod before scribbling it down in the chart. “Okay, and how were you treated afterward?” she continued.

“I was left behind in the trunk of a car, just outside of the hospital,” Beth recited. She had been told the story so many times during her first couple of weeks after waking up at Grady. There had been too many times that she had woken up disoriented and confused, her memory seeming to restart itself every time she fell asleep and woke up again. “The doctors there saw the herd come in and they knew that my family had been forced to run. They couldn’t carry me and run at the same time,” Beth said, looking down at her hands. “The doctor that took care of me - Dr. Edwards - he told me that they had taken my body in, but that one of the officers had felt a pulse. They operated on me immediately when they realized that I was somehow still breathing.”

“The bullet went through and through?” Denise asked.

“Yes. Dr. Edwards said that I was lucky that it did because the risk of infection would have been higher if it had stayed inside me,” Beth said, frown deepening. “They operated on me, sew me up and hooked me to a bunch of machines. They didn’t know if I was ever going to wake up or  _ how  _ I would be if I did… Some of the cops didn’t want to waste resources on me, but the patients protested and gave up some of their own rations for me to have. When I woke up they said it was because I had been kind to them.”

Beth cleared her throat, closing her eyes briefly as the painful memories returned. If she had been more aware back then, she would have told Dr. Edwards not to bother with her. A part of her had hated him for helping her survive and heal, because the first few months had been excruciating for her.

“Sarah, would you mind stepping out, please?” Denise asked, turning to the brunette who had stopped sorting through the medicine in order to listen to Beth speak.

“Of course not,” Sarah said, quickly packing up her things. She stopped on her way out, turning back to look at Beth. “I’m really sorry for everything you’ve gone through,” she said, sounding sincere. Beth looked at her, jaw tightening but she offered the woman a nod nonetheless. She noticed how Sarah’s eyes moved over to Daryl for a brief second before she stepped outside and for some reason, it only made Beth feel even more antsy.

“Do you want to continue, Beth, or would you like to come see me some other day?” Denise wondered.

Beth looked over at Daryl, who had fallen silent as he watched her intently. She turned back to Denise, “Can we do this another time?”

“Yes,” Denise nodded, smiling at Beth again. “All I need to know is if you’re still suffering from any side effects? I need to know so that I can write it all down.”

“Headaches, sometimes,” Beth said. “Uh, when I wake up at night… Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell what’s real and what’s a dream.”

“Hallucinations?” Denise asked, looking concerned. “I’m sorry that I’m prying like this.”

“It’s your job, isn’t it? The doctor we had back at-” She cut herself off as her thoughts went to the Sanctuary and Negan. What was happening over there? Had people died when she had left the gate open? The few people there that she considered  _ friends _ , were they all right?

“Do you have a hard time focusing?” Denise wondered, forcing her out of her own mind.

“Not during battle,” she replied. “I think I’m more focused then. Hallucinations only happen when I’ve had bad dreams and feel confused about where I am. They’re not frequent anymore.”

“Battle?” Denise questioned.

Beth clenched her jaw, “It happened sometimes.”

Denise looked a bit hesitant before placing her hand on Beth’s. “You won’t have to worry about that now,” she said.

Beth opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, the door to the room opened and loud voices were heard in the hallway.

“I’m  _ done  _ waitin’ around! I wanna see her and you’re not gonna stand in my way, Sarah!”

Beth turned her head, meeting Daryl’s eyes for just a moment before looking at the door again. Her heart felt as if it was going to jump straight out of her chest and her stomach dropped. The nausea began building up but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the doorway when  _ finally  _ someone stepped inside the room.

Beth looked into her sister’s eyes, carefully looking over her body before standing up from her seat. Denise moved away from her when she balled her fists together, but Maggie didn’t seem to notice. A loud cry escaped her sister’s lips before she moved forward. Beth saw Daryl step toward her at the same time, but he stopped the moment that Maggie’s arms wrapped around Beth’s thin frame.

-§-

Daryl watched as Maggie held her sister tightly, three years of pain and mourning finally spilling over. Maggie had done well for herself in the Zone and Daryl knew for a fact that she had been moving forward with her life and accepted what had happened to her family. However, it didn’t mean that the woman wasn’t still sad on the inside. When baby Hershel had been born, things had gotten a bit easier for her because she had put all of her focus on her little boy. Daryl had talked to her, though. Just a short while before he had gone out on his hunt and gotten captured. The words they had exchanged were supposed to stay between them and he intended on not sharing them with anyone else. Daryl knew that Maggie cared, even though he wasn’t sure he would ever just forget about how she didn’t look for her sister until it was too late. Now, she had gotten a second chance to make up for things and Daryl was certain that she would do her best to stay with her sister and be on her side.

But the look in Beth’s eyes right now, that was when had him step forward. The young woman looked like she was having trouble breathing and despite a minute already passing, she had not yet lifted her hands to return the embrace.

“Maggie,” he said quietly, but the woman couldn’t hear him through her sobs. She was running her hands over Beth’s head, tangling her fingers in her blonde hair and finally placing her hands on Beth’s upper back.

Beth moved so quickly that he barely had any time to react. She pressed her arms in between her and Maggie and pushed outward, making her sister stumble back with the force. Quickly, Beth took a few steps back and away from Maggie who looked stunned at the sudden move. Daryl walked up to her carefully, not wanting to startle her. He came to stand between her and Maggie as Denise too moved away. Beth was breathing heavily, her cheeks flushed as she stared straight ahead. It didn’t seem like she was focusing on anything in particular, just a spot somewhere in the distance and Daryl recognized the look she had had when she had seen him for the first time on the side of the road.

“Beth,” he said calmly, raising his hands to show her his palms. “‘S just me, ‘kay?”

Her eyes moved around wildly and Daryl heard footsteps behind him as the room filled with people. A sharp gasp behind him told him that it was the rest of their family who had finally made it inside who jag joined them.

“Jus’ look at me,” Daryl muttered quietly, walking toward her. He finally stood directly in front of her, covering Maggie from her view. As soon as he spoke, Beth looked up at him. He took another step in her direction, feeling her warm breath connect with his shirt as she too stepped into him. Beth’s forehead connected with his chest and his hands came up to cup her elbows lightly. He lowered his head, placing his rough cheek against the top of hers, breathing in her scent.

“I just needed some air,” Beth whispered, her voice shaky. “I didn’t- I just couldn’t- I’m sorry.”

“Ya ain’t got nothin’ to be sorry for,” he returned, his voice equally quiet. “Ya needed air an’ that was expected. Ya just gotta say somethin’ next time, ‘kay?”

She nodded against him and he held her just a bit tighter before finally letting go. He took a step back and turned to look at the others. Glenn was holding Maggie, who was still silently crying. Carol stood behind them, next to Sasha who was staring at Beth with wide eyes. Rick and Michonne were also staring, and Daryl glanced down to see them holding hands, clutching tightly, as if they were trying to hold on to reality. It seemed like Abraham and the others hadn’t come, but Daryl couldn’t exactly blame them. They hadn’t really known Beth, after all, and he had to assume that they just wanted to give them some much needed space.

“Beth.” Rick’s voice was shaky as he spoke, something that Daryl was no longer used to hearing. There had been a couple of times when his brother had been emotional while the others were around, but it had been quite some time since the last. Daryl turned his attention to Beth when she looked at Rick. The other man took a tentative step forward, letting go of Michonne’s hand as he did. It didn’t escape Daryl’s attention that Beth’s eyes flickered down to Rick and Michonne’s joined hands for just a moment before finally looking back up at the man.

“You’re okay,” Rick said. “You’re here.”

Beth watched him silently, not moving forward, but she wasn’t backing away either, which Daryl supposed was a good sign. Daryl reached down, his fingers slowly finding Beth’s as he took a small step in Rick’s direction. Beth followed his example, but still seemed uncertain. They walked slowly until Rick met them halfway into the room.

“You’re alive,” Rick said, staring at her in wonderment.

Beth’s grip on Daryl’s fingers tightened for the split of a second as she finally met Rick’s eyes with a hard stare, “I’m something.”

-§-

Beth didn’t say anything to anyone as they approached her. It seemed like her short-clipped words to Rick had been all that they needed as a sign that it was okay to start addressing her. She was antsy and a bit uncomfortable. A part of her wanted nothing more than to just turn around and tell Daryl that it had been a mistake to come with him to Alexandria. She wasn’t ready for  _ this;  _ she wasn’t ready for her family showering her with love and affection, acting as if she had been away on a vacation or something when they had in fact thought that she had been dead all along. Yet, she remained silent as she allowed them to walk up to her and take her hands in theirs, telling her how happy they were that she was back with them. They seemed to have understood that she didn’t want their embraces after the way that she had reacted with Maggie. Her sister continued to cry and Beth couldn’t do anything other than watch. She wondered briefly whether her sister had cried this much after she had been shot, but she knew that there was no way for her to know without asking outright. There were a lot of things that Beth wanted to ask Maggie, but she didn’t even know where to begin without getting angry. So many things had happened since she had been left behind and presumed to be dead, although, she wasn’t really sure that Maggie would be as understanding as Daryl had been.

Daryl remained by her side as she interacted with the rest of their family. They would ask her a question every now and then, which she would reply to with a shake of her head or a curt nod. To be frank, it wasn’t that much interaction other than that, but it was enough to get her answer across. Every now and then, though, he would squeeze her hand as if to reassure her that he wasn’t going anywhere. It was a comfort that Beth was grateful for, even though it surprised her that he didn’t seem to mind anyone seeing them hold hands. On the other hand, for some reason, it didn’t seem like anyone else was going to question their hand-holding either.

Denise slipped out of the room to give them some privacy. A part of Beth wished that the doctor would have stayed and given her an excuse to ask for some time alone. Then again, she didn’t think she owed it to anyone to stick around and deal with all of the confusing emotions that were rising up inside of her all of the sudden. Her family seemed to be understanding enough, though. When she stook a small step back to put some distance between herself and them, they all mimicked her actions to give her space to breathe. Despite not having spoken a word to any of them, she was still overwhelmed with seeing them there together. There was still anger bubbling inside of her, but she didn’t want to give into the rage. She had been honest when she had told Daryl that she needed to work through it and that was the reason that she had agreed to come back to the Safe Zone with him and the other two women.

“Okay,” Rick finally breathed out, “I think we’re gonna take a step back and let you adjust.” He looked at the others who nodded solemnly.

“How about someone show you around the Zone, you clean up a bit and relax and then you can come over to my house and join us all for dinner?” Carol suggested.

Beth looked at Daryl, not sure whether she was ready just yet to have dinner with them all. He tightened his grip on her hand again and she sighed to herself, knowing that one way or another, she was going to have to face the rest of her family. The sooner she got it over with, the better. Besides, a part of her was curious about Carl and Judith. The past couple of months, before she found Glenn and Daryl, she had been thinking a lot about them. She knew that Judith had to be around four and a half years old by now, maybe even five, and deep inside Beth longed to see the little girl that she had cared for long ago.

“Yeah,” Beth nodded slowly, her voice thick. “That sounds okay.”

“Daryl?” Rick questioned.

“Mhm… I’m gonna take her back to Aaron an’ Eric’s. She can wash up there,” he said, making sure that everyone knew that he wasn’t going to leave her side.

“She can come back to our home,” Maggie spoke up. There were still tears in her eyes but she had stopped crying. She hadn’t approached Beth since she had been pushed away though, and Beth was actually grateful that she knew that she needed to keep her distance from her.

“Nah,” Daryl shook his head, looking down at Beth, clearly waiting for her to say something.

Beth took a deep breath but finally looked at her sister. “Thank you for the offer, but I think I need some time… To adjust. Before dinner.” She looked at Carol who had offered to prepare them a mean and nodded again.

Carol offered her a small smile and nodded back at her before turning to Maggie. “You can bring the little boy to the house and we can cook together,” she said to her sister. Beth looked at Maggie and Glenn. She knew that they had a child, but she didn’t even know the kid’s name yet. She supposed that Maggie would want her to meet the boy and that was just another reason for her to prepare mentally.

“Okay,” Maggie nodded, sparing Beth one final glance before Carol led her out of the room. Beth watched as the others left, one by one, until only Glenn and Rick were left.

Glenn, who had been quiet the whole time, finally walked up to her. He was looking a lot better than when she had last seen him. Of course, the last time she had seen him, the Saviors had done quite a number on him.

“I just wanted to thank you,” he said after a moment of just looking at her. “For saving my life that day.”

Beth looked at him as he held his hands out for her; a peace offering. She slowly let go of Daryl’s hand and took both of Glenn’s in hers. Breathing in, she met his eyes with her own. “I’m sorry that I didn’t get there sooner,” she said, finally able to speak properly now that there weren’t so many people in the room. “I could have maybe stopped them from killing the other two men who were with you.”

“You did what you could when you could,” Glenn said calmly, offering her an uncertain smile. “You’re the reason I get to see my boy every day. I’m grateful for that.”

“Your boy,” Beth started, leaving the rest of the sentence unspoken. She remained silent when Glenn’s vague smile turned into a full-blown one.

“Hershel,” he replied, not needing to hear her question to know what she was asking. “His name is Hershel.”

Beth felt something inside of her crack at the sound of her father’s name. She stared at Glenn for just a moment before stepping closer to him and tightening her grip on his hands. A part of her wanted to thank him but she wasn’t sure for what. The fact that his and Maggie’s child carried her father’s name, allowing him to in a way keep living within this new life… It was all too much for her to deal with. She wanted to hug Glenn but at the same time she knew that she was nowhere near ready to do so. Instead, she settled with just squeezing his hands again and allowing him to see how much it meant to her. Tears were in her eyes again and she hated herself for being so weak. Still, the emotions were just overwhelming and she didn’t know how else to show the man her gratitude.

“Whenever you’re ready, you’ll get to meet him, okay?” Glenn said and Beth could do nothing else but nod. She knew that if she spoke now, she would break down and if she broke down, there was no way to know whether it would be in tears or in a fit of rage fueled by her self-hatred. The person that she had become over the past three years had helped her survive and deal with the loss of her family. Now she could have them once again and for the time being, she knew that she was safe enough inside the walls of Alexandria. The Saviors and Negan would come eventually, she knew, but for now she wanted to allow herself to just take a moment and breathe out. That left her not knowing what to do with who she had become. She couldn’t be the ruthless killer and torturer that Negan had made her and she couldn’t be cold and distant with people who she knew wanted nothing but good things for her.

Glenn gave her one last smile before looking at Daryl and Rick. “I told you guys it was her,” he said. Rick nodded while Daryl took a small step closer to her. 

“Yeah,” Rick said, “it’s her. Daryl?”

“We’ll be at Carol an’ Morgan’s in a coupl’a hours. Gonna need to rest a bit too, I reckon,” he said.

Beth didn’t say anything as Daryl pulled her along. They stepped outside in the sun and she took a deep breath before letting him lead her away.

-§-

Aaron and Eric hadn’t been at home when they had gotten to the house. Daryl figured that they might be off working on the walls with the others, but he knew that they would have been by his side when they had heard that he was back. He suspected that they must have heard the news that Beth had come along with him and known that he would need some time alone with her to get her settled.

Sarah came over with a change of clothes for Beth and Daryl accepted them gratefully but didn’t say much other than a simple ‘thank you’. He didn’t know why, but the look that Beth was giving him and her silence was screaming at him that there was something off with her. Beth had just watched Sarah without speaking and the other woman seemed to have understood when she was to leave them alone.

He had directed Beth to his bathroom and she had washed up in there while he had waited patiently. After she had stepped into the shower, he had remembered that he didn’t have any shampoo for her but by then he couldn’t very well interrupt her. He waited for her to finish up and once she had, she had stepped out, hair wet and smelling like the soap he used to wash up. It was strange, having his scent on her body, but some possessive part of him kind of liked it. He would never admit that out loud though.

There was a small frown on her face and she wasn’t really looking at anything in particular when she asked him if she could just sit on the couch. He gave her a look and it worked enough as a reply because she returned the same one and then walked over to sit on the sofa. The clothes that Sarah had brought her fit her well enough. The jeans clinged to her like a second skin and Daryl did his best not to look down too often to stare at her ass. He was stupid for even noticing such a thing, but he couldn’t remember if she had ever quite filled out her old pants like that.

Before his train of thoughts could travel into more dangerous territories, Instead, his eyes fell on the white shirt that she wore. It was thin and he could clearly see the black bra that she was wearing underneath. The neckline was a bit lower and he bit his lip and turned away from that too because he  _ really  _ shouldn’t be thinking such things about Beth, especially not  _ now. _

Somehow, he ended up joining her on the couch for a couple of hours. Aaron and Eric still hadn’t returned when they left the house and walked over to Carol’s place where Morgan welcomed them as soon as they stepped inside. Baby Hershel was fast asleep in one of the bedrooms, but by the look that Beth had given him at the mention of the child, Daryl wasn’t sure that she was ready to meet him just yet. Morgan introduced himself to Beth and showed them to the dining room. Daryl had been there on a few occasions, so he was familiar with the house, but Morgan insisted on showing Beth around too. She seemed to be grateful for the distraction and Daryl tagged along, merely because he didn’t want to leave her side.

They had gotten there early, so Maggie and Glenn were the only ones there. Maggie was helping Carol in the kitchen and the house was slowly filling with the sweet aroma of Carol’s potato and vegetable broth. There also seemed to be some meat cooking and Daryl could only assume that it was some of the venison that they had put in the freezer a couple of weeks before he headed out on that final hunt.

Sasha arrived together with Abraham and the others, who took turns introducing themselves to Beth. They expressed their happiness that she was back with her family again and despite the smile on Beth’s lips, Daryl could tell that she was being a bit too quiet. Maggie seemed to be avoiding her sister and Daryl wondered whether or not that was a good thing. After all, Beth’s last reaction to Maggie’s display of emotions hadn’t been particularly good and he knew that the sisters needed more time to adjust to all the changes that had occurred in the three years that they had been apart.

Beth had been quiet up until the doorbell rang again and Carol announced that Rick and Michonne were there with the kids. Daryl had watched Beth stand from her seat, turning her attention to the door as she held her breath. Michonne and Rick walked into the kitchen, little Judith walking between them holding each of their hands. Carl followed them, a wide smile crossing his face when he spotted Beth, but the blonde’s focus was on the little girl who was singing a small tune of words that were half-coherent.

Beth took a step forward and away from the table. She shot Daryl an uncertain look and then looked at Rick with a question shining in her eyes. She glanced down at Judith again and Daryl saw her lower lip tremble.

“Hey, Judy,” Carl said, kneeling down in front of his baby sister. She stopped the rhyme she was working on and looked up at Carl. “That’s Beth, right there. Do you remember when we talked about Beth?”

Judith watched Carl for a moment before turning to look at the blonde who stood still. “Be _ th? _ ” Judith mimicked, the ‘th’ of Beth’s name being prolonged until it sounded almost like a hissing animal.

“Yeah, Beth,” Carl nodded.

“Auntie Beth?” Judith wondered, her eyebrows furrowing, showing deep concentration.

“Yes,” Carl smiled. “Are you gonna give your Auntie Beth a hug?”

Judith looked at Beth again, tilting her head curiously. Daryl felt his pulse throughout his body as he waited anxiously for what was going to happen next. In fact, it seemed like everyone in the room was waiting to see what Beth and Judith would do.

A smile crossed Judith’s face as she showed off the small gap between her to front teeth and her other pearly whites. “Yes!” the little girl exclaimed happily, letting go of her father’s and adoptive mother’s hands as she rushed forward. Daryl wasn’t sure if it was such a good thing to just let her rush at Beth like that, but when Beth crouched down and opened her arms, allowing the little girl to run into her arms, he let out a small breath. He watched Beth hug Judith and Judith snuggle into the crook of Beth’s neck. Beth buried her nose into the little girls hair, closing her eyes for a moment. Daryl swore that he saw a tear drop from the corner of her eye as she held the girl tightly to herself.

Everyone else in the room seemed to finally relax as well, taking in the scene in front of them with bright smiles and happiness. Daryl wondered briefly whether it was all just too good to be true, but then decided to shove the thought away and enjoy the moment of peace that they had been given.

-§-

Later that evening, Daryl stepped outside on the porch to have a cigarette. He had told himself quite a few times that he would quit smoking and he knew that he wasn’t addicted to the cigarettes, but they did have a calming effect on him. After everything that had happened today, he figured that he deserved to just have one smoke in silence.

Everyone in Alexandria seemed to have retired for the night. He stood outside and took out his lighter, placing the cigarette in his mouth. It took a couple of tries, but finally after shielding the cigarette from the wind, he managed to light it and take a deep drag. Breathing out the smoke, he stared out at the neighborhood. The sun had started to set, painting the sky an orange and pink color and he closed his eyes, allowing the last rays to hit his face and give him some warmth.

Daryl had wanted a moment alone, but his mind kept traveling to the young blonde inside. Beth hadn’t spoken much during dinner, but she had allowed Judith to sit on her lap throughout. Everyone else had been happy enough to carry the conversation despite Beth’s silence and Daryl knew that most of them probably thought that she just needed time to adjust. He could see it though, in her eyes when she looked at him. There was something in her eyes that gave away the fact that her mind was running wild inside. She wasn’t used to Abraham’s loudness or Eugene’s perplexing comments. She didn’t know half the people around the table, but she understood that Daryl and the others considered them family, which was probably why she was trying her best not to show just how out of place she really felt.

Halfway through dinner, Beth had asked in which room Maggie’s baby was sleeping in. She hadn’t eaten much of the food on her plate, but since she told them all that she wanted to see baby Hershel, Daryl stood with her and followed Maggie to the room where the toddler was sleeping soundly. Beth had stood at the foot of the bed and looked at the sleeping child for a good while before turning to Maggie.

“He’s beautiful,” she had said, before walking back out of the room. Maggie had looked at Daryl and he had given her a look that he hoped told her to just give Beth some time. Beth was carrying around a lot of anger and her asking to see her sister’s child only showed that she was trying to work past it. He knew that she was trying and that was the important thing.

Daryl heard the door open behind him, but he didn’t need to turn around to see that it was Beth. She walked up and stood next to him, looking out at the sky which was still changing colors.

“There was this one spot, in the Sanctuary,” she began slowly. “It was at the top of the main stairwell. There was this  _ huge  _ window where I would sometimes go and sit by, just so I could watch the sunset.”

Daryl looked at her from the corner of his eye. The light made her look like something taken out of a dream he had had once. It illuminated her face, making her long lashes draw shadows down her cheeks. The sudden urge to reach out and touch her rose inside of him, but he pushed it away and instead let out a hum of acknowledgement that he had heard what she had said.

“Negan knew that it calmed me down after a long day and helped me unwind,” she continued. Daryl’s hand balled up into a fist but once again he only hummed. “He made sure that no one would disturb me when I was up there. At first it was because he wanted to give me a place that I could enjoy by myself, but I think that later it became a way for him to make sure that no one would approach me when I was alone.”

“After what happened with that other guy?” Daryl asked, his voice rough as he exhaled some smoke before finishing the cigarette with one final drag.

“Maybe, I don’t know,” Beth shrugged. “He didn’t want anyone else touching me, but it wasn’t until a couple of months later, when we found the others that he began losing it.”

“Others…?”

“The other communities,” Beth clarified.

“How many are there?” Daryl wondered. “All close to this place?”

“Close enough,” Beth nodded. “There are two bigger ones and then they have some outposts in various places. I’ll tell you more about them, if you want me to?”

Daryl bowed his head and stubbed out his cigarette. “Why’d ya come out here?”

“You know why,” Beth countered. He nodded because he did. He understood that things had gotten to be too much for her inside and instead of losing it on their family, she had managed to gather her thoughts enough to step outside.

He leaned against a pillar and observed her quietly for a while. She didn’t seem to mind because she was staring right back at him. There was something comforting about how they could just look at one another now and take each other in. Before, he would have awkwardly shied away from her gaze, but now he held it instead. There were so many things that they would need to deal with, though, at the moment all he could think about was how stunning she looked as the last rays of the day hit her hair.

“I don’t know where I should stay tonight,” she said after a while, breaking the silence. “Maggie and Glenn invited me to come to their place, but Maggie keeps lookin’ at me like she’ll break down in tears at any moment and all I wanna do is scream when I see her.” It was brutally honest and Daryl was thankful that she trusted him enough to share that with him. “Michonne and Rick offered to give me their spare bedroom, but I didn’t know what to say to them,” she continued. When she mentioned the pair, a small smile crossed her face. “When did that happen, by the way?”

“A coupl’a years ago. Took some time,” Daryl snorted. “Rick’s got an ex-girlfriend inside these walls too, ya know.”

“Busy man,” Beth said and it sounded enough like a joke, so Daryl chuckled at her before getting serious again.

“Ya can stay with me,” he told her. “Ain’t gonna push ya, but I don’t think we’ll be able to get ya situated in a house of your own tonight.”

“You live with other people, right?” Beth asked.

“Aaron an’ Eric. They’re good people,” he said. She tilted her head at him and he took a step toward her. “There are still good people out there.”

Beth looked slightly amused and he knew why, but he wasn’t going to answer her even if she did ask him  _ the question _ ; the one that she had asked him in the funeral home before they had been separated. He knew what it was that had changed his mind -  _ who  _ it was that had changed it - but he wasn’t going to come right out and say it. Three years might have changed him some when it came to communicating with people that he knew, but he had never learned to be comfortable with talking about his feelings. It was easier to open up about them to Beth now because he knew that if she was going to trust him and share what she had been through, he would need to offer something in return. That didn’t mean that he was willing to confess that he somewhere between burning down a shack in the woods and sleeping in a coffin had started to develop feelings for her.

Besides, she was a different person now. Daryl knew that she deep down was still the girl he had started to care for, but she had grown into a fierce young woman who knew what she wanted and spoke her mind without reservations. She had been through things that had made her lose her way, but it had happened even to him, so who was he to blame her for that and accuse her of being something that he knew she wasn’t?

“Aaron and Eric,” Beth said. “They’re together, right?”

“Yeah,” Daryl nodded.

“You’ve been living together with a couple,” she stated, but Daryl didn’t really understand where she was going with her probing.

“Ain’t like they throw off their clothes in front of me,” he frowned.

“Hm… I meant that it can’t have been easy to watch people in love while bein’ alone,” she shrugged. “Unless you weren’t.”

“What ya goin’ on ‘bout, Girl?” he questioned, turning to look at her fully.

She faced him and he saw something in her eyes which he didn’t recognize. “Sarah,” she said, making Daryl pause.

“What ‘bout Sarah?” he wondered.

“I saw the way she was with you today when we got here,” Beth told him. “She cares about you. A lot, from what I could see.”

Daryl could feel his face heat up but he couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at her. Why was she bringing this up? Had it bothered her how Sarah had been with him? Was she feeling that same thing that he had felt when he had seen her with Luke in the Sanctuary?

“She cares,” Daryl agreed, not seeing a reason to lie about it. “She’s a good woman but I ain’t ever- We  _ never _ …” he trailed off for a moment and then shook his head. “‘S like you an’ Luke. ain’t nothin’ there.”

Beth shook her head, a strange look covering her face at the mention of the other man. “You know about me and Luke and what we were and what we weren’t,” she said. “I don’t need to spell it out for you because I know that you can tell.”

“Yeah,” Daryl drawled, because he really could. She had already admitted to using Luke and planning her escape around his position as a guard. He didn’t need to know the details to deduce how she had gotten the young man to grow so fond of her.

“You’ve always been a man of few words, Daryl,” Beth said. “Am I goin’ to have to ask you to spell it out for me because right now, you’re not givin’ me anythin’.”

“I ain’t ever wanted to be with anyone,” Daryl started slowly. “Couldn’t lose anyone else like that…”

“Anyone else…?” Beth trailed off when she met his eyes. He wasn’t going to respond to her question and he knew that she was aware of that. He had already said more than he had been planning on saying and he averted his eyes, only to finally notice how dark it had gotten.

He felt Beth’s hand settle over his own and he was surprised to see just how close they were standing to one another when he turned back to face her. Beth’s lips parted and she started to say something when she was interrupted by the door opening. Daryl pulled away from her touch and took a quick step back to put some distance between them. Things were complicated enough as they were without other people starting to meddle in their business.

Daryl frowned at his own thoughts. Did that mean that they had any business? What did they have that he didn’t want others to know about? He was just there for her because she needed someone to be on her side while she dealt with everything, right? It didn’t have to be anything more than that and he was happy with just having here there with him.

“Hey,” Rick said as he joined them on the porch. “Judith’s fallin’ asleep and we were gonna take her home, but i just wanted to talk to you guys before we left.”

“We’re gonna be leavin’ soon too,” Daryl told him, looking down at Beth who nodded. It had been a long couple of days for all of them and he knew that she wouldn’t protest.

“I just wanted to say that we’re gonna need to talk ‘bout the Saviors,” Rick said, looking at Beth. “Are you gonna be up for that tomorrow or do you need a couple of days to settle in?”

“I don’t think it’s gonna matter whether I’m settled in or not,” Beth stated, sounding almost bitter. “I know that you need information and I’m gonna give you as much as I can and the sooner, the better. You’re gonna need to prepare, Rick.”

“I suspected as much,” Rick nodded. “You think Negan’s gonna be willin’ to go to war?”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” Beth replied. “It’s been some time since someone’s challenged him.”

Rick’s face was serious as he gave Beth a curt nod, “We can talk about all of this tomorrow. Deanna’s gonna need to be present too.”

“Okay,” Beth said, her tone short clipped and solemn. Daryl was surprised to see just how easily she masked her true emotions. When she spoke to Rick, it was all suddenly about business, despite how she had been talking to Daryl about something else entirely just moments ago. Whatever warmth and closeness they had shared before Rick stepped out on the porch was gone and in its place Beth the Savior stood, shoulders tense as if she was waiting for Negan to just pop out of a bush and attack them right that second. Daryl didn’t like how the air between them had changed but he knew that it was a way for Beth to deal with everything. The person she had become was someone she had been forced to turn into so that the others wouldn’t trample all over her. Her walls had been built up so high that they stood over Daryl’s own. Daryl knew that he had witnessed her walls crumbling the night before in the cabin, but they still had a long way to go before she would be able to open up to him fully. He just knew that he would have to let her take her time and deal with things in her own pace. If she needed him to wait for her to talk about some things, he would without a doubt do so. He would be there as support for her every step of the way and maybe, just maybe, they would eventually be able to help one another move forward from the three years that they had been apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo what did you think? Look, I know that things seem a bit "too easy" maybe, but trust me when I tell you that shit will hit the fan sooner rather than later. Beth is communicating with Daryl because she knows that he is probably the only one who won't push her to share more than she's ready to. Daryl has his own issues to deal with regarding his feelings for Beth among wanting to be there for her when she tries to work through her past. She might be opening up about some things, but remember that there's still so much left that we don't know yet, like, why she wanted to leave the Sanctuary so bad, for example.
> 
> Either way, please share your thoughts on the chapter. It means the world for me to hear what you think! Oh, and don't forget to tell me whether you'd be interested in reading a companion piece from Negan's point of view! ;)
> 
> Until next week, my darlings! xx
> 
> P.S. You should check out my tumblr (author123456) and/or my twitter (Sugar_Pepper666) for daily updates on what I'm working on. From time to time I post dialogue teases and sneak peeks there! ;)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl gets to see a darker side of Beth during a nasty wake up and later, Beth forces herself to talk to Carl in hopes of settling some questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just want to quickly apologize (again) for the belated update. I've been so very busy last week and I didn't have time to write much, but I hope that this chapter makes up for it since it's once again managed to pass 10k.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented on the previous one! I'm sorry that I haven't had time to get back to you, but I want you to know that I read all of your reviews and you're all amazing! Thank you so much for the continuous support and I promise that I'll do better next time around with getting back to you! :)
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter!

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 14**

 

_“Stop! You can’t do that!” she screamed, staring at Negan as he lifted Lucille._

_He paused for only a second, narrowing his eyes at her as he turned his body toward her, closing the distance between them in a few long strides. “You don’t get to fucking tell me what I can or can’t do, Angel,” he growled at her. There was something in his eyes that she had never seen before; something that she didn’t like. Or maybe she had seen it, but she had denied it to herself, too caught up in seeing him as the man who saved her and forced her to become stronger than ever._

_“He’s_ innocent _,” Beth protested in a hiss. She could feel everyone else’s eyes on her and she almost wished that she had been quiet because she didn’t like the attention._

_Negan’s hand fell on her shoulder and he pushed her forward in the direction of the crowd. His grip was strong as he pulled her to stand right next to him, holding the back of her head tightly so that he could force her to stare at the people kneeling in front of them._

_He lowered his head down to her ear, his hot breath fanning over her cheek, like a caress that she wanted nothing to do with. Her heart beat hard in her chest, pulse making her entire body throb painfully. “No one is innocent,” Negan whispered, finally letting go of her._

_He lifted Lucille again and struck down. Beth’s protest died on her lips, breath catching in her throat as blood splattered all over her face with the force of every strike. Her ears were ringing but she could hear the horrified screams of the other people, mixed with Negan’s laughter and taunting remarks. The rest of the Saviors cheered and Beth’s stomach turned when she felt the coppery taste of blood inside her own mouth. She closed it, realizing what exactly it was that she was tasting and the morbidity of it all made her feel sick._

_The squishing sounds finally stopped but the screaming and crying continued. Beth looked up at Negan who turned toward her, his face painted red, his grin pearly white. She blinked a couple of times, her sight adjusting to take in the image in front of her._

_It was like waking up from a dream and suddenly realizing that she was living a nightmare._

-§-

A blood-curling scream echoed through the house, causing Daryl to instantly snap his eyes open. For a moment he didn’t know what was going on, but then he heard a crash from his bedroom, down the hall. He jumped off of the couch where he had been sleeping and ran down the hallway, waving his hand at a sleepy Aaron who had stepped out of his and Eric’s room on the second floor and started down the stairs to see what was going on. It was a quick dismissal that he hoped told his friend that he was going to handle whatever it was that was going on. His sleep-deprived brain had enough sense to take him to his bedroom, which he had offered Beth to sleep in for the time being, but he didn’t think twice about entering the room without knocking.

The second he stepped inside, his back connected with the door as he was pushed back against it and cold metal touched his throat. The air was forced out of his lungs for a moment with the force of Beth’s unexpected attack and he held his hands up on the side of his head in surrender.

“It’s me!” he choked out, the sharp dagger digging into his skin, drawing blood. “Beth, it’s just me,” he repeated, trying to keep his voice calm.

Her eyes were wild as she gritted her teeth, eyes moving over his face and then downward, looking over his body. Somewhere in the back of his mind he felt a bit exposed in a simple pair of sleeping pants and a T-shirt, but Beth seemed too far gone to even notice his attire.

She was panting heavily and a couple of seconds passed before her wide eyes began to narrow. Her gaze focused on where she was holding the knife to his throat and she swallowed thickly before finally meeting his eyes.

“Daryl?” she whispered, his name a question falling from her lips as recognition finally stepped in. She stared at him for another moment and when she seemed to realize that her dagger was still digging into his skin, she took a big step back, the weapon clattering to the floor. Daryl remained standing against the door, all traces of sleep gone as he reached up and rubbed against the spot where she had held her knife. He drew his hand away and saw that his fingers were bloody. Looking over at Beth, he could see her staring at her weapon and then at him again as she took another step back. His eyes fell on the lamp that he knew had rested on the nightstand before and he realized that she must have had a nightmare and reached for her dagger, knocking it over in the process of scrambling to protect herself from her invisible attacker.

It didn’t take him long to understand that she hadn’t been fully lucid when she had attacked him and it made him wonder just what it was that she had dreamed about.

“You okay?” he asked, taking a step toward her.

Beth automatically moved further back into the room, “You shouldn’t have rushed in here.” Her voice was hard but he could hear the remorse in it too. Maybe it was because it was the middle of the night and she wasn’t focusing hard enough to hide her feelings, or perhaps he had just gotten better at reading her now that he understood some of what she had been through.

“Heard ya scream an’ a crash,” he said. “Wasn’t gonna lay in bed when I don’t know if you’re all right.”

“You shouldn’t have come,” Beth shook her head angrily. “I could have _killed_ you.”

Subconsciously, he reached up to touch the small cut. It was probably not as bad as it looked; it would most likely not even scar. “Ya wouldn’t have,” he said. “Ya had a nightmare. It’s okay.”

“It’s _not_ , Daryl,” Beth snapped, turning to face him again. “This is what I do now, can’t you see? I torture and I murder. I destroy everything I touch!”

“Ya didn’t ‘destroy’ me,” Daryl countered. “I’m fine!” He hadn’t meant to raise his voice at her, but she was yelling at him and she was pissing him off. She thought that she was a bad person, despite him trying to reassure her that she had only done what she had been told to do and done it all to survive.

“What would you have done if I hadn’t gotten out of my own head?” Beth asked. “Would you just have waited for me to cut you up?”

“Ya got out an’ that’s what’s important,” he said.

“You’re being so fuckin’ naive and that’s somethin’ I never thought I’d say about _you_ ,” she said in disbelief, shaking her head with a scoff. “You think that I’m just gonna be fine and that I’m _fixed_ or something. I will _never_ be like I was and the sooner you get that, the better.”

Daryl felt his own anger boil up inside of him. He took a step closer to her, glaring down at her as he breathed in heavily. She mirrored his hard stare and he took just another moment to look at her again.

Once again, that familiar fire of defiance was burning in her eyes. Whatever it was that she had dreamed about had shaken her up enough to react this strongly because he didn’t think that she was actually just pissed off about giving him a small cut. He remembered how they had fought that day outside of the shack; both of them having drunk way too much and him yelling hurtful words in her face just so that she would feel his pain. The thought of it all made him take a small step back because he wasn’t going to let her do the same thing to him, even though he might deserve it. She was angry and upset and for all he knew, she might still be a bit hazy from her nightmare. By the way that his own eyes burned a bit, he knew that he sure as hell was. He wasn’t going to allow her to push him away like he had tried to do to her years ago. She hadn’t let him do it and that’s why he was going to return the favor. Her words were meant to sting, although Daryl wouldn’t let them. He would swallow down his own rage which she had tried to set ablaze and he would talk to her again later, once they were both calmer.

Beth was still staring at him when he took another step back and shook his head. “Just, go back to bed or somethin’ an’ I’ll see ya later for breakfast in the kitchen in a coupl’a hours,” he told her, turning around on his heel and walking out of the room.

He could feel her eyes burning into the back of his head, but he knew that he had made the right decision to just walk away from the fight that she had wanted to have.

-§-

Daryl’s mind wouldn’t let him get any sleep after he had been woken up by Beth’s screaming. He had tried to go back to the couch and catch a few more hours of rest, but he couldn’t think of anything other than the blonde girl who was occupying his bedroom. Before he knew it, Aaron and Eric were up and about and starting to make some breakfast for all of them.

Daryl got up from the couch and folded up the blanket he had used, putting it in the closet along with his pillow. He heard the water in the bathroom turn on and he figured that Beth had helped herself to a shower. A part of him wondered if she had gotten any sleep at all after she had woken up so suddenly, but he knew that he wasn’t going to ask her about it. Before trying to go back to bed, he had cleaned the small cut that she had given him, but he hadn’t covered it up with anything other than a small band-aid. He figured that it would heal better on its own anyway, but he would leave the plaster on for a while at least because he didn’t want to hear any questions about what had happened.

A knock on the door startled him a bit and he frowned when he looked at the time, because it wasn’t even seven o’clock in the morning yet and he knew that no one usually came around that early to visit them. Nevertheless, he made his way over to the door and opened it, finding Sarah on the other side looking a bit nervous as she held up a bag in front of her.

“Good morning,” she blurted. “I’m sorry if I woke you, but I wanted to drop these off for Beth before I left for work.”

Daryl eyed her briefly, looking down at the bag in her hands. “G’mornin’,” he said, raising an eyebrow at the duffel.

“Oh,” she said, her eyes widening for just a moment, “it’s just some clothes for her. I guessed her size when I went to see Olivia last night for some extra garments.” She held out the bag to Daryl, who took it from her and frowned again. The woman shifted on her feet and he was beginning to wonder once again why she was still there. “I want to apologize if I made you uncomfortable yesterday,” she said. “I know you said that you couldn’t- That you didn’t feel ready for anything with anyone, but I was still worried about you.”

He didn’t know what she was expecting him to say. Nothing had changed since they had last spoken, at least not in regards of his feelings for her. He respected her and he always would, but he wasn’t going to encourage her if she still believed that something would happen between the two of them.

Then again, on the other hand, he figured that she could just be worried about him as a friend. If that was what she meant, then he didn’t mind it all too much. The look of curiosity on her face as she observed him though, told him that there was more to it and he understood that her feelings - whatever they may be - wouldn’t just go away because he told her that he didn’t reciprocate them.

“There are some other things for her in there too,” Sarah continued. “Just, you know, a brush and shampoo and… Other lady stuff,” she cleared her throat awkwardly when Daryl just kept staring at her. “I mean, I doubt that you, Aaron and Eric were keeping stuff for a girl around the house,” she chuckled lightly and _finally,_ he understood a bit better what it was that she was so curious about.

He didn’t want to acknowledge it though, so he just nodded at her. “Thanks,” he said, shouldering the bag. “I’m gonna make sure she knows ya got them for her.”

“Yeah,” Sarah nodded, a smile gracing her kind face. “Okay, if she needs anything else, you know where to find me. You have a great day and give Aaron and Eric my regards.”

“Mhm…” Daryl mumbled, nodding at her. She gave him one last look and then walked off, her steps a bit faster than usual. Daryl shook his head and closed the door. He walked to the kitchen, still carrying the bag that Sarah had brought him and met Eric’s curious gaze.

“Who was it?” the man asked.

“Jus’ Sarah,” Daryl replied.

“Oh, what did she want?” Aaron asked, his head inside the fridge as Eric placed the plates on the table.

“Wanted to leave some clothes and stuff for Beth,” he said, patting the bag. “Was actin’ all strange though.”

“Hm, I wonder why,” Eric rolled his eyes, giving Daryl a pointed look.

“Ya got somethin’ ya wanna say?” Daryl wondered. He wasn’t annoyed because he knew that Eric had probably just figured out the same thing that Daryl had when he had been analyzing Sarah’s face earlier on.

“Nope,” Eric said. “I’m sure that she’s just wondering why Beth isn’t sleeping at her _sister’s_ house and instead spending the night _here_ , in _your_ house.”

“Really, Daryl,” Aaron nodded. “We all know that she likes you, so it makes sense that she’s curious to know how the sleeping arrangements came to be.”

“Ain’t any of her business,” Daryl said. “‘Sides, I told her already that I don’t feel the same.”

“You did?” Eric raised an eyebrow. “When exactly did this happen?”

“The night b’fore I left the Safe Zone,” Daryl said.

“Wait, you had an actual conversation with her about it all?” Aaron asked, looking over at him. “With _words?_ ”

“I ain’t a mute,” Daryl glared at him.

“He’s just teasing you,” Eric said, smacking Aaron on the arm. “But seriously, you actually talked to her about it?”

“Told her it wasn’t gonna happen an’ that’s it,” Daryl shrugged. “I respect her, but I don’t want nothin’ with no one. Don’t wanna lead her on or somethin’.”

Aaron and Eric glanced at one another and Daryl could tell that they were doing that thing that they always did. Whenever they talked about something and they didn’t really believe what he was saying, they would look at each other as if silently speaking about who would be asking him about it. It wasn’t exactly them ganging up on him, but rather them showing that they cared, in their own way. Daryl was close enough with the two of them to not be bothered by it because he knew that they meant well.

“No one?” Aaron simply asked and for just the fraction of a second, Daryl thought about the blonde in his bedroom. The shower was off, it seemed, and he felt the heavy weight of the bag he was shouldering.

He sent one look in their direction before clearing his throat, “I’m gonna go an’ give these things to Beth. Be back in a few to help ya get breakfast ready.”

He started out of the kitchen when he heard Eric call out, “We have it handled. You take all the time you need!”

Daryl shook his head, muttering silent words to himself that he wasn’t even sure that he himself could hear properly. They involved a couple of expletives, but none of which that were directed at Eric or Aaron. He was cursing his own mind for being so distracted and confused about what he was feeling. It was all getting too ridiculous because he used to pride himself in always being focused when something was going on. There had been a couple of exceptions over the years, but he was still considered to be a level head.

Deep in thought, he once again stepped into his bedroom where Beth had slept, figuring that he could just leave the bag of clothes on the bed and be out of the room before she got out of the bathroom. It was when he entered the room that he recalled the fact that he had heard the water turn off, but the thought barely registered as his eyes settled on Beth, who was wrapped in only a towel, wet hair hanging down over her shoulders as she spun around, staring at him with wide eyes.

-§-

Beth had remained standing for a good while after Daryl had left the room. She had still been breathing hard as she took a couple of quick steps to the door and pressed her palms against it. A part of her wanted to lock the damn thing, but there didn’t seem to be a key there. She vaguely remembered Daryl telling her the night before that he never locked his door because his housemates gave him his privacy anyways and she wondered whether he had put the key away somewhere inside his room.

Looking down, she saw her dagger on the floor. There was a hint of red on the blade and she swallowed thickly when she remembered how she had pressed the blade to Daryl’s throat. She had cut him; _hurt him_. Something that she had never wanted to do, she had done without even realizing it at first. As soon as he had shaken her out of her haze and she had realized what it was that she was doing, she had dropped the weapon that she had treated as a piece of herself for several months. Her dagger had been her protection and she had taken great care of not damaging the weapon in any way. Yet, she had thoughtlessly dropped it to the floor when she had seen how she had broken Daryl’s skin with it.

Beth swallowed again and picked the dagger up, wiping it clean of the blood with the shirt that she was wearing. She walked over to the lamp that she had broken and began picking up the pieces carefully, knowing that she wasn’t going to get any sleep anytime soon. She looked around, not knowing where to put the broken pieces of glass but finally decided on just gathering the bigger shards in a small bucket that she found in the bathroom. The smaller pieces she would have to clean up later, she decided and then walked back around the bed to lay down in it and try to fall asleep again.

Sleep didn’t come to her though. Instead, she laid awake, staring at the ceiling as she went over her nightmare again and again, wondering if there was anything she could have done differently. Months had passed but that day and the guilt that accompanied it was still imprinted in her mind. She knew that she would never be able to forget what had happened but she had agreed to come to Alexandria so that she could try to work through her issues.

Well, at least the ones that she had with her family.

As daylight broke through the window, Beth decided that enough was enough. She had laid in bed for too long already, letting her thoughts consume her as she tried to think of everything other than what she had done and said to Daryl. She shook the thoughts away and got up from the bed and walked straight into Daryl’s bathroom. She quickly found a clean towel - not that there were many - and removed her clothes, stepping into the shower. She didn’t bother with checking the temperature of the water and for a moment, it was icy cold against her skin, making goosebumps rise all over her body before turning scalding hot.

Her mind wandered as she rubbed at her skin, trying furiously to keep herself from thinking about her past. Memories of the men she had killed flashed in front of her eyes though, and she knew that she just needed to let herself deal however her brain wanted her to deal. It was painful and she remembered their cries, begging for mercy as she cut into their skin.

For a split second the image of the cut that she had given Daryl made its way into her head, but she stepped under the spray of water and held her breath, drowning out the ringing in her ears and the guilt that once again started eating at her.

She remembered Negan’s whispered words of encouragement as he watched her make the men he brought to her give in and tell them everything there was to know about wherever they came from.

 _‘Finish the job,’_ Negan would say to her and she did it, with pleasure, no questions asked.

There was no way for her to know if they really had been as bad of people as Negan had made them out to be and she would carry the weight of their lives on her shoulders for as long as she lived. She still remembered the day that she had realized that Negan viewed anyone who was against them as bad people. That day, she had started to question everything that he had taught her and her mind had been clouded for too many days before she had finally made the decision to change her course.

Beth stepped out of the shower, grabbing a hold of the towel that she had left out for herself. She stood in front of the foggy mirror for a moment, looking at her own disoriented image reflecting itself back at her. Tilting her head, she leaned forward, wiping at the mirror with her hand so that she could see herself more clearly. She turned her back to it and turned her head, looking over the back ink that covered her back and the scars that had been left from the time that she had been attacked. There were a couple of faint, white lines still visible between the wings, but they served as a reminder to her of what had happened. She would never be able to cover up what she had been through and done; she would never allow herself a clean sleight. Beth knew that she wasn’t going to let anyone - not even Daryl - let her get away with what she had done. They weren’t going to just sweep it all up under the rug and forgive her horrible actions and pretend that she was the sweet little Beth Greene that they remembered from the Prison.

Finally, she wrapped the towel around her body, securing it in the front as she picked up her discarded clothing and walked out into the bedroom again. She placed the clothes on the bed, looking them over as she tried to decide on whether she should wear them again or change into one of the spare shirts that she had brought with her from the Sanctuary. Before she had the chance to decide, the door opened and she twisted around quickly so that her back would face away from the intruder.

Her eyes connected with Daryl’s blue ones the moment he paused in the doorway. She could see his cheeks darken a bit as his eyes quickly moved over her undressed frame. Beth stared at him, lips pressed tightly together as she held on to her towel, making sure that it wouldn’t just fall off or something.

As if the situation wasn’t embarrassing enough as it was.

She watched him observing her for what felt like ages until he finally moved, taking a step into the room as he averted his eyes. They kept flickering back to her every once in a while though and the mere thought of him not being able to fully look away from her made her feel _something._ She didn’t want to name the feeling, but the way that heat blossomed low in her belly, Beth figured that she had an idea of what it was. After all, it wasn’t the first time that she had felt attracted to the man, but she would never confess such a thing.

“Jus’ came to drop off some clothes for ya,” Daryl said, the tips of his ears tinting the same shade of red as his cheeks. She had never thought the day would come when she would be standing in front of a blushing Daryl Dixon, but now that it had, she realized that it made her feel things that she shouldn’t.

“Where did you get them?” she asked, still holding on to the top of the towel as Daryl placed the bag he had shouldered on the floor.

“Sarah dropped by,” he said. “Said that if ya needed anythin’ else, she’s across the street when she ain’t at work.”

At the mention of the other woman’s name, Beth found herself falling back into the impassive state that she had mastered. She just nodded at Daryl as she crossed her arms, ignoring the way that the cold drops of water fell from her hair to her nude body.

“Anythin’ else?” she asked, sounding annoyed and she realized that she _was_ but for the wrong reasons. She didn’t like the way that the woman had been with Daryl and she knew that she was a hypocrite considering Daryl clearly wasn’t even sleeping with the brunette, while Beth herself had used Luke for more than just getting him to open a gate for her. She had no right to act the way that she was acting, but it still bothered her.

“Nah,” Daryl shook his head, his eyes once again falling on her body before he turned away and continued to speak: “Breakfast will be done soon. You’re gonna be meetin’ Aaron an’ Eric.Get dressed an’ come down there.”

He started out of the room and Beth just couldn’t help herself when she spoke. “Yes, Sir, Mr. Dixon,” she said.

Daryl froze in the doorway for a moment before he turned around to face her again. The heat of his gaze felt more scalding than the shower that she had taken and as his eyes traveled from her face, down her body and up again, Beth felt ready to combust.

Which was embarrassing because she didn’t want him to have that kind of effect on her.

Daryl finally turned back without a word and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him with a bit more force than necessary. Beth looked down at the bag, knowing that she didn’t have much choice on what to wear anyway so she let out a deep breath and picked it up from the ground. She tried hard to forget about the way that Daryl’s eyes had moved over her body, but she knew that the image of him staring at her like that would forever be burned into her mind.

Compared to all the other memories she had there, that one would at least be a bit more pleasant.

-§-

Daryl walked back into the kitchen trying to ignore how dizzy he was feeling. Beth’s teasing tone toward the end of their clipped conversation told him that she was feeling a lot better than this morning, but has still pissed at her for the way that she had been trying to push him away again. He knew that she had done things and he knew that they weren’t going to go away with the snap of his fingers, but she had told him that she wanted to work through her problems and he wanted to help her, as much as she would allow him to.

His dizziness had nothing to do with his anger toward her, but rather the state of her undress that he had walked in on. He thought that his mind was playing tricks on him, but for just a second he thought he had seen some black lines on her back before she had turned around to face him. For a second he wondered whether she had been injured somehow and was trying to hide bruises, but when she had turned away from him and he had taken in the rest of her, those thoughts had quickly left his head.

Instead, he recalled her glistening, pale skin and how his stomach had erupted in flutters at the sight of her. Her arms were more defined than he remembered them being, but she was still lean and petite. He could tell though, that her physical strength had changed during the three years that they had been apart; she had gotten stronger. She was older too and she had held his gaze like the woman that she was.

Daryl let out a breath, trying once again to shake away the thoughts were forcing their way into his mind. He didn’t think it was right for him to be thinking what he was thinking, especially not considering that he was supposed to be the person that Beth should be able to rely on. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, if she was to ever find out what images had played out in front of his eyes when he had walked in on her in nothing but a towel covering her.

“What’s got you so red?” Eric asked, raising an eyebrow at him as he walked back into the kitchen.

“Nothin’,” Daryl muttered.

“Hm, okay, if you say so,” Eric said, clearly not trying to push him to say anything else.

A couple of minutes passed and Daryl was just placing the oatmeal on the kitchen table when Beth stepped into the room. Her hair was pulled back into a braid, eyes wary as she took in the other two men in the kitchen. Aaron was the first one to pause what he was doing and walk up to her.

“Hey, Beth,” he said, holding his hand out. “I’m Aaron.”

Beth glanced down and finally lifted her own hand to shake his. “The _you_ must be Eric,” she said, nodding her head toward Eric.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Eric said, offering her a smile. “We didn’t know for sure what you liked to eat for breakfast, but we had some oatmeal and vegetables, so we figured we’d make a mix and I have some cinnamon too. Eh, we cooked some meat for you as well.”

Daryl noticed how Beth’s eyes settled on the table. Aaron and Eric really had gone a bit overboard to make this breakfast for them, but after being imprisoned in the Sanctuary and then on the run these last couple of days, he wasn’t going to protest.

“Thank you,” Beth said, her voice surprisingly soft. Daryl couldn’t help but note that the wary expression on her face slowly faded as she offered the men what looked like a sincere smile.

“Well then,” Aaron said, clapping his hands together. “How about we dig right in?”

Daryl sat down in his chair and watched as Beth sat down right next to him. Aaron and Eric took their usual seats in front of them, but Daryl couldn’t feel anything other than the heat that Beth’s body radiated. The table wasn’t exactly small, but her presence alone was making it hard for him to focus on anything other than breathing properly.

-§-

Beth and Daryl walked side by side as they made their way over to Rick’s house. Daryl hadn’t said much during breakfast, but Beth knew that she too had been quiet. Aaron and Eric hadn’t been very put off by it though, considering that they seemed to have taken it upon themselves to make things as easy as they could for her. They hadn’t pried about where she had been or how she had survived. Instead, they had told her about things that had been happening around the Safe Zone with enough details so that it wouldn’t be confusing for her.

It hadn’t taken very long for Beth to decide that she liked the two men and she herself had decided to tell them a bit about what her life had been like before the Outbreak. She knew for sure that Maggie had probably already told them or that word had gotten around somehow. After all, it wasn’t unusual for people to share their stories over a campfire while they tried to make things seem as normal as possible. Still, she was grateful for the fact that neither Aaron nor Eric made a big deal about the way she would cut off in the middle of a sentence when the memories got too painful. She felt Daryl tense at her side a couple of times, but he didn’t say anything or make any kind of sign for her to shut up about their past. It wasn’t as if she had been baring her soul to the two men.

Daryl finally walked up the steps to the porch of a house and knocked twice before ringing the doorbell. Beth glanced at him, but he hadn’t said a single word to her since he had walked in on her after she had taken a shower. She reached out and touched his arm but tensed when he saw him flinch away and let out a low hiss. He looked at her, finally, and she tried her best not to show that his reaction had hurt her. She recalled the way that she had been with him when he had barged into the room when she had woken up from her nightmare and she knew that she couldn’t blame him for being angry with her. Just like he had given her space, she would be giving him some. At least until they would go back to his house again and she could talk to him in private.

Would she still be welcome there though? Aaron and Eric probably wouldn’t have any problems with her staying there for another night or two, but considering how she had been toward Daryl, she wouldn’t be surprised if he decided that she was too fucked up to deal with. The small band-aid over the cut she had made hadn’t escaped her attention and the guilt was slowly eating away at her again.

She wanted to apologize for what she had done and the way that she had acted, although, she didn’t have time to do so because the door opened and Carl stepped out in front of them.

“Daryl, Beth,” Carl said, looking between the two of them. “Mom and Dad are in the kitchen with Deanna, waiting for you two.”

Beth looked at him strangely for a moment before she realized that Carl must have been referring to Michonne as his mother. It made Beth feel weird but she knew that Rick and Michonne were together. Carl was old enough to decide for himself what he wanted to call Michonne and if he wanted to call her ‘mom’ then it wasn’t Beth’s place to say anything about it.

“Are ya joinin’ us or sneakin’ off with your girl?” Daryl asked, his tone teasing which kind of startled Beth a bit. The tension that had been set in his shoulders was nowhere to be seen when he reached out and ruffled Carl’s hair, despite the young man being almost as tall as Daryl himself.

“I’m not ‘ _sneakin’ off_ ’anywhere with anyone,” Carl protested, but his cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

“Yeah, ya ain’t foolin’ no one with that,” Daryl chuckled as he stepped inside the house. Beth looked at Carl for another minute before following Daryl inside.

She hadn’t had the chance to talk to Carl much the night before and she knew that she wanted to do so before she left his house whenever they finished up with the meeting. She stepped into the kitchen and saw Michonne, Rick and Deanna standing around a table. The three of them looked up when she and Daryl entered the room.

“Good morning, Mr. Dixon, Ms. Greene,” Deanna nodded toward them.

“Please, just call me Beth,” Beth said. Everything was feeling so formal that she was being reminded of the fact that she was new to this community. If she was going to stay, then she wanted to be comfortable enough to have people call her by her given name and not her last name.

“Beth,” Deanna smiled. “I take it you had a good night’s sleep?”

Beth remembered the nightmare, but nodded nonetheless,” Yes.”

“Is that a band-aid, Daryl?” Michonne asked. Beth looked at her feet. Nothing had ever escaped that woman.

“Cut myself while shavin’,” Daryl said, the lie falling effortlessly from his lips.

“Funny,” Rick said, “I think you missed a couple of spots.”

Beth looked at Daryl, taking in his usual scruff that didn’t look as if it had been touched in weeks, much less the night before or this morning.

“Been a while, cut myself an’ then decided it wasn’t worth it,” Daryl shrugged. He looked toward her and met her eyes. Beth bit her lip, her head falling down in a curt nod. She was grateful for his silence because it showed that he didn’t want to hang her out in front of everyone else.

“Mhm… How about we start this meeting then?” Michonne suggested, not looking fully convinced.

“Wait, isn’t anyone else comin’?” Beth frowned.

“We figured we’d wait to include everyone else until we know what exactly it is that we’re dealin’ with,” Rick told her. “If that’s okay with you, of course?”

“Yeah, okay,” Beth nodded. “That makes sense.”

Rick gave her a nod of appreciation, “Now, can you tell us everything there is to know about the Sanctuary and the Saviors?”

-§-

Daryl listened intently as Beth went over the structure of the Sanctuary and the other outposts that belonged to the Saviors. She talked about roads that were used frequently and areas that they had cleared of walkers during the time that she had been with them. Carl joined them halfway through the meeting, sitting in one of the chairs and as Beth started talking about numbers, Daryl couldn’t help but notice how Michonne’s hand came to rest on Carl’s shoulder.

“The most important question that we need to ask is whether or not you think we could take them in a fight?” Deanna said. “We have people who are ready to fight for our community and it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve been forced to face outsiders.”

“With the Saviors numbers, I doubt it,” Beth shook her head. “They are out there and with me gone, Negan will be going out of his mind to locate this place. It’s only a matter of time before they find this place and then we won’t stand a chance.”

“But if we prepare? We have weapons and Eugene figured out a way to manufacture bullets,” Rick pointed out.

“This isn’t the Governor, Rick,” Beth snapped, eyes suddenly blazing. “This isn’t just some people following a man who they think will keep them safe. This is people looking up to someone as if he’s their _god_ or something because they’re too afraid to do anything else.”

“If they’re afraid of him, shouldn’t we be able to convince some of them to join us and stop him?” Michonne wondered. “Are there people there who question him?”

“No one questions him,” Beth said. “Those who do face punishment.”

“How did you even get out of that place then? All on your own?” Rick asked.

“We had help,” Daryl said. “There was a guy… He was left behind.” He noticed how a painful look flashed over Beth’s face. He hadn’t wanted to mention Luke, but he knew that he had to say _something_ about him. If she had managed to convince Luke to help them, then there might be other people in the Sanctuary who would help too. Daryl remembered the way that the doctor had treated him and how that other guard had made sure that no one else would disturb him. He had been able to hear people arguing with the guard, wanting to see the prisoner, but the man hadn’t let anyone through.

“He’s dead,” Beth shook her head. Daryl found himself wanting to remind her of the fact that they didn’t know for sure what Luke’s fate had been, but he decided that he had already said enough regarding the young man.

“Ya had other people, though,” he stated. “The doctor, that other guard. There must be other people in there who were loyal to you.”

“Their loyalty to me will cost them their lives,” Beth said coldly. “If Negan senses any doubt among them, he’ll take care of them. You _saw_ what he did…”

As Beth trailed off, she met his eyes and he knew exactly what it was she was talking about. The way that he had forced her to kneel and humiliated her in front of everyone else; forcing her to surrender to him and show anyone who thought high of her that she was still beneath him.

“I know,” he said quietly. He felt the other’s curious gazes but he ignored them.

“This isn’t going anywhere,” Beth said and he could feel just how anxious she was getting. “We’re just wastin’ time.”

“What do you think we should do then?” Deanna wondered.

“Run,” Beth deadpanned. “Either relocate, which I know is goin’ to be difficult, or stay and fight and most likely die.”

Daryl didn’t like the tone she was using. It sounded as if she actually meant what she was saying, but then again, he knew that she didn’t have a reason to lie either.

“What about the others?” he asked. “Would they be willing to help?”

“What others?” Carl wondered, looking at them.

“The other communities,” Beth replied. “The ones that Negan has threatened to obey him.”

“There are others?” Rick’s eyes widened. “Are they close to us?”

“Close enough to be able to reach within a day, far enough for you to never have crossed paths,” Beth said. “They’re harmless, most of them.”

“D’ya think they’d be willing to help?” Daryl repeated his question.

“I don’t know,” Beth said. “Maybe, if it wasn’t me asking.”

Her statement was said with a hint of defeat. Momentarily, he saw that same haunted look cross her face that he had seen a couple of times since they had been reunited. If the Saviors had had dealings with the other communities, Beth would without a doubt be recognized as one of them. Daryl understood that Beth was worried that the others wouldn’t agree to help them if they knew she was with the Alexandrians.

“Beth’s right,” Michonne said after a moment. “We’re not getting anywhere with this now. We should just leave it for tonight and then meet up with the others tomorrow. At least we know what we’re dealing with now.”

“Okay,” Rick nodded, looking at Deanna who gave her own nod of approval.

Daryl agreed and Beth only rubbed her temple, her eyes flickering from one person to the other. She wasn’t alone about wanting to get out of there. Daryl looked at the clock on the microwave and realized that it was already five in the afternoon. Had they really been sitting there discussing the matter for _hours?_ It felt like it hadn’t been all too long, but maybe it had. His stomach felt empty, which was a sign that the big breakfast that he had had earlier that morning was long forgotten.

“Do you guys want to stay for dinner?” Rick asked. “I’m cooking tonight.”

“I’d like to be alive tomorrow,” Daryl snorted, earning a laugh from the others and a side-glance from Rick. He noted that Beth didn’t say or do anything, still looking deep in thought. He nudged her arm lightly, “Ya ready to head back?”

“Mm… I just need a minute, okay?” she asked, but she looked a bit surprised that he had talked to her. He wondered what that was about and he figured that he might as well just ask her about it later.

Daryl nodded, “All right. I’ll go see what lil’ Asskicker is up to in her room.”

Beth’s lips twitched at the mention of Judith, though Daryl had to admit that he didn’t expect for her to turn to look at Carl. “Could I talk to you for a minute?” she asked the younger man, who looked equally startled by her request.

“Uh, yeah,” Carl said, standing up from his chair. Beth waited for him to lead the way and Daryl watched as they disappeared out in the living room. He heard the front door open and realized that they had stepped out on the porch.

“What was that about?” Michonne asked.

“I dunno,” Daryl said. “Let’s just give them a coupl’a minutes. Should be fine on their own.”

“Is Beth okay?” Rick asked, concern yet again making its way into his voice. “I remember you sayin’ that she wasn’t all right… In the head.”

“She’s as good as she’ll be,” Daryl said. “As good as she can be, considerin’,” he corrected himself with a shake of his head. “She’s been through a lot of shit an’ she didn’t wanna come here first ‘cause she thought no one would accept her. She’s got things to work through so it’d be best to give her space when she needs it.”

“That makes sense,” Deanna said. “She shouldn’t be worried about people not accepting her. She’s already viewed as a hero here in Alexandria.”

Daryl looked at her, clenching his jaw, “Don’t think she’d agree on that one.”

-§-

Beth stepped out on the porch with Carl and she crossed her arms when she felt the light breeze. It was still early and the sun hadn’t set yet, but the afternoon winds seemed to have come in and they were cold enough to send a chill through her body.

“What did you wanna talk about?” Carl asked as he leaned against the railing.

Beth observed him for a couple of seconds, taking in just how much he had grown over the past three years. By her calculations he should be about eighteen years old and he had certainly grown into a young man. He was both taller and stronger physically. Sure, he was still lean, but Beth could see muscles that had formed over the years in the way that his shirt stretched when he moved.

“Are you happy?” Beth finally questioned, earning a raised eyebrow from Carl.

“What?” He sounded confused and she understood that her question might have come out of nowhere.

“Please, just humor me,” she said. “I want to know if you’re happy here.”

Carl blinked a couple of times before slowly nodding, “I’m as happy as I’ll ever be, I guess.” He looked at her again. “Why are you asking?”

“I just wanted to make sure that you were okay,” Beth breathed out. A smile made it’s way onto her face, “What Daryl said earlier, is that true?”

“About me sneaking off with someone?” Carl blushed. “We don’t sneak off. We’re pretty open with the fact that we’re together.”

“You have a girlfriend?” Beth grinned.

“Her name is Enid,” Carl confessed, looking even more flushed than before. “We met shortly after we got here, three years ago.”

“You been seein’ her since then?” Beth asked.

“No,” Carl shook his head. “We got together about a year ago. We were friends at first, but we kinda liked each other all along. Just didn’t know how to act around one another.”

Beth laughed, “That sounds so _normal._ ”

“Yeah,” Carl agreed with a chuckle of his own.

“Can I ask you another thing?” Beth wondered.

“Yeah, shoot,” Carl said.

“I heard you call Michonne ‘mom’ earlier…” she trailed off, not knowing for sure how to finish her question.

Something flashed in Carl’s eyes for a moment before he slowly nodded. “I know she isn’t,” he started, “but at the same time she kinda is? Maybe it doesn’t make sense, but I know her place in my family and even though I miss my real mom every day, Michonne is my mom too.” Carl chuckled, “When I first called her that, she was more surprised than me. I talked to Dad about it because I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but he said that I should do what feels right, and I did.”

Beth nodded, “Your dad is a good man. I’m happy that he’s found someone in Michonne and I’m glad that you and Judith have her.” A silence settled between them, but Beth found that she actually kind of enjoyed it. She understood where Carl was coming from when it came to calling Michonne his mom and it really did make sense. There was no way that anyone would ever forget Lori, but things had changed and life went on. Rick had found something with Michonne and he was happy again and they were a family more than ever before.

Beth breathed in the calm evening and realized that her head, which had been pounding inside, didn’t hurt anymore and she was feeling a lot better now that she had actually talked to Carl.

“Hey, Beth,” Carl said after a moment.

“Yeah?”

“We’re gonna be okay, right? Whatever happens, if we have to leave this place or fight to keep it, we’ll be okay, won’t we?” he asked.

Beth took a deep breath, not really knowing what to say. She didn’t want to lie to Carl and tell him that everything was going to be easy because she knew that there wasn’t a simple solution to all of this. Eventually, Negan would come knocking their doors down, but Beth knew one thing for certain and that was that no matter how pissed she might be deep down at her family and the world, there was no way in hell that she was going to let anyone else die because of her.

“I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that you’re okay,” she told him and that, if anything, wasn’t a lie.

Carl looked like he might want to say something else, but he didn’t have time to do so when Daryl stepped out of the house. “Ya ready to leave?” he asked and Beth nodded at him. She turned back to Carl and he seemed to hesitate for a moment before stepping forward, embracing her for just a few seconds before pulling back. He clearly didn’t want to push his luck with hugging her and she appreciated the thought. However, she had to admit to herself that it did feel nice to hug him because it settled some dark thoughts that she’d had in her mind to know that he truly was all right.

“Yes, I’m ready,” Beth replied. She smiled lightly at Carl again, “Tell Rick and Michonne that I said goodnight.”

“Okay,” Carl nodded, giving her a smile in return before walking back inside, but not before giving Daryl a playful nudge.

Daryl looked at her momentarily and she found herself exhaling. “You sure you want me to come back with you?” she asked.

“Why wouldn’t I?” he frowned. “I told ya you’d have a place in my house.”

“I just thought-”

“Stop thinking then,” Daryl interrupted. “‘Specially if you’re gonna be thinkin’ stupid shit like that.”

Beth didn’t say anything as she followed him back to his house. He’d started walking away from her as soon as he had spoken and she hadn’t had any time to respond. She stopped him again when they reached the porch of his own house and Beth had taken the few minutes that they had walked to think through what it was that she wanted to say to him.

She reached out and grabbed his arm before he could reach for the handle of the door. “Daryl,” she said, forcing him to turn and face her. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” He looked genuinely surprised at her apology and that only made her stomach twist even more.

“I’m sorry for how I reacted last night,” she said. “Or this morning, I guess.”

“Ya don’t gotta apologize,” Daryl said but she shook her head at him.

“No, I do,” she countered. “I’ve gotten so used to being on my own and it’s been a while since I let someone who cares enough to do something close. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I’m sorry for yellin’ and being a bitch about it.”

“Don’t know what ya want me to say,” Daryl muttered. “It wasn’t just your fault.”

“You don’t have to say anythin’,” Beth said. “Just, tell me that we’re okay.”

“We are, Beth,” he said, placing his hand on her shoulder. The warmth of his palm spread through her like a wildfire and she suppressed the urge to shudder. “We’ll always be okay, even when we’re pissed at one another. Is that why ya thought I wouldn’t want ya to come back with me here?” he asked. “Because of what happened?”

“I know that it can get to be too much to handle,” Beth stated. “I used to lock myself in my room in the Sanctuary so that no one would barge in on me when I was havin’ nightmares.”

“There’s a key in the top drawer of the nightstand,” Daryl told her. “If ya want it, it’s there.”

“You’re givin’ me your room again?” Beth asked.

“‘S yours for as long as ya want it,” he replied with a shrug of his shoulders and before she could second guess herself, she stepped close to him and hugged him. It was brief, but long enough for his hands to come to rest on her waist and Beth tried to ignore the way that heat spread throughout her body in waves at his touch. It was getting ridiculous now, the effect he seemed to have on her. She didn’t know whether it was because of her buried feelings or if it was just the fact that he was slowly becoming her anchor, but whatever it was, she couldn’t deny it to herself for much longer. She knew that she found him attractive and that she had done so even before they had been forced to leave the prison. Back then, she had been young and blamed it on nothing but a simple teenage crush, but then later, when they were forced to become partners and started depending on one another, it grew into something more.

At least for her it did.

“We should go inside,” Daryl said, clearing his throat. “Aaron an’ Eric are prob’ly waitin’ on us for dinner.”

“Yeah,” Beth said. “Let’s head inside.”

-§-

Daryl was startled awake by the sound of muffled cries. He jumped up from the couch and walked over to his bedroom, leaning his ear against the door for just a moment. Inside, he could hear Beth thrashing on the bed, letting out small whimpers and painful moans. She sounded like someone was torturing her and it made his heart ache for her.

He waited for another minute before finally opening the door and stepping inside. After silently closing the door behind him, he walked into the room and took in the sight of her on the bed. Her hair was damp and small beads of sweat had formed on her forehead. There was a frown covering her face and every once in a while, it would deepen into a look of anguish. He knew that she wouldn’t want him to shake her awake though, so he just waited patiently.

It didn’t take long for her to come out of it and when she did, she sat up in the bed, gasping for air as if someone had just been trying to choke her to death. He waited as she breathed through the panic and calmed herself down long enough to turn her attention to him. Glancing down, he noticed that she was clutching the bedsheets with one hand while holding her dagger in the other. She breathed heavily for another moment before swallowing thickly and closing her eyes. She didn’t say anything as she returned the dagger to the nightstand and laid back down on the bed, her breathing calmer. He wanted to ask her whether she was all right, but he knew that she probably wasn’t, so there was no point in asking.

After what felt like ages, Beth moved a bit to the side and lifted the comforter. Daryl’s eyes traveled to her bare legs that were visible and he swallowed when she kept holding the comforter up. It was a clear invitation, but he wasn’t sure whether he should accept it. Considering how he had been feeling toward her and with what had happened earlier today, he knew it would be a bad idea for him to get into bed with her.

But the image of her writhing in pain was something that he knew that he never wanted to see again and he didn’t know whether it would help in any way or make things worse, though he found himself walking over to the bed and slipping under the covers with her. Beth scooted over a bit, leaving some distance between the two of them, which he was actually grateful for. She twisted and turned until she was laying flat on her stomach and Daryl turned toward her so that he laid on his side, facing her. She was wearing a large, navy blue T-shirt and he was glad for it, because he wasn’t sure whether he would have been able to handle seeing more of her skin exposed.

He met her eyes and he knew that he had to say _something_ ; the one thing that had been circulating inside his head since the moment that they had argued earlier that day. “I don’t want ya to be like ya were b’fore,” he said, his voice hushed. He felt as if he was sharing some kind of secret with her, but his voice earned Beth’s attention because she looked over at him, her blue eyes locking with his. “I jus’ want ya to be okay.”

Daryl waited for her reaction, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, one of her hands came to rest between them and she opened it so that her palm was facing upwards. Daryl searched her face briefly and when she flexed her fingers, he reached out and placed his hand over hers. Beth twined their fingers together and held on to his hand tightly, saying everything that she needed to, without using words. She closed her eyes and Daryl let out a low breath, squeezing her hand silently in return. After a few minutes, Beth’s breathing evened out and Daryl looked at her face for another moment, taking in her scars as he thought about all the things that she had gone through. He knew that she hadn’t told him even half of it, but he had heard enough to know that things had been bad. All he could do though, was to be there for her when she needed him to be.

Daryl closed his eyes, inhaling deeply through his nose, allowing Beth’s familiar scent give him a sense of peace which he only wished that he would be able to return to her some day, by simply being there for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo what did you think? :) It started off quite rocky (And you got another VAGUE glimpse into something that happened to Beth while she was with the Saviors!) but I think the end of this chapter kind of made up for it a bit, yes?
> 
> It's clear that Beth is still carrying around a lot of heavy stuff, but I just wanted to quickly comment on that final scene. Beth lifting the comforter and letting Daryl into the bed with her was her way of kind of showing him that she doesn't want to push him away. He waited around only to see if she was going to be okay, but she asked him to stay with her because deep down, on some level, he is still the one that she associates with safety. It's like the night they spent in the cabin, when she told him about some of the things she's done and Evan. Daryl held her together there and she didn't suffer from any nightmares then, so it would make sense for Beth to want him close again. Her strong reaction from that first scene was more due to the fact that she made him bleed, but feel free to share your thoughts on that one if you feel up to it! :)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and supporting this story! If you have time, drop a review and tell me what you thought of the chapter. It's highly appreciated! :) xx
> 
> P.S. I kind of made an edit for this story that I figured I'd post on tumblr sooner or later. My tumblr is author123456 and my twitter is Sugar_Pepper666. Follow me there for regular updates, news and sneak peeks! ;)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night before Beth invited Daryl into staying with her after a nightmare. The morning after she wakes up warm with something heavy resting on her stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Again, sorry for the slightly belated update, but I've been so very busy this week with studying. I have an exam now on Thursday, so I don't know whether the next chapter will be posted on Saturday or not. There's a lot of studying to be done!
> 
> Either way, thank you so much for all the response the previous chapter got. I can tell that you're all excited for the tattoo reveal and I am too, just so you know. It's coming soon, in a chapter or two. Although, I have to ask, would it be disappointing to you if someone other than Daryl saw it first? I have some plans, but I would like to hear your thoughts on the matter.
> 
> A small warning for this chapter for a smaller panic attack, but other than that, this chapter is pretty light. I hope you guys enjoy and have a wonderful day! :)

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 15**

 

She was warm and the room was light as her eyes slowly fluttered open. The sun was beaming in through the window and Beth felt that her shirt was damp from the thin layer of sweat that had gathered over her torso.

There was another warmth though; a heavy weight that rested on her stomach. She allowed the memories from the previous night register in her head. She remembered her nightmare vividly still. The faces of the Hilltop people had been burned into her memory since the day that she had decided to leave the Sanctuary, but that wasn’t what she was thinking about now. Instead, she thought about how she had been so defeated by her nightmare, so tired of not getting any proper sleep, that she had invited Daryl into her bed because everything had just come to be too much.

He hadn’t questioned her on why she had lifted the comforter and she knew that he could just as easily have walked out of the room as she had come into it. He had stayed though, and that meant more to her than she would ever like to admit.

Now, his head was resting on her stomach, his arm thrown carelessly over her legs. The feeling of his rough hand on her bare thigh almost made her sigh, which then made her want to kick herself because  _ what was she doing?  _ She shouldn’t be thinking about Daryl in that way.

Yet, as she glanced down and her eyes settled on the top of his head she bit her lip and reached down. His hair was sticking out in every possible direction and even though she couldn’t see his entire face, the parts that she could see displayed a peaceful expression. His hot breath fanned over her hip, where her shirt had ridden up slightly but Beth tried not to think about it as she reached down and slowly ran her fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp. She knew that she shouldn’t, but she just couldn’t help herself. It was early still and she would stop soon she told herself. There was no need for him to know about this moment of weakness. She should stop, but instead her thoughts drifted as she began wondering what it was that he was dreaming about.

-§-

Daryl wasn’t sure exactly what it was that he was dreaming. All he saw was light and what he felt was pleasurable chills which started at the top of his head and continued to run like small currents throughout his body. Whatever kind of sensation his mind had conjured up for him, he was enjoying it and despite not being a believer, the only word that could describe the feeling was  _ heaven. _

It took him a couple of minutes to realize that he wasn’t dreaming at all. In fact, he was awake and his eyes had opened slightly. The sun was the source of light and he mentally reminded himself that he needed to pull close the blinds before heading to bed tonight. He was exhausted from everything that had been happening and even though he wasn’t actually fond of sleeping in, he had never been more comfortable in his own bed.

_ His own bed. _

Daryl fought the urge to tense when he finally came to his senses and remembered how he had ended up there the night before. Beth had been having yet another nightmare and she had invited him to stay with her. There had been space between them when they had gone to sleep, but it seemed like they had moved around quite a bit during the night. Or rather,  _ he  _ had moved a bit  _ too much _ , because his head was resting on Beth’s stomach and his hand was on her thigh, as if he had been trying to hold on to her to keep her from floating away.

The nice feeling, he concluded, came from something else entirely. He couldn’t remember if there had ever been a time in his life where he had felt someone run their fingers through his hair, in a comforting manner. His mother, maybe; when he had been younger and she hadn’t been too lit. It was so long ago though that he could hardly remember it and it felt so distant that it might as well just have all been a dream.

This, however, wasn’t a dream. Beth actually had her fingers tangled in his hair and she was slowly running them through it, massaging his scalp as she went. Normally, he would have just shaken off anyone who got too close, but he knew that she had her own demons to deal with so he could tie his own down for the time being. Besides, he had had so much time to deal with his own shit while Beth had just started and he wouldn’t want to be the cause for her reeling back and forcing the walls that she had built around herself up again. Not when he had worked so hard to make her talk to him and trust him again.

Besides, he liked the way that her nimble fingers felt in his hair and he didn’t want it to end just yet. Trying not to be too obvious, he nuzzle his nose against her skin where her shirt had ridden up and slowly turned his head so that he could look at her. She seemed lost in thoughts, her eyes a bit hazy as she continued to massage his head and he wondered whether she was even aware of what she was doing. There was a calm look on her face though, so whatever it was that she was thinking couldn’t be bad.

It felt like hours passed before she finally paused in her movements and looked down to meet his eyes. He didn’t know for sure what it was that had made her break through her thoughts because he had done his best to remain still, even though all he had wanted to do was press in closer to her. A blush crept up Beth’s cheeks and Daryl continued to stare at her face, trying to memorize the moment for some reason. He would probably never admit to her that he liked the way she touched him, but he knew that if either of them moved just a bit, she would probably be able to tell either way. It was nothing more than a natural reaction, he tried to tell himself. Too long had passed since he had shared a bed with a woman and besides, he had woken up hard more times than he would care to admit even without the presence of another person in his bed.

But this was  _ Beth _ and he knew that it was all about the affect that she was having on him. He wondered if maybe he was affecting her too in some way. The way that she had been looking at him these last couple of days told him that maybe there was something mutual there, but he wouldn’t know for sure until she came out and said it to him. He looked at her now and saw a flicker of something in her eyes. Her irises seemed darker, pupils a bit wider and he wondered whether she was experiencing some kind of memory or something. It confused him, but he slowly reached up and touched her cheek, right where a red tint had spread.

“G’mornin’,” he mumbled sleepily, his fingers moving across her cheek to cup it gently. “You good?”

Beth only watched him silently for another moment, brushing away his hair from his forehead. His thumb moved over the apple of her cheek, tracing the scar she had there. He wasn’t sure that it was okay, what he was doing, but at the same time she wasn’t exactly moving away from him so he decided to just go with it for now.

“Mornin’,” Beth replied finally, her voice a whisper that somehow managed to make him feel a thousand things at once. “I’m okay.” She ran her fingers through his hair once more and Daryl closed his eyes, just wanting to enjoy the moment a bit longer. He knew that they would need to leave the bed eventually and it was already morning, so everyone was most likely up and about. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was that he didn’t want anyone to come to his room looking for the two of them and finding them in bed like this.

Daryl cleared his throat and lifted himself up from Beth. Her hand fell away from him and he felt the loss, but didn’t want to think about it any further. Looking down at her though, he paused momentarily because her eyes were locked on his.

“Thank you,” she said. “For last night.”

“It was nothin’,” he said, moving away from her.

She grabbed his wrist where his hand still rested on the bed, stopping him from going any further. Lifting herself up in a sitting position, Daryl was forced to move back a bit so that her head wouldn’t collide with his when she came face to face with him. She squeezed his wrist, but it was his heart that clenched.

“No,” she told him. “It was something, Daryl. For me, it was.”

He watched her quietly and understood that he didn’t need to say anything. The night before when he had gotten into bed with her, he had already told her what he had wanted to say all along. He hoped that she knew what he had meant by it because he wasn’t sure he would ever be good enough with words to express how he feels about her and everything that was happening around them. Sure, when he was angry or upset the words usually just fell out of his mouth and before he didn’t really think about how much they might hurt the person on the receiving end. He knew though that with the way that Beth was now, he couldn’t throw things in her face and to be quite honest, he didn’t want to. He liked that she trusted him and the fact that she let him get close to her, even when she wasn’t well.

He just hoped that it would stay that way and that she wouldn’t push him away.

-§-

Aaron and Eric had left them a note in the kitchen that they had both gone off to help reinforce the walls around the community. Beth had taken a shower before joining Daryl in the kitchen and he had apparently taken the liberty to make them some breakfast. She couldn’t help but smile at him, even though she felt kind of strange with the way that her heart-rate picked up at the sight of him putting the plates and utensils on the table. Her heart had been acting up ever since she had woken up with his head on her stomach and the funny feeling in her stomach hadn’t let up at all after their brief conversation earlier. She found herself liking the way that things were just falling into place with them at the moment, but at the same time it scared her. With her luck, it was only a matter of time before something happened or she managed to screw things up somehow.

“Rick came to see me while you were in the shower,” Daryl said as he put the food on the table. Beth looked at the scrambled eggs he had prepared and her stomach growled loudly at the sight. Things had been good in the food department in the Sanctuary, but it had been a while since eggs had smelled quite so well as the ones Daryl had prepared. Memories of the funeral home returned briefly and the breakfast that they had shared there with pigs-feet, jelly and diet coke. When she had been alone, the memory of it had been a painful one as she reminded herself that she would never see Daryl again. Now, when she thought about it, it brought a smile to her face.

“What did he want?” Beth asked. “Is it about the meetin’?”

“Yeah,” Daryl nodded, sitting down across from her. “He said that there wasn’t gonna be a meetin’ today. Apparently, part of the wall got damaged last night an’ he’s gonna need to organize people to repair it.”

“Damaged?” Beth frowned, an uncomfortable tightness forming in her belly.

“‘S jus’ one of the supportin’ beams on the far side of it that fell. Ain’t anythin’ too bad, but Rick wants all hands on deck, so I gotta help too,” Daryl shrugged.

“Should I come?” Beth wondered.

“Nah,” Daryl shook his head. “Don’t need ya workin’ on the wall.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, “And why not?”

“Ya jus’ don’t have to,” he shrugged. “We got enough people already helpin’ an’ I don’t want ya to waste a day where you can check out the Safe Zone.” She continued to frown at him but he shook his head at her, “I know ya wanna see how things work ‘round here. Ya didn’t exactly have much time to do that with everythin’ else.”

“Holdin’ a council is important, Daryl,” Beth countered. “We need to prepare. Negan could attack us tomorrow for all that we know.”

“I know,” he told her. “Told Rick that too but he said somethin’ ‘bout how havin’ our walls weak wouldn’t exactly do us any good durin’ an’ attack. If I help, it’ll be repaired sooner an’ we’ll have the council meetin’ first thing tomorrow.”

Beth looked down at her plate, stabbing the eggs angrily with her fork. “We’re just wastin’ time,” she muttered. “It isn’t gonna end well.”

“I promise we won’t push it forward more than a day,” Daryl said. “If I could, I would tell ‘em all to listen to what you’re sayin’ an’ figure out what we should do. Ya know I would.”

Beth nodded at him, because she  _ did  _ know. Despite everything that had happened and the way that she had been towards him when they had first been reunited, he would do that for her. She knew that it wasn’t all his choice. Rick and Deanna were the leaders of the community and sure, they valued Daryl’s opinion, but in the end, they would decide that the walls were more important to keep up. Beth wasn’t sure that they had believed her when she had said that there was a good possibility that they would be forced to run and relocate.

“Okay,” she finally relented. “All you want me to do today is walk around inside the walls and look at the flowers then, right?”

“No, Beth,” Daryl shook his head. “It might do ya good to jus’ check things out an’ maybe get to know some people. Ya can hang out with Carl an’ Judith maybe or go see Denise.”

“I can’t just stay with you?” Beth wondered.

“We should prob’ly just work on separate ends today,” he said, but he didn’t sound like he would be enjoying it much. Beth was certain that she wouldn’t either, but she understood what he was getting at.

“We’ll catch up tonight then?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Daryl nodded. “I’ll head out right after breakfast an’ tell Carl to come over, if you want?”

“Okay, that can work,” Beth agreed.

She wasn’t sure how the day was going to work out, but she would give it all a chance. She didn’t like being separated from Daryl because she knew that he grounded her at the moment and she didn’t want to lose her grip on reality or get too lost in the memories that sometimes clouded her mind. It hadn’t been more than two days since she had come to Alexandria and she knew that it could only pass so much time before her sister had had enough and came to see her. Beth didn’t know whether she would be able to handle Maggie at the moment, although, if Judith and Carl were there, she might keep herself calm enough to just walk away from the situation. Besides, she knew where Daryl would be if she needed him and she had to do this for herself, if anything. She had to do her best to adjust to her new surroundings, even though it might become a challenge.

-§-

Daryl hammered away at the new beam, working together with the rest of the people who had been assigned to repair the damage to the wall. Rick was helping too but Daryl could tell that his brother was deep in thought as he worked. There was always that one look that covered Rick’s face as he thought about something grave and over the years, Daryl had learned to read him well. They hardly needed to communicate with words any longer and it made their cooperations easier for them both.

Daryl had an idea about what might be bothering his brother. Carl and Judith were spending the day with Beth, and despite the fact that Rick trusted Daryl’s judgment, he obviously couldn’t help but worry about them somehow pushing Beth too far. After all, Rick had been present when Beth had told them so easily that it would be better for them all to run. Instead of doing that though, they had decided to exhaust every other option and Rick had tasked the others who would be joining them for council in the morning to come up with any ideas that didn’t end with them leaving Alexandria behind.

To be honest, Daryl didn’t really want them to leave either. He liked that most of them had made the place a home and found peace and security within the walls; it would be a great loss to them all if they were indeed forced to leave. Daryl hoped that the meeting tomorrow would bring light to their situation and they would somehow manage to come up with a plan to deal with the looming threat of the Saviors.

He had told himself earlier that morning that it would be a good thing for him to focus on something else for a while, at least. He was feeling a lot better and most of his injuries were healed. His side was still a bit tender, but he enjoyed helping out with the walls because it gave him something else to think about other than the confusing feelings that Beth kept awakening inside of him. Besides, he could feel that the two of them were getting attached to one another and he was certain that it would do Beth good to be separate from him for a day. She needed to go out in the Zone and experience things first hand on her own so that she could take in things slowly. He kept telling himself that it wasn’t good for her to always be by his side, despite the fact that he enjoyed having her there. At the end of the day, they would be seeing each other anyway and he hoped that she would feel more comfortable in the place when she saw how things worked there.

Besides, he  _ did  _ feel like he needed to keep his focus on something else for a while.

And it would have worked too, if Glenn hadn’t showed up and started asking him how Beth was doing.

“Did Maggie put ya up to this?” Daryl asked, wiping the sweat of his forehead.

“You know she did,” Glenn shrugged. “I know that Beth’s safe with you but Maggie still worries.”

“Tell her not to,” Daryl snorted. “Won’t do her any good.”

Glenn gave him a look, “You know something?”

Daryl frowned at his question and shook his head. “No? Was just sayin’ that she should stop her worryin’. Why? Somethin’ ya wanna share?” He watched with amusement how Glenn’s cheeks turned a shade redder but the younger man shook his head.

“No, not really,” Glenn said. He fiddled a bit with a button in his shirt before changing the subject again, “Just, if Beth ever needs anything - That you can’t provide, I mean. - she knows where to find us.” His look turned grave for a moment. “Maggie’s really been wanting to see her again. It’s been a day, but I told her not to look Beth up. It would be better if she came to her when she’s ready, right?”

“Yeah,” Daryl nodded. “‘S prob’ly the best idea ya ever had.”

Glenn shoved him and shook his head, snickering. Daryl gave him a low chuckle and continued working.

-§-

The day went unexpectedly quick for Beth. She had only agreed to spend it separate from Daryl because she understood that he needed some time to himself and that he didn’t necessarily mean anything bad by it. With the way that the two of them had woken up earlier in the morning, she couldn’t say that she blamed him for wanting to think about things. Her own mind was all sorts of messed up due to the fact that things felt like they were moving so fast, yet didn’t feel rushed at all.

For more than three years, she had been on her own. She didn’t know the exact amount of time for sure, but she knew that it had been years. During that time she had tried her best to forget about her family, believing that they had done the same about her but it had been an impossible thing to do. One way or another they always weaseled their way back into her head, often late at night when she couldn’t block them out with her work. The thing was that the one person that she had thought the most about was Daryl. At first she had thought that it might be because he had been the last person from her family that she had spent an extensive amount of time with. Later, when some of her dreams about him would twist into nightmares where she would wake up in cold sweat, she realized that it must be more than that. She acknowledged the fact that she had grown to care about him when they had been on their own and she figured that them growing closer during their time between the moonshine shack and the funeral home could be the reason that she was so confused about him.

When she had woken up from the coma she had slipped into after being shot, she hadn’t had any memories of who she was. Dr. Edwards had helped her with some basic information, such as her name, but he had told her that it was essential for her to try an remember on her own and in her own time. Of course, back then, she hadn’t been able to speak; her tongue slurring and the words not coming out at all like she was thinking them. The blinding headache didn’t do her any favors either. As time progressed though, she got more control of her body. She learned how to talk again, sounding out the syllables of the short words she used and the other patients in the hospital were all kind enough to come and sit with her for a few minutes every day. They took turns and never stayed with her for too long because sometimes, she would get too frustrated because she couldn’t word her thoughts so she would have a difficult time catching her breath.

During the time that she had spent at Grady recovering - which had been almost a whole year - she had been forcibly sedated about fifty-eight times. Most of them had been in the beginning when her nightmares made her wake up in panic attacks, or when words triggered things in her mind that she hadn’t remembered before. There had been times when she hadn’t known what was real and what was in her head and she had begged Dr. Edwards to just let her sleep.

Her memories returned slowly and gradually during that time. Because of the way that she had been shot, there was no way for her doctor to know for sure if she would ever get them all back. Even then, though, some of her best dreams had been with a shaded figure and a candlelit room. She hadn’t known in the beginning who it was about, only that she had felt calm and happy whenever she had woken up from the dream. Later, as her memories returned, she had realized that they had all been about Daryl. It seemed that even when she didn’t know who she was, she knew enough to be able to dream about him and be happy about it.

Of course, later on, when she left Grady and decided to survive on her own, she tried to force herself to forget again. The hurt that the rest of her family had caused her made it easier to push the thoughts of them away, but Daryl always lingered. She knew that it was because they had never gotten to finish their conversation that night that they had been separated. It had been one of the things that had been driving her to want to leave the hospital before she had been shot too. After she finally got out, it became her biggest ‘what if’ that she somehow couldn’t let go of. With the way that her feelings were for Daryl now, she knew that they must have always been there, resting and awaiting the moment that they would be able to resurface again. She had been wrong to try and hide from them because there was no way that she could keep pretending that they weren’t there.

That was why she didn’t feel like anything was being rushed. She had had years to think about just what Daryl meant to her. Even though she might have never expected to see him again, the tattoo on her back alone told her that she had known all along how deep her feelings for him ran. He had been there with her, even when she had tried to deny it to herself. That was why she had chosen that particular tattoo to shield her back, because she knew that if he had been there with her, he would have done everything in his power to keep her safe.

As she had thought about those things, she had met up with Denise and finished giving her information about the way that she had been treated at Grady. The woman was kind and Beth found that she seemed to be easy enough to trust as well. During her years alone, she had gotten accustomed to sensing whether a person was genuine or not and it seemed like her first impression of Denise had been correct. Sarah had been there too, but quickly excused herself when Denise had asked for the room. It was something that Beth appreciated because she still wasn’t quite sure how she felt about the other brunette. Sarah didn’t seem like a bad person, but with the way that she looked at Daryl, Beth couldn’t help but feel a bit irritated with her. She was sure that Sarah didn’t mean to come across as too pushy, though Beth felt like the woman might have been a bit too happy to invade Daryl’s personal space when they had come to the Safe Zone. Still, she couldn’t exactly blame the woman for having feelings for Daryl. It would be quite hypocritical of her of she did.

After her talk with Denise, she finally met up with Carl and Judith. She held the little girl’s hand and let her lead her to the lake inside the Zone which they used for fishing sometimes. Apparently, they had been growing fish in the lake for about a year and a half and there were strict rules regarding the fishing. Judith babbled on happily about things she liked to do and Beth listened intently, happy to just spend some time with the girl she had once taken care of when she had been a baby. About halfway through the day a younger brunette joined them and Carl introduced her as his girlfriend, Enid. The girl was shy but Beth could see something in her eyes that mirrored the way that Beth herself had felt a few times in the Sanctuary. It was clear that Enid had seen things that might have scarred her on the inside, but from what Beth gathered, the girl had pulled through.

That was what was important.

It was a nice day, warm and sunny. Beth could feel her shirt sticking to her body, but she couldn’t bring herself to remove her leather jacket. Over the last couple of years it had become a part of her and she had gotten used to wearing it in any kind of weather. It had protected her during attacks and against walkers and she wasn’t ready to let go of it quite yet.

Either way, she enjoyed watching Judith walk around the lake, playing with Carl. Enid had taken to just sitting on a blanket next to Beth and the two of them watched the siblings doing something normal, for once. It was difficult for Beth to believe that they could actually have a sense of normalcy in the Safe Zone. She was glad that Judith had gotten the opportunity to grow up in a moderately normal place. At the Sanctuary, everything had been about survival of the fittest. One needed to be strong and prove that they were in the eyes of the other Saviors and it had taken time, but eventually, Beth had proven that she was willing to do just about anything to prove that she was the strongest. What she lacked in physical strength, her ruthlessness had made up for and the people who were stronger than her physically knew that she wasn’t one to cross. She had gotten training per Negan’s order and she knew how to take people down. For a while, she had enjoyed putting them in their place just as much as Negan did until she realized that it wasn’t quite her thing. Her first victim and would-be-rapist was the only one that she had made a show out of when killing. All her other kills had been discreet events, sometimes occurring after days of torture. Negan was always there though and he made sure that there were some witnesses there that could later whisper about the horrid things she had done.

Beth closed her eyes, leaning back a little so that she could enjoy the sun and the light breeze. She didn’t want to delve too deep into the person she had become when she had been with the Saviors. Her purpose now was to keep the remaining parts of her family safe and if she had to, she was going to do whatever it took to do that.

Her calm though, was quickly interrupted by laughter and a shadow falling over her. She instantly snapped her eyes open and pushed herself away from the new arrivals, only to calm down when she recognized Annie and her son standing there.

“Beth, hi,” Annie said, offering her an unsure smile. She seemed a bit taken aback by Beth’s reaction but didn’t say anything on the matter.

“Annie,” Beth nodded at her, raising herself up to stand. She glanced down at the boy who was hugging his mother’s feet and for a moment, their reunion replayed in her mind.

“Jonah saw you guys down here and he wanted to talk to you,” Annie explained. “He’ll understand if you’re busy. I mean, it seems like you’re enjoying a day off.”

Beth wanted to snark that there was no such thing as a day off anymore, but as soon as the thought crossed her mind, she realized that that was exactly what she was having. The thought of her just being able to sit back and relax made her feel heavy and she wasn’t sure whether it was a good weight or a bad one. On one hand, she was relaxed, but on the other, she felt guilty for not doing something more productive. They still hadn’t decided on what they would do with the impending threat of the Saviors and Beth wanted to get the matter settled as soon as possible.

“No, uh, it’s fine,” Beth said, looking down at the boy. She held her hand out for him, “You’re Jonah, right? I’m Beth.”

The boy looked shy for a split second but he finally released his mother and ran straight at Beth, hugging her around her legs. Beth stumbled, but steadied herself with both hands on the boy’s shoulders. Her mouth dropped open slightly and she didn’t know for sure what she was supposed to do or how she should react to the unexpected hug.

“Thank you for saving my Mommy, Ms. Beth,” Jonah said, his voice coming out half-muffled by how tightly he was pressing his face into her.

Beth swallowed thickly and found herself gently patting the boy’s head, ruffling his hair as he pulled back to give her a toothy grin. “I didn’t do much, Kid,” she said, “but you’re welcome, I guess.”

She looked back up at Annie who was smiling brightly at the two of them and offered the woman a nod. Jonah let go of Beth and returned to his mother’s side and Beth opened her mouth to say something else, but the thought was quickly erased from her mind at the sound of someone whistling.

Beth froze, shoulders tensing instantly and she took a step back from Annie and Jonah as she whirled around, her eyes moving over the Safe Zone. There weren’t many people in circulation since most of them were off working on the wall or doing their own jobs. Her heartbeat quickened when she heard it again; the distinct whistle of someone, somewhere.

Her breathing came out a bit harsher and she reached for the dagger that she always carried with her, secured in her belt. She heard Carl say her name, but she hushed him, listening intently for the sound to repeat itself again.

“Beth, what’s wrong?” Carl asked.

“Take Judith and go back to your place,” Beth ordered, her tone harsher than she intended. Carl looked at her uncertainly. “Take Enid too and just  _ go!” _

“Beth, we can’t just leave you like this-” Carl started to protest, but Beth turned in his direction and he stopped himself from continuing when he saw the look she was giving him.

“Did you not hear what I said?” Beth asked, her eyes dangerously narrowed. “Did you not hear the whistle?”

“What  _ whistle? _ ” Carl frowned at her.

“Carl?” a soft and frightened voice spoke. Beth’s eyes turned down to little Judith who was looking at her with a spooked expression while holding on to her big brother’s hand. Beth stared at the child and swallowed once again as her mind tried to catch up with what she was hearing.

“I need to see Daryl,” she said. “I have to see him.”

“Okay, just calm down and we’ll take you to him,” Carl agreed.

Beth bit her lip and nodded back at him. She didn’t hear Carl tell Enid to go back to her place and she didn’t hear Annie ask whether there was something she could do. Everything in her mind was a haze as she tried to sort through her memories in order to see whether she had just imagined the whistling. Her main focus was getting to Daryl though, so she followed Carl silently while she tried to keep her panic at bay, clutching her dagger tightly in her hand as her eyes traveled to the wall that was the only thing separating them from the Saviors and Negan.

-§-

Daryl wiped his forehead and looked up at the sound of his name being called. Carl was walking toward him, Judith’s hand firmly clasped in his own and Daryl frowned when he saw the look on his face. Something was wrong and Daryl’s stomach dropped when he saw Beth following Carl and Judith, her dagger drawn. He dropped his hammer and wanted to run up to them, but he forced himself to stay calm and take a breath. Beth seemed agitated enough and he didn’t want them to clash because he was worried about what might have happened.

“Daryl,” Beth breathed out when they finally reached him. He looked at her as she closed the distance between them, her hands gripping his sweaty arms. “Daryl,” she repeated, her breath coming out with difficulty.

“Hey, calm down,” he said, his voice low. He knew that her arrival had already attracted enough attention and he didn’t want to make a show out of whatever it was that was going on.

“I heard them, Daryl,” she hissed, her voice equally low. “I swear, I heard them.”

“Heard what, Beth?” he asked.

“The whistles,” she told him. “The Saviors, they signal each other by whistling.”

Daryl froze, “You’re sayin’ ya heard them? Here?”

“Outside the walls,” Beth explained, her eyes wide.

Daryl looked over at Carl, but the young man only shook his head, indicating that he hadn’t heard anything out of the ordinary. Daryl turned back to Beth, his own hands reaching up to rest on her face. “Beth, you’re safe in here for now,” he said, trying to calm her. “Ya could’a just heard someone else whistle. Don’t have to mean it’s them, or  _ him. _ ”

“But, Daryl, I could have sworn- I know how they sound and-” She shook her head, closing her eyes tightly as she leaned forward, pressing her face into his shirt. He felt her take a few deep breaths there and he slowly rested both of his hands on her shoulders again. “I’m going crazy,” she finally whispered against him, the vibrations running through him like currents as she spoke.

“Ya ain’t,” he shook his head. “You’ve been through a lot an’ it’s normal. This was your first day in the Zone on your own…”

“I scared Judith,” Beth said, pulling back from him. Daryl met her gaze for a moment before she turned to look at Carl and Judith. He noticed how remorseful she looked. “I’m sorry,” she told them. “I don’t know what came over me… I’m sorry, Judy.”

He wanted to tell her that it was okay, but he hadn’t been there so he didn’t think it was his place to speak. Carl still looked worried, but he finally offered her a nod and Judith stepped from one foot to the other and offered her a small smile.

“It’s okay,” the little girl said. “We still love you.”

The sound that came from Beth’s mouth was something caught between a laugh and a cry and on instinct, Daryl reached down and took a hold of her hand. Beth looked up at him and he saw how teary her eyes looked and finally, he decided that he was done working on the wall for the day. He looked over at Rick who gave him a look that told him that it was okay. Daryl squeezed Beth’s hand, “We should head back to the house. I gotta clean up an’ get started on dinner.”

Beth blinked a few times and her eyes traveled from his face down his body and up again before she darted her eyes away. A light blush had crept up her cheeks, reminding him of the one that had been there earlier in the morning and he wondered whether she had just now noticed how warm and sweaty he was.

They excused themselves and Beth let Judith hug her before once again taking a hold of Daryl’s hand and allowing him to lead her away from the building site. Taking their time, they walked slowly towards the house. Daryl saw how some people looked at them curiously and he supposed that it might have something to do with them holding hands. No one in Alexandria had ever seen Daryl holding hands with anyone besides little Judith and he understood how it got their attention. Even though it made him a bit uncomfortable to have their eyes on him and Beth, he didn’t care enough to pull away from her. She had had something akin to a panic attack from what he had gathered and he wasn’t going to let her think that she was alone.

“Ah, Mr. Dixon, Ms. Greene. Just the two people I’ve been looking for,” Deanna said as she walked toward them. Daryl and Beth stopped walking, allowing the woman to catch up with them.

“Ma’am,” Daryl nodded, making Deanna roll her eyes at him. He hoped she got just how tired he was of being called ‘Mr. Dixon’ by her.

“ _ Daryl _ , Beth,” Deanna said, “I just wanted to quickly invite you both to a small get-together that I’ll be hosting tomorrow night.”

Daryl stared at her, wanting to ask her whether she was serious. With what had just happened with Beth, he wasn’t sure that a party was the best idea.

“A get-together?” Beth frowned. “I think we have bigger issues at hand than throwing some party.”

“And I agree completely,” Deanna nodded. “It’s just that a lot of the people of the community have heard about what you did for Annie, Emma and Daryl and they wanted to throw you a surprise welcome party. They don’t know about everything that has been going on and the extent of our dangerous situation, but I’m sure that a quiet gathering hosted by me which lasts only a few hours is a more welcome event than a  _ loud _ surprise party that can go on for half the night.”

Beth didn’t look convinced as Daryl searched her face and he didn’t really feel like attending any party at all. Although, Deanna did have a point. It would be better to satisfy the people’s need to celebrate Beth being a hero by Beth showing up an event prepared for an hour instead of them scaring her with a surprise. After all, there was no telling who might get stabbed with the second alternative. Daryl might even aid her with the stabbing because he really, really  _ loathed  _ surprises.

“If we come, then we’ll be in an’ out within an hour,” Daryl told Deanna. “An’ I don’t want no old ladies fussin’ over me.”

“Oh, Daryl,” Deanna sighed. “Of course, but I can’t promise anything about the ladies. I mean, you  _ are  _ one of the most eligible bachelors in Alexandria,” she said, her tone teasing.

Beth actually let out a small laugh at that so Daryl couldn’t be angry with Deanna for saying it.

“I’m in if Beth is,” he said, looking at the blonde whose face turned serious once more.

“Okay,” Beth finally agreed. “In and out. Nothing more. We still have the council meeting tomorrow.”

“Yes, I’ve already spoken to your sister about it,” Deanna said. “She will be attending together with Glenn. A few others will be there as well.”

“How many?” Beth asked.

“Mostly just people who have important positions in the Zone,” Deanna said. “Now, I must excuse myself because I’m late for dinner with my son. Have a good night you two.”

“G’night,” Daryl echoed, looking at Beth again. She only sighed and gripped his hand tighter.

-§-

Once they got back to the house, Daryl made them dinner. Aaron and Eric joined them and they all shared small stories about their day. Neither Daryl nor Beth mentioned Beth’s panic attack though and Daryl sure as hell wasn’t going to randomly bring it up later either. He didn’t want her to think that he was pressuring her into talking about anything. She would talk to him on her own whenever she was ready to do so.

After dinner, Aaron declared that Daryl needed to take a shower. Daryl glared at him but agreed, although, he offered Beth to take a quick one before him. Once she had thanked him and left the kitchen, Eric had looked over at him and joked about him being a ‘Southern gentleman’. Daryl had simply rolled his eyes at the man and gone to the living room to wait for Beth to finish her shower.

Once he finally got around to showering, it had already gotten late and he knew that they would all be heading to bed. The meeting was supposed to be held early in the morning and Aaron was attending since he was one of the main recruiters of the Safe Zone. Daryl couldn’t help but think about the various scenarios that could go down tomorrow, but he decided not to overthink them. Whatever went down, he would stand on Beth’s side and they would face it all together.

Daryl got out of the shower and wiped his body down with a towel before tugging on his shirt and a pair of boxers. He didn’t want to make Beth uncomfortable because of his lack of clothes, but at the same time, they had slept in the same bed the night before and she had been wearing nothing more than a shirt and some panties. If he was going to sleep next to her tonight, he had to assume that she would be fine with him sleeping in a shirt and some boxers. Then again, another part of him wanted to make sure that there was an extra layer of clothes between him and Beth when he thought about his predicament that morning. It was, however, warm in the room when he walked out of the bathroom and he wasn’t exactly looking forward to sleeping in flannel pajamas.

He met Beth’s gaze and she eyed him. For a second he wondered whether she would actually throw him out of the room, but she only cleared her throat and walked over to open the window a bit, letting in fresh air. She was still only wearing that black t-shirt and panties - From what he could tell, but he didn’t want to think about  _ that. _ \- and he watched her as she crawled into bed and lifted the comforter again, just like she had the night before.

Daryl didn’t need to be told twice.

He laid down on his stomach this time, putting his hands underneath his pillow as Beth covered him with the comforter. His head was turned to her and she assumed her own resting position on her side, like he had been laying the night before. A quiet moment passed between them where only their breathing could be heard.

“I know what I heard today,” Beth said after a while, breaking to silence. “It might have just been in my head, but I felt as if I was being watched too. That’s why I freaked out, I think.”

“‘S okay, Beth,” Daryl told her.

“I scared Judith and I snapped at Carl,” she continued. “I didn’t want to do that, but I did. I wanted them to get out of there.”

“Ya wanted to protect them,” Daryl acknowledged.

Slowly, Beth nodded, “Annie and her boy were there too, but I only cared about gettin’ Carl and Judith out of there. Even told them to take his girlfriend, thinkin’ that they would leave then.” Daryl wasn’t sure what to say, so he stayed quiet again and let her speak. “Annie and Jonah are innocent too, but I would have probably tossed them to the Saviors if it meant that Judith and Carl were safe.” There was a bitterness in her tone, which he didn’t like.

“That ain’t true,” he shook his head. “Ya know it ain’t. You’d save them too, if it ever came down to it. You’d risk your life for them, ‘cause ya know they’re innocent.”

Beth didn’t say anything though and he let her think about it because he knew that deep down she too was aware of the fact that it was the truth. Why else would she have risked her original plan to get them all out of the Sanctuary? She could have just gotten Daryl out and let Negan deal with the women, but she had saved them too. She wasn’t going to throw anyone to the Saviors and if she didn’t believe in herself, then he would do it for her until she did.

“I don’t like the idea of a party,” Beth said, changing the subject.

“I don’t either, but trust me, it’s better to just let the people have this,” Daryl said. “We’ll hold the meetin’ in the mornin’ an’ we’ll figure things out until then.”

“Okay,” Beth mumbled, although she still didn’t look very happy about it. “But you’ll be there, right?”

“Told Deanna I would be,” Daryl grunted. “‘S like I said: I’ll be there if you are.”

That brought a smile to Beth’s face and she moved a bit closer to him. He wondered whether she was aware of it, or if it had been some sort of natural reaction. “And we’ll sneak away earlier too, won’t we?” she asked.

“Mhm… Yeah,” Daryl said, turning on his side to face her. “What will we do instead though? Parties in Alexandria can go on for hours, like Deanna said.”

A lazy smile spread across Beth’s lips and Daryl saw a small glint in her eyes. His mind registered too late just how suggestive he had sounded and he swallowed thickly as Beth leaned even closer to him, pressing her lips to his shoulder as she breathed in.

His hand rested on her own shoulder, the closeness making his arm twitch at the awkward angle, but he found that he didn’t want to push her away. Instead, he fought the urge to pull her even closer and press her entire body up against his own.

“I’m sure we’ll think of somethin’,” Beth said, her tone low and just as suggestive as his question had been. She pulled back a bit and looked him straight in the eyes. Daryl felt a shudder threatening to run through his body, but he suppressed it by squeezing her shoulder and giving her a warning look. Beth looked at him and then laughed, laying back down on her back so that she could stare up at the ceiling. Daryl breathed in, glad to have some space between them again because he wasn’t sure exactly what would have happened if the two of them had kept staring at one another like that.

He settled back down on the pillow. “Hey, Beth?” he said after a moment.

“Hmm?” Beth hummed in reply.

“‘Bout everythin’ else… With Negan an’ all,” he said, making her turn her head to look at him. “We  _ will  _ think of somethin’, I promise.”

A beat of silence passed again before Beth nodded, “I know.”

Daryl watched her for another moment before closing his eyes. After a while, he felt her move closer to him and he didn’t react when she slipped her hand underneath his pillow so that she could hold his hand. Her breathing evened out slowly after she had laced their fingers together and Daryl found comfort in her breath hitting his arm once she had moved even closer. His lips twitched and he squeezed her hand, happy to feel her squeeze back, even in her sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you think? Daryl and Beth spending the day away from one another, at least for a while and then once again reuniting? Oh, and what did you think of the morning after scene? I couldn't help but let them cuddle for a bit... (See, I'm not evil!)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and supporting this fic. If you feel like it, drop a review and tell me what you thought about the chapter and also whether you would mind if I had someone else see Beth's tattoo before Daryl? I have a special kind of conversation planned for that... Either way, your comments are always appreciated! :) Until next time! xx
> 
> P.S. How many of you watch FearTWD? I've been thinking about writing a Nick Clark x OC fic that follows the story of the show and I kind of need to know if anyone would eventually be interested in reading it.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting is held, a decision is made and some secrets are revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Yes, I'm still alive! How was your Summer guys? Mine had me stuck at work every single day, from 11 am to 11 pm. It's the family business and unfortunately, one can't say no to helping them...
> 
> Either way, I'm FINALLY back to writing and I'm also starting my final year of college. I have a lot of things going on but as I said, I'm back to writing my stories. This is a pretty important chapter, even though it might feel a bit all over the place. I'm plenty annoyed at the ignorance of the Alexandrians in this story, but it's important for the way that I want to tell this particular story. Please remember that I have a reason for writing everything I write.
> 
> Also, feel free to leave a comment in the end because everyone who writes knows that it works as fuel haha! :) Oh, and yeah, you're not gonna wanna miss the next chapter (which I'm starting to write tonight). I'm actually thinking of splitting it in two and making it a shorter one so that I'll be able to post it sooner, but we'll see depending on what you guys want.
> 
> Thank you so much for being patient with me and for supporting me. I love all of you. xx

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 16**

 

Beth’s head was pounding. She rubbed two fingers against her temple and let out an inaudible sigh as she listened to the others talk. They weren’t getting anywhere and it had already been three hours with a short fifteen minute break after the two hour mark. The whole issue was beginning to get on her nerves. Not only had they postponed a very important meeting, but they weren’t really getting anywhere. They were all talking in circles around one another, ignoring Beth whenever she tried to speak up and the only thing that was keeping Beth from completely losing her mind, was Daryl’s hand that was resting comfortably on her thigh.

Maggie and Glenn were present, along with Sasha and some of the other people that Beth had been introduced to since her arrival in Alexandria. Abraham, who seemed to want to head full force into the Sanctuary on a stealthy mission and simply assassinate Negan, and Carol, who along with Morgan kept questioning whether there was another way to go about it. Rick and Deanna were trying to keep it all together, but Beth could see their control of the meeting slipping. Michonne was being awfully quiet, as was Carl who had been invited to join them. Aaron was there too and he seemed to be the only one - besides Daryl - who was listening to her whenever she spoke. She was doing everything in her power not to lose it on them all and punch someone. Preferably Deanna, who before the meeting had once again reminded her of the fucking party that she was throwing in Beth’s honor.

Beth felt Daryl squeeze her thigh again and she swallowed thickly, realizing that she had slowly but gradually been reaching for her dagger which was secured in her boot. Letting out a deep breath, Beth placed her hand on top of Daryl’s, trying to show him that she was all right.

“If we take out the head, then the whole thing falls apart,” Abraham said.

“Not if Beth’s intel is anything to go by,” Rick shook his head. “Negan is important to the Saviors and he keeps them all in line. If he’s killed, who’s to say that they won’t retaliate a hundred times worse?”

“Besides, think  _ rationally,  _ Abraham,” Michonne interjected. “We can’t go in guns blazing when we don’t have enough people. According to Beth, they outnumber us.”

“Yeah, and how the fuck are we supposed to know if  _ she’s  _ tellin’ the truth?” Abraham asked. “She might as well be a spy for them.”

Beth paused, looking at the man as he looked at her. She held his gaze, not backing down and finally he sighed, shaking his head and turning away from her.

“That’s my sister you’re talkin’ ‘bout there, Abe,” Maggie stated, sounding bitter.

Beth looked at her, “I don’t need you fightin’ my battles.” Her voice was cold and even and for some reason, it earned the attention of the others around the table. “When the rest of you are ready to get your heads out of your own asses, come and get me. I’m out of here,” she said, standing up, feeling Daryl’s hand drop from her thigh. The chair scraped against the floor as she pushed it back with her legs and without looking at anyone else, she left the room.

-§-

Daryl clenched his jaw, glaring down at the table as everyone else was left speechless. His eyes flickered up and he glanced at them all, noting how surprised their faces looked. He couldn’t blame Beth for leaving the room because he had been wanting to step outside ever since they had come back from the small break they had taken.

“What now?” Morgan questioned, sounding defeated.

The rest of them remained silent though, and Daryl had finally had enough. He stood up, his chair toppling over as he glared at them all. “I’m gonna go an’ talk to Beth. When we get back, y’all better have done as she said an’ gotten your heads straight,” he told them. They looked at him curiously and he rolled his eyes at them, pointing at the door that Beth had gone through. “That woman in there is the only clue we have as to what the fuck is goin’ on,” he continued. “Y’all have been ignorin’ her every input since this fuckin’ meetin’ started an’ I don’t blame her for walkin’ out. If I was treated the way you’ve been treatin’ her, I’d leave ya out to dry. She’s better than that though, an’ at least she’s fuckin’ tryin’ to save your lives.”

He turned his back to them and continued walking the way that Beth had walked. He found her outside, on the porch and he didn’t wait long to light himself a cigarette. He needed it after everything that had been said.

Daryl didn’t say anything as he came to stand beside her. Beth was holding her dagger, picking at the dirt under her fingernails and looking so focused that he wasn’t sure that she had registered him joining her at all. For a couple of minutes they just stood there, leaning against the railing. He smoked and she picked at her fingernails and neither one of them said anything. When she finally broke the silence, it almost startled him, but when he had come out there he hadn’t had any intention to force her to speak until she was ready.

“They’re plannin’ parties, Daryl,” she told him, anger and annoyance dripping in her tone. “It makes me so fucking pissed.”

“I know,” he said, exhaling the smoke as he stared straight ahead. “What are ya thinkin’?” he wondered.

“A hundred things,” she admitted. “Mostly how annoying it all is. I expected it from the people I don’t know, but Rick and the others? That’s surprising.”

“Ya think we’ve gone soft,” Daryl stated. He couldn’t say that he didn’t agree with her after seeing how they were all dealing with the problems they were facing. He had expected Rick to take action immediately, but he supposed that he on some level understood that they didn’t want panic to spread through the Zone. That would be bad for everyone.

“I think some have,” Beth said. “I don’t give a shit about everyone else. I just want my family safe.”

Daryl snorted at that, “When I first saw ya, you sounded more convincin’ when ya pretended ya didn’t give a fuck ‘bout people anymore.”

He sensed her turning her head in his direction, but he still refused to look at her. Whatever it was that she was thinking, he had begun to understand the woman that she had become. If she really was the stone cold killer that Negan had tried to make her, she wouldn’t have spared Luke’s life and she most certainly wouldn’t be bothering with trying to help the rest of the Alexandrians. Daryl wondered if maybe that was one of the reasons that she was so frustrated about it all. Could it be that she had convinced herself that she was a cold murderer and that she was actually surprised by the fact that she did care for people that she didn’t even know?

“I feel like no one is listenin’ to me,” Beth said. “I wish we could just go back to this mornin’. I wish we had never gotten out of bed.”

This time, Daryl turned to face her. She was holding her head up, looking him right in the eyes, keeping his gaze. Her eyes looked darker and Daryl was no longer sure if it was because of the anger that coursed through her or something else. As she looked at him, he couldn’t help but take a small step toward her.

His mind went to how he had woken up with her earlier that morning. The worries of what was to come had still not taken hold of him completely and for a good couple of minutes, he had allowed himself to relax with her in bed. Beth had had her head on his chest and their hands had been clasped over his heart which had beat loudly in his chest. When she had woken up, she had simply stared at him and he had watched her and neither one of them had spoken a single word as they had laid in bed together.

“Mhm… Me too,” he confessed, holding her gaze.

Something flickered over her face and her lips parted. He didn’t believe she was surprised exactly, but what he had said had clearly had some kind of effect on her.

“Would you leave with me?” she asked him. “If I said that I wanted to go, leave Alexandria behind, would you come?”

“Would ya be able to leave everyone else behind?” he countered, his voice low and raspy as he put out his cigarette and turned toward her.

“A few months ago, I would have, if it meant my own survival,” she replied slowly. “Now, I don’t think I can.”

Daryl reached out and put his hand on her shoulder. Without thinking, he lowered his head slightly and leaned into her, pressing his forehead against hers. Beth stared at him, her eyes widening slightly.

“What d’ya say ‘bout us goin’ back in there an’ you kickin’ their asses in the right direction?” he suggested. His mind felt a bit hazy at their close proximity, something that he knew that he should have taken into consideration before pulling her close. It was kind of addicting; the feeling he got whenever Beth was close to him made him feel almost too good. He needed to remind himself that there might come a day when she’d push him away again. That day would probably be the day that she realized that she wanted nothing to do with him if he ever pushed whatever it was that was growing between them too far.

“I’d say okay,” Beth breathed out against him, her fingers hooking in his belt loops. “As long as you keep me from stabbing someone in the eye for making me lose my temper.”

Daryl couldn’t help but chuckle as he pressed his lips to her forehead, feeling how Beth pulled him just a little bit closer at the same time.

-§-

Beth ended up taking over the meeting completely. Everyone listened to her as she once again went over the numbers and the strength of the Saviors. She told them about the armories and the outposts and which ways they could strike in case they wanted to weaken them. Daryl knew that it wouldn’t matter though, because the Saviors outnumbered the Alexandrians in any scenario. Beth had told them as much and if he trusted anyone, he trusted her. She knew her thing because she had been there with Negan for almost two years. Not only that, but she had been close to the man, so she knew how he worked and thought.

They talked about their options again and Daryl once again asked about the other communities. Beth reluctantly shared that they might be willing to help considering that it would ensure all of their freedom, but the lack of time worked against them. That was their main issue, they concluded;  _ time.  _

With Beth gone from the Sanctuary, Negan would become restless. No matter what Luke had said and if he was able to sell the story that Beth had instructed him to tell, there was no way that Negan wouldn’t come looking for Beth. It was highly possible that he was already out there in the wild with search parties, trying to track her. Beth told them that if Negan found Alexandria, they would instantly be at an even bigger disadvantage. If he found out that they have been hiding Beth there, they would all be as good as dead.

“How can we buy time then?” Aaron questioned. “How can we make Negan stay inside the walls of the Sanctuary and keep him from finding us here?”

“If we had someone on the inside, they might have been able to feed him false information,” Rick said, turning to Beth. “Do you have anyone loyal enough inside the Sanctuary that you could trust with such a thing?”

“It’s dangerous,” Beth said. “I have people I trust, but I’m not sure they’d be willin’ to endanger their life for somethin’ as risky as this.”

“We’re gonna be sittin’ ducks if we don’t do anythin’,” Abraham sighed, crossing his arms. He had calmed down a bit after Beth had taken over the meeting. Daryl was glad for it. They didn’t need more drama inside the walls when they had plenty of problems on the outside. He looked over at Beth and noticed that there was suddenly a vacant look in her eyes. Daryl’s stomach turned and is heart dropped. He didn’t need to be a mindreader to know what was going through her mind.

“What are we going to do then?” Maggie interjected. “There’s nothing we can do, unless one of us tries to infiltrate the place.”

Beth’s eyes snapped up at that and Daryl locked his gaze with hers. He started to shake his head at her; she hadn’t said anything yet but he already knew what she was going to happen next.The look on her face told him that she had already made her decision and Daryl felt even sicker. Every cell inside his brain screamed at him to stop her and he stood so abruptly from his seat that his chair was knocked over.

“I’ll go back,” Beth said, causing all the other voices in the room to die down. The silence made Daryl’s skin crawl and he lowered his eyes to the floor, not sure he wanted Beth to see the hurt that was flowing through him. “I’ll go back to Negan and pretend to be on his side. I’ll buy you guys some time. I’ll stall the best I can.” Beth’s tone was confident, though Daryl knew that she didn’t believe that she could do it.

He looked at her then and saw that her eyes were on him again; her focus was set and she seemed to be trying to reassure him somehow. Daryl saw the flicker of hesitation on her face, clearly brought out by the self-preservation she had taught herself since she got out of Grady.

“No!” Maggie’s half-screamed protest broke through the air. Daryl felt as if the air in the room had suddenly gotten bad, making it difficult for him to breathe properly. It all felt like a punch to the gut.

“It’s not your decision to make, Maggie,” Beth said, shooting a glare at her sister. “This is the only option we have besides running. I’ll give you guys the locations for the other communities and you can reach out to them,” she continued, looking toward Rick and Deanna.

Daryl kept staring at her though, not fully believing that she had actually offered to go back to the Sanctuary. What was she thinking? Had she been thinking of going back for longer than she had let on? He knew that she had been uncomfortable in the Safe Zone and that she had felt as if someone was watching her, but he had never thought she would actually want to go back to Negan so easily.

“It pains me to say this, but what Beth’s offering is our best option,” Rick said and this time, Daryl couldn’t help but glare at his brother. Somewhere deep down, he knew it was the most logical thing to do as well, but everything inside of him told him that this was a bad idea. He had seen Negan in action and he knew that the man might be mad, but he sure as hell wasn’t stupid. If Beth went back, she would have to lie through her teeth and convince Negan that she hadn’t left the Sanctuary willingly. All the risks weighted, Beth was putting herself in danger again and Daryl didn’t like it at all. He would lose her, just after he had gotten her back and it was slowly eating away at him.

“We should put it up for a vote,” Deanna said. “All in favor of Beth going back to buy us more time, raise your hands.”

Daryl went over it all in his head again. He might have initially thought that Beth had lost it, but the more time he spent with her, he understood that she was just different; they all were. If she wanted to go back and trusted that she could, who was he to stop her? She wanted to go back and Daryl understood that it was the best option in regards to protecting the Safe Zone.

Then why wasn’t he raising his hand like the majority of the people in the room? Why was his heart pounding away painfully inside his chest and why did he feel betrayed by Rick and the others for raising their hand? He didn’t want her to go back to that place; he’d rather do what they hadn’t done with the Governor: run.

That thought alone - the fact that he was willing to leave the Zone and just go to get away from Negan and the Saviors - made him feel even sicker.

-§-

Beth had carefully avoided meeting Daryl’s eyes as the meeting came to an end. It was settled; she would be going back to the Sanctuary. Her stomach twisted at the thought, but for some reason, she remained calm. Even though the others might not understand the risk with her going back there, Beth wanted them to believe that she could handle it on her own. If she could buy them just a few days time and give them the locations of the other communities, they might be able to do something to stop Negan from tearing them all down.

She knew that Daryl knew though. He had seen the way that Negan was and Beth was certain that he was going to be pissed with her for deciding to go back. She had fought so hard to get out of there and then she had just gone ahead and agreed to return to Negan’s clutches; she had even been the one to suggest it on her own.

She watched as Daryl walked away, heading back toward the house. The meeting was over and the matter was settled; there was nothing else to be done. Beth knew that she should pack the few things she had had with her, but on the other hand, if she was going to pull off the lie that she had been taken against her will, then there was no use in taking anything with her. She wanted to say something to Daryl, but she wasn’t sure if that was the best idea at the moment. He needed some time and she did too and considering the fact that the welcome party tonight had been changed into a going away party, Beth really needed to get her head straight.

She was still annoyed with Deanna and the others for not giving up the idea of a party and Beth had a feeling that things wouldn’t go as well as they wanted them to. Something always went wrong and if anything was going to happen, it was bound to be there.

Watching Daryl’s back, Beth suddenly realized that she didn’t want to face him right now. He clearly needed some time to process what was about to happen within the next twentyfour hours or so and she too needed a moment to deal with and come to terms with her own decision. Somehow, her feet started moving though and Beth found herself walking through the Safe Zone, breathing in the air around her. She ignored the looks some of the people there gave her and she avoided the street where Daryl’s home was. After a couple of minutes, she ended up standing outside of Glenn and Maggie’s place and sat down on the porch. Taking out her dagger, she started picking at her nails again and she couldn’t help but glare down at the ground, questioning herself once again along with her subconscious decision to go to her sister. Maggie wasn’t even there yet because Beth was certain that she had left her behind at Rick’s, arguing with him over the decision that had been made.

Beth wasn’t sure how long she sat there until footsteps could be heard approaching her. She glanced up, meeting Maggie’s eyes and holding her gaze for a good while without saying anything. Maggie stared at her and then shook her head, letting out a sigh.

“What do you want me to say, Beth?” she asked, sounding defeated.

“I didn’t come here to argue,” Beth said, standing up from the porch steps.

“Then why did you come here?” Maggie pressed, placing her hands on her hips. “You’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t want to make out relationship work.”

“I told you that I needed time,” Beth corrected. “I haven’t written anyone off, but you gotta understand that I can’t just forget and forgive.”

“You’ve done so with Daryl,” Maggie said. “You’ve done so with Rick and Michonne, even Glenn. Why is it different with me?”

Beth clenched her jaw, looking away. “Can we please go inside?” she asked, not wanting to argue out there in the open.

Maggie didn’t say anything as she brushed past her, unlocking the door to the house and stepping inside. Beth followed after her, going to the kitchen where Maggie started pulling out things from the cabinet.

“Glenn’s picking up Hershel and Judith,” Maggie said, breaking the silence. “I’ll be baby sittin’ Judy while Glenn and Rick go over the plans for their next run. It’s been far too long since anyone went lookin’ for more supplies.”

“Judy’s comin’ here?” Beth asked, not being able to keep a small smile from appearing on her face.

“You’re welcome to stay,” Maggie said before finally turning around to face her. “I know it ain’t easy. I know we won’t be able to fix anythin’ like this either. By not talkin’, I mean. I don’t like the decision you made today and I won’t pretend that I do. We don’t have to talk about you leavin’ again, but can we at least be civil and honest with one another?”

Beth looked at her again. “Yeah,” she drawled. After a moment of silence, she continued, “I don’t have anythin’ to wear tonight. I think the party is stupid and I’d rather just leave before it, but I wanna say good-bye to everyone.”

“I does feel kinda stupid, doesn’t it?” Maggie agreed. “I thought Sarah brought over a bunch of clothes for you? Didn’t you like any of it?”

“I don’t wanna wear something that the woman who keeps staring at Daryl all the time has given me,” Beth blurted. Her eyes widened for the fraction of a second and she felt her cheeks heat up a bit. She felt like she had gone back years and confessed to her older sister that she was being jealous over a guy.

Maggie only gave her a look and smiled, “I’ll see what I can do. I have plenty of clothes upstairs. We should be able to find somethin’ that fits.”

A couple of minutes they were upstairs and Maggie had already placed a couple of dresses on her bed. Apparently, they were from before she had gotten pregnant but she had kept them in her closet. During the years that had passed, Beth had never thought she would be comfortable enough to actually collect enough clothes to fill a closet. It was clear that Maggie had found her place in the world again, as she usually did. It didn’t surprise Beth at all, but for some reason, it made her itch.

Maggie left Beth alone to try on the dresses and went downstairs again to check on the food. Beth sighed to herself, not believing that she was actually going through with everything tonight. She should just run away; she didn’t want to say goodbye to anyone.

She tried on the dresses one by one, her limbs feeling heavy as she got undressed and redressed more times than she ever had. It felt too normal and it made her uncomfortable. There was a clock on the wall, but time was moving way too slowly for her taste. She turned her back to the clock, not wanting to see the seconds going by as she pulled off the black dress that had a way too revealing back.

The door opened before she had a chance to react.

“No, Judy! Auntie Beth is changing…” Maggie’s voice trailed off and Beth tensed. The gasp that left Maggie’s lips was almost inaudible, Beth’s own heartbeat was way too loud.

She reached for her discarded shirt and pulled it on quickly, turning around to face Maggie who was holding Judith by her shoulders, staring at Beth, “Don’t you know how to knock?”

Maggie continued to stare and Beth’s gaze fell down to the little girl who was watching her curiously.

“Sorry, Auntie Beth,” Judith said, but it was clear that the girl had no idea why the two sisters were so tense at the moment or what was going on. “I wanted to see you,” she added, looking between the two of them.

Maggie seemed to be shaken out of her trance as she cleared her throat, looking down at Judith and speaking softly, “Auntie Beth will come downstairs soon and then you can tell her all about your day. I need to talk to her first though, okay? Go wash up before dinner.”

“M’kay,” Judith smiled happily, running back out through the door.

Beth crossed her arms and looked at Maggie expectantly. “Well?” she raised an eyebrow at her sister, but Maggie still seemed to be at loss for words.

“Does Daryl know?” Maggie asked.

“No,” Beth said, narrowing her eyes, “and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“He deserves to know, Beth,” Maggie argued.

“What if it has nothing to do with him?” Beth countered. “What if I got it done for myself?”

“Did you?” Maggie’s voice trembled. “Why would you do such a thing? Do you know how dangerous it is? The risk of infection-”

“Will you  _ please  _ shut up already?” Beth snapped, rolling her eyes as she turned away from Maggie.

“Hey, I am your sister. I’m only worried about you,” Maggie said.

“Well, it didn’t get infected because the Sanctuary has one hell of a tattoo-artist,” Beth sarcastically replied. “Besides, I hardly think there’s anything to worry about anymore.”

“Beth, even though you’re angry at me, I still care about you.” Maggie’s hand came to rest on her shoulder and Beth shrugged her away. She balled her hands into fists and forced herself to breathe in order to stay calm.

“Did you care when you decided to believe that I was dead?” she asked through gritted teeth.

“You’re being unfair now, Beth. You were shot in the head,” Maggie defended herself.

“I’m talking about  _ before  _ that,” Beth hissed, turning around to glare at her. “I’m talking about the hospital, when Rick and Daryl and the others showed up for the exchange. You weren’t there!”

Maggie jumped slightly when Beth raised her voice. Her sister stared at her wide-eyed yet again and Beth could see the shame that Maggie felt regarding the whole ordeal. “Beth… I’m-”

“Sorry?” Beth interrupted with a scoff. “Yeah, I know. It doesn’t change the fact that you weren’t there when I needed you. That you decided to run off with strangers, looking for a cure that never existed.” Maggie looked at her questioningly. “I’ve heard the story,” Beth bit out. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I needed you and you weren’t there. I needed my sister when cops were lurkin’ around every corner, just waitin’ to get me alone so that they could rape me. I needed my sister to help get me out of that hell hole. I needed my sister when I was on my own in the wild after learnin’ how to walk and talk again,” Beth inhaled sharply, wiping furiously at her cheeks when she realized that tears had started to fall from her eyes. “This tattoo is a reminder,” she said. “It’s supposed to remind me that you can’t rely on anyone for anythin’. I needed you back then, but you weren’t there. And you know what, Maggie? I don’t need you anymore.”

Beth stood straight and waited on Maggie to say something, but her sister didn’t seem ready to say anything. She had tears in her eyes as well and Beth almost felt sorry for her. They couldn’t go back and change things and Beth knew that she would never forget all the things that had happened. She might not have been completely honest with Maggie about the meaning behind her tattoo, but she had to say something to hit Maggie where it hurt the most. Besides, the true meaning behind the wings that decorated her back was only for her to know.

And Daryl.

Eventually.

Maybe.

The seconds ticked by and Beth’s heart rate slowed down a bit. The tears had finally stopped for Beth, but Maggie’s were still flowing.

“I’m sorry,” Maggie sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”

Beth watched as Maggie’s hand moved to her stomach briefly. She met her sister’s eyes again and a tightness formed inside her chest.

“I’m leavin’ tomorrow,” Beth said. “There’s nothin’ you can do about it. I won’t change my mind, no matter what you say.”

Maggie nodded, “I understand.”

“I’m doin’ this for everyone else,” Beth continued. “I’m doin’ it for you… And your kids. You deserve to have this place. You deserve a place where your children can grow up safe, without having somethin’ to fear.”

It took Maggie a couple of minutes to finally wipe her tears away and stop crying. Once she did, she looked at Beth and gave her a small smile. Beth wasn’t sure how she was supposed to take it, but she figured that she had gotten through to her sister. It was important for her that Maggie understood that going back to Negan wasn’t a selfish decision that she had made; she honestly wanted to do what was best for the people of Alexandria in order to give them a chance. Next, Beth knew that she would need to talk to Daryl, but there was no way of knowing if he would be ready to talk to her about all of it.

“Let’s get you ready for tonight,” Maggie said. “I’m not going to be attending since I’m on baby-sitting duty tonight.”

“You won’t be there?” Beth frowned.

“No, I won’t,” Maggie said. “But maybe I’ll catch you early in the morning before you leave for the Sanctuary?”

“I guess,” Beth said. “I’m not sure yet when I’ll leave.”

She didn’t want to make any promises and she knew that Maggie understood that. She looked at her sister, feeling the marks on her back burn.

“I’m gonna need a drink tonight,” Beth stated absentmindedly.

“Yeah,” Maggie agreed. “If I could, I probably would be having five.”

Beth’s lips twitched and she lowered her head, “I’m happy for you and Glenn, Maggie. Even though I’m a bitch about it all, I’m glad you’re okay.”

When Maggie reached out and took her hand, Beth fought the urge to pull away, letting her sister offer her some comfort. “Once all of this is over, you’ll be okay too.”

-§-

Daryl pulled at the collar of his shirt, swearing under his breath. He could feel Eric’s eyes on him as he ran his hand through his unruly hair and he knew that the man wanted to offer to help him, but in Daryl’s mind, he had already done enough.

Calling him out on his bullshit and forcing him to attend the party tonight for Beth’s sake was surely enough.

Daryl had left Rick’s house, pissed and needing space. He didn’t even know where Beth had gone but he knew that she hadn’t tried to follow him and he was thankful for that. His thoughts had been running wild and somehow he had ended up back at his house. It had taken every bit of his self-control to not start throwing things around. He hated the fact that Beth was going to go back. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that it was a logical decision to make, but he also knew that there were risks that they hadn’t even bothered bringing up. 

All he could think about was Negan seeing through Beth’s lies and killing her for betraying him.

“Hate these fuckin’ shirts,” Daryl muttered.

“I know, I know,” Eric said and Daryl could practically hear his eye-roll. “Would it help if I cut off the sleeves for you? Give you more room for your  _ massive  _ arms?”

“Shut up,” Daryl returned, making Eric snicker. “Honestly don’t know how the fuck Aaron fell in love with ya.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” Eric said. “You know you love me too, in your own way. We’re family.”

Daryl nodded, ruffling his hair again, “Yeah, we are.”

“Even though she doesn’t know it yet, Beth is too,” Eric told him seriously. “That’s why you’re going tonight. You know that she’s going to think that you’re angry with her.”

“I  _ am  _ angry,” Daryl frowned at the man.

“Because you’re scared,” Eric countered. “You’re worried about her, but you don’t have to be.” Daryl’s frown deepened and he looked at the man curiously. It seemed like he didn’t need to ask his question because Eric shook his head at him, chuckling, “You keep forgetting all the things she’s been through. We don’t know half of them, but we know she’s survived. She’ll survive this too. She’ll come back.”

Daryl stared him down, “Yeah, she will, but what shape will she be in when she comes back?”

-§-

An hour later, Daryl was walking up to Maggie and Glenn’s house. Aaron had gone looking for Beth and then come back to the house to tell Daryl that she would be getting ready at Maggie’s place. Daryl felt stupid as he once again pulled on the collar which felt as if it was choking him. Aaron had jokingly told him that it would be as if he was picking up his date for prom, but Daryl’s dark glare had been enough to shut him up. Eventually, Aaron and Eric had both left for the party and Daryl had been left alone. He had taken some time to think about everything, not wanting to lose his shit on Beth when he saw her again. Anger still coursed inside of him but Eric had lectured him enough on the matter, so he knew that he really shouldn’t start yelling at Beth when he went to pick her up and walk her to Deanna’s house. He forced himself to calm down and then decided that he had been separated from the infuriating blonde long enough.

Once he reached Maggie and Glenn’s house, he knocked on the door twice before inviting himself inside. He cleared his throat when he stepped into the living room and both Glenn and Judith looked up from where they were sitting on the carpet, playing with some dinosaurs.

“Uncle Daryl!” Judith called out, a wide smile spreading across her lips as she got up and ran into his arms. 

He picked her up but grunted as he held the little girl in his arms, “Damn girl, you’re getting too old for me to carry ya ‘round.”

“Bad word, Uncle Daryl,” Judith said, poking his cheek.

He only grinned at her, already feeling a bit easier. Seeing Judith was one of the few things that made him feel better. The little girl seemed to have that effect on everyone though. It was as if she was a reminder that even the people with the toughest beginnings could make it in this world; that even fragile children could now find places that were safe enough for them to have a good life.

“Hey,” Glenn said, standing up as well. “I’ll go tell Mags and Beth that you’re here. They’re probably still just talking upstairs.”

“Ya ain’t comin’ tonight?” Daryl asked.

“Don’t want to leave Maggie with the kids on her own. Besides, I’m still recovering from the attack,” Glenn said.

“Right,” Daryl said, having forgotten that Glenn had been in far worse shape than he had been after the Saviors had had their turn on him. For a moment, his own ribs stung a bit, as a reminder almost that he shouldn’t forget that he had been lucky to get away with a couple of bruises. Glenn had almost been beaten to death, so it was understandable that the man wanted to spend more time with his wife, especially since they would without a doubt be going on a run to the other communities soon.

As Glenn left the room, Judith turned around to look at Daryl again. “Question, Uncle Daryl?” she wondered and Daryl nodded. The little girl was curious about the world now that she understood more and could talk. Daryl saw nothing wrong with teaching her about the way things were now because it was a way of ensuring that she would eventually be able to protect herself.

“Is Auntie Beth really an angel?” she asked.

Daryl paused, remembering all the times that he had told the girl about her Aunt Beth who had died and gone to heaven. He looked at Judith curiously, “Why do you ask?”

“‘Cause you always said so,” Judith said, sounding almost annoyed that Daryl would ask such a dumb question. “You were right.”

“How come?” he asked again.

“‘Cause I saw her wings,” Judith smiled. “They were so pretty! Like your wings! Does that mean that you an’ Auntie Beth are gonna get married?”

Daryl choked on his own spit, gently putting the little girl down on the floor again. “What?” he asked, not being able to keep from chuckling. He could feel his face grow hot and it was embarrassing that a little girl could make him blush like this. He would rather die than admit it to anyone though. “What wings?” he frowned. “Auntie Beth an’ I ain’t gonna get married, Kid.”

Judith pouted, “But you love her? You’re the same so why are you not gonna get married?”

Daryl sighed, shaking his head at the little girl. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ ‘bout, Kid, but things ain’t that simple. It’s best ya don’t mention this to anyone else, ‘kay?” he asked and Judith frowned at him but still nodded.

“I want you to be happy,” Judith said. “Like in those stories Aunt Maggie reads.”

He was going to retort; say something to let her down easy because he didn’t want to start believing in fairytales. However, before he could say anything, he heard his name be spoken and he turned around at the sound of Beth’s voice.

It wasn’t one of those moments where his heart felt as if it was going to burst through his chest. He found himself incredibly calm, even though something stirred low in his belly at the sight of her. She was wearing a red dress, which took him aback a bit and made his mouth go dry. It clung to her in all the right places, but he could see that it was a bit loose around her waist and her chest. She covered it up nicely though by wearing her leather jacket. On her feet she still wore her black boots and briefly, he wondered how long she must have argued with Maggie about keeping those on. Her hair was pulled back and braided, a couple of loose tresses framing her face. She blew at a strand that had gotten in front of her eye and then looked at him, almost sheepishly.

_ That  _ was what made his heart beat louder. Because fuck him if Aaron hadn’t been right; it all felt too much like the prom that he had never gotten to attend and he felt as if he was the lucky bastard picking up the prettiest girl in school. It was all wrong and it messed with his head, but once he got over the strangeness of it all, he took another good look at Beth. 

He saw it now.

She was just as nervous as he was.

“Ya ready?” he asked, clearing his throat. He needed to get out of the house; away from Maggie’s knowing smile and Glenn’s curious look and Judith’s questions which both confused him and sent his own mind into a whirlwind of thoughts. A lot of things needed to be sorted out and Daryl was  _ not  _ ready to deal with it all in front of them.

“Uh, yeah,” Beth replied. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Daryl nodded at her and leaned down to Judith, pressing a light kiss to the girl’s forehead. He ruffled her hair and then offered Maggie and Glenn a short nod of his head before heading to the door. He was pretty sure he heard Beth sigh as he passed her, but he felt her follow him after saying goodnight to Maggie and Glenn.

He walked ahead of her, but he wasn’t walking quicker than her. If she wanted to catch up to him, she could and in fact, she did.

“Hey,” Beth said, grabbing a hold of his arm. He stopped walking instantly and turned to look at her. “We need to talk,” she said, her cheeks flushed.

“We ain’t gonna do this now,” he told her. “Not here.”

“When then?” she wondered. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“I  _ know _ ,” he said, narrowing his eyes at her. “Later, at home. We gotta go now, ‘cause everyone is waitin’, prob’ly.”

“Since when do you give a fuck? Let them wait,” Beth said, shooting him a glare.

“Ya got all dolled up, ain’t gonna let it all go to waste,” he countered.

“Daryl, please,” Beth sighed. He watched her as she closed her eyes and shook her head, turning away from him. “It might be my last night,” she let out in a whisper.

He stared her down hard and took a step toward her. “It ain’t gonna be,” he said, putting his hand gently on her shoulder. “You’re gonna come back. You’re strong.”

“Am I?” she wondered.

“Ya are,” he said. “You’re strong an’... You’re beautiful.”

His confession made Beth turn back to him. Her mouth opened but no words came out. Once again he felt both out of place or as if he should do something, but he wasn’t sure what. They needed to talk and they would, he promised himself.

“Daryl-” she started, but cut herself off. He stared into her eyes and he knew that something passed between them then; some kind of understanding. Beth nodded, “Later.”

“Yeah,” he said, swallowing thickly as he reached for her hand, taking a leap. When she allowed him to take it, he started walking with her, intertwining their fingers, “Later.”

-§-

Later couldn’t come soon enough.

Deanna was holding speeches, Rick was watching her as if he was regretting his decision to let her go back to the Sanctuary and everyone else just seemed to be going about their own business. From time to time, some Alexandrians would come up to her and thank her for making such a grand sacrifice for them; Deanna had made sure to let everyone know that Beth was a hero in one of her speeches about getting the community together to face an uncertain future as a team. Daryl was by her side through it all, but Beth could feel the distance between them still. They would need to talk but the evening had only just begun. Daryl seemed to be lost in his thoughts, but he still allowed her to stay next to him. Aaron and Eric were making the night bearable enough but Beth kept feeling a tightness in her chest whenever someone would come up to thank her for everything she was doing.

She wasn’t even sure what she was doing, so she wondered how anyone else could know exactly what her going back to the Sanctuary meant.

It wasn’t even late yet and Beth had no idea when the party was ending. All she knew for certain was that an hour in, she was already starting to feel suffocated. Aaron and Eric had brought her and Daryl something to drink, but she hadn’t taken a single sip from the apple juice she had been offered. Apparently it was self-made and they were serving it in a champagne glass to make it look fancier because the real booze wasn’t something they used at serious get-togethers.

“You okay, Beth?” Eric asked, concern evident on his face as she looked at him. “You’re looking a little pale.”

Beth swallowed thickly, “Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. It’s just really warm in here.”

“You could take off your jacket, if you want?” Aaron suggested but Beth quickly shook her head. If she removed her jacket everyone would see and she didn’t want that.

She met Daryl’s eyes, the unspoken question burning in them but she subtly shook her head at him again and tried to offer him a small reassuring smile. It only seemed to put him even more on edge and Beth decided that it might be better to just pretend like the room wasn’t feeling smaller by the second.

“Hi, Beth,” a voice perked up behind her. Beth turned around and was met by the sight of Sarah. Instantly, the vice around her tightened even more. “Daryl,” Sarah acknowledged with a polite smile. “I heard that you’re leaving tomorrow, Beth and I just wanted to ask if there was anything you needed for the trip?”

“I’m good,” Beth replied, faking a smile. She felt Daryl move a bit closer to her and the grip on her glass tightened slightly.

“It’s really brave, what you’re doing,” Sarah continued and for the first time this evening Beth wished she knew where Deanna hid the whiskey.

“So I’ve been told,” Beth said curtly. When Sarah looked over to Daryl to start a conversation with him as well, Beth moved backwards a bit. “I’m just going to go and-”

_ Crash! _

Beth tensed, looking down at the mess she had made. She hadn’t seen the man carrying a tray of dishes toward the kitchen and as she had turned to walk away from Sarah and Daryl, she had walked right into him, knocking everything to the floor. Everyone in the room stopped talking and looked at her. Beth clenched her jaw, feeling as if she had just been punched in the gut. These people were depending on her and here she was, making a mess all because she couldn’t handle seeing Sarah and Daryl talking.

“I’m sorry,” she said, kneeling down to help the man pick up the broken glass.

“No, you don’t have to,” the man said. “You’ll cut yourself-” He broke off mid-sentence when a shard of glass cut Beth’s palm, as if on cue. Her hands were shaking and she felt all eyes on her and she wanted to get out of there and away from this place.

“Beth,” Daryl mumbled as he kneeled beside her. She shrugged away his hand from her shoulder and stood up abruptly, looking at the blood gathering in her palm.

“I’m gonna go get this cleaned up,” Beth said, faking another smile. Everything was spinning and she hated the looks people were giving her. Deanna looked sympathetic for some reason and Aaron and Eric seemed to be glaring at everyone who wasn’t minding their own business. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, turning around and hurrying away to the door, leaving everyone behind as her vision became blurry from the tears that were threatening to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet little Judith... Being the child that she deserves to be.
> 
> Please share your thoughts on the chapter. Any favorite parts? Lots of love and kisses!
> 
> Until next time! xx
> 
> P.S. What do you think of the cover art I made? :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth needs to get out, but Daryl won't let her go just like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm sorry that I haven't been able to get back to you on your comments, but I want you to know that I read all of them and I'm so grateful that you took the time to give me some feedback. Your kind words will always mean a lot to me and it brings me so much joy to know that you're liking this story. All I'm asking of you is that you trust me because I do have a plan with it all. So, any time you doubt something, just take a breath and remember that I do my very best not to let you down.
> 
> Anyways, this chapter is a bit shorter. I decided to cut it at this particular end because I feel like the things that follow will be some lengthy conversations. Either way, I hope the contents will somewhat make up for the shortness of it all. Also, it's been a while and I wrote and re-wrote this chapter too many times, which is what caused the slight delay.
> 
> Now, please enjoy! :)

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 17**

 

Beth’s heart pounded and her ears rang. She walked quickly, not even thinking about where she was putting her feet. All she knew was that she needed to get out of there. Her vision was still blurry as she reached Daryl’s house, entering the door which had been unlocked.  _ Foolish _ , she thought to herself. They were all going to die.

And she sure as fuck wasn’t going to be around to watch it happen.

She hurried to the room that she had slept in these past couple of nights - Daryl’s room - and walked right into the bathroom.

_ Bandages, bandages, bandages _ .

The word kept repeating itself in her mind as she rummaged through the cabinets, knowing that she had seen some fresh ones when she had been looking for some soap. Her palm was stinging but the pain was dulled by the adrenaline rushing through her. The embarrassment she felt over what had happened, accompanied with the fact that she couldn’t stop thinking about wanting to get away from them all made the stinging bearable. Finally, she found a small box of bandages. She ripped open the package, ignoring the uncomfortable sting on the flat of her hand, wrapping the gauze around her palm quickly. It was done sloppily and blood started to seep through instantly, but she didn’t care; she  _ couldn’t  _ care.

She had to get her shit and get out.

-§-

“You gotta go after her,” Rick said, his voice low and full of concern as he spoke to Daryl.

“No shit,” Daryl said, clenching his jaw. “I knew tonight wasn’t a good idea.” He was already on his way out of the room.

“What were we supposed to do?” Rick asked, frown on his face.

“Say  _ no _ ,” Daryl almost growled, turning toward the man. He pressed his finger into Rick’s chest, “She’s leavin’ an’ you guys are celebratin’. She ain’t used to all of this shit. Tonight should’ve been ‘bout her havin’ her family with her. Instead, we forced her to talk to a bunch of strangers.”

“I know but-”

“Ya fucked up, Rick,” Daryl said. “Seems like that’s all ya do nowadays.”

Hurt flashed over Rick’s face but Daryl knew that he’d be over it. He needed his brother to face reality and start behaving like the leader he was supposed to be. If they were going to be able to deal with the threat coming their way, they needed to all get their head in the game and stop fooling around with tea parties.

Daryl didn’t give Rick a chance to respond before he headed toward the main door. Aaron and Eric stopped him before he could make his exit.

“We’ll give you guys an hour to talk,” Aaron said. “Maybe more, depending on how long we can stand sticking around here.”

“Appreciate it,” Daryl said, looking past them, not being able to focus on anything other than just getting to Beth before she did something reckless.

“Just… Don’t tear the house down,” Eric said, sounding embarrassed as he did. Daryl wasn’t sure what he meant by it but he nodded nonetheless. His friends let him pass after that and Daryl started for the house immediately.

-§-

He wasn’t sure how long it took to get there, but the important thing was that it seemed as if he had gotten there in time. Beth had left the door open and Daryl closed it quickly before locking it. He listened intently for a moment, starting for his room once he heard sounds coming from there. When he stepped inside, his eyes focused on Beth who was furiously shoving things into a duffel-bag that was on his bed. She didn’t even look up at him, but he could tell that she was aware of his presence. There was a tension set in her shoulders and he wished that he knew how to proceed with it all.

Daryl knew that he had to stay calm, but when his eyes focused on the red bandage wrapped around her hand, he felt anger build inside of him.

“The fuck ya doin’?” he asked, spitting the words out before he could stop them.

“Packin’,” Beth replied. “Takin’ my shit and gettin’ outta here.” She had sensed him when he entered the room, but she hadn’t wanted to look at him. There was no way that she could do so without starting to doubt if her decision was the right one. She needed to go and he needed to understand that.

“You’re gonna get that cut infected if ya don’t clean it properly,” he said, ignoring the annoyance in her tone. “Let me clean it for ya.”

“I’m tired of this  _ bullshit! _ ” Beth screamed out the final word, turning to face him. Her heart was pounding inside her chest and she just wanted to keep screaming. “Is this what you do? Throw parties and pretend that everythin’ is fuckin’  _ fine? _ ” Daryl stepped toward her, opened his mouth to speak, but he didn’t get a chance; she wasn’t going to give him one. “I’m fuckin’  _ done. _ ” She turned away from him again and started throwing some shirts into the bag.

Daryl stared for just a second before walking up to her. He took the shirts from her hands, pulling them away from her and then threw them down on the floor. Anger coursed through him as he reached into the duffel, grabbing another handful of clothes before throwing them across the room too.

“Stop packin’ an’ let me look at your hand,” he told her again.

Beth turned to him and glared, bending down to pick up the clothes he’d thrown away. Why did he have to be so difficult? He reached out again and grabbed a hold of the shirt she had picked up, pulling it away from her grip once more before throwing it again.

“You’re such an asshole!” Beth yelled at him, not being able to keep it in anymore.

“And you’re bein’ a spoiled little  _ bitch! _ ” he yelled back at her. He regretted the harsh words the moment they left his mouth, but Beth seemed too focused on raging that she didn’t even acknowledge them. “Let me look at your hand!” he repeated, reaching for her again, but she pulled away. He grabbed her other wrist, turning her back around to face him.

Her eyes were wild, seeking his and she was breathing heavily. He wasn’t sure how to handle the situation, but before he had a chance to really think things through, he stepped closer to her once more, still holding on to her wrist. He tightened his grip on her as he pulled her flat against him, his other hand coming up to tangle in her hair as he pressed his lips to hers.

Beth tensed for just a second. In the split second that she paused, she tried to comprehend just what it was that Daryl had done. Then, she realized: his lips were against hers. He was  _ kissing  _ her. It all happened so fast, but all of the sudden, she was returning the kiss with equal fervor, acting out on instinct and the feelings that she had been keeping bottled up inside of her for way too long.

Daryl’s mind wasn’t fully comprehending what he’d actually done and it wasn’t until Beth groaned against his lips and raked her fingers through his hair that he was shaken from his daze.

She tasted just like he’d imagined and so much better. There was a sweetness there that he knew came from the few pastries she had been forced to try at the gathering, but underneath it all, it was her;  _ Beth _ , in the rawest of forms. He felt as if all the tension that had been boiling up inside of him these past couple of days finally rolled off of him as his tongue touched hers. Her fingernails dug into his skin a bit and it was the best mixture of pleasure and pain that he had ever felt.

Beth tugged on his hair, demanding of him to deepen the kiss as she pressed against him. She felt his hands slip from her hair, running down her back and resting on her ass for just a moment. He gently squeezed her and she moaned as she felt him move further down, only to rest on the back of her thighs.

Daryl was taking things as they came, but he wasn’t really sure how far things would go. All he could think about was Beth and the way she tasted. If there was one thing he was certain of though, it was the fact that Beth would surely push him away if she didn’t want this. However, the way that she grabbed on to him and took the chance to jump up and hook her legs around his waist as he simultaneously lifted her up by the back of her thighs, he knew that she didn’t want this to end either. He pressed her against the wall and suddenly, his pants were starting to feel uncomfortably tight. Beth pulled back a bit from his lips only to start pressing kisses down his neck, making his eyes roll back as he squeezed her again, needing to hold on to something. Once again, he wondered just how far they were going to take this; a thought that quickly disappeared when Beth’s fingers found his zipper. He groaned against to column of her neck as she pushed her hand inside his pants, rubbing against his hard dick in movements that he couldn’t even make sense of. Daryl wasn’t sure if she stroking him quickly or if time had just slowed somehow, but he bucked against her on instinct and Beth’s lips quirked up into a smile against his skin.

She couldn’t help herself. It was difficult to remember a time when she had felt like this. She felt like she was getting ready to explode by the sheer excitement over what was happening between her and Daryl. If there was one thing she was used of now, it was taking control of situations. She wanted to be in control here too, but another part of her wanted to just give herself over to Daryl completely. It was different and she wasn’t sure that she had been able to let go and just let someone else take care of her since she had been on her own. Being wrapped around Daryl though, and feeling his firm body against hers made her feel something  _ more.  _ There was no other way of explaining it.

Daryl reached for the hem of her dress, pushing his hands underneath, reaching for her panties. Beth gasped and met his eyes briefly. He stared at her and she bit her lip, squeezing his leaking cock, forcing him to let out a low hiss. Any hesitation that might have been there was erased with her action. Her mouth dropped open as she felt Daryl tug her panties to the side, his fingers brushing against her wet entrance. He leaned down, mumbling something almost incoherent about a condom against her lips but Beth knew that she just needed him.

It was stupid and risky, but she wanted him and she wanted him now. She couldn’t wait and he could just pull out. It wasn’t fool-proof but it was something. She just needed to have him. 

“Wanna feel you inside of me,” Beth moaned as she removed her hand from his jeans. She pushed the offensive garment down over his hips and it gathered around his knees. “I’m good if you are,” she told him and Daryl found himself nodding once again. Would he ever be able to deny her anything after this? Self-doubt filled him briefly and he tried to remember whether he had a pack of condoms stashed somewhere but the thought was erased when he pressed one of his fingers inside of her wet heat.

“Please, Daryl,” Beth moaned, reaching for his cock again. She was already soaked and he wondered just how long he hadn’t been the only one imagining this scenario. “Please, just,  _ please. _ ”

She was stroking him in the same pace that he pushed his finger in and out of her. His hand was soaked in her juices, her thighs wet as he forced her to stop touching him.

“Ain’t gonna last,” he told her. It had been too long and he wasn’t a fool to think that he’d be able to keep from exploding the moment he dipped his dick into her. Instead, he focused on fucking her with his finger, pushing another one in and continuing until she was quivering against him. Her grip on him loosened a bit as she came apart with a soft cry, eyes squeezing shut as she bucked wildly against his hand. Her cunt gripped his fingers and Daryl bit his lip as he finally pulled his digits out of her. He was going to let her go when Beth decided to take matters into her own hands, quite literally. She reached down and guided his hard member into her wet heat which was still pulsing. It didn’t take long for Daryl to feel her soft walls covering him and he groaned, throwing his head back as he took a moment to just realize that this wasn’t some sex fantasy that he had conjured up in his mind. It felt too real to be fake.

Pulling out, he pushed back in again, slamming hard into her, knowing that she could take it. Beth cried out, digging her fingers into his shoulders as she murmured a low “ _ More _ ,” into his ear encouraging him to go faster. A few strokes later, Daryl grunted against her, his release shooting through his body like a hot wave. He had enough sense to pull out of her though, his come coating her thighs as it came out in thick spurts and staining the dress that had been pushed up to her stomach.

Panting, he leaned down, pressing his forehead to her shoulder as they both came down from the high they had just experienced. Beth’s hands rested on his shoulders still as she squeezed every now and then, massaging them gently. It had all happened so fast and yet,  _ it had happened.  _ He could hardly believe it, but the evidence of it all was still drying on their bodies and the heady smell of sex had already taken over the room. He could sense her all over him and it made him feel things that he wasn’t ready or willing to name yet.

Glancing down, he saw that the blood had officially seeped through her bandages and there was a red handprint on his shirt, he was sure. She had been clutching him rather tightly, after all. He pulled back from her shoulder, still trying to catch his breath as he met her eyes. She seemed hesitant, but relaxed; the only reason for her heavy breathing being what they had just done. The panic that had been in her eyes before was no longer there and he couldn’t help but stare at her already flushed cheeks as they turned a shade darker.

He cleared his throat, “Will ya let me look at that cut now or what?”

At first, he thought Beth was going to get angry again, but instead, her lips spread into a small grin as her cheek came to rest against his shoulder. Daryl breathed in her scent, sweat and all, as he allowed himself to pull her close once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It happened and now I'm gonna go ahead and hide for a bit before I continue writing the next chapter. I wanted to sort of push myself out of my comfort zone with this fic and having Beth and Daryl give into one another like this was always the plan. What follows in the next chapter is important too. I hope it was acceptable enough and not all too terribly written. Also, I listened a lot to Shawn Mendes' new album while editing the chapter (He's cute and has an amazing voice, I think!) and his new song "Like This" just hit home during the part where Rick and Daryl had a brief conversation, as well as when Beth and Daryl were throwing her clothes around.
> 
> Now, I'm gonna head off to bed and tomorrow, I'll start working on the next chapter again. Btw, to those of you who are reading Breath too, I've written the first scene of the next chapter and the chapters will be a bit shorter now towards the end of the story. Either way, I'm hoping to get the chapter out by the end of the weekend!
> 
> Lots of love and be kind! :) xx


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this chapter finished and foolishly enough, I forgot how long has passed since I updated. I'm gonna go ahead and try to fix a posting-schedule for myself in my bullet-journal to keep track of the days better! :)
> 
> I was wondering though, are any of you guys from Sweden? Also, who is looking forward to the season premiere? I'm nervous about it, but whatever happens, I'm sure we'll get through it all together! :) Oh, and one more thing! As some of you may know, I read the comics too and recently the comics "Here's Negan" have come out, where we get some of Negan's backstory. Since I started this fic before those comics came out, I've taken the liberty to keep a lot about Negan's past hidden so far in here. However, I am writing that one-shot which is all from Negan's point of view, where we'll get into his head a bit more and there I'll most likely end up using some things from these new comics. They'll be hinted at only and I won't go into too much detail, but I just figured I'd share that with you guys! :)
> 
> Enjoy!

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 18**

 

“Ouch,” Beth muttered. Daryl glanced up at her from where he was kneeling on the bathroom floor, slowly removing the bloody bandage that she had wrapped around her hand. His cheeks were still a bit flushed and he wasn’t quite meeting her eyes. She knew that she couldn’t by any chance look any better than him at the moment, hair all messed up with blood all over her hand and sweat still coating her body in a thin layer. Beth was sat on the toilet seat as Daryl dug out the things he needed to clean the cut on her hand. Her thighs felt sticky from the event that had transpired between them before and she bit her lip, remembering the way that he had felt pressed closed to her. Never, in a million years would she have believed that she could just lose herself in someone the way that she had with Daryl. She was trying not to think about it but images of him pushing her dress up and his fingers pressing into her kept replaying no matter how hard she tried to focus on what he was doing now.

Daryl’s shirt was untucked, his belt not completely fastened. His hair was just as unruly as hers was and he was avoiding her eyes. Was he embarrassed about what they had done? Had he just been caught up in the moment or something when he had kissed her? Did he regret it?

“Ain’t too deep,” he mumbled, his thumb brushing over her palm gently, not touching the wound that had stopped bleeding. “Gonna need to wash away the blood ‘fore I wrap it up,” he told her.

“Okay,” Beth replied, voice a bit hoarse. She cleared her throat and he looked at her again, this time not being able to shy away from her gaze.

No, he didn’t regret having sex with her. That much was clear by the way that his own eyes glazed over for a moment and his pupils dilated just the slightest. If she wasn’t mistaken, he might actually want to repeat what they had done, but he wasn’t sure how to go about it all or what to say to her. To be honest, she wasn’t so sure what to say to him either.

She hadn’t known how much she had wanted Daryl until after they had actually done the deed. It had been an underlying thing that she hadn’t wanted to acknowledge and now, she was feeling awkward because she couldn’t stop thinking about him and what they had done.

Beth let out a small hiss when the cut stung and Daryl muttered another “Sorry,” at her. She wanted to say something, to him but she wasn’t sure what she could say without making things more awkward.

“Thank you,” she said after a while, her voice low as she looked at the fresh bandage he had finished securing around her hand.

“Ain’t nothin’,” he returned with a shrug, standing up to wash his hands. Beth continued to sit still, her eyes falling to the stains on her dress that were drying. Once again, images of his hands clasping her thighs as he moved inside of her filled her mind.

“You okay?” Daryl asked, looking hesitant to approach her again. The small breath she had exhaled at the memories that were flooding her must have gotten his attention.

“I’m fine,” she said. “Will you please sit down with me for a moment?”

Daryl kept looking at her before slowly walking towards her. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub, his knees brushing against hers as he turned his gaze to his lap. Instantly, heat flared up inside of her again and she bit her lip trying to keep her thoughts in check.

“Should we talk about it?” she wondered. “What happened, before?”

Daryl shrugged, “I dunno. What’s there to say?”

“I’m not sure,” Beth said, digging into her knee with her uninjured hand. She wanted to tell him how she felt about him but she wasn’t sure where to begin.

The touch of his hands, his fingers reaching for hers, grasping them gently broke her out of her thoughts. Daryl looked hesitant again but this time he was looking at her and not tearing his eyes away from hers.

“Stay, Beth,” he said, his voice low. “I know it ain’t what’s best, but leavin’ ain’t either. Stay here an’ we’ll deal with everythin’ together.”

Tears made her eyes sting and she drew in a shaky breath. “I can’t,” she said. “You know that I can’t. Not as long as Negan lives. Not as long as there’s a risk he’ll come lookin’ for me.”

“I’ll kill him for you,” Daryl said, his grip on her hand tightening; their fingers intertwined.

“I know you would,” Beth leaned forward slightly. Daryl moved forward on his own, allowing her to place her forehead against his shoulder. “It’s my fight though, not yours. I gotta do this, otherwise I’ll never be free.”

It took a couple of seconds for Daryl to respond. His thumb was brushing over her hand, his knee still touching hers. Beth felt him move a bit closer, his nose brushing against her cheek. “I know,” he said, his voice reassuring. She knew that he didn’t like it, but he didn’t have to either. This was her fight and she knew that until she faced Negan herself, she would never be able to fully accept who she had become after all these years.

“We have a good couple of hours before sunrise,” Beth said. “Before I have to leave.”

“What do ya wanna do?” he wondered, brushing his fingers over her cheek.

“I want us to go back into the bedroom,” she confessed in a whisper, turning to meet his eyes again. “And then I want to show you something.”

-§-

He couldn’t stop thinking about it.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get the thought of her legs wrapped around his waist and him moving inside of her out of his mind. Daryl let Beth stand and allowed her to take his hand and lead him back out into his bedroom. He looked at the mess that they had caused, his mind once more flooding with images of  _ them,  _ together, in every sense of the way.

Beth let go of his hand when she reached the bed, grabbing her duffel bag and dropping it on the floor. She turned to him, reaching out for him again. He took her hand and she pulled him to her before pushing him down gently to sit on the bed. It confused him, her silence, but he let her do what she needed; what she wanted.

She took a couple of steps back from him, letting go of his hand once again. He watched her intently, forcing himself not to look away as she took a couple of deep breaths and slowly started to remove her leather jacket. Beth let the garment drop from her shoulders to the floor and it was the first time since Daryl had been reunited with her that he had seen her treat it so carelessly. She continued to step out of her boots and Daryl swallowed hard as she reached behind her, unzipping the dress that she was wearing. He wasn’t sure what she was doing when she suddenly closed her eyes again, but her lips were moving and he wondered whether she was encouraging herself to move forward. It confused him because she had nothing to fear in front of him. He was sure of what he felt for her, even though he might not be ready to tell her yet.

Then, she walked toward him and when she came to a stop right in front of him, she turned around, putting him eye-level with her back. His eyes focused and his mouth fell open. What was he seeing? Were his eyes playing a trick on him?

Daryl reached out, both his hands reaching for the straps of her dress as he lowered them down her shoulders, revealing more of her back to him. His breath caught in his throat as Beth pushed her hair away so that he could get a clearer look of the tattoo that she had inked on her skin. It was covering the entire span of her back; two angel wings, so similar to the ones that he carried on his vest that he half-expected to feel the stitching as he reached out to touch her. Instead, he came in contact with soft skin at first, but as he followed the lines of the feathers, he could feel scars which would have otherwise been unnoticeable.

Judith’s questions from earlier made so much sense all of the sudden. The girl must have seen Beth’s tattoo. Why would Beth have gotten it done though? It must have taken hours and days to complete such a detailed work. And considering that the world ended, why would anyone take such an unnecessary health risk?

But she had gotten  _ his  _ wings tattooed on her back. That had to mean  _ something _ , right? He placed his hand on her upper back, where the rough skin beneath the tattoo was the most evident. His fingers spread wide and his other hand rested on her hip. He pushed her forward a bit so that he could stand up behind her. Once more, his instincts took over and the sudden possessiveness he was feeling toward her made him press his lips against her shoulder. Beth stepped back into him and he gripped her hip as his other hand moved around her, splaying over her bare stomach. She wasn’ wearing a bra and when her hand moved to his and then shifted his towards her breast, he nearly groaned. He helped her push her dress off completely and Beth turned her head to the side so that she could look at him over her shoulder as he as gently as possible trailed his fingers over the hardened point of her nipple. Daryl lowered his head, his lips pressing against the corner of her mouth as his grip on her hip tightened and Beth pressed her ass back against his crotch.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what they had done, but it seemed like Beth couldn’t either. She was telling him something by showing him how she had marked herself; whether it was because of him or her, a part of her had still been holding on to the memory of him. Everyone knew how much his vest meant to him and everyone in their family knew that they had always represented him. The fact that she had gotten them inked upon her skin after so many years apart proved to him that maybe, just maybe, she too felt something deeper for him.

Beth turned around in his arms, her hands reaching up to rest on his shoulders as she finally pressed her lips tightly to his. He didn’t hesitate this time around to deepen their kiss, nibbling on her lip as his hand splayed over her back. Beth’s fingers came in contact with the buttons of his shirt and she slowly worked them open, one by one, before helping him to tug the garment off. Daryl tugged on Beth’s panties, the only item of clothing that was left on her body, and Beth stepped back a bit so that she could remove them as well. She was completely naked; bared both inside and out. She had shown him what she had been hiding all along. She had shown him that she had never stopped caring.

Daryl make quick work of his pants, dropping them as well as his boxers to the floor as he sat on the bed again. He was already hard again, his member jutting out as Beth moved towards him, climbing into his lap. He held on to her, moving them backwards on the bed before twisting them around until she was laying beneath him.

He nudged her knees apart, taking in the sight of her wet and ready for him. Beth was breathing heavily, her lips red and swollen from their kisses as he took her in. Daryl reached out toward the side-table, opening the drawer and digging inside for an unopened pack of condoms that he was pretty sure were expired. It seemed fine though as he opened it up and rolled it onto himself and in the back of his mind he remembered Eugene saying something about expired condoms being stiff or breaking apart. Considering that the one he had put on himself wasn’t all dried up, he assumed that it was fine. Besides, he and Beth had already been careless once and it was better to have some kind of protection than nothing at all.

He laid back down between Beth’s legs, his dick resting heavily against her as he looked into her eyes. She wanted him and he still couldn’t understand why. All he knew was that he wasn’t going to turn her away because just as she had told him so many times already, she was leaving come morning and until then, he wanted to spend every moment he could with her.

He reached for her hands, lifting himself up and lining up with her entrance. His fingers laced with hers and their hands rested above her head as he leaned down to kiss her again and he slowly sank into her wet heat. Beth moaned against him, her grip on his hands tightening as he pulled back out and then entered her once more. She lifted her legs, bending them slightly, the heels of her feet pressing against his ass to pull him even closer. He quickened his pace as much as the space between them would allow him, groaning against her lips and he felt her inner walls tighten around him again, her legs starting to tremble.

-§-

The next hour or so was spent in a hazy sleep. Actually, Daryl wasn’t so sure that he slept at all, but his eyes were closed and he had never felt more relaxed and at home than he did then. Beth’s naked body was still pressed against his and he loved feeling every curve of her against himself. His hand rested on her bare hip, drawing patterns there which not even he could identify himself. It didn’t matter though, because Beth wasn’t moving and he was grateful. Grateful for getting this moment with her, grateful that it wasn’t time for her to leave him yet. They had lost years together but to him, in his mind, he could still go back to that moment inside the funeral home where he looked at her and known that she knew what he wasn’t saying.

His eyelids fluttered open briefly, settling on her halo of blonde, messy hair. He pulled her closer, inhaling her sweet scent that was mixed up with his own now. Her breathing was as steady as her heartbeat and he reveled in the feeling of just holding her close.

Sometime later - seconds, minutes or maybe even hours later - he felt her slip out of his arms. Daryl waited for another moment, stretching out on the bed and laying on his back before turning his head to the side, searching for her with half-open eyes. She was sitting on the chair in front of the desk, a pen in her hand as she wrote something down on a piece of paper. It was still dark and he knew that not too much time could have passed since they last dozed off. He wanted to say something to her, but he didn’t want to startle her; she seemed to be focused on whatever it was that she was doing. Instead, he sat up and then got out of the bed, making a bit of noise on purpose so that she would be able to hear him coming. He didn’t bother with putting on any clothes because she had already seen him naked. In fact, he was pretty sure that she now knew his body just as well as he had gotten to know hers. There were still some things they needed to learn about one another, but Daryl would be damned if he kept her from exploring him further. So far, he had learned quite a bit about what Beth liked in bed though he knew there was more to learn.

He walked up to her and gently placed his hands on her bare shoulders. She hadn’t bothered with clothes either and the dim light of the desk lamp gave her a certain glow that made her look ethereal. Daryl sighed lowly, looking down at the maps that she had spread out on the desk. Beth circled a few places, writing down names before turning to look at him over her shoulder.

“You should go back to bed,” she told him.

“Not without you,” he countered.

Her lips twitched and his gut tightened. He wanted to kiss her when she smiled like that. Since they had been reunited, she had smiled a few times and every time that she did made him wonder when the last time she’d had a genuine laugh had been. Daryl wasn’t necessarily the kind of guy who walked around laughing and smiling all the time, but he knew that before Beth had always been the positive one out of them all. She had always remained hopeful and when he had seen her again after thinking she was dead, he had thought that there was something wrong with her because she had been hardened by their years apart.

He had been wrong in his assumptions and he knew that. Yes, she was a lot harder than before, but deep down, she still cared more than most people. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be doing what it was that she was doing.

Beth finished what she was doing and reached up, putting both of her hands over his on her shoulders.

“I never let anyone touch it,” she whispered to him, looking vacantly forward. “No one. Not even Luke. Not even when we…” She trailed off, clearing her throat, clearly not wanting to speak about the man. Daryl brushed his thumbs over the tops of her tattooed wings, feeling the scars beneath the ink. “Negan knew that I hated it when people did, so sometimes he would. Not in the beginning, though, when he was okay. Later, after he lost it, he would do it just to spite me. To show me that he could because I wasn’t the one in charge.”

He wasn’t sure what he should say to her. Her relationship with Negan was clearly more complicated than he had previously thought. He had only seen the version of the man that he considered to be crazy, but Beth had seen something else too. She had clearly been there when Negan hadn’t been quite as bad as he was now.

“One of the men in the Sanctuary used to be a tattooist. After I was attacked, I was left with a bunch of small scars on by back, where the gravel had torn my skin,” she explained. Daryl clenched his jaw, but kept quiet. “I got the tattoo made when I made my decision to leave the Saviors. I remembered who I had been before and thought about you and how you always protected everyone. I guess that even after suppressin’ the memory of my family since I left Grady, you still somehow managed to force yourself into my mind…”

“I thought ‘bout you too,” he admitted, not seeing a point in denying it anymore.

Once again, he saw her lips twitch. It took her another ten seconds or so, but she stood up and turned around to face him fully. Taking his hands in hers, she led him back to the bed and he let her push him down on it and straddle him again. He knew that she was ready to go again, her wetness coating him, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to just yet. Daryl pulled her with him so that he could lay down again against the pillows, Beth remaining on top of him, hair sprawled out over his chest.

She seemed to understand, so she just took his hands and guided them to her back so that he could touch her there. Sighing against him, she dropped her head to his shoulder as he gently traced her tattoo out of memory alone.

-§-

“It was Carl,” Beth said after a moment, her head moving from Daryl’s shoulder to rest over his heart. She needed to hear his heart beating; she needed to know that she wasn’t dreaming.

Daryl paused, his movements stopping. “What?” he wondered, clearly confused.

“At the Hilltop,” Beth continued. “It’s one of the other communities. I saw them kill a boy, probably no older than sixteen,” she explained. “For a second, he reminded me so much of Carl and I realized that it easily could have been. I tried to stop Negan from doin’ it, but he wouldn’t. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn’t listen.”

“Negan does what he wants to do, Beth,” Daryl said, running his hand over her head in a comforting manner. “If he wanted that boy dead, there wouldn’t have been a way for you to stop him.”

“He was tryin’ to make a point,” Beth said. “I suppose he’d done so before, but I’d never been there. He always made sure I wasn’t there when he went to other communities. Most of the time, he just sent out others to do his biddin’. I closed my eyes for the violence ‘cause it was just our way to survive.”

“Ain’t your fault, Beth,” Daryl told her again.

“You should have seen their faces, Daryl,” Beth said, the memory of Negan’s blood-splattered face flashing in her mind. The screams of the boy’s mother and the cries of the other community members. “He wanted them to fear him, so he made an example out of an innocent boy. That was when I knew that I had to get out. I knew that things with him had gotten out of hand and I knew that we had gone too far,” she said. “It was all because I thought of Carl, for just a split second. I thought of him and then I thought of you and suddenly, our entire family was in my head screaming at me to get out. When I got back to the Sanctuary, I had the tattoo drawn and started on. It took five sessions to get it done the way I wanted it to be. Every session lasted four hours and I had to rest for a couple of days between every session.”

“I can tell,” Daryl said. “The artist knew what he was doin’. The work is detailed an’ very good considerin’ that the world has ended an’ all.”

“Negan was there all the time, supervising,” Beth shared. “He didn’t get it. I don’t think he ever did. I told him some bullshit story ‘bout wantin’ to be stronger and forget what almost happened to me. Don’t know if he bought it though. He questioned me ‘bout it when you were captured.”

Daryl frowned, “He did? What did ya say?”

“Told him it was a coincidence. He didn’t look like he believed me, but he left it at that,” she said. She knew that Negan still suspected something and that had been why she had forced herself to get them out of there as fast as possible. Beth turned her head up a bit and saw that Daryl was already watching her. She offered him a smile and raised her hand to brush her fingers over his lips. His hands continued their patterns over her back and she shuddered as they found their way up to her head. Gently, he ran his fingers through her hair and she couldn’t help the small sigh of contentment that left her lips. He paused and she met his eyes again, seeing how he was observing her silently, his own eyes hooded and darkened.

“When ya get back, we’re gonna have to talk ‘bout all of this,” he told her and she moved up his body at the same time that he pulled her closer to him.

“Yeah, I know,” she said, straddling his hips and lowering her face to his. Pressing her lips against Daryl’s, she took his lower lip between hers and sucked for a second before biting down gently. He was coming alive beneath her and she was amazed.

Amazed by the man that he was, amazed by how he could make her feel the way that he did, amazed by how he could still see right through her and just understand.

In a couple of hours, she would have to leave. Until then, however, she was going to enjoy everything that Daryl was willing to offer her.

-§-

The first signs of sunrise flittered through the small opening of the curtains as Beth pulled herself away from Daryl’s arms and out of bed. She took a minute to appreciate the sight of him; hair messed up and mouth slightly open with small snores leaving his parted lips. Seeing him so relaxed was a rare sight and she forced herself to imprint it in her memory, because she couldn’t be sure that she would ever get to see it again. She was sore in places that she had never been before and she bit her lip remember once more how many times they had woken up during the night. There hadn’t been many hours of sleep, but somehow, she felt more rested than ever as she cleaned herself up in the bathroom.

Slowly and quietly Beth got dressed, pulling on her ripped jeans a t-shirt and her leather jacket. She laced up her boots and grabbed the duffel that she had packed before deciding on leaving it behind. If she was going to be able to sell her story to Negan, she couldn’t bring a bunch of new clothes with her back to the Sanctuary. Instead, she focused on taking her dagger with her and her gun as well as some food and water.

Beth looked over at Daryl again and walked over to the bed. She lowered herself down and pressed her lips to his cheek quickly before standing up again. He stirred, but didn’t wake up and Beth swallowed the thickness in her throat as she forced herself to walk away. She needed to leave and she knew that the longer she stuck around looking at Daryl, the more she’d want to stay with him.

She stepped out of the house and breathed in the fresh morning air. For a moment, she closed her eyes and took in the silence, wondering whether she was making the right choice by not waking Daryl. They hadn’t talked about it, but she was certain he would understand. She had told him everything that he needed to know and she hoped that he wouldn’t go against her instructions. He needed to do what was right and Beth herself needed to do the same. She had strayed too many times over the years and she needed to get back on track.

Across the street, she heard a door open and she opened her eyes, looking over at the neighbor across the street. Sarah stepped out of her house and turned, freezing when she spotted Beth standing on Daryl’s porch. Beth could only imagine the things that were running through the other woman’s head. She must be a sight considering her messy hair that she had just pulled up in a bun and swollen lips. There was no way to know for certain just how much Sarah was able to put together considering the distance between the houses, but Beth was sure that the woman was smart enough to understand just why Beth was sneaking out this early in the morning. Instead of shying away, Beth stood straight and pulled her backpack over her shoulder. She felt Sarah’s eyes on her as she walked away towards the gate, keeping only the memory of Daryl’s hands on her back in her thoughts.

-§-

Daryl had known after that last time that when he woke up again, Beth would be gone.

The room was silent and he reached out for her, knowing that he wasn’t going to find her warm body in his bed. She had left a while ago, he deduced, when the coolness of the sheets reached his hand. Shutting his eyes tightly, he turned on his side, pulling her pillow to his face, inhaling deeply.

It still smelled like her and something inside of him tightened.

He didn’t want to think too much about it now, because he knew that she had to be long gone. He couldn’t run after her and tell her to go to hell with the plan, because he knew that it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Daryl opened his eyes and laid his head on Beth’s pillow, his mind going through every little thing they had done together. Finally, he pushed himself up so that he could sit on the edge of the bed, the covers falling away from his nude body. He ran his fingers through his hair before standing up and walking over to the desk.

Looking down at the papers strewn across the table, he took note of the map that Beth had been looking at when he had woken up during the night. She had circled a couple of places with a red pen, writing the names of the locations for him and he recalled her instructions. He looked down at the foot of the map and his lips quirked up in a small smile as he saw Beth’s neat scribble, “ _ Don’t be stupid _ .” He remembered how many times she had told him that while they had been laying in bed. Daryl knew what he needed to do and what he had to say to Rick. Beth had been clear when she had told him and now she had given him everything he needed to find the other communities that she knew of. Even if they failed to recruit them to help fight Negan’s army, they owed it to themselves to at least try to convince them that defeating Negan would benefit them all in the end. Daryl had to do whatever he could to help because Beth was going back to the Sanctuary and she was risking her life in order to buy them more time. He wanted her to come back more than anything and there were no guarantees that she would. However, if she were to return, he wanted to be able to look her in the eyes and tell her that he had done everything that he could while she had been away. Then, maybe, they would be able to talk about them and what they were going to do with their relationship.

Until then, he had a job to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that there haven't been many updates on this fic, but I kind of want to finish Breath too. I always write whatever inspires me the most at the moment and right now, it's this fic. Hopefully, I'll get something else out within next week! :)
> 
> Oh, and one more thing: I'm thinking a bit about what my next Bethyl project will be and I have this one fic started already, but I haven't posted it yet... It's VERY different from everything else I've written so far.
> 
> Enjoy your weekends people, 'cause Sunday is coming! ;) xx


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl knows what Beth wanted him to do. He has the plan, he knows what he has to say... But is he ready to step up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't gonna be a long note people. Originally this chapter was supposed to be a single big one where they went to the Hilltop and then the Kingdom, but I decided to split it in two. The second part is being written, but I'm also working on my own novel for NaNoWriMo on the side, so I have a lot of things going on. Either way, this story has always come easy to me, so I'll try to update again in a week! My goal is to get one chapter out every week, but it depends on length, of course.
> 
> Also, that means that you guys won't get to see Beth in this story until chapter 21, when she is reunited with Negan.
> 
> Hang in there and enjoy! ;)

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 19**

 

The water cascaded down his back as he put his hands on the tiled wall. His hair fell like a curtain around his face, shielding him from no one in particular, but keeping him focused on his own thoughts.

Beth had left and he had been forced to fight the urge to run out of the door and go after her. He knew that he couldn’t though, so instead, he had jumped into the shower to keep himself there until he knew for certain that he wouldn’t be able to catch up to her.

Daryl watched the water swirl and gather around his feet. The floor of the shower had been wet already when he had entered and all he could think about now was Beth being in there with him. After such a long night of just being together with her, he couldn’t really understand how he once again managed to get it up. They’d fucked so many times that Daryl was sure he’d emptied every ounce of himself that he hadn’t been able to get out since his last release. Still, just thinking about her, still having her smell on his body as he slowly began washing himself… It seemed like his cock had a life of its own.

Daryl reached down, hissing as he wrapped his fingers around his base, squeezing softly. The excess shampoo on his hand worked perfectly well as lubricant and he picked up a steady pace. He remembered the way that Beth had felt wrapped around him; the way she had fit him like a glove. His thumb moved over the head of his cock, pre-cum glistening and mixing with the foam from the soap as he fucked himself slowly, imagining it was her tightness he was pushing into. He grunted, squeezing his eyes shut as his hips jerked forward, thick ropes of cum hitting the shower wall as he continued to stroke himself until he was completely drained.

“Fuck, Beth…” Daryl shook his head at himself. He almost felt ashamed for jerking off while thinking of her, but considering everything that they had done during the night, he was sure that she wouldn’t mind. He missed her already though and as he finished his shower, still thinking about her, he couldn’t help but wonder if she had officially ruined him for good.

-§-

“Ya sure ‘bout this?” Rick asked as Daryl filled the tank of the RV.

“Was the plan, right?” Daryl countered. “Send Beth back to the fucker who she spent months tryin’ to get away from jus’ to buy us some time to get our shit together.”

Rick rubbed his face and sighed, “She left this mornin’, didn’t she. Spencer told me he opened the gates for her an’ she just walked out.” Daryl hummed in acknowledgement but didn’t speak. “She didn’t take the car we prepared for her,” Rick continued.

“She knows what she’s doin’,” Daryl said. “She also told me what we should be doin’ while she’s off buyin’ us time.”

“Ya already said that, this mornin’,” Rick said. “At community breakfast… I think we all heard ya loud an’ clear.”

“So? Who’s comin’ with me?” Daryl asked. “Or am I gonna have to do this alone?”

Rick looked away from him, turning his gaze down to his boots. He shook his head. “Nah, ya ain’t gonna do anythin’ alone no more,” he said. “You were right, brother. I ain’t been doin’ my job and it’s ‘bout time I start gettin’ out there again.”

Daryl recalled how he had lashed out on Rick when he had left the party the night before and he nodded curtly. Everything he had said then had been meant to hurt and get Rick to act. He was sick and tired of Rick playing Mr. Nice Guy when there was a threat worse than the Governor at their door, taunting them. Deanna was supposed to act as the pacifist while Rick took action. That was the balance that had made their community flourish these past three years.

“After ya walked off this mornin’, I asked for volunteers. Michonne, Glenn, Abe and Sasha will be comin’ with us, for sure. Maggie’s stayin’ behind to help Deanna. Heath and Spencer might be comin’ too.”

“S’good. We don’t need too many people. Should we really take Abe and Sasha? Maybe they’d do better here. Protectin’ our people?” Daryl questioned, not really wanting to think about how he had just started swearing at them all during breakfast, telling them that it was time to do something.

“I don’t think Negan is gonna be attackin’ us anytime soon. I figure that after Beth gets to him, we’ll have at least a coupl’a days ‘til he’ll come knockin’ on our door,” Rick said. He shifted from one foot to the other, “So where do we begin?”

Daryl looked at him for a moment and then pulled out the map that he had tucked inside his back pocket. He opened it up and held it up against the RV, pointing at one of the red circles.

“Here,” he said. “We gotta start at the Hilltop Colony.”

-§-

_ Beth lifted her leg a bit, drawing it up so that she could cuddle against him. Her hair was sweaty and she was warm all over. Hell, after what they had just done, Daryl felt like a furnace himself. _

_ “The Hilltop is where you have to start,” she said, brushing back his hair. “It’s probably about twenty miles from here.” _

_ “They got guns? Weapons? Fighters?” Daryl asked, squeezing her bare thigh as he drew her closer, brushing his nose against her forehead, closing his eyes for a bit so that he could just enjoy her. _

_ “Fuck no,” Beth said, sounding serious. Opening his eyes, he looked down at her. He would probably never get used to hearing her swear like that, but somehow, it fit her now. _

_ “Guess we don’t have much choice here,” he muttered and Beth’s lips twitched for a moment before she pressed them against his in a quick kiss. _

_ “You understand,” was all she said. “They’re farmers, basically. Their fighting skills are probably basic at best but they aren’t exactly a community one can look over, considering their numbers... “ _

_ “Hm… Their leader?” Daryl wondered. _

_ Beth snorted, “Gregory. He isn’t the one you should be talkin’ to though.” _

_ “Oh?” Daryl frowned.  _

_ Beth’s amused, lazy smile only spread as she pulled herself closer to him. “You gotta ask for Jesus.” _

-§-

Abraham was driving the RV and Daryl sat up in the front with him, giving directions based on the routes that Beth had marked out for them. He was quiet, going through all the directions that she had given him in his head. Rick was in the back with the rest of them, telling them everything that Daryl had told him. Before they started driving, Daryl had made sure to clarify that Rick should do the talking together with Glenn, since Rick was their leader and Glenn kept a level head. Daryl would only be there to interject if it was needed. From what Beth had told him, the Hilltop’s leader Gregory wasn’t someone he should be addressing. According to Beth, Jesus was easier to speak to.

When she had first told him the man’s name, Daryl had thought that she was joking with him. It was strange that anyone would be walking around calling themselves ‘Jesus’ after the world had ended, but Beth explained that there really were some similarities between them visually.

“Your girl sure was specific ‘bout her instructions,” Abraham said as they pulled up on a dirt road.

Daryl wanted to say that Beth wasn’t his girl, but he stopped himself. He knew that Abraham was teasing him, trying to lighten the mood and honestly, Daryl appreciated his efforts because he had had a permanent frown on his face since they had driven out of Alexandria earlier today.

“She said it’d be less than half a day’s drivin,” Daryl said instead. “Should be there soon.”

“Listen, Daryl,” Abraham sighed. “I know I wasn’t too supportive but… Ya gotta know I was just tryin’ to protect our people.”

Daryl remembered the way that Abraham had been toward Beth during the meeting. He hadn’t been trustful and he had thought that she might be a spy for the Saviors, something which had been shut down instantly.

“I know,” Daryl said. “I ain’t pissed at ya for it.”

“Then why are ya lookin’ like ya might wanna fuck someone up?” Abraham asked. Daryl grit his teeth, clenching his jaw to stop himself from speaking. “I get that ya miss her… You’re worried, aren’t ya?”

“She’ll be okay,” Daryl told him. “She knows how to protect herself an’ she knows who she’s dealin’ with.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Abraham said, keeping his eyes on the road again.

Rick walked up to them after a few minutes, holding on to the back of Daryl’s seat. The road was a bit bumpy, but they kept going.

“When we get there, what should we expect?” Abraham then asked him.

“A wall,” Daryl told him. “They have a wall an’ big numbers. Prob’ly shouldn’t have more than two of us go out there first an’ try to get them to take us in so we can talk.” Daryl chewed on the corner of his thumb, chuckling to himself, “An’ we’re supposed to ask for Jesus.”

Abraham couldn’t contain his laughter at that. “Oh, boy… I never in a million years would’ve thought that I’d be knockin’ on doors, askin’ for Jesus!” he exclaimed.

“Me neither,” Daryl said, “but that’s what the guy is called apparently.”

Rick cleared his throat, “Glenn an’ I talked. We think you an’ me should go out an’ do the talkin’ first. Once we get inside the walls, Glenn can take over for you if ya don’t wanna continue.”

“Mm… Fine,” Daryl nodded.

Abraham whistled lowly, “Would ya look at that!”

Daryl turned his head and looked ahead. On the top of the hill stood a tall wall made out of wooden boards and other material. It looked sturdy and secure from the RV, but he’d have to get a closer look on it later, if he had time. They had secured their own walls quite a bit, though Daryl knew that it couldn’t do any harm to check out other people’s defences.

“Park a couple of yards away from their gates,” Rick instructed. “We want them to see us, so they know we ain’t sneakin’ up on them.”

“Gettin’ on their good sides, got it,” Abraham winked, maneuvering the vehicle before parking. “Gonna get stuck in all this mud though.”

“I’m sure they’ll be willin’ to help us if we manage to strike a deal,” Rick said, placing his hand on Daryl’s shoulder. “You ready?” he asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Daryl said, standing up. He grabbed his crossbow and threw it over his shoulder, securing it there. Checking his knife and gun, he made sure they were both in their respective holsters before nodding at Rick again. “Let’s go, brother,” he said, walking towards the back of the RV.

They opened the door and stepped out, daylight hitting their faces. For a moment, Daryl wondered how far Beth could have gotten on her trip, but he knew that he needed to focus, so he pushed the thought away. He had sworn to her that he would do this and he wasn’t about to break his promise to her.

The two of them approached the big gate carefully. They didn’t want to run and startle the people, but they didn’t enjoy being out in the open since it made them more vulnerable in case someone else spotted them. According to Beth, Negan’s men came to the Hilltop once a week to collect half of their supplies, but they should have already been there for this week. Still, one couldn’t be careful enough, especially considering that Negan was most likely searching for Beth.

Daryl noticed a couple of men standing on the wall. He squinted to see better through the sunlight and frowned when he realized that they were all carrying spears. What Beth had told him had clearly been the truth; the people of the Hilltop had run out of bullets a while back and they had been forced to return to more primal weapons that they built themselves.

“Who are you and what do you want?” one of the guards on top of the wall said.

Daryl looked over at Rick who only stared back at him. He frowned, not understanding what his friend was getting at when he nodded at him. Was he really changing their plan now, when they were standing in front of the people that they needed to convince to fight a war with them? Rick nodded again and Daryl wanted to punch him, but he resisted the urge.

“We come in peace,” he said, cringing at his choice of words. He shook his head at himself. There was a reason that he worked as the muscle rather than the diplomat. “We’re from another community,” he tried again. “We’re here to talk to y’all ‘bout a mutual problem.”

The guards whispered amongst themselves for a moment before the same guy who had addressed them turned back to them. “We don’t have any problems here,” he said, “and we don’t care for other communities. Ours is big enough as it is.”

“Oh yeah?” Daryl asked, sarcasm rolling through him. “So ya ain’t all under Negan’s bat then?” he wondered.

The guards whispered again.

“You’re with  _ him? _ ” the other guard asked.

“No,” Daryl replied.

They began whispering once more.

Daryl looked over at Rick exasperatedly, hoping that he would say something to quicken the process. Rick only shrugged before turning to the guards. “We need to talk to the man in charge, but first we wanna talk to the one ya call Jesus,” he called. “We’d appreciate if the people we left in the RV were welcome inside the walls ‘til we’re finished, ‘cause I hear negotiating could take a while.”

The guards paused then and looked between one another. The one who had spoken first nodded at the other man, who hurried off somewhere.

“Just a minute,” the guard called out to them.

Daryl looked over at Rick, “Ya should’a done the talkin’ from the beginning.”

“Well, ya gotta learn sometime, Daryl,” Rick told him. “Ya did your part at the Prison. I know ya have it in ya, but I understand why ya never wanted to take charge again after it fell… Ya know your thing, an’ I value your opinion. What’s done is done.”

Daryl wanted to say something to him, but before he could, the gates began to open. Before him, a man with long hair and a long beard stood. His eyes were blue, much like Daryl’s own, but there was an optimism in them that Daryl hadn’t seen in awhile. He was clad in a white shirt, wearing grey cargo-pants and boots as he stepped toward them, two guards at his side.

“I see it now,” Daryl said, not being able to help himself.

The man looked at him and smiled. “What do you see?” he asked.

Daryl shook his head and snorted, “Why they call ya Jesus.”

Once again, Jesus only smiled, but Daryl could see it in his face now that he was far more suspicious of them than he was letting on.

“I seem to be at a disadvantage,” Jesus said. “You know my name, but I don’t know yours.”

“Rick Grimes,” Rick said, “and this is Daryl Dixon.”

Jesus only nodded at them, “My real name is Paul Rovia, but I wonder where you’ve heard of my nickname.” He looked at Daryl but Daryl stayed silent. He wasn’t going to start negotiating outside those walls. Walkers they could deal with, but if too many of them showed up, there would without a doubt be trouble.

“How many are in the RV?” Jesus questioned when he realized that he wasn’t getting any replies.

“Six people,” Rick once again spoke. “Two women and four men.”

Jesus turned back to one of the guards, whispering something. The guard nodded and hurried back inside the walls as Jesus looked at them once again. “Well, I suggest you signal your people that it’s safe to come out. You can leave the RV where it is and we’ll bring it in later, depending on how long you’ll be staying,” he said.

Daryl kept his eyes on the man as Rick turned and waved his hand in the direction of the RV. Abraham must have spotted him because he lit the headlights and then turned them off, signaling back that they were coming. Soon after that, Sasha, Michonne, Abraham, Glenn, Heath and Spencer stepped out of the RV, all carrying their respective weapons. They began approaching them and Rick motioned for them to go slow. There was no need to hurry and make people believe they were a threat, after all.

“Why don’t we go inside?” Jesus suggested. “Your people can rest up a bit while the three of us talk in my tent.”

Once again Rick nodded, looking over at Daryl who gave him a short nod in reply. Jesus motioned for them to follow him inside, and as soon as the others reached them, they stepped inside the walls.

-§-

_ Daryl brought Beth’s fingers up to his mouth, kissing her fingertips softly. She was smiling at him, a sight that he never wanted to forget. She’d managed to pull on a pair of underwear again and a tanktop. He was still buck naked beneath the cover that had pooled around his waist as he sat leaning back against the headboard. Beth was sitting in his lap, her legs wrapped around him as she watched him play with her fingers. _

_ “So after we get Jesus to talk to us, what do we do?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her as he leaned into her. “ _ Pray  _ that he’s on our side?” _

_ Beth allowed him to kiss her gently, her free hand tangling in his hair as she tugged him even closer, grinding into him slowly. Daryl grunted, both of his hands coming to rest on her hips, holding her still. He couldn’t let himself get distracted right now, and quite frankly, he was sure that he was going to have a heart attack if he had one more orgasm. _

_ “No, Daryl,” Beth smiled mischievously. “You’re supposed to talk to him and convince him that you need to fight against Negan together. Use everythin’ that I’ve told you so far and get inside those walls. He’ll be curious to hear what you have to say.” _

_ Daryl hummed again, leaning forward to nuzzle her cheek. “And then? We gather ‘round the fire an’ sing kumbaya?” _

_ “You’re smarter than that,” Beth said. “You know exactly how things will go down.” She grinded down on him again, smirking when he groaned. _

_ “To hell with it,” he muttered, reaching down so that he could tug her tanktop off of her body. Beth laughed as he pulled her naked chest flat against his, claiming her lips again. If he was going to die, he figured a heart attack would be a bit of a blessing with the way the world was now. _

-§-

They followed Jesus as he lead them through the camp. The other members of the community observed them both with curiosity and concern. Daryl understood them, partially, because if they had only had dealing with people like Negan in the past, they ought to be suspicious of anyone who approached them.

He recalled the story that Beth had told him. About the young boy who had been beaten to death in front of the entire community in order to make them fall in line with Negan’s rules. The boy had reminded Beth about Carl and triggered the memories of her family that she had forced herself to ignore. Daryl couldn’t help but wonder how brutal it must have been to witness such a thing. In fact, he was pretty sure that the same horrid fate would have been dealt him if Beth hadn’t stepped in at the Sanctuary. The way that she had somehow convinced Negan that Daryl could be valuable had saved his life. Beth had told him that she had pleaded with Negan here at the Hilltop too, to spare the boy, but he hadn’t listened. Daryl only hoped that once they mentioned Beth’s name, the people of the Hilltop Colony would remember her.

“This is my tent,” Jesus said. “I prefer it to the cabins that we’ve built. Makes more sense to let the families share those.” He motioned to the pod shelter and looked at Rick and Daryl expectantly. Daryl turned to Glenn, nodding at him and taking a step back, wanting to let the other man step into the tent, but Jesus quickly held his hand up. “I agreed to speak to Daryl and Rick, no offense,” he said, sending a sheepish grin Glenn’s way.

Glenn looked at him and nodded curtly,”It’s fine with me, but what are the rest of us supposed to do?”

Jesus looked at them and then turned to the guards. “Why don’t you guys show them around a bit? Give them some fruit or something to eat,” Jesus suggested. The guards nodded and Daryl observed quietly as Rick motioned for the rest of their people that it was okay to follow.

They entered the pod tent and Jesus let the curtain drop so that they would get some privacy. Daryl looked around the living area and from what he could see, there were three parts of the tent. Two of the pods were used as sleeping compartments, with cots on the floor and bins for clothing and the third was clearly supposed to work as some kind of living room. There was a small table in the middle of it, surrounded by four chairs.

“Who else lives here?” Daryl asked, motioning to the other cot.

“Currently, no one,” Jesus shrugged. “I keep an extra cot in case one of our residents need it to get away.”

“Why would they need to get away?” Rick questioned.

Jesus smiled, “Because we all need a moment alone sometimes, and I don’t usually meddle with other people’s business unless they invite me to.” Daryl hummed quietly but didn’t speak. Jesus motioned for them to sit around the table and following Rick, Daryl sat down next to him, directly opposite Jesus.

“I understand that you wanted to speak to me before seeing Gregory,” Jesus said. “So let me just start with the usual questions of where are you from and what brings you to the Hilltop Colony?”

“We’re from a community in Alexandria,” Rick said. “As we told your guards, it’s come to our attention that we have a mutual problem. We’ve come here lookin’ for a chance to talk an’ maybe form an alliance.”

“You’re talking about the Saviors, I suppose?” Jesus asked, rubbing his chin. A dark look flashed over his face for just a second and Daryl knew immediately that the hate for those people was real when it came to the stranger before him.

“The Saviors don’t know of our existence, as far as we know,” Rick said. “They found a group of our people who were scavengin’, but none of ‘em gave up our location.”

“How many people do you have in your community? Do you have walls?” Jesus frowned, looking at Daryl now.

“We have walls,” he replied. For a moment, he hesitated to give Jesus their number, but he knew that if they were going to fight together against the Saviors, they needed to lay all their cards on the table. Beth had told him that Jesus would see right through them if they lied, because apparently, there was just something about him. “Includin’ the children, we have ‘round seventy people. Forty of ‘em, at least, should be able to fight,” he said.

“We have a hundred and forty something here,” Jesus said. “We have strong people, but none with any specific military training.”

“Listen,” Rick said, leaning over the table, “we got people who are trained and others who can train ‘em. What we don’t have, is time, so we need to stop wastin’ it an’ cut to the chase.” Rick pressed his finger down on the table, “You got a large number here, but we’re plannin’ on goin’ to another community too. We all need to work together an’ take out Negan. The Saviors are his followers, so if someone else steps up as a leader, they’ll surely leave us alone if we negotiate with ‘em.”

Jesus leaned forward as well, “You’ve clearly never met them in person.”

Daryl knew that Jesus meant what he said. Rick hadn’t seen the Saviors in action; he didn’t have anything other than stories to go on. A part of Daryl was worried that Rick was going to get overly confident and have it all bite him in the ass.

“I was their prisoner,” he spoke up, but his voice was quiet. Jesus’ expression softened a bit and he leaned back in his seat once more, looking at him as if waiting for him to continue. “They beat me up pretty bad,” Daryl said. “Was sure as hell that I was gonna die…”

“But you’re not dead,” Jesus pointed out, “and you’re not their prisoner anymore. How did you get out?”

Daryl remembered the whole ordeal and cleared his throat. He could still remember every hit he had received that day and how Negan had been about to make a show out of him. “Someone we thought we’d lost a coupl’a years ago turned out to be there,” he said. “She’d survived an’ somehow ended up with the Saviors. She lied through her teeth an’ helped me an’ two women escape.”

“A Savior? I’m guessing she’s the one who lead you here?” Jesus asked, raising his eyebrows. “She isn’t with you now though, is she?”

“She went back to Negan to buy us time. She’s gonna pretend that she was taken against her will,” Daryl said. “She told us what happened here. How Negan made y’all submit to him? We know all ‘bout that boy he killed an’ the deal he’s made with Gregory.”

“She went back to…” Jesus trailed off, looking at Daryl in disbelief. “What’s her name, the Savior?”

“Beth,” Daryl said, his heart clenching as his thoughts went to her again.

Jesus stared, “Beth  _ Greene? _ ” The man sounded shocked by the revelation, but Daryl could see genuine curiosity in his eyes now. “She’s Negan’s right-hand woman. She’s willing to step up and stop the Saviors’ tyranny if we take down Negan?”

Daryl wasn’t sure what to say now. He was pretty sure that Rick had spoken straight out of his ass when he had said that someone more reasonable would be able to take over. Beth hadn’t said anything about wanting to lead the Saviors if they won the war. All Daryl knew for certain was that when he saw her again and the Saviors had been dealt with, the two of them would have to discuss what their night together meant for them.

“I’m sure she would be,” Rick said, but Daryl knew that he wasn’t so sure himself. Would they really be willing to let Beth got if she decided to stay with the Saviors?

Jesus lowered his head then and sighed. Another moment of silence passed before he looked up at them again, this time staring right at Daryl. “I remember Beth Greene,” he said. “She was the only one who tried to stop Negan from murdering that boy. I saw it in her eyes that day, that she hadn’t enjoyed the killing. Everyone else was cheering though, so you have to know that there are some bad people there too,” Jesus said. “If we fight together, we might not be able to reason with all of them.”

“We understand that,” Rick said. “All we need is a chance. We know their numbers, we know what weapons they have. Yeah, they outnumber us when we’re alone, but if we join our communities, then we’ll at least have a fighting chance. Beth will buy us some time, but we need to get started immediately.”

“Gregory will be hard to convince,” Jesus said. “He’s afraid of the Saviors and even more scared of Negan. He’ll want to save his own ass, so you’re going to have to be very convincing in order to show him that we can win this war.”

“So you’ll help us?” Daryl wondered, his heart beating faster. Maybe they had a chance now.

“I’ll be on your side when we talk to Gregory,” Jesus nodded. “I can tell that you’re telling the truth about all of this. You don’t have any reason to lie to me. Besides,” his eyes twinkled with something as he glanced at Daryl, “I can tell that you really care about Beth Greene. If you’re willing to risk her life and send her back to Negan when you know how he is with her, then I’m sure you don’t have time to be playing games.”

-§-

Daryl grumbled to himself as he crossed his arms. Beth hadn’t been joking when she had said that Gregory was an asshole. In fact, Jesus hadn’t been lying either when he had said that it would take a lot to convince the man to be on their side.

The first thing Gregory had done when they had entered the big house had been to tell them to wash. Daryl had thought that he was pulling their noses, but apparently, he had been very serious. Jesus had muttered at them to just do what was asked of them and then he had gone off to try and warm the man up, inform him about what they had discussed so far. After getting cleaned up, Daryl had decided to remain quiet and let Rick do the talking, because he was pretty sure that he would end up beating the crap out of Gregory if he got into an argument with him.

Everything that Rick said, Gregory found a way to contradict. Jesus tried reasoning with him too, but it seemed like Gregory didn’t like having his position as leader questioned.

“Why should we believe anyone who has had dealings with the Saviors?” Gregory sneered.

“We’re talking about Beth Greene,” Jesus said. “She is right under Negan in ranks with the Saviors. People there listen to her. She probably has her own following inside their community.”

Gregory rubbed his chin thoughtfully, “The only thing I remember about her is that she’s a hot little thing.”

Daryl’s hands balled into fists and he clenched his jaw, looking out the window. He really needed a cigarette now.

“Ya gotta look at the bigger picture,” Rick said, ignoring Gregory’s comment about Beth. Daryl could sense that it had bothered him too. “If we take out Negan, we’ll neutralize the threat. We know their location, so we can be the first to attack. Take them by surprise, if anythin’.”

“So what? With your forty men and my ninety something who  _ might  _ be willing to fight, what do we have? A hundred and thirty? Let’s say a hundred of mine are willing to fight and the Saviors still outnumber us by at least a hundred and fifty,” Gregory said. “And that’s only if the numbers that Ms. Beth Greene,  _ a Savior _ , provided you with are correct.”

“Not all of their people are at the Sanctuary,” Rick reminded him. “They are split out on outposts. We could take the rest of them down when we defeat Negan.”

“I have a good thing going with the Saviors already,” Gregory smirked. “Why should I risk joining you? I should just call on Negan and tell him exactly what’s happening-”

Daryl moved before he even knew what he was doing, his blood boiling over, finally. He slammed his hands on the table and reached out, grabbing Gregory by the collar. Instantly, spears were aimed at him by the guards and Rick drew his gun, turning so that his back was against Daryl’s as he pressed Gregory’s face down on the table.

“Listen up, ya lil’ shit,” Daryl growled. “I ain’t gonna stand here an’ listen to ya anymore. All ya fuckin’ care ‘bout is your own fuckin’ skin,” he said, pressing his knife against the man’s throat. He lifted his head and looked at the guards who were on high alert, but listening intently. Jesus was holding both hands up, trying to calm the situation, but Daryl knew that he couldn’t stop now.

“This shouldn’t be up to him,” he spoke out loud as Gregory grunted in pain. “He shouldn’t get to say what you fight for if he’s just gonna make the decision to save his own fuckin’ ass every damn time. It should be up to y’all… You should have a choice.”

“Do your people have a choice?” Gregory spat.

Daryl growled at him again and released him, sending the man gasping for air as he did. “Our people fight for our community,” he said. “They know what’s comin’ an’ they wanna protect what’s theirs.” He looked at the guards who were slowly putting away their weapons, looking at him with deep interest now. “Question is, do ya wanna protect what’s yours?”

-§-

“Ya did good today,” Rick said, putting his hand on Daryl’s shoulder.

Daryl chewed on the pad of his thumb and shrugged. “‘S gettin’ late,” he said. “We ain’t gonna be able to head to the Kingdom.”

“After the people voted, Jesus suggested that we stay the night here,” Rick said. “I told him that you an’ I could stay, but that the others had to leave. I don’t want Judy an’ Carl to be without both me an’ Michonne. They just headed out, but I told ‘em ya needed to be alone an’ that ya don’t do goodbyes.” Rick chuckled then, shaking his head, “‘Sides, they need to tell our people that the Hilltop will be fightin’ on our side, thanks to you.”

“Thanks to Beth,” Daryl corrected. “I just said what she told me to say.”

“Well, ya did a hell of a job deliverin’ that speech… Maybe I should retire an’ let you take the lead,” Rick said.

Daryl snorted, “Yeah. Sure, sign the redneck up for the presidential post.”

“I’m sure you’d get a few votes,” Rick told him.

A comfortable silence fell between them. Daryl breathed in deeply, thinking about how adrenaline had rushed through his body when the people of the Hilltop had raised their hands to show their support of their cause. The majority of the people had been willing to fight, especially when they had learned that they would go to the Kingdom next. Jesus had offered to escort them there tomorrow morning and accompany them back to Alexandria as a show of good faith. Daryl thought it might also be because he wanted to check out their community, but he couldn’t blame the man for wanting to be careful.

“Sorry I snapped in there,” Daryl said.

“Can’t say I blame ya,” Rick said. “It was effective, so ya ain’t got anythin’ to apologize for.”

“Couldn’t stand hearin’ him talk shit like that,” Daryl explained. “Hate people who just look out for their own asses… An’ what he said ‘bout Beth? Couldn’t help but wanna knock his smug grin off his face.” Rick only hummed. Daryl’s insides were gnawing at him. He wasn’t the type to share too much, but he was going crazy on the inside, just thinking about Beth now that the dust had settled somewhat and they had the Hilltop Colony on their side.

“I slept with Beth,” he said.

“Mhm…” Rick hummed in reply again, but he didn’t sound very surprised by Daryl’s revelation.

“Don’t know what it means,” Daryl continued. “All I know is that I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout her an’ that I want her back with me… Safe. Feel like a fuckin’ pansy, talkin’ ‘bout this shit.”

Once again, Rick put his hand on his shoulder. “You an’ Beth will figure it out, brother,” he said, sounding confident. “Beth is strong an’ she’ll come back. When she does, you’ll talk things through an’ you’ll tell her how ya feel. Life’s too short not to.”

Daryl nodded, “I’m just worried.”

“Understandable,” Rick nodded, taking a deep breath. “Tomorrow’s a new day, brother. We’ll have to face every battle as it comes.”

Daryl looked at him and nodded, agreeing, “One thing at a time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to remind you guys that I've taken some liberty when it comes to the official number of survivors in the different communities in this story. I carefully looked at the comics and the show and what has been said so far about the populations and then added some, removed others, based on the fact that this fic plays out three years after Team Family got to the Safe Zone. In my mind, that means that they've grown in numbers too, but I pulled the Hilltops number down a bit (they have 200 people in the comics) since Jesus in the show just mentions that they have more than Rick, which he calculates to be around 54 people.
> 
> So please, don't burden your minds with this particular detail since you won't find the reference anywhere. As I said, they are my own based on how I believed the communities have had it in these three years that I "skipped" forward when starting this fic.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it! Any favorite parts? Any line in particular that you liked? And yes, the next chapter will be all about convincing Ezekiel (which is awesome both in the comic!verse and the show) to be on their side. I'll be mixing some things we learned on the show with some of the things from the comics there too, but ultimately, I hope you'll like it! ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and supporting me! Please leave a comment and tell me what you thought! Lots of love! 'Til next time. xx


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth's instructions take Daryl, Rick and Jesus to the Kingdom, where a king, a tiger and a familiar face awaits them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Time for another Endurance update! :P I can't really comprehend that this story has gotten over 8000 hits here on archive of our own! I'm amazed by the response on the story so far and I really hope you'll enjoy this chapter! Thank you so much for all the support so far! I'm leaving a small explanation in the end-note regarding some things in this chapter.  
> Enjoy!

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 20**

 

Daryl wasn’t sure how he had managed to fall asleep the night before. He had been running high on emotions for a while as he recalled everything that had happened during the day. The adrenaline of having convinced the people of the Hilltop Colony to fight with them to end Negan’s tyranny had settled after his brief conversation with Rick. His brother had surprisingly not reacted in a negative way to his revelation about what he and Beth had done. The fact that Rick had just sort of accepted what Daryl had told him, without making him feel horrible for having sex with Beth only made Daryl wonder whether he actually had something to be ashamed of.

The strange things was, Daryl found that he honestly couldn’t care any less about what people thought of him. Ever since the world had gone to shit, he had always put the safety of everyone else over himself. He knew that he could protect himself well enough, but he had put all his focus on looking out for others and being there when Rick and his family needed him. He had never believed that he was worth much but once he realized that he was actually good at keeping them alive, he hadn’t been able to stop. It had been years since the world had ended and the night that he had spent with Beth had been the first time that he could say that he had done what he had wanted to, with no one else in mind.

He knew deep down that it had been all about her and him, and them, and knowing that they were free to do what they wanted. Beth had told him that she would never be fully free until Negan was removed from the picture, but one of these days, that battle would have been fought and then they could just  _ be  _ again.

Daryl thought of her again and how incredibly soft, yet hard, she had felt under his fingertips. She was strong physically - much stronger than he remembered her being when they had been alone - and yet, her porcelain skin remained the same. He still remembered the time that he had roughly grabbed her outside the shack that they had burned down. Two days later, he had seen a small bruise on her where he had grabbed her and he would forever regret hurting her. Beth, sweet and beautiful Beth, had told him that it was okay though, that she knew that he hadn’t meant it and that she had given herself worse bruises. It had taken some coaxing on her part, but somehow she had managed to make him smile when she had told him a story from when she had been just seven years old and accident-prone.

Her lean muscles weren’t the only thing different about her though. Besides her attitude and belief in her own abilities, she had scars littered over her back. They were such a sharp contrast to the rest of her that Daryl had spent what had felt like hours just tracing the marks over the ink that mostly covered them.

Daryl swallowed thickly, thinking about her tattoo for just a second before taking out a half-smoked cigarette. He looked out over the wall, taking in the sunrise as it shone its light on the community that was slowly rousing. Taking a drag of his cigarette, he held the smoke for a second or two before exhaling. He had come out there to calm his nerves and think about what they were going to do today. The plan that Beth had made out for them depended on getting the Kingdom and King Ezekiel on their side. According to Beth though, that probably wouldn’t be very difficult to achieve, since Ezekiel had never liked submitting to the Saviors.

“Good morning, Daryl.”

Daryl turned his head slightly to the side so that he could glance at Jesus who had approached him so silently that he hadn’t even felt his presence. It made Daryl wonder whether he was getting old or if Jesus had just mastered the skill of sneaking up on people.

“Mornin’,” he returned, taking another drag of his smoke.

Jesus came to stand next to him, joining him as they looked at the rising sun together. “It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Jesus said, sounding almost serene.

“What?” Daryl asked.

“Seeing the sun rise in the morning,” Jesus clarified. “It kind of reminds you that the earth hasn’t stopped turning. That there will still be a tomorrow.”

Daryl only hummed because he didn’t know what to say. It was an interesting way to think of things; to know that even though mankind’s world might have ended, or at least finished one of its chapters, the earth was still very much spinning. Maybe the age of man was over, in a sense, but they were still standing. They had been in Alexandria for over three years and never come across the Hilltop or the Kingdom, something which was strange in its own way. The world was a lot bigger than they had thought, even in their close proximity. It made Daryl wonder how many others there were out there, still fighting in the wild, trying to find sustainable places for themselves. He hadn’t let himself think about it after the CDC, but what if there were people in other countries across the world that had managed to survive too?

The thought was bittersweet, knowing that there might not be a way for them to know for sure. It made him think of the fall of society and all the people they had lost when they just hadn’t known better. In the beginning, they had been sloppy and not as tight-knit, but now, their community in Alexandria was a good and safe place, something which Daryl wasn’t sure they would be able to handle losing. He thought of Judith and what it would mean for her if they had to venture out in the wild again. She had learned to walk and to talk within the walls of the Safe Zone. Even though they taught the kids survival classes, knowing how to kill a walker and actually facing one was two completely different things. Besides, the dead ones weren’t even the biggest threat anymore.

“Will ya take me to his grave?” Daryl then asked, not really sure why he had uttered the words.

Jesus frowned, “Whose grave?”

“The boy Negan killed,” Daryl said, finishing his smoke with a final drag, exhaling the smoke and flicking away the cigarette butt.

A sad look fell over Jesus’ face but he nodded nonetheless, turning around and starting his climb down the wall. Daryl followed him down the ladder and then continued to walk after him to the far wall, further away from the tents and cabins.

Jesus came to a stop and Daryl looked down at the marking of the grave. His eyes followed the line of the wall, noting that there were some more graves next to the boy’s, all of which that once again had grass growing over them. He looked a little further off and his eyes settled on a patch of yellow wildflowers growing by the wall. Without thinking about it twice, he ignored Jesus’ questioning look and walked over to them, picking a couple as close to the root as he could. He walked back to the wooden cross that marked the boy’s grave and placed the flowers by the foot of it.

Memories of placing similar flowers on a grave close to the funeral home flooded his mind. He recalled how he had held hands with Beth as they silently remembered her fallen father. At the moment, it had been about showing her that he cared because not only had he respected Hershel, but he had also considered the man family. Accepting that there hadn’t been anything he could have done to prevent his death had taken time for Daryl, but Beth had tried back then, at the shack, to tell him that it wasn’t all his fault, despite the fact that he had felt like a complete failure. She had made things easier for him for a while, but after he had seen her get shot at Grady, all the dark thoughts that had been kept away by her light had come crashing back in again.

Years had passed since then, though every time he thought about it, he absentmindedly found himself tracing the circular would on the back of his hand. He had mocked her once for cutting her wrists, but he knew that he was no better than her when he had pressed his cigarette to his skin and listened to his own flesh sizzle. When they had come to Alexandria, he had tried to be better again because he knew that he had to be. He had to keep himself alive so that he could keep the others alive, after all.

He pulled himself away from those thoughts as he started wondering whether Beth would have liked that he put flowers on the kid’s grave. She hadn’t been able to save him from Negan and Daryl was sure that it had been eating her alive that she couldn’t so something to show the people of the Hilltop that she had actually cared for his fate. In a way, Daryl hoped that him putting flowers on the boy’s grave would show Jesus that there was more to Beth as well. The man knew that they had found the Hilltop with Beth’s help. Daryl only knew the story about the boy because of her, and he knew that Jesus was aware of it. Him putting flowers on his grave wasn’t just to pay his respects, but also to do something he knew deep in his heart that Beth would have wanted, but never would have been able to do.

“What is Beth Greene to you?” Jesus asked, as if somehow sensing that Daryl’s mind was on the blonde.

“Family,” Daryl replied.

“A person doesn’t look like you did when someone like Gregory makes snide comments about one’s family,” Jesus pointed out. “She’s more, isn’t she?”

Once again, his voice was calm and it kind of annoyed Daryl that the man seemed to be able to see right through one. Yet, he only snorted, turning to meet Jesus’ gaze, holding his stare, “Thought ya didn’t meddle in other people’s business?”

A smile spread across Jesus’ face and he lowered his head, looking a bit embarrassed about having pushed the matter.

“We should go and see if Rick is ready,” Jesus said, changing the subject. “If you want to be able to return to Alexandria before nightfall, we’re going to need to get going.”

Daryl only nodded at him and took another breath, hoping that they would be able to pull everything off as planned.

-§-

_ “You have to promise me one thing,” Beth smiled, her cheeks flushed as she looked down at him with her head tilted sideways. _

_ “Anythin’,” Daryl told her, knowing that he would give her everything he had if he could. There was no going back now. _

_ “Don’t tell Rick about Shiva,” she grinned. “If everythin’ goes to shit, at least you’ll have somethin’ to laugh about when you see his face.” _

_ Daryl’s own lips spread into a smile as he watched her brush back a piece of unruly hair that just wouldn’t stay put behind her ear. He observed her silently for a bit, wondering just how she was managing to be this way in a time like this. War was on their doorstep but for some reason, he had never seen her more serene. _

_ “When I saw ya that first time,” Daryl began slowly, “I never would’a thought that I’d see ya smilin’ like this.” He grasped her thighs which were on either side of him as she sat straddled over his stomach. _

_ “I didn’t have anythin’ to smile about, back then,” Beth confessed, her smile faltering a bit. He gently massaged her as she placed her hands on either side of his head, trapping him as she leaned over him. “I know we’re gonna talk about this some other time, but if somethin’ goes wrong, I want you to know that this night has been the best night of my life.” _

_ He could sense the seriousness in her, but he didn’t want her to be reminded of all the bad things that were heading their way. Instead, he used his strength to turn them around so that she was laying flat on her back again and he was the one hovering over her. Combing through her hair gently with his fingers, he spread it out over the pillows, lowering his face so that he could kiss the base of her throat. Beth let out a sigh of contentment, reaching around him so that she could scrape her nails against his scalp, making pleasure ripple through him again. Pure instinct made him react, his hips connecting with hers as he pressed against her. _

_ “You’re just happy ‘cause ya got laid, ain’t ya?” he teased her, trying to lighten the mood a bit. _

_ Beth grinned against his skin as she nuzzled the side of his neck, “Mm… Maybe.” _

_ “Usin’ me for sex, huh?” he questioned, quirking his eyebrow at her. _

_ “What are you gonna do about it, Mr. Dixon?” she returned, eyes gleaming with mischief. _

_ Daryl leaned down, pressing kisses against the column of her neck, down her shoulder as he brushed away the strap of her tanktop, lingering there for a moment before meeting her eyes once more. He grinned as he turned to lay next to her, keeping one of his legs thrown between her own so that he could spread hers apart with it. His hand trailed over her thigh, fingers brushing the soft skin as he moved upwards. Beth’s eyes widened and she let out a small gasp when he reached his destination. _

_ “Ain’t done with ya yet, Greene.” _

-§-

Daryl walked a small distance away from Rick and Jesus. They had driven toward DC from the Hilltop with a car that the colony used when they made runs, but Jesus had told them that it would be better if they walked the last bit. Daryl hadn’t argued because that was exactly what Beth had told him too. The people of the Kingdom did have vehicles, but most of the time they traveled by horse. When new people approached their territory, it was wiser to be welcomed by them on foot as travelers rather than drive straight into their community without actually knowing that you had passed their border.

When Beth had told him all of this, he had remembered what he had said to the Saviors who had captured him and brought him to the Sanctuary. He had told them that land didn’t belong to anyone anymore, but he had meant it in the sense that people couldn’t claim things that were outside of their walls. Just like the Safe Zone couldn’t stop lone people from hunting in the woods that surrounded their community, the Saviors couldn’t control whether someone ventured out into the forest that spread out a couple of miles from their factory. When it came to the Kingdom, Daryl had understood that the community had walls around the main buildings, but used the city as a freer roaming place. It wasn’t something that they controlled to the extent that they killed people for passing into it, but those who knew of it, respected the boundary.

Daryl had heard it from Beth once and that had been enough for him. He had told Rick some of it, though Jesus was now filling him in on the details. That was partially why Daryl had decided to just hang out in the back and observe. The other reason for that was that Rick had eventually stopped asking questions about the Kingdom and instead started wondering more about the Saviors and Jesus’ view on the group. Jesus’ words from the night before, about not all of them being good had clearly left an impression on Rick. Another things that Rick didn’t seem to be able to grasp fully, despite Daryl having explained it to him once, was that Beth had actually been a highly valued member of the Saviors. Rick knew that she had done things, but he must have just assumed that she had been forced to do other people’s bidding. In a way, yes, she had done what someone had asked her to do, but that someone had been  _ Negan,  _ specifically. She had never taken orders from anyone else because she had been superior to them. It was another thing that some of the Saviors didn’t like her because of the fact that Negan had treated her differently since the first day that they had met. Daryl listened as Jesus explained that the Saviors hierarchy had been simple to understand from the very beginning. According to him, Beth had been there with Negan when the group had first shown up, telling them what the deal was. The Saviors would keep their lands as free as possible from walkers, but they would also get half of everything they produced or scavenged. In turn, the Saviors would also not attack them. Because of the Saviors large numbers, Gregory had agreed to the deal, but not before Negan had killed the boy that Beth had tried to get him to spare. Jesus told Rick that Beth had avoided the Hilltop for a few weeks during the Saviors visits, but that when she finally  _ had  _ come around, she had made sure that the usual verbal torment didn’t occur. The one time that one of the Saviors had made a mocking remark, she had shut him down before he had gotten another word out by holding a dagger to his throat, drawing blood without digging too deep into his skin. The Savior hadn’t been allowed to touch her due to Negan’s rules, but it had been evident who was in charge when Negan wasn’t around just by that small display of power.

Daryl was momentarily distracted by imagining the scene that Jesus had described so at first he didn’t notice the high buildings that were coming into view. Soon enough though, Jesus made them stop walking and motioned for them with an outstretched hand to look at what was in front of them.

“This is it,” he said. “The Kingdom.” Daryl looked at him, raising his eyebrow slightly. “Well,” Jesus chuckled, “at least it’s the edge of it.”

“What do we do now?” Rick asked, frowning deeply.

“We wait for a bit,” Jesus said. “Ezekiel has people on watch all the time. Someone should come along soon enough to make sure that we aren’t enemies to the King.”

Rick drew in small breath which sounded more like a suppressed snort, “I can’t believe they actually have a king.” He looked toward Daryl, as if to see if he agreed that it was as ridiculous as it sounded.

Sure, Daryl found it kind of stupid, but on some level he understood. He shrugged, shouldering his crossbow as he spotted two men on horseback coming closer. “People gotta do what they have to to survive,” he told Rick. “Guess it’s a way to cope. Havin’ a king to follow in a world like this.”

Rick’s eyes were focused on the two riders who were approaching them, but staying on the lower part of the hill. “Yeah,” he drawled. “Guess you’re right ‘bout that.”

Jesus raised both his hands in a wave.

“Announce yourselves, for you are passing into the Kingdom!” one of the riders called up to them.

“It’s me, Cory!” Jesus called back and the man on the horse instantly smiled.

“Jesus! I didn’t recognize you there for a moment,” he said. “Who are the ones you’ve brought with you?”

“Two men from another community,” Jesus answered. “We seek an audience with the King!”

“What are you waiting for then? Get down here and we’ll take you to him,” Cory said.

Jesus turned around and looked at Rick and Daryl, giving them a short nod. He then turned to look specifically at Rick. “Remember what I said,” he began.

“Yeah,” Daryl drawled, interrupting him, “speak to the man with respect.”

Jesus frowned, as if not really understanding how Daryl would have heard him considering that he had just told Rick that when Daryl had been walking behind them, too far away to hear it. Daryl only shrugged at him, deciding that he didn’t need to explain himself to anyone.

Besides, he already had his own instructions to follow. The ones that he had sworn to Beth that he would remember and not question.

-§-

_ He watched her, taking in her hooded gaze and hitching breath. The way her lips parted as she let out a drawn out moan, her eyes squeezing shut as her fingers tangled in his hair. The smell of her, her slickness coating his fingers as he worked her slowly, almost torturously. _

_ “Oh  _ God, _ ” Beth gasped, tugging as his hair, trying to pull him closer to her. _

_ Daryl pressed a kiss against her clavicle, changing the angle of his fingers, curling them upwards as he felt a smirk spreading on his own lips. He couldn’t help himself, “Ain’t my name, Greene.” _

_ “Daryl!” she moaned, opening her eyes a bit so that she could shoot him a small glare. He was laying on his side, still, his fingers sliding in and out of her lazily almost. His movements were slow and small and Beth continued to writhe against him, clearly seeking  _ more.  _ He pressed his thumb lightly against her clit, circling it a few times. Beth’s hips surged upwards, seeking the pressure, but he held her down with his arm. It was an awkward angle for him, his muscles straining as he laid on his side, pressed against her with his hand between her legs, inside her panties which he hadn’t removed. He couldn’t exactly  _ see  _ what he was doing, but he could  _ feel _ , and Daryl realized that that was enough. The way that Beth was breathing hard through her nose indicated that he was doing something right Daryl lowered his head again so that he could wrap his lips around her nipple as he tugged down her tanktop, exposing her chest to him. His tongue darted out, flicking the hard nub as he sped up the movement of his fingers. The wet sounds of his digits entering her made him almost dizzy as he gently bit down on her breast, making Beth gasp again. Circling her clit once more, he applied just a bit more pressure and- _

_ “Fuck,” Beth gasped, her fingers digging painfully into his scalp as he laved at her chest and he worked her through her orgasm, feeling her inner walls clench around his fingers. He groaned against her, pushing his fingers as deep into her cunt as he could, holding them there as Beth continued to writhe beneath his touch. Finally, he pulled his hand away from her, his slippery fingers trailing over her slit, through her wetness and up over the thatch of blonde at the apex of her thighs. He pulled his hand out of her panties, looking up at her again, meeting her hot gaze. Not taking his eyes off of her, he lifted his hand up, putting the fingers that had been inside of her in his mouth. Beth watched him as he sucked her juices off his fingers for a moment before reaching for his hand. She pulled at it until his wet fingers contacted with her lips and he started at her with parted lips as she flicked her tongue out and then pulled him closer, his digits entering the heat of her mouth. Her tongue swirled around his fingers and Daryl instantly knew that he had been wrong to think that he had the upper hand now. Beth pulled his hand away and reached for him once more, pulling him up so that she could press her lips furiously against his. Their teeth clashed, but he ignored the momentary pain as Beth’s tongue moved against his lips, forcing him to open his mouth up to her. He groaned and reached up, his nose filling with the heady smell of her still all over his hand as he tangled his fingers in her blonde tresses, pulling her close and never wanting to let her go. _

-§-

They were lead inside the walls that had been made out of school buses and other vehicles. Daryl looked around the place and his mouth went momentarily slack as he took in just how bright everything seemed. There were several buildings within the wall, but the biggest one by far must have once been a school. Jesus and the two riders led them through the community and Daryl met Rick’s eyes, seeing just as much awe in them as he was sure was reflected in his own. They weren’t doing bad back in Alexandria; they had been managing to get by for over three years now. The Kingdom though, it certainly was something else.

“King Ezekiel will most likely be in the throne room,” Cory, the rider who had been addressing them. “You know where to go, Jesus. He’ll be glad to see you.” Jesus nodded at him and the two of them shook hands. Then, he turned to Rick and Daryl, motioning for them to follow him.

They walked with Jesus to what looked like some kind of old faculty. Daryl kept his eyes on the people. None of them seemed interested in seeing what the newcomers were doing there, unlike the people of the Hilltop Colony who had watched them with curiosity in their eyes. They were minding their own business, farming their crops and vegetables that they had planted in big flowerpots in different sizes.

Daryl walked next to Rick now, letting Jesus lead the way and soon enough, they entered the building and walked toward something which could only be described as a theater. There were rows and rows of seats and in front of them, was a big stage. In the middle of the stage, Daryl instantly spotted a throne. Yes, King Ezekiel had a motherfucking  _ throne _ , and there he sat, with his leg popped up as if he didn’t have a care in the world, as if everything was okay, no matter what shit was going on outside of their walls.

“Jesus, my friend,” the man sitting on the throne exclaimed. He lowered his leg on the floor and faced them fully. A small growl was heard and the sound of a chain being dragged over wooden floor. Daryl felt Rick tense beside him, so he glanced at him a second after the big feline walked out from behind the throne to sit by Ezekiel’s side. Rick drew in a sharp breath as he stared at the animal and Daryl couldn’t help but feel his lips twitch, remembering how Beth had told him not to tell him anything about Ezekiel’s pet.

“Yeah, uh, he has a tiger,” Daryl mumbled.

Rick was still tense as he leaned a bit closer to him. “Ya couldn’t have said that  _ before? _ ” he hissed at him, almost making Dary snort.

But there was nothing to laugh about because Daryl was in fact just as nervous as Rick was. The tiger was watching them, almost curiously, and she bared her teeth, another roar erupting from her. It felt as if the entire ground shook with the force of it and both Rick and Daryl automatically took a small step back.

“Quiet, Shiva,” Ezekiel said, as if he spoke the wild animal’s language. Maybe he did, Daryl thought to himself, because the tiger instantly settled, lowering itself down to lay on the floor next to the throne. Ezekiel turned back to face them, a smile gracing his features. “It pleases me to see you, old friend,” he said, looking at Jesus. “Tell me, what news do you bring good King Ezekiel? Are these new allies you have brought me?”

“Indeed it is, Your Majesty,” Jesus said, bowing his head slightly. “It was in fact they who were on their way to seek an audience with you, but not before they stopped by our Colony and convinced our people to fight with them as a united front.”

Ezekiel looked at them then, his eyes focusing on Rick and Daryl. “Step forward,” he told them, motioning for them to come closer to the stage. “I want to see the ones responsible for getting Gregory to stop cowering away in his big house.”

Daryl and Rick moved forward, coming to stand next to Jesus. “We didn’t convince Gregory of anythin’...  _ Your Majesty _ ,” Rick said and Daryl couldn’t help but notice that he said it in a way that made him sound like he still couldn’t quite believe that he had said it. “My name is Rick Grimes and my brother here spoke to Gregory’s people. He convinced them to fight with us.” Rick motioned to Daryl as he spoke.

“Fight with you,” the King spoke, his fingers touching his beard. “I am assuming that you are speaking of the people who have been tormenting us ever since we established our community? The Saviors?”

“Yeah,” Daryl replied with a drawl and the man’s dark eyes settled on him for a moment.

“Only the people in my Court know of our dealings with the Saviors,” Ezekiel admitted. “I have never been truly accepting of Negan’s truce, but one of the conditions we agreed upon was that my people needn’t know that half of everything we produced would be given away.”

“You’ve been lyin’ to your people,” Rick realized, taking another step toward the stage. Daryl stepped forward with him, because it wasn’t news for him. Beth had said that she had supervised some of the transactions between the Saviors and the King, and he knew that the people didn’t know about the deal as well as why Ezekiel hadn’t told them anything.

“My people are proud of our Kingdom,” Ezekiel said thoughtfully. “If they knew of the threat, they would without a doubt step up and fight.” He looked at Daryl then, as if contemplating something. “You do not look very surprised by this, Mr…?”

“Daryl,” he responded. “My name’s Daryl, Your Majesty.”

“Mr. Daryl,” Ezekiel repeated. “Do you care to share how the sight of my Shiva did not startle you as it did your friend?”

“I knew ‘bout her, Sir,” Daryl replied. “I’ve been told ‘bout your Kingdom before, an’ what to expect.”

“Really?” Ezekiel questioned. “You have captured my curiosity, Mr. Daryl. Pray tell me where you have gotten your information.”

“Beth Greene, Your Majesty,” Jesus replied for him when Daryl hesitated.

Ezekiel’s eyes lit up in surprise. “Negan’s right hand?” he questioned.

“Yes, Your Majesty,” Jesus nodded. “Believe me, we were just as shocked as you were when we first learned that she has been working against him in secret.”

“Ms. Greene always did have a fire inside of her,” the King mused. “I recognize it now as the same fire that burns inside of me. It is a hatred for these people who have done us nothing but harm under the pretense of keeping us safe.”

“We know the Saviors location,” Daryl said. “We know their numbers an’ we got the Hilltop on our side. With our community, we’ll be able to fight them.”

“With your help, we’d have the numbers to fight,” Rick added. “We’d work together and plan an assault. We’d open up communications between our communities once the war is over, trade and work together for a better place for our children to grow up in.”

“We’re only askin’ for your help,” Daryl said.

Ezekiel looked at them gravely and then a smile spread over his face. “And you shall have it, Mr. Daryl. The day has finally come to right the wrongs that have befallen so many people under this  _ tyrant. _ ”

Daryl looked over at Rick and for the first time in what felt like too long, he recognized hope in the man’s eyes. Convincing Ezekiel to fight with them against the Saviors hadn’t taken much and it was clear that the man had just been waiting for the opportune moment to strike back against Negan. Daryl knew that the only reason that Negan had agreed to keep the arrangement between himself and Ezekiel was that the latter had the wild animal by his side. Beth had told him that there hadn’t been much that Negan had been able to do than to let the deal be kept secret from the people of the Kingdom, unless he had wanted to be eaten by Shiva. The arrangement had always been shaky and that was why Beth had been the one to supervise the exchanges between them.

“I am pleased to report that fate has brought many travelers to the Kingdom,  _ my  _ Kingdom, today,” Ezekiel said, standing from his throne. “Travelers with a singular purpose, in fact and I know that it can be no coincidence. It must be a sign that we are destined to succeed in our task.”

He motioned with his hand towards the curtains and Daryl looked at Rick for just a second before turning his attention to the man stepping out of the shadows. His stomach churned at the sight of his burned face and Daryl recognized him instantly by his blonde hair and rough exterior.

“I get that I’m probably the second to last person you’d ever want to see, but you need to understand something before you make any rash decisions,” the Savior said, stepping off the stage, approaching Daryl, Rick and Jesus. “I’ve never been fully supportive of Negan and-”

“You  _ son of a bitch, _ ” Daryl growled and with three long strides he had punched he man in the face.

“Daryl!” Rick yelled, trying to pull him back as he kept throwing punches at the man.

“I don’t believe this fucker for a second!” Daryl said. “He’s one of Negan’s lieutenants an’ if he’s sayin’ he’s with us, he’s fuckin’ lyin’!”

The man spat on the floor, blood trickling down his chin. “Yeah? Beth fucking Greene is his right hand and you’re fucking trusting her, aren’t you?” he yelled back into Daryl’s face. “I knew there was more to the way that she protected you. I knew that she was always planning on making a move. Where the fuck is she at anyway?” he asked, looking around.

“She went back,” Rick answered, still holding Daryl back. “What’s your name?”

“Dwight,” the man spat again. “What the fuck do you mean she went  _ back? _ ”

“Please, gentlemen, let us settle this in a calm manner,” Ezekiel said. “There’s no need for unnecessary violence when we are all meant to be working together.”

“What do you mean she went back?” Dwight questioned again, staring down Daryl hard.

“She returned to Negan to buy us time,” Daryl said, anger still dripping in his tone.

Dwight’s eyes widened for just a second before narrowing, “Are you fucking kidding me?” The question was laced with anger as well as something else, which Daryl couldn’t quite put his finger on. “Are you fucking stupid? You’re gonna get her killed!” Dwight exclaimed. “By the way that you fucking looked at her when you were brought into the Sanctuary, I thought you fucking loved her. Some love that must have been if you were just willing to send her to slaughter.”

Daryl wanted to struggle against Rick and scream at the man again. Beat his fucking head in with his fists and feel his bones getting crushed beneath his knuckles. He wanted to tell him that he was wrong and that Beth knew what she was doing, but his stomach dropped instead and he didn’t have any power in him left to struggle. The truth in Dwight’s words wasn’t something that Daryl could ignore. He was stupid for letting her go back. They had all been foolish to do so and now, he might lose the one person that he cared about more than anything in the world.

“What will he do to her?” Daryl asked, his voice quiet, hoarse, mouth dry.

Dwight shook his head, “I might be able to return before she does, if I hurry.” It was clear that Dwight didn’t want to give them any details.

“Why are you here?” Rick asked him.

“I didn’t know that you were going to be here,” Dwight said. “Negan has been going nuts, sending me out to look for Beth. I’ve been in contact with Ezekiel a while now, but I’m meant to be helping from the inside, giving intel.”

“Why would you betray him?” Rick questioned.

“Why did Beth betray him?” Dwight snapped back, his eyes flickering toward Daryl for a moment. “Negan has  _ my wife _ ! I had to do whatever he asked so that he would keep treating her well!”

Another roar interrupted Dwight’s yelling. Ezekiel tugged a bit on Shiva’s chain. “Please, Shiva abhors violence,” he told them. “As do I.” His eyes were narrowed as he sat back down on his throne, letting them keep their conversation going.

“Negan, he… He has  _ wives _ ,” Dwight said, disgust in his tone. “It’s a long story but my wife, Sherry… She  _ chose  _ to be his because she thought it would make our lives easier. She offered herself to him to save my life and that was when he did  _ this  _ to me,” Dwight said, pointing at his burned face. “Sherry and I didn’t know how much we’d need each other until it was too late. He caught us together and then he burned my face off as punishment. After that, I never did anything he didn’t ask me to. I never disobeyed him. I was a good soldier and I did as I was told… I was a fucking  _ coward. _ I did a lot of terrible things that I can’t take back, but I can help you end him  _ now, _ ” Dwight said. “I’ll try my best to reach Beth in time. I’ll send her back to you if I’m not too late and then you’ll have me in the inside.” Dwight was breathing hard, clutching the strap of his crossbow. “I’ll tell you everything and even if you don’t believe me, I’ll bring you that asshole’s head on a silver platter and then it won’t matter if you trust me because that motherfucker will be dead and this fucking nightmare will be  _ over. _ ”

Daryl watched him and felt Rick squeeze his shoulders a second before releasing him. He didn’t know whether he should trust Dwight, but he could see the hatred in his eyes for Negan. If what he had just told them was true, then Daryl only hoped that he would be able to get to Beth before it was too late. The chances were slim because Beth had more than a day’s head start. For all that they knew, she could already be at the Sanctuary.

“Please,” Daryl said, staring at Dwight. He knew that he didn’t have to say anything else because the man nodded at him curtly. Then, his eyes focused on Daryl’s crossbow and Daryl saw a twitch on his face as Dwight shook his head.

“Greene,” he said. “I knew I hadn’t just misplaced my fucking bolts.”

Daryl remembered how Beth had told him after they had escaped that she had taken some bolts from someone named Dwight. It wasn’t until now that he made the connection.

“I’ll do my best,” Dwight told him, “but if she’s already there, the damage might have already been done.”

-§-

When they returned to the Safe Zone that night, Daryl’s mind wouldn’t shut up. Jesus and King Ezekiel - who they had all begun referring to by nothing more than his first name after leaving the Kingdom - had come with them. They wanted to meet Deanna and see their community for themselves. Jesus worked best alone, so he hadn’t brought anyone with him from the Hilltop, but Ezekiel had been forced to order his men specifically to stay behind in the Kingdom. Shiva, the tiger, had been put in a carriage meant for transportation and been brought to Alexandria. Rick had only told Ezekiel that the wild animal was to stay in her cage while they planned and that they would later help him return her to the Kingdom. When Daryl had asked him why Shiva had to come with if it was only for a few days, Ezekiel has smiled and said that she didn’t listen to anyone other than him and the people were afraid of her whenever he left her alone.

Nevertheless, Deanna had complimented Daryl on his fine work after meeting Ezekiel and Jesus for the first time. She had told him that he had done their community proud and that he had once again proven himself to be one of the most valuable people within the Safe Zone. Daryl had muttered a thanks at her, not wanting to sit there and explain to her once more that it had all been Beth’s work, in fact. Sure, he had been the one to talk and all, but he wouldn’t have been able to do it without Beth’s help.

He thought of her again and what Dwight had said. Had they sent her to her death by agreeing to let her return to the Sanctuary? Was she being hurt by the people there who viewed her as a traitor? Would Negan buy the story that she had planned on telling him? If he didn’t, would he kill her?

Daryl closed his eyes, laying back on his unmade bed that still smelled like her. He threw his arm over his eyes, feeling worry take over completely. He had known that her returning to the Sanctuary would be dangerous, but he would never have been able to anticipate just how bad things could end.

And the worst thing was that there was nothing he could do to help her anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Dwight was there and he's on their side... Or at least he says he is! I'm guessing that he's going to have to prove himself to you guys, isn't he? Well, what I wanted to say was that I began this story long before season 7 started. I was always planning on basing the Kingdom, King Ezekiel and Dwight on the way that they behave in the comics, but since ep. 2 and 3 came out, I figured that a mixture of the comics and the TV-show was in order. That's why I changed things a bit when it comes to how Dwight got his face burned. In the comics, it wasn't because he ran with his wife and her sister, but rather because he slept with his wife and Negan caught them together. Negan isn't very fond of cheaters, you see... But hey, Dwight is hurrying back to the Sanctuary, hoping to reach Beth before it's too late! There's more to the story there, because you know that things have been frosty between Beth and Dwight before, mostly because he knew she was taking advantage of his cousin (Luke, which I made up for this story...).
> 
> Anyhow, I hope that clears things up a bit. Remember, my Dwight is a mixture between TV-show and comic, but I really hope you'll enjoy him all the same. :)
> 
> Next up, Beth is going to be returning to the Sanctuary! I've started the chapter, but I don't know when I'll finish it since I've been very busy with NaNoWriMo. I'm hoping to get a chapter out once a week, but I can't make any promises! :P Thank you so much for reading! Love youuuus! xx


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth walks slowly, preparing herself for what is to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry for not updating sooner, but I've been very busy with NaNoWriMo this month. I've completed my 50k words and verified my novel, but I still have like four chapters to write before it's finished. This chapter of Endurance though was finished last night and I saw no point in waiting to update.
> 
> I sincerely hope you like it. Thank you so much for your continuous support and love for this fic! :)

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 21**

 

She walked for a good while, keeping to the main road. Taking a car with her from Alexandria hadn’t been an option, because she knew that the story she was going to try to sell to Negan wouldn’t be believable at all otherwise. In fact, as she walked, she began contemplating how she could make it sound as if she had been forced to aid Daryl, Emma and Annie in their escape. She didn’t think anyone would believe her but if she was lucky, they might at least let her inside the fence so that she could try to sell them her bullshit story.

Walking to the Sanctuary would take her forever though, at least a day an a half, so she had no choice but to try and look for a vehicle. Every time she saw a car somewhere, she stopped to check if it still worked. However, if a car had been abandoned on the side of the road, it was usually an indication that it had run out of gas.

As she walked she recalled everything that had happened the night before, still feeling that pleasant ache between her legs which made her remember every single detail about her time with Daryl. The way that his rough hands had moved over her skin, how he had pleasured her in-between their small conversations about what was to happen when she left, and what he needed to do. Images of the two of them moving in union, their skin layered with sweat and their kisses sloppy as them came down from their respective highs after getting off together… It had been explosive and unlike anything that she had ever had before. She couldn’t remember having felt her emotions run as high as they had the night before and what shocked her the most was that out of everything that they had done, every position they had fucked in, she had been the most content when Daryl’s arms had just been wrapped around her.

Their conversations had been quiet, but important. She had let him see parts of her that she knew that she had been keeping suppressed ever since she had first started climbing in ranks at the Sanctuary. It had been so long since she had been that open with someone that she had almost convinced herself that  _ that  _ part of her had been lost forever.

It  _ had  _ been lost, in fact, but when she had seen that boy get murdered at the Hilltop, it had been as if something inside of her had fired off another gun and she had woken out of the persona that she had created for herself in order to survive. She had believed in Negan and the person that she had thought he was; the person that he had been, in a way, that first time that she had met him. He had saved her from being raped once and he had always had her back and she had never doubted him, until that day. Until she had seen what he had done to that poor child. Until he had brutally beat him to death, just to prove that he wasn’t someone to be messed with. She hadn’t talked to him at all as they had driven back to the Sanctuary, at least not until they were alone in his office. She had asked him then if he felt remorse, but he had only smiled and told her that he had just gotten another community to serve them, so why should he? Beth had nodded, pretending that she was okay with it but she had seen it in his eyes that he knew that she wasn’t. She had gone to Jack the next day and asked him to draw her wings just the way that she described them to him, just the way that she remembered them, and a few days after that, she was laying on the table while the tattooist pierced her skin for the first time.

Beth walked and she walked, her legs not tiring. She kept pushing herself forward, even though it felt like she was getting nowhere. Looking into the woods, she recalled the small cabin that they had spent the night in after they had escaped from the Sanctuary together and she wondered whether she would be able to find it again on foot. She knew how to track and she hoped that her sense of direction was right because she was pretty certain that the cabin shouldn’t be too far away. Besides, she really needed to pee too.

A walker was dragging its feet a bit further off, but it hadn’t seen her yet so she quietly slipped off into the woods. She continued her walk for just a bit, keeping her eyes and ears open for any threats nearby before unbuttoning her pants.

After relieving herself she quickly hurried back to the road and by now, the walker had come close enough to spot her. It was murky and dark, covered in blood and she took out her dagger quickly as it staggered toward her. Quietly and efficiently, she stabbed it in its eye, before letting it crumble to the ground. Wrinkling her nose, she wiped the blood off of her jeans before tucking it away again.

Beth looked ahead and continued to walk.

-§-

She had continued to walk until the sun started to set. It had taken her too long to get as far as she had and if her calculations were correct, she wouldn’t be able to reach the Sanctuary until tomorrow. Until then though, it wasn’t safe to remain outside in the open. She was on high alert as she walked down the road, but due to months and months of clearing the area, there weren’t that many walkers around. Usually if one stumbled by, it was a lone straggler which had made it there from places that weren’t within Savior territory. So far, she hadn’t come across any other than the one a few miles back, which meant that she had been lucky, something which was rather surprising.

As she walked down the road, she spotted a car which had been driven off the road. She walked over to it to look through it quickly because she had to check if there was any fuel left by any chance so that she could maybe drive the last few miles. It seemed like her fortune had run out though because not only wasn’t there any fuel left, but the car seemed to have been abandoned years ago. She knew that it couldn’t be healthy to sleep inside the rust bucket, but she had to get some shut-eye somewhere where the walkers couldn’t get to her. The car technically had four walls and a roof, and even though it was rusty as fuck, all the windows were intact too. She managed to get the back door opened and slid inside as quietly as she could, sliding the door shut. The windows were so dirty that it would be impossible to see anything from the outside, especially during the night, but that meant that it would also be difficult to get a clear view of things from the inside. Beth decided that some rest was worth the risk.

She ignored the mouldy smell of the vehicle and tried to focus on the good things as she took out some food that she had snatched on her way out of Alexandria. At least there hadn’t been a walker inside the car and there didn’t seem to be any remnants of blood around. That meant that no one had died inside the vehicle or been eaten alive. Instead, she figured that whoever it was that had left it behind all those years ago must have driven it off the road knowingly, as if not wanting to block the way for future travels.

Beth ate in silence as she once again thought of what would be waiting for her in the Sanctuary. Firstly, she didn’t know what had happened to Luke, if Negan had bought the story that she had told him to sell. A part of her didn’t want to face the young man if he was still alive by some miracle, because she knew that she was beginning to regret ever having used him the way that she had. It had been the logical thing to do then, because she had been different. She had used herself as a resource to seduce the poor man and make him care about her so that she would later be able to escape with his help. The fact that she had spared him, when she had originally planned on simply killing him, made her question whether she had ever been as cold-hearted as she had thought herself to be. Daryl had had a thing or two to say about the matter, but even though she believed him, a tiny part of her still questioned herself.

Her second problem was connected to the first. If Negan had bought Luke’s story, and he was somehow alive, then there was no way that Negan was going to buy hers. There were so many holes in the plan but she knew that she had to try. If anything, maybe Negan would show her mercy, since there had been a time when he had cared for her in a deeper way than just wanting her to be his for the sake of winning a game.

Beth ate her food in silence as her mind instead returned to everything that had happened between her and Daryl. She wondered how far he had gotten, if he had reached the Hilltop Colony already and if Gregory had proven himself as the asshole that she knew that he was. She hoped that they had managed to convince Jesus at least to stand on their side. It wasn’t that she had had many conversations with the man, but after she had been awakened when Negan had beat that boy to death, she had started paying more attention to the people around her. That was how she knew that Jesus was someone who could be trusted to stand up for those in need, or how Andy, one of their doctors at the Sanctuary could be trusted to help Daryl without asking too many questions. Andy had looked horrified by the whole ordeal and Beth had seen that before he too had fallen right back into keeping his face as impassive as possible. She knew that the man who had tattooed her back, Jack, was someone who had made a peaceful living out of his work before and sure, he earned points in the Sanctuary, but he did so by guarding as well as tattooing the other Saviors who then paid him by giving them some of their own collected points. As the man had been working on Beth’s back, she had made sure that everyone knew that he wasn’t to be touched. She was certain that he could take care of himself, but her saying that hade made Jack grateful to her, and thus loyal. There had been other people in similar positions who had shown their gratitude to her for her help by standing by her whenever someone began questioning her authority.

Dwight was one of the complicated ones though. A part of her thought that he hated her because of her position with Negan. She knew that he deep down was still angry over the fact that his wife, Sherry, had chosen the easier life of being Negan’s wife. From what Beth had understood, that had been a mutual decision between the two of them. They had hoped that it would keep them safe somehow, but eventually, being apart had become too much. Beth still recalled the day that Negan had caught them together; she still recalled the smell of burning flesh as Negan pressed the heated iron to Dwight’s face, burning half of it clean off. She remembered how she had stared down Luke, trying to keep him from helping his cousin because she had known that it would cause him problems in the future. Back then, the two of them hadn’t been involved, but after what had happened to Dwight, it had been made clear that the same fate, if not something worse, awaited the one who touched Beth.

She knew that she had been cruel to Dwight a few times, mentioning Sherry on purpose as well as remind him of the fact that despite getting the choice again, Sherry had chosen to remain with Negan. Beth regretted it, even though Dwight hadn’t exactly been the kindest person toward her either. Whenever he caught her alone, he would drop snide remarks or acknowledge the fact that she had earned her place with Negan partially because he favored her over everyone else. Still, Dwight had been the one that she had been partnered up with the most whenever they went on runs and he had always had her back when they were out in the wild. He knew how to follow orders like any other Savior, but when others would sometimes question her, he backed her up, reminding them of Negan’s rules and the hierarchy within the Sanctuary. He was a complicated man, yes, sometimes even reminding her of Daryl, and not just in the sense that he too used a crossbow. The two of them were more similar than she had liked to admit. Both of them had been through hell and more, and come out on the other side. The main difference between them though, was that Beth had never been able to imagine Daryl surrender to a bully like Negan. Perhaps that was why she had treated Dwight the way that she had, because she had wanted him to be the man that she deep down knew he was; the kind of man who stood up for injustice and for those who couldn’t stand up for themselves.

Or maybe she was wrong about him and she had destroyed any hope of having him as an ally.

Beth chewed on her food in silence and then leaned back, closing her eyes to the fleeting images of Daryl’s smile inside her head.

-§-

Beth woke with a start the next morning. Her breaths came out in hard pants as she tried to recall what her nightmare had been about this time. She had gotten used to sleeping next to someone, next to  _ Daryl _ , in such a short time and when she had been in his arms, the nightmares had been few. It was almost as if she had forgotten about them completely.

She forced herself to breathe slowly, swallowing a few times to calm herself. Finally, she closed her eyes, putting her hand over her heart so that she could count her heartbeats. She was still here; she was still alive. There was still something to fight for.

With that in mind, she got up and ate a stale cracker before getting out of the car, taking down two walkers who had just been stumbling past her and then continuing down the road.

-§-

“Well, well, well,” a sneer was heard behind her. Beth recognized the voice and tightened the grip on her dagger. “Would ya look at who came stumblin’ back to our territory?”

She hadn’t spoken to anyone since she had left Alexandria and her voice was hoarse, rough around the edges when she spun around to look at Turner. “I escaped,” she said, her eyes widening almost too dramatically as she thought of all the people she had lost, making her voice thick with tears. She hadn’t expected Turner to be the one to be sent out by their scouts. Dwight usually was. She could handle the crossbow-wielding man, but Turner? He was a wildcard.

“Escaped, eh?” Turner mocked. She forced herself to stand still when he took two large strides and stood in her space. “We’ll fuckin’ see ‘bout that, won’t we?”

“Take me to Negan,” she said, still trying to sound exhausted, which wasn’t very difficult considering that she  _ was  _ exhausted. She had been walking for so long that she was certain that her feet were bleeding by now.

“As the lil’  _ angel _ wishes,” Turner said. She could see something sinister in his eyes and he motioned with his fingers for her to turn around. Beth hesitated, because she knew what was coming. There was no way that it could have been so simple. “Turn ‘round, Sweetcheeks,” Turner instructed and Beth did as she was told, putting her hands behind her back. The cool plastic of the zip-tie dug almost painfully into her skin as Turner tightened it. He pulled her close to him so that her back was against his chest and his foul breath reached her nose when he leaned closer to her so that he could whisper in her ear. “We’re gonna have so much fun when we get back,” he told her. He took a step back from her and she closed her eyes when he let out a whistle. All around, Turner’s team stepped out from the forest. Beth could hear them hooting and cheering as they gathered around in a circle around her. She held her head high and opened her eyes, moving over the familiar faces. 

What she didn’t expect to see was Luke staring back at her, his look as hard as the jagged scar that ran over his left eye.

-§-

Turner had confiscated her weapons and her dagger was now attached to his belt. The thought of that alone made her want to throw up. The dirty man led her toward the gates, whistling to announce their arrival after they had stepped out of their vehicles. Beth kept her head down as Turner led her inside but just because she didn’t look, it didn’t mean that she couldn’t hear.

As the man led her to the dining hall, the other Saviors around them whispered and gasped amongst themselves. Some sounded shocked to see her alive and others started throwing words of insult at her, but she ignored them all.

“That’s how we greet traitors,” Turner whispered to her, sounding borderline giddy. Beth’s hands clenched and she wished that she could just take her dagger and stab him in his fucking throat, just so that he would stop talking. And preferably,  _ die. _

Turner stopped leading her when they reached the middle of the room. The people inside stood in a ring around her and Beth could feel Turner’s own hunting knife digging into her back. “Don’t try anythin’, Sugar. We gotta wait for the Boss while he finishes fuckin’,” he told her, taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger as he forced her to look at him. “He’s been insatiable since ya left. We can all hear his wives moanin’ durin’ the night. I’m sure they’ll thank ya for it.”

Beth glared at him defiantly, the urge to knock his teeth in growing with every passing second. She turned away from him forcefully and looked at the people in the crowd. Some of them looked almost frightened. Her eyes hardened and she wondered whether it was possible that it had something to do with the Sanctuary, the fact that she could so easily fall back into her murderous thoughts. Her eyes settled on Jack, the tattooist, who she knew didn’t hate her.

“Go and get Negan,” she told him, her voice rough. “I’m tired of being tied up like an animal.”

Turner howled with laughter, his knife breaking skin. Beth could see Jack hesitate. “Ya think ya can just come back here an’ start givin’ orders again?” he laughed. “Sweetheart,” he spoke slowly, “ain’t no one gonna listen to ya no more.”

Beth gritted her teeth and in one quick move, she snapped her head back, satisfied when she heard the small crunching sound of Turner’s nose caving.

“Fuckin’  _ bitch _ ,” the man screamed, pushing her forward hard and her knees connected painfully with the hard floor. People in the crowd started moving, but Beth wasn’t sure if they were going to attack her or defend her. She shut her eyes tightly, anticipating the first blow any second.

“What the fucking fuck is going on?” a loud voice boomed. Her eyes snapped open and she turned so that she could look at the platform where he stood, looking just as dangerously handsome as he always did. Lucille was in his hand as he gripped the railing tightly, glaring down at the people who had been about to break out into a fight. His eyes settled on her and for just a second, she saw him falter. There was no way anyone else had seen it though, because it was quickly replaced with his trained smile, always present whenever he was about to make a show out of someone.

“I’ll be damned,” Negan said, his grin only widening as he moved back from the railing. He descended the stairs, Lucille still in his grip as he started to approach her. Beth tried to move so that she could stand, but it was difficult to do so. On the other hand, she figured that seeming vulnerable might be a good thing.

“Negan,” she said, her voice almost a whimper as she looked up at him through what she knew was teary eyes.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” Negan shook his head, crouching down so that he was almost face to face with her. “Don’t bother getting up, Angel,” he told her. “I want you kneeling for this.”

-§-

Beth wasn’t sure how much time that passed. All she was certain of was that she hadn’t taken her eyes off of Negan as he walked in front of her. He wasn’t exactly pacing, but he didn’t seem able to just stand still either. On the other hand, he had never really been capable of doing that.

She could see the looks that everyone else in the place were giving here. What they thought ultimately didn’t matter because she had come back to the Sanctuary to convince Negan that she was innocent of whatever it was that they suspected he of. If she got him on her side, no one would dare touch her and she would be able to work to but Daryl and the rest of Alexandria more time.

“Now,” Negan started slowly, looking around at the other Saviors, “I’m sure you’re all wondering what the fuck is going on. I mean, Angel here just disa-fucking-ppears one night, leaving the gate open and the rest of us to clean up her fucking mess. And now she’s back, once again taking the fucking knee in front of me, in front of  _ us. _ ”

She couldn’t decipher what he was doing. The only thing she knew for certain was that Negan had never likened himself to the rest of the Saviors. He was their superior and to listen to him talk like this, as if he actually saw them as equals in some fucked up way, made her skin crawl.

“Do you know how many people were killed that night, Angel?” Negan asked, once again stopping in front of her. Her tongue felt like led, mouth dry. “Speak when you’re fucking spoken to,” Negan said, his voice dangerously low. “You know the fucking rules.”

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Beth breathed out, her chest feeling painfully constricted. She didn’t want to think too much but her mind kept going back to Daryl and the others, wondering what would happen to them if she didn’t successfully convince Negan that she was still on their side.

“Seven,” he spat, and she could see the anger rolling through him. “Four men, three women. Neither of them knew what to expect when they stepped out that fucking morning to look at the fucking tomatoes. They sure as fuck didn’t expect twenty dead ones to be surrounding them.”

Her mind tried to make sense of it. What was he saying? She couldn’t remember if she had closed the door to the Sanctuary, but she was sure that she hadn’t. But if she hadn’t, how had Luke made it out of there alive if twenty walkers had gotten in? He had been passed out when she had left and she knew there would have been no way for him to defend himself.

“I’m sorry,” Beth said.

“You’re gonna be fucking sorry,” Negan hissed at her. She still didn’t look away from him as he stared her down, his gaze pinning her. “Seven people, Angel. That’s what you owe me,” he told her. “Unless you can prove that you somehow hadn’t planned on fucking letting my prisoners go and leaving the gates of hell open.”

“I didn’t have a choice,” Beth blurted. “I went to check on the prisoner, thinking that I could talk to him… He attacked me and forced me to lead him to the women.”

“That’s not the story I heard,” Negan said and a murmur erupted among the other people surrounding them. For just a moment, she had forgotten that they weren’t alone. Interrogations usually took place one-on-one, but it was evident that Negan wanted people to see this. Did that mean that he was going to make an example out of her.

“I heard,” he continued thoughtfully, “that you let the prisoners out and that you led them out of here. That you knocked out Dwighty-boy’s little cousin because he caught you escaping with them.”

“I had no choice but to make him believe that!” Beth snapped, her eyes narrowing. She didn’t want to be reminded about the way that she had treated Luke. For fuck’s sake, she couldn’t even look at him without feeling remorse, especially since it was clear that he had been punished for it. She couldn’t know for certain if they had taken his eye completely, but the scar that ran over his eye was an indication to it. And if they hadn’t, then she was fairly certain that he had at least lost his eyesight after someone had attacked him for letting her and the the others escape.

“He was a silly boy who would have followed us,” Beth continued, her anger finally shining through. “He would have gotten himself killed if he had gone after me. Fucking hero-complex, that’s what he has,” she practically snarled, her eyes not daring to seek out Luke’s. She wanted to apologize for the harshness of her words but there was no point now. “Those people left the gate open, I didn’t,” she said. “They took me against my will and there was nothing I could have done. I would never have killed our people, Negan.”

This time, when she said his name, she saw something flicker in his eyes. Some kind of calm settled over him, which had her worried for a moment. There was no way of knowing what was going to happen next. She knew that there were holes in her plan, and they weren’t small either. Negan stepped toward her, Lucille still in his hand and she could see him gripping the bat tightly. His lips moved, but just barely and she wondered what he was saying to himself. It wasn’t the first time that she had caught him talking to the inanimate object in his hands.

“All right,” he finally spoke out loud. “Let her go.”

A moment of silence passed and Beth couldn’t breathe.

_ What? _

“The  _ fuck _ ?” Turner snapped, breaking her out of her thoughts. He came to stand between Negan and Beth and she could see the fury in the man’s eyes. “Ya can’t just let her go!”

“And who the fuck are you to tell me what the fuck I can and cannot do?” Negan asked, stepping closer to him, getting in Turner’s face. “You might want to take a fucking step back before I knock you the fuck down a few inches.”

The threat was clear with the way that Negan lifted Lucille up between them. Beth watched as Turner swallowed thickly and shook his head, finally stepping away from Negan and away from Beth, stalking out of the room. She was certain that he would be punished sooner or later for his disobedience but she couldn’t think of anything else when Jack walked up to her and cut off the zip-tie. She touched her wrists, rubbing them gently. Her hand automatically moved to her dagger, but it was nowhere to be found. She recalled that Turner had taken all of her weapons and she made a mental note to ask Negan if she could have them back later.

Without thinking about it for too long, she walked toward Negan and wrapped her arms around him in a small hug. She knew that she probably shouldn’t, not in front of the rest of the Saviors, but she had to do it. He had spared her life and she wasn’t really sure how she had pulled it off, but she had and she was going to stay alive for another while, at least. Hugging Negan was more about her making sure that he would still accept her touch, even though he was clearly angry with her. She felt his fingers grip her hip, almost too hard, but she couldn’t bring herself to care at that moment. There would be more talking in private, she was sure, but for now, everyone else seemed to believe that she had been pardoned for what she had done.

“My office,” Negan mumbled to her and she nodded against him. She could sense that there was still some hesitancy in him and it made her wonder, because there was no way in hell that Negan would show  _ anyone  _ that he was hesitant to take a woman’s touch. Beth wasn’t sure just how much of it had to do with him reluctantly choosing to believe her and how much of it was because she was  _ her _ , his Angel.

Negan pulled back from her and met her eyes for just a second and she saw the barely there nod that he gave her. Without another word, she followed him up the stairs and onto the platform, walked with him all the way to his office and stepped inside. It was the same as it had always been, she noted to herself.

The lock on the door clicked behind her and she couldn’t help the tenseness that settled over her shoulders as the bad feeling in her gut flared up again. She heard his footsteps as he walked past her, putting Lucille on the desk, something which he never did. Lucille had her own special place in the office, just as she had her special place in Negan’s bedroom.

Beth watched Negan as he opened one of the drawers and pulled out a bottle of scotch, something which she knew had been a courtesy of the Hilltop Colony and their coward of a leader. A part of her expected him to fill up a glass, but instead, she watched him take a swig directly from the bottle, something that she couldn’t remember ever having seen him do. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and turned around, meeting her eyes. She knew it then, in that moment, that she couldn’t have been that lucky. She hadn’t convinced anyone of anything and much less Negan.

“How fucking stupid do you think that I am?” he asked her, bitterness lacing his voice, another thing that she had never heard from him. Beth swallowed thickly, because  _ no _ , she hadn’t pulled anything off at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The much awaited return to the Sanctuary has finally arrived, and yes, Negan hasn't believed a word that Beth has told him. In the next chapter, we'll finally get the confrontation, but before that, I might actually post my Negan one-shot which will sort of let everyone see just what has been going on in his head since the start of the apocalypse, to the day that he met Beth and took her in, what he was thinking when she disappeared and then finally just what he has been thinking about everything that has happened. I'm like half-way through with the one-shot (which is going to be a long one) but keep an eye out for it sometime in the beginning of December. It will be called "A Touch of Madness".
> 
> Also, I have a bit more to write on my NaNoWriMo story, so don't expect another update until after this month is over... I hope you liked this chapter though, and it would make me so happy to hear your thoughts! Please, tell me what you think will happen in the next chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading and supporting my story!
> 
> Until next time! Xx
> 
> P.S. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! :) xx
> 
> P.P.S. Do you guys think that this story should have a higher rating here on AO3? I mean, there will be some gore in the next chapter...


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth can feel everything falling apart. One small piece at a time. 
> 
> [THERE'S A WARNING IN THE NOTE i SUGGEST YOU READ!]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Bet you didn't expect an update this quick, huh, did ya? ;) Soooo, I decided to update the story before I post the Negan one-shot and the reason is that it ended up containing some spoilers for this chapter. Anyway, the one-shot will (As I've said before!) be called "A Touch of Madness" and it's going to be posted separately. If you follow me on tumblr (author123456) or twitter (SugarPepper666) I'll post links there when I do, so that you don't miss it! :)
> 
> Now, back to the story. This chapter is horrible and I mean it. That's why I'm going to be giving you guys a warning here at the start before you read it.
> 
> WARNING: This chapter contains scenes of a disturbing nature, violence and psychological abuse. There is a lot of swearing (Negan mostly) and threats made which are SUPPOSED to be disturbing and explicit. I'm sorry and I hope this suffices as a warning.
> 
> So, now that we have that out of the way, I hope you enjoy this dark angst-fest. I'm sorry.

#  **Endurance**

###  **Chapter 22**

 

It was one of those moments where she could do nothing more than stare. Time seemed to move slower, her breath barely there as she watched the man in front her carefully. Mentally, she was screaming at herself to get out of there, to  _ just get out  _ before something awful happened, but she couldn’t move, not even if she tried to.

Instead, she watched Negan lift the bottle of scotch to his lips again, taking another big gulp before he stretched out his hand toward her, offering her the bottle. “Come on, Beth,” he said, sounding impatient with her. “Do you want a sip or am I just going to have to drink the whole damn bottle alone?”

Beth couldn’t breathe. There was something else in his tone. Something dangerous which she would have never expected to hear and didn’t want to acknowledge, even though it made her gut twist.

“Aren’t you going to ask?” Negan pressed, raising his eyebrow at her. “Don’t you want to know how I fucking know that you’ve been lying through your teeth since you fucking got back here?”

She started to say something but no words came out. He knew that she had been lying, he knew that she was hiding something and she was certain that she was going to die. Her mind seemed to be blank after that realization and Beth felt her hands starting to shake. What was she supposed to do now?

“How about I fucking tell you anyway, huh?” Negan continued, his tone almost cheerful, eyes widening comically like a child’s would do on Christmas, making her feel sick. “Why don’t you take a fucking seat,  _ Angel _ ?” he spat at her, his nickname for her coming out more as a growl. “Or better yet, just stand there,” he said. “I like looking at you.” It was a quiet and bitter mutter and she thought she heard him swear to himself, as if he hadn’t wanted to say the words out loud at all.

“Negan,” Beth finally found it in herself to say his name. He snapped his head toward her, his eyes dark but somehow he still managed to look as if she had caught him doing something bad. It reminded her or that time, when he had saved her from Evan and then stayed with her as the doctor cleaned up her cuts. That had been the first time that he had leaned in toward her and tried to kiss her, or at least she thought that that might have been what he had been about to do, before she had stopped him. He had told her then that he would never force her to do anything with him that she didn’t want to and she had believed him. It had been good for a while and she had even loved him, because how could she not? She had saved his life and he had saved her from a man who had wanted to hurt her and he had protected her.

But then he had changed, the power going to his head and she hadn’t know what to do because she could feel him falling deeper and deeper into the darkness. Now, when he looked at her like that, she was reminded once more of the man that he had been once; the man who wouldn’t have done anything to hurt her on purpose.

Her thoughts went to the mind games that had been consistent since he had finally snapped and started pushing her, all so that he could try to break her. He had underestimated her strength though, forgetting that he had spent a good year and a half building her up to be cold and ruthless. She didn’t even know how she had pulled through, being forced to watch him fuck his wives all so that he in his sick mind could make her see exactly what it was that she was missing, having him put his hands on her back and shoulders just because he knew that she hated when anyone touched her there.

_ Not everyone. _

It was a whisper in her mind, the voice reminding her too much of Daryl and it finally made her move.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Beth said, somehow finding it in herself to keep her voice neutral.

“You know very fucking well what the fuck I’m talking about,” he countered. That cold tone had returned to him as his eyes flared, “I knew you were fucking slipping out of my grasp. I never would have fucking thought you’d turn your back on me like that though, releasing our prisoners and letting the corpses in.”

“I didn’t help  _ anyone _ ,” Beth hissed. “I was forced-”

“I fucking had Dwight track you!” Negan yelled, throwing the bottle against the wall next to her. Beth flinched when liquid and broken glass connected with her skin. Her fingers twitched and she opened her eyes only to see that he was closer to her now. She breathed hard through her nose, her hands balled into fists, fingernails digging into her palms.

“I said I was forced to-”

“He found your fucking community,” Negan said, breaking off any thought she had had of trying to insist that she was telling the truth. “He saw you with them and I fucking knew it before he told me that you knew that fucker with the vest.”

She remembered, hearing that whistle and her stomach turned when she realized that it might have been Dwight or another one of the Saviors watching them. They had found the Safe Zone, which meant that they had been watching them and biding their time.

“Please,” she finally said, her voice choked as she thought about how some of the Saviors could already be on their way to Alexandria. That was probably why Dwight wasn’t there. “Please, Negan, call them back.”

Negan looked at her, shaking his head, “I haven’t fucking sent anyone there again. Except for me, Dwight is the only one who knows about that community.”

“But why?” Beth asked, voice raspy.

“Didn’t want to go in guns blazing,” Negan said, his eyes narrowing. “I wanted to give you a fucking chance to explain yourself.” He watched her expectantly and Beth looked away, but it seemed to have been the wrong move. With three strides, he had her pressed against the wall, holding her chin between his fingers. “ _ Explain yourself _ ,” he snapped at her and she forced herself to look into his eyes.

“They’re my family,” she whispered, swallowing thickly as tears finally pricked her eyes.

“ _ I’m  _ your fucking family,” Negan told her. “You were meant to have my fucking back. We were supposed to-”

“Negan, you’re hurting me,” Beth said, her jaw aching from the tight grip he had on her. He let go of her so abruptly, taking a step back from her. She knew that she would get bruises later, but right now, it didn’t matter. “I’m begging you,” she told him. “Don’t go there. Leave them alone and I’ll stay here, I swear. I promise that I’ll stay with you.”

Negan shook his head, “You’ve promised me that before, Angel, and yet, you betrayed me.”

“I swear it this time, on my life,” she said. “I’ll,” she hesitated for just a second before moving forward, cupping his cheeks. She could feel him half-struggle to move away from her, but like always, he wanted her to touch him so he didn’t step back. “I’ll be yours,” she said. “I’ll be with you, Negan. I’ll never leave you.” Beth didn’t know what else to do, so she pulled him down toward her and shut her eyes tightly as she pressed her lips against his. It took him a moment to react, but when he did, his hands cupped both of her cheeks and he kissed her back with a fury that she had never felt before. She wanted to cry. She hated herself because she was doing what she had sworn to herself that she would never do.

As furiously that he had kissed her, as suddenly did he move back and away from her. He pushed her back a bit, making her stumble as he let go of her as if he had been burned. She felt hot tears on her cheeks suddenly and she realized that she  _ had  _ been crying. Forcing herself to look at him, she watched him turn his back to her, pacing in the room.

“Not you,” he mumbled. “Never you, Beth.”

She jumped when he kicked at a chair, a strangled noise escaped her lips when he grabbed Lucille and turned back to her again. “You giving yourself to me, to save someone else isn’t what I want,” he told her. “I wanted you to be mine because you wanted it too.” He looked at her then, the brief vulnerability disappearing from his eyes as it always did when he had that damned bat in his hands. “What about the man?” he asked her. “The redneck with the wings? I don’t even fucking remember his name… Is he your family too?” Beth wasn’t sure if she should be truthful, but it was clear that Negan already knew the answer to that by the way that his eyes were burning a hole into her. When she didn’t reply, he continued with the questions. “Did you let  _ him  _ touch you?” he questioned, stalking toward her slowly.

Beth didn’t speak.

“Did you let him fuck you, Angel?” he sneered and she knew that he knew. “Did he make you come? Erupt like a fucking fountain? Did it feel good?”

She wanted to close her eyes and turn away from him, not being able to stand it anymore. The games, the torture. She wanted away from this place because it might have been a sanctuary for her once but it wasn’t anymore.

It was hell.

“Do you know what felt good for me?” Negan asked then, letting his question just hang for a moment. “Fucking my wives every fucking night, trying to keep sane, trying to stop myself from just blowing up those fucking walls and bringing you back here, where you belong.”

“Punish me,” Beth said, keeping her head high as she stepped toward him. “Kill  _ me _ , but if you ever cared about me, considered me family or loved me, please leave them alone.” There were still tears in her eyes but she couldn’t back down. She had to keep fighting. If she was going to die then she was at least going to buy her family as much time as possible.

“Why would I kill you?” Negan said, chuckling darkly. “Why would I kill you when I want you to return to them?” 

Beth’s mouth dropped open and she didn’t know how to take that. “If you want me to do something to them…” she trailed off when Negan laughed out loud.

“No, Angel,” he grinned widely. “I don’t want you to do anything other than fucking  _ talk _ ,” he told her. “I want you to go back there, to  _ Alexandria _ and I want you to fucking tell them what is coming for them. I want you to tell them to be fucking ready, because when I come for  _ you _ , I’ll come for  _ them  _ and then those motherfuckers will be wishing that you had died when you fucking should have.” He touched the circular wound on her forehead and Beth gritted her teeth so that she wouldn’t do anything. “And that fucking motherfucker,” Negan continued, his voice lower this time. “The one who fucked you? Yeah, the redneck who I’m assuming you fucking  _ love  _ or whatever the fuck, considering that you got his fucking wings tattooed on your fucking back… I’m going to be making a fucking example out of him.”

Goosebumps spread over her skin when Negan lifted Lucille, letting the barbed wire touch Beth’s arm. He didn’t let it dig into her skin, but the bat rested there nonetheless as he tried to intimidate her.

“I’m going to sit that dick down, in a fucking chair and have the whole town watch as I castrate him,” Negan told her, his hot breath fanning over her face. She forced herself to stare into his eyes, taking in the threats that he was making because she had to remember them; she had to remember what he had become. “I’ll filé him like a fucking fish, skin him alive until he’s begging for me to fucking kill him already,” Negan said. “Until  _ you  _ kill him for me.”

“I’ll  _ never, _ ” Beth spat back at him, anger welling up inside of her, getting the better of her.

“It’s either going to be you or me, Sweetheart,” Negan grinned. “I’ll make it fucking painful and slow, but who knows? Maybe I’ll just nick a fucking vein by accident and he’ll bleed out like a stuck pig instead.” He reached up and grabbed her chin again, this time a bit gentler. “Do they even know about what you’ve  _ done? _ ” he asked her, a smug smirk on his face.

Daryl knew and he didn’t care. She had told him most of it, maybe not everything but he knew the worst parts and he had known that it had been because she had to survive somehow. Negan seemed to notice that she was thinking about something, but he only continued to grin at her.

“Oh my sweet little Angel,” he said, brushing his fingers against the scar on her cheek. “Go to Alexandria and tell them what’s fucking coming for them. But if you think, for even one fucking second that they are going to forgive you for all that you’ve done, you’re in for the biggest fucking surprise of your life.”

“You don’t know them,” Beth countered. “You don’t know what they have been through and you’re going to regret underestimating them,” she said. “Negan, I am asking you one last time to stop and think about this. Are you actually willing to go to  _ war?  _ Over proving a fuckin’ point?”

Negan ignored her question and she wasn’t even sure that he was listening to her anymore. “Do you want to know why I fucking call you my angel?” he asked her. “Do you think it’s because you  _ saved  _ me? That you’re my fucking guardian or something?” He shook his head slowly, “No, Sweetheart… It’s because you’re the fucking Angel of Death.”

Beth couldn’t help but tense at his words, staring at him once more.

“Think about it,” he grinned, his eyes shining. “Everywhere you go, death follows. You’re my cold-blooded little killing machine and by the time that your  _ family _ realizes that,” he said the word with disgust, his eyes boring into hers, “it’s going to be too late.”

-§-

Beth ran through the hallways of the Sanctuary, trying to keep her steps light so that she wouldn’t alert anyone to her presence. Negan had told her to go, he had told her to run so that was exactly what she was doing. The revelation that he had known about the Safe Zone all along was still heavy in her heart. The games hadn’t stopped when she had left the Sanctuary because they had followed her to Alexandria. If Dwight had been the only one who had been watching her, Beth was certain that Negan had given him orders to torment her by whistling and making her paranoid. Negan knew exactly which buttons to press when it came to her and Beth hated him for it.

There had been a time when she had loved him though. Back when she had considered him her family. When she had believed in him and thought that he was a good man.

Beth stopped outside of what had been her room, opening the door slowly. Negan had told her to go there, that she would find the keys to a car on the table, but as she took in the scene in front of her she wondered whether that too had been a ploy all because he had wanted her to see it. Everything was ruined, things thrown around and broken glass littering the floor along with all of her clothes. She spotted the keys that Negan had told her about when he had said that he wanted her to get back to Alexandria safely.

_ ‘I don’t want you to die before you get the opportunity to watch me fuck up everyone you care about.’ _

Shivers traveled through her spine as she stepped over the glass and took the keys. She still didn’t have any of her weapons and she mourned the loss of her dagger, but she had to get out. Beth turned around and headed out through the door, the hallways eerie silent. Goosebump raised on her arms when she hurried around the corner, only to stop dead in her tracks.

“Lil’ Beth Greene,” Turner smirked at her, lazy grin on his face as he leaned his back against the wall. She glanced down, instantly setting her eyes on her dagger that he was twisting around in his dirty hands, carelessly.

“Turner,” Beth said, her hands clenching. She wasn’t sure what he was doing there and she wasn’t planning to stick around to find out. “Get out of my way,” she told him, trying to step around him when he came to stand in the middle of the hallway.

“An’ why would I do  _ that? _ ” Turner asked, raising an eyebrow. “Where ya goin’?”

“Negan is sending me on a mission,” Beth said, narrowing her eyes at him. It wasn’t as if it was a complete lie. “It’s not any of your business.”

“I doubt that, Greene,” Turned said. “Actually, I know for a fuckin’ fact that the boss would never send ya anywhere now. Not when he just got ya back.” He paused then, taking a step closer in her direction. “Wanna know what I think, Girly?” he questioned, getting into her face. He pointed her dagged at her chest, the tip of it digging into her skin slightly, drawing blood. Beth refused to move as she stared up at the man who was a bit bigger than her. “I think he fuckin’ saw through your motherfuckin’ lies an’ threw ya the fuck out,” he spat, his eyes flashing dangerously.

She wasn’t really sure why the push came as a surprise to her, but she almost lost her footing when Turner pushed her back.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” she snapped at him as he came at her again, grabbing her wrists roughly. Beth felt the dagger digging into her skin again as Turner dragged her toward himself and threw her against the wall. Her back hit the wall, the back of her skull connecting with it, making her dizzy. She gasped before she started to struggle against him, but he held her arms above her head and pinned her legs down with his own.

“I think that I’m gonna fuck you up,” Turner told her. “I’ve been wantin’ to do it since the Hilltop, when ya started orderin’ me ‘round as if ya were the boss of me.”

Beth tried to knee him in his crotch, but he reacted, his hand falling down to her thigh to push her leg back down. His move had made him drop one of her hands and Beth took the chance, delivering a punch to his face. Turner lost his grip a bit and Beth managed to get another punch in before she got away from him, raising both her fists to hit him again. The man spat blood on the floor, his grin revealing blood from where she had managed to split his lip. Beth’s head felt heavy from the hit that she had received earlier though and she was pretty sure that the back of it was bleeding, if the warmth there was any indication.

“Just let me go,” Beth said to him again, still feeling dizzy. She wasn’t sure that she could fight him off if he actually put some effort in it. “Negan wants me alive.”

“Negan doesn’t fuckin’ know what he wants,” Turner snarled at her. “Everythin’ was fuckin’ good ‘til you showed up with him! We was doin’ just fine ‘til you came along, thinkin’ that you were fuckin’ untouchable! I’ve fuckin’ hated your guts since ya started givin’ me an’ my men orders!”

“Negan’s men,” Beth corrected. “They’re not yours, Turner.” She wasn’t even sure how she was managing to form words because of her nearly blinding headache. “I was followin’ his orders, like everyone else!”

“Ya did it ‘cause ya fuckin’ liked it,  _ Killer _ ,” Turner sneered. “Won’t ever understand what Negan saw in ya. When he asked me to…” he trailed off as another grin appeared on his face. “When he asked me to provoke ya, in the cafeteria. Remember?”

Beth thought of the time that the man had approached her when she had been eating. He had tried to come on to her but she hadn’t thought anything of it then because he was known for being an asshole and she knew that he disliked her. She could never have anticipated that he hated her  _ this much  _ though, or the fact that Negan might have had a hand in Turner approaching her.

“What d’ya say,  _ Bethy _ ?” Turner mocked. “Cat got your fuckin’ tongue or somethin’? Did ya really think that I’d ever be interested in a bitch like you?” His eyes moved over her body, but she continued to stand, preparing herself. He was clearly circling, trying to distract her from the attack that she knew would come at any second.

“Negan only wanted to know if ya were fuckin’ someone else behind his back,” he said. “He might not know it now, but he’s gonna be thankin’ me for killin’ ya, trust me on that.”

He charged at her and Beth just narrowly managed to avoid him. She swung with her leg and tried to get a good kick into his stomach, but Turner caught her foot and twisted as he pulled at her. Beth closed her eyes as Turner’s fist connected with her cheek, the pain shooting through her entire body. How could she have been so naive to think that she might actually be able to fight the madman who kicked her as she fell over? She curled in on herself, her head throbbing as she raised her hands, trying to protect it from his hits. He was going to beat her to death and she was too dizzy to fight him. She was going to die, but not by Negan’s hand, like she had expected. No, instead, she had let this son of a bitch get the better of her.

The kicking stopped but Beth couldn’t breathe. The wind had been knocked right out of her lungs and she forced herself to blink a few times, as she felt more than saw Turner crouch down next to her. She felt his fingers touch her cheek and she could hear the amusement in his tone as he spoke, “Don’t worry. Your face’ll just bruise a bit. Not that it matters, since you’ll be dead soon anyway.”

She acted on instinct, turning her head quickly as she bit down on his hand. Turner screamed and Beth felt her teeth pierce his skin, blood filling her mouth as he struggled to get her away from him. He slapped her across the other cheek and Beth finally let go, feeling the blood dripping down her chin as she forced herself to back away from the man. He was staring at his hand and the clear bitemark where she had actually managed to tear off some of his flesh. She found herself grinning cruelly at him as she leaned her back against the wall. Rolling her tongue around in her mouth and over her teeth, she spat at the floor by his feet. If he was going to kill her, she might as well make him remember that she had still managed to leave a mark on him.

“Fuck you,” she said, voice even as she smirked at him as he continued to bleed.

His gaze darkened as he stepped toward her, “I am going to-”

Beth stared at the man who abruptly stopped speaking. She watched as something stuck out of his forehead, blood dripping down his face slowly. Turner toppled over, his eyes empty and Beth looked up, her eyes settling on Dwight who was staring down at her.

For another moment, she was quiet. Somehow she had completely missed the sound of Dwight’s bolt cutting through the air before it connected with the back of Turner’s head, killing him instantly. She took a shaky breath, but it hurt to do so and she wondered just how badly Turner had beat her. Adrenaline was still rushing through her though, so the majority of the pain would probably be felt later.

“You okay, Greene?” Dwight asked, breaking the silence.

Beth would have laughed, and she tried to, she did, but instead it came out choked. She looked at Turner’s body, pushing it away from herself with her feet before she slowly started to rise. Leaning her hands against the wall, she put her hand on her stomach and tried to breathe. She felt light, for some reason, like she had no lungs left at all because the air was just  _ gone. _

Dwight took a step in her direction, though his face remained as neutral as his voice.

“I have to go,” Beth finally managed to say once she was able to take a breath. Her voice was hoarse and low, and how she felt reminded her too much of how she had been when she had been recovering at Grady after she had been shot in the head. “Dwight, he- He told me,” she said, looking at the man. “You found me and you whistled, didn’t you?”

A look of something flashed on Dwight’s face as he looked away from her. She could see that his jaw was clenched. “You brought it on yourself,” he told her, his voice cold. Too cold, actually. She couldn’t remember if she had ever heard her speak to her in that way.

“Negan told me to leave,” she said, trying to decipher just what it was that he wasn’t telling her. “He told me to go back to Alexandria and that you would all be coming for us.”

_ ‘When you least expect it, we’ll be there. When you think you’re safe, I’ll come knocking on your door. It can be days, weeks, months or years. You won’t see me coming and when you blink, all the people you fucking care about will be dead,’ _ Negan’s voice echoed in her mind.

Dwight stared at her then and she felt sorry for everything that she had ever done to him but that had been then and this was now. “Come with me,” she said. “Take Luke and Sherry and come with me. You deserve better than all of this,” she told him. Something flashed in his eyes again and he bent down, picking up the keys that Beth must have dropped when Turner had attacked her. Dwight walked up to her and placed them in her hand, her fingers closing around the cool metal as the man stared right into her eyes.

“Go back to  _ your  _ people,” he told her, his expression unreadable. “Let me take care of mine.”

She wanted to say something else to protest, but there wasn’t enough time for it. The pain was beginning to come back to her and she was fairly sure that Negan wouldn’t appreciate her sticking around to use some of their medical supplies. Her mouth still tasted like copper and her side was beginning to hurt too much. If she was going to make it back to Alexandria in time, she had to go.

“I’m sorry,” she said to Dwight, not knowing why she did but knowing that she had to. He only watched her quietly and Beth looked down at Turner’s body one last time before hurrying away from there.

-§-

Her body ached as she drove and her vision kept getting blurry. She wasn’t sure how she hadn’t driven into a ditch yet, but she was driving based on memory alone, as if on autopilot. She couldn’t think about what had happened at the Sanctuary; couldn’t think about what she had done. It had been necessary at the time but the blood in her mouth made her feel sick.

Halfway to the Safe Zone, she stopped the car, opening the door just in time as the bile rose in her throat. She spat on the ground holding her head in her hands as she tried to will herself to keep going. Just a little bit longer and she would be there. Just a little bit and she would be safe, at least for a little while.

The threat of the Saviors wouldn’t just go away magically and Beth knew that she would have to explain everything to Daryl and the others when she came back to the Zone. Tears fell from her eyes at rapid speed when she thought about how quickly things could change. She thought about Daryl but forced herself not to because it wouldn’t do her any good. For all that she knew, she could have internal bleedings and would die before she reached Alexandria.

She kept going.

It was getting dark when she finally started closing in. She could see the walls from a distance and a laugh bubbled up in her throat as more tears fell from her eyes. She hit the accelerator, but she could feel herself slipping. As she tried to slow down so that she would be able to weave through the cars that had been parked outside of the walls to make it more difficult for vehicles to approach, her head exploded with pain and she shut her eyes tightly. Her body shot forward as she crashed into one of the other cars, head hitting the steering wheel as the car horn sounded, long and loud. She pushed herself back and rested her head back against the seat.

Up on the wall, she could see the scouts looking toward her and a smile graced her face as her chest tightened. Beth breathed harshly, another laugh escaping her when her head lolled to the side and she looked toward the gate which was opening. She saw Daryl, Rick and Glenn rushing out, Daryl running toward her car as if he was being chased by a hoard of walkers. She knew it was him, even though she couldn’t see his face clearly anymore. She would always recognize him, no matter what. 

Beth smiled, closing her eyes as she took a breath, her head still pounding away at her and the stabbing pain in her side making itself known. She heard Daryl call her name, repeatedly, but she couldn’t respond.

Everything was dark, and then it was silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... Sorry? ...
> 
> No but really, I just want to make some things clear before I leave you guys to process some of the things that happened. First of all, Turner. Yes, he was absolutely going to be kill Beth. He's hated her since the very beginning and remember in the start of this story when he approached her to try to seduce her? Yeah, that wasn't because he liked her at all, but because he was ordered to provoke her by Negan. All Turner has ever been interested in is doing his own thing and while he might not be a rapist, he is a murdering bastard who enjoys toying with people's minds.
> 
> Secondly, Negan and all the things he said... I could have kept writing that scene for AGES but I felt like I needed to just leave it at that. More things were said, as you can see by his voice in Beth's head as she's trying to get out of the Sanctuary. Yes, Negan told her to take a car because he knew all along that she would be coming back (something which will also be mentioned in the Negan one-shot) and he hadn't planned on killing her. Him describing how he was going to murder Daryl in front of her... I'm sorry for that because I know that when I wrote it, I was trying to think of the darkest most despicable thing he could say to her, because still, all he wants is for her to break (Like he has been broken, in a way, by her.). There are two sides to all stories and when you read things from Negan's point of view in "A Touch of Madness" you'll kind of/sort of/maybe understand how his obsession with Beth came to be...and why after everything she's done, he still won't kill her.
> 
> And finally, Beth. Our sweet, dangerous Beth. She's been called an Angel of Death by Negan and beaten down by Turner. Her trying to reach out to Dwight and make him come with her comes from her belief that he is still a good man at heart (He made it there in time and she doesn't know that he is actually on their side! Or is he? He he he...). Then he told her to leave and she left. And crashed and everything just stopped. What I want to explain is the kiss though, between her and Negan. She kissed him because she was desperate for him to give up the idea of hurting her family. All she wanted was for him to leave them alone and to keep them safe and for a while I contemplated whether I should keep that scene in there, and then I decided to leave it as it was. But it's like Negan said: He doesn't want her to be with him because she's trying to save someone else. He wants her to want him for herself.
> 
> Sorry for the long note and I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, even though it might have been horrid. Thank you so much for reading and remember, comments are golden if you'd want to leave them! :) Lots of love and a lot of hugs! xx

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and supporting! Don't forget to leave a comment below to let me know what you think! Lots of love! xx


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